當海浪侵襲時,或許可以暫時抵擋住,但往左往右看就會發現,它只是轉移到其他地方而已。83Please respect copyright.PENANA69sZXRNcbD
「整天只會跟在老師旁邊。」83Please respect copyright.PENANASZy8a4X4IX
「成績好是因為老師洩題吧。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAsznXfAGyHr
「別擺出這副樣子了,裝什麼可憐。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAr8Aw2E8mRU
「你到底有什麼用。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAypPZdAuNPM
「你幹嘛要留在世上啊?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAw8K1aCAtN8
「你的存在本身就是個失敗。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAKBuLrqsuEL
「藍奇馭,你聽好了。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAYVKbK6zSxe
「消失吧。」83Please respect copyright.PENANANyuOXWHWN5
「越快越好。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAktisRHukid
「快點消失。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAnf46dXTvZa
「......。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAzNHPjYz6Cl
「消失就不用思考了。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAu1UvuLPfbH
就像這樣。83Please respect copyright.PENANAdiCwpdq2NN
從上次與段亞音出門後,這些聲音已經大到不管我再怎麼擋,都無法分散,就這樣被推著走。83Please respect copyright.PENANAFaCb3HLuwm
83Please respect copyright.PENANAY5pw9exivt
「藍?你有聽到嗎?」段亞音站在我面前,雙手在我面前揮了揮。83Please respect copyright.PENANA0t1Fien5Pd
我看了眼段亞音,又撇眼看了她身邊的兩個朋友。83Please respect copyright.PENANApaDThFhBTF
除了段亞音,她們的眼神都好不友善。83Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0RxpOx5JH
是因為我跟段亞音出去玩,她們生氣了吧。對不起,我沒那個資格,甚至還傷害了她。83Please respect copyright.PENANAHmcx1EXByO
對不起。83Please respect copyright.PENANACW1C6f6i1n
對不起段亞音。83Please respect copyright.PENANAKUmNHuDtZO
對不起所有人。83Please respect copyright.PENANAnyNZiuMSVs
我真的深感抱歉。83Please respect copyright.PENANAwVl31Hok0l
快點讓我消失。83Please respect copyright.PENANAO6uDdV6v5G
越快越好。83Please respect copyright.PENANAR5exnakwxE
快...83Please respect copyright.PENANAH8hYGcVgLM
「藍奇馭!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAOMkKfnfW79
我感覺到我的肩膀被重重搖了好幾下。83Please respect copyright.PENANA5krmkYhcgm
段亞音的臉在我正前方,近到可以感受到她的吐息,可以觀察到她的任何表情變化。83Please respect copyright.PENANASq4ZnvYQFe
她現在雙眉緊皺,眼睛注視著我,絲毫沒有移開的意思。83Please respect copyright.PENANAaqtbYTERSH
擔憂?憂愁?緊張?又或是同情?憐憫?83Please respect copyright.PENANA3b3nMjYtm8
我輕輕的把她的手從我肩上挪開並開口,「那那那那那...段...段...」83Please respect copyright.PENANAzNHwzz2fOY
話在嘴邊卻說不出來。83Please respect copyright.PENANA8yTUZbPx1s
雙唇不斷顫抖,腦袋思緒也非常亂,但越急我就越無法說出話,現在這副模樣,任誰看來都非常奇怪吧。83Please respect copyright.PENANAgwLQAUO7SV
「你先不要說話。」她又再度抓住了我的肩膀,只是這次是繞到我的背後,她就這樣推著我到教室外。83Please respect copyright.PENANAzes7r6UJDK
我們一路走著,到了比較不會有人經過的樓梯轉角。83Please respect copyright.PENANAi1554MziYy
她停下腳步,雙手離開我的肩膀,再繞到我面前。83Please respect copyright.PENANAr5kvqopPLu
「你從上週末開始,整個人都很奇怪......」她好像覺得自己說錯話,又趕緊改口,「不對,我是說你整個人感覺意識都不在這裡。不是說了我一點都不在意你上週末出去的事嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAGdmJzeAURz
我勾勾嘴角,但不知道該說些什麼。83Please respect copyright.PENANAf9i2ryDQIb
「還是說有其它事?我不是要你一定要說出來,是想跟你說,不要什麼事都自己一個人扛,好嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAaAdrCfQEx7
看著段亞音的雙眼,我腦中雖然飛過了數不清的詞語,但最終我只說了句,「我...我盡力。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAyAzSqY3riA
她將失望展露無遺,下一秒又馬上消失,給了我一個淺淺的微笑並說,「好。」83Please respect copyright.PENANApiSmU8JKoN
我真的好失敗呢。83Please respect copyright.PENANA9JOTy3K8lH
83Please respect copyright.PENANAsDK4FlDXDd
今天放學,我不想與任何人說話,包含段亞音,所以鐘聲一響,我用最快的速度回到了家。83Please respect copyright.PENANAnHpILefgQW
終於只有我一個人了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAqNYg3NfAWR
一進到家門,將書包丟到一旁,再將穿了一整天的外套脫掉,坐在我的書桌上。83Please respect copyright.PENANA6Szb8KhiT2
看了眼左手手臂上密密麻麻且紊亂的線條,有的是白色的,有的是棕色的。有些是立體的,有的則比較淺,是平滑的。83Please respect copyright.PENANADdD8866fuy
越看越出神。83Please respect copyright.PENANAHDj8A2BTWI
我深呼吸了幾口氣。83Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZAnItgMC5
吸---83Please respect copyright.PENANA7Oxl1unfUL
「欸藍奇馭,你真的很爛。」83Please respect copyright.PENANARrT3mMsSFY
吐---83Please respect copyright.PENANAaonsFByM36
「你好奇怪喔,真的真的很奇怪。」83Please respect copyright.PENANArOBEUsG72z
吸---83Please respect copyright.PENANAZUILZtjUXG
「你都不講話欸,是不會講嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAv6qlbGJ7Cy
吐---83Please respect copyright.PENANAILWr3PAeub
「藍奇馭,你讓我好失望。」83Please respect copyright.PENANArnOXRaLPk1
吸---83Please respect copyright.PENANAyFfF0TgmC4
「我真是後悔把你養到那麼大!」83Please respect copyright.PENANA8YqwtQsirG
吐---83Please respect copyright.PENANAqZmCi3gEWG
「矮冬瓜哈哈哈,你那麼嬌小還想打我?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAbAD2RwUHKI
「你什麼都不會。」83Please respect copyright.PENANA43Pz4ymC5m
「你這樣子的個性,難怪沒有人喜歡你。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAKE6D2IcT7Z
「滾啦!」83Please respect copyright.PENANA07iknbGk2K
「去死啦!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAwakokMUIXC
「快點消失啦!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAE31Cw7R4hP
「消失!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAOpsWb5gmDf
「消失!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAlz0Ae4bu55
「消失!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAvmCH4Pf4Bz
腦中的聲音,如同電視的雜訊一樣,想關掉卻好像哪裡壞掉了,怎麼關都關不掉。83Please respect copyright.PENANAzNnAxaBjEQ
不要再想了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAYfmfln1ijs
不要再想了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAGyYXAYuT6C
不可以再想。83Please respect copyright.PENANAiDQNoKN63i
不可以。83Please respect copyright.PENANAjQh9xVlKBP
快停止。83Please respect copyright.PENANA94UKcZZv3i
你做得到的藍奇馭。83Please respect copyright.PENANAyElP2Cx38F
你可以的,就像之前一樣。83Please respect copyright.PENANA9qR34qygz5
突然間,一個巨大的聲音浮現,震耳欲聾。83Please respect copyright.PENANAoFH62gk1ha
「快去拿刀子!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAP07w4c4xpU
我不疑有他的抓起放在書桌前的刀子,重重的在滿是疤痕上的手上不停的劃。83Please respect copyright.PENANATTSf6JcWDm
就像以前一樣。83Please respect copyright.PENANArSgWOAG8yh
這樣做最可以讓我放鬆,淨空自己。83Please respect copyright.PENANACnq2BVaK3S
真是舒服。83Please respect copyright.PENANARtGth1UGNG
不知道劃了多久,因為心裡輕鬆了不少,睡意突然就侵襲了過來。83Please respect copyright.PENANAXGysHRJXMk
我一頭趴在桌上,看著手臂上不停流淌的血,發自內心的笑了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAQEKee9m5LX
不知道是時隔多久,真正的感到開心的笑。83Please respect copyright.PENANATj3GFUzHSj
83Please respect copyright.PENANAGRGZUAuYtO
#83Please respect copyright.PENANAx8KgVoBN7B
83Please respect copyright.PENANAFmLVDVsE8j
「叮咚。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAVV5mVr3tk4
門鈴聲把我從睡夢中吵醒。83Please respect copyright.PENANAZ85Coj6otu
大概是鄰居?或是房東?一般只有這兩個選項,不會有其他人。83Please respect copyright.PENANAN5eAJcztFa
我走到門口,準備轉開門把前將左手完全藏在背後,並只開啟一個小縫。83Please respect copyright.PENANACvisurmITy
然而打開門後我後悔了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAMG191c8VDC
「妳為什麼...會在這裡。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAmhHNIrY60X
我看著不該出現在這裡的段亞音問道。83Please respect copyright.PENANATjsM2AB0AE
「不是你要我過來的嗎?」她歪頭。83Please respect copyright.PENANAx2DMElinWl
在我還在困惑時,她用力的將門給推開。83Please respect copyright.PENANACVdFtPh9B6
完了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAKSFAqJ7N9L
由於房間很小,她馬上就注意到書桌上乾掉的血跡。83Please respect copyright.PENANAMnFrtj1OZw
看得出來她不斷的壓抑著自己吃驚的模樣,想要故做鎮定。83Please respect copyright.PENANATyZpMpQ1dB
沒有想到的是,她直接轉身抓出我藏在背後的手。83Please respect copyright.PENANAbJjlbUXjFV
這一切都發生的太突然,我來不及清理桌子以及我的傷口。83Please respect copyright.PENANAW0xG0F1dNz
還有編造謊言。83Please respect copyright.PENANAJseRw9qmll
「來晚了嗎?」她嘀咕著。83Please respect copyright.PENANAfkPLY6dENg
「我...我沒有...叫妳過來。」這是我現在唯一想到能說的話。83Please respect copyright.PENANAIdKSCwUoG5
「你自己打開手機看吧。這不重要,你...到底發生什麼事了。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAfeasgNbj9n
「...我沒...」83Please respect copyright.PENANAGNak2uzo6R
「我不要聽到『我沒事』這三個字!」她音量提高了數倍,大聲的吼著,「你以為我不知道嗎?明明天氣熱的要死,你卻每天都穿著外套,輕輕碰到就彷彿要你的命一樣,我是希望你可以自己說出來,但每次你都只會在身邊築牆!」83Please respect copyright.PENANAlC4FhKfYyJ
「再問你一次,你怎麼了,為什麼要傷害自己?」她這次語氣溫和了不少,但壓迫感依舊。83Please respect copyright.PENANAETzb401SKX
我怎麼了?這問題在我腦中播放了無數次,這是課本裡沒有,考試也不會考的東西。83Please respect copyright.PENANAt2Ww2E370h
我找不到答案。83Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZbyV8TYGq
大概就只是抗壓性太低,為此我努力萬分,不開心的事情都靠自己消化掉,再不行就用利器解決,真的真的再不行,我就淡出這個世界。83Please respect copyright.PENANAjYT6yNB3pi
你看,不都這樣過來了嗎?甚至在成績沒有掉的情況下。83Please respect copyright.PENANAZc33qdXujY
我好厲害,值得誇耀,所以真的沒有事喔。83Please respect copyright.PENANAR82akjm9YM
與正向的內心相反的是,我的淚珠不停的在打轉,且即將奪眶而出。83Please respect copyright.PENANAUbjAbamVPK
不可以,停下來。83Please respect copyright.PENANAW3YmlNzsCY
藍奇馭,停下來!83Please respect copyright.PENANAdGLqE5b8p4
喉嚨好緊,太陽穴好痛,這種憋著的感覺真的很難受,但我也只有這個選項。83Please respect copyright.PENANAOXDT5rjm9w
因為段亞音還在我的面前。83Please respect copyright.PENANAqhnc775eyP
此時,段亞音雙手扶著我的臉命令道,「不要憋住,哭出來。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAswa6u2iQCm
聽到這句話後,即使我還想忍,眼淚率先撲簌簌的流了下來。83Please respect copyright.PENANAYAA5FfsCSt
好醜陋。83Please respect copyright.PENANA8sywNle6cK
「對就是這樣,你做得很好。」她用手指輕輕擦拭我臉上的淚水,看著我微笑,「你這樣很可愛喔。」83Please respect copyright.PENANA8jBvvd7fqF
儘管我內心極力想要吐嘈,這樣怎麼可能可愛?但依舊被她的微笑給牽動,嘴角也不自覺勾起。83Please respect copyright.PENANAA86Gzoptus
83Please respect copyright.PENANApBuHDQDDZT
我坐在地板上,雙手抱住雙腿,頭埋在手臂裡。83Please respect copyright.PENANAugodVlKOgq
等待眼淚被我哭乾後,抬起頭來便與段亞音對眼。83Please respect copyright.PENANAzSjq53gY2h
「好多了嗎?走,去醫院。」她俯身下來想拉我。83Please respect copyright.PENANAELx01oRJZK
「為什麼要去?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAlTurI4SI2u
聽見我的回答後,她默默的抓了我滿是傷痕的左手,「難道還需要解釋?」83Please respect copyright.PENANA3Nvy7d1pyQ
經她這麼一說,才注意到有幾道傷口深到在對我開口笑,下意識的想用右手對它捏了捏,卻馬上被阻止。83Please respect copyright.PENANANy9n8P7ae3
「你想做什麼,還不快起身?」83Please respect copyright.PENANARRx9dtrbWy
我緩緩站起身子,低頭一看,發現衣服,地板以及手臂周圍全都沾滿了血跡。83Please respect copyright.PENANA4jVU95Xu51
有得清了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAdCMJ9JE4qJ
哪次不是這樣呢?83Please respect copyright.PENANADdTgT2O5aF
83Please respect copyright.PENANAKtG0WHqTNi
#83Please respect copyright.PENANAKVOpZdnQ1T
83Please respect copyright.PENANA6xF4YtuHEr
去了醫院後會怎麼樣。83Please respect copyright.PENANAEQOPLsPOyY
不能被理解吧。83Please respect copyright.PENANARvYbde0V5Q
如果說這些傷是不小心劃到的,醫生會相信嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANA8HNQq9x5mV
我會被怎麼樣對待?83Please respect copyright.PENANAhD7yUQwDdZ
段亞音從在我家就一路牽著我的手,到現在坐在醫院候診區也一樣。83Please respect copyright.PENANAt8gllR1LPp
真不想放開。83Please respect copyright.PENANA2Gx2xyXyxi
隨著我的名字離進診間的時間越來越靠近,心情也變得更加緊張。83Please respect copyright.PENANA4oN3gqgsyn
轉頭看向段亞音,發現她盯著螢幕上不發一語。83Please respect copyright.PENANAmhgWBtpF04
她在想什麼呢?83Please respect copyright.PENANAPn1R89CMyo
嫌棄我嗎?覺得我是個麻煩的人嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANA4hS0VzixkH
螢幕上,我的名字顯示到了最上面,護士也隨之開門。83Please respect copyright.PENANAK55D7qkfwY
到我了。83Please respect copyright.PENANALdkuAwVObS
「走吧。」她像是帶著小孩一樣,拉著我站起來後往前走。83Please respect copyright.PENANA56TwprXbDz
明明她的身形與我差不多,在我眼裡卻像是放大了好幾倍,可靠到好想一頭栽進去。83Please respect copyright.PENANA9eLlS7YJGl
「這個要縫針餒,為了懲罰你,我不讓你打麻醉。總不可能敢自殘不敢被縫針吧。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAkVLWeGXXzx
心臟漏了一大拍。83Please respect copyright.PENANAzE6iyTm9CR
或許我這種人見多了,一看就知道這些傷口是怎麼來的,甚至連對應方法都想好了。83Please respect copyright.PENANA9K70ajw3qi
盡管懲罰我吧。83Please respect copyright.PENANAru42NXLuWt
肩上突然多了一點重量,回頭後發現段亞音將雙手放在我的肩上,她靠過來我的耳邊輕聲道,「你會怕嗎?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAt5s2e0Fl5D
我看著即將被大針縫合的傷口,心中毫無波瀾。83Please respect copyright.PENANAo5r1YzOQ8k
就只有在針與我的肌膚接觸時,眉毛輕輕抽動了一下。83Please respect copyright.PENANAswSzdYD2RZ
縫針很快就結束了,醫生看著我,語氣稱不上是友善,「你這個要轉去精神科,但你還未成年,需要你的家長同意。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAv4d9I052QY
「我...」我沒有家人。83Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2ylDMWxJt
「或是聯絡學校的老師。」他嘆了一口氣接著說,「同學,我不知道你遇到什麼問題,可以的話請務必要去精神科一趟,那裡的醫生會幫你的,只不過你要請你的監護人陪同,這邊開給你轉診單,回去再跟家長談談看吧。」83Please respect copyright.PENANATkTXoqXjnF
為什麼所有事情都一定要扯到家長,這是我一直以來的疑惑。83Please respect copyright.PENANAuhdJEI6Yri
我們就這樣離開了診間,也許是看我提到家長時面有難色,醫生並沒有強制現在就要聯絡到並且直接轉診。83Please respect copyright.PENANAVda8olBQcZ
這樣不錯。83Please respect copyright.PENANAO3obLabMF6
我可不想去精神科。83Please respect copyright.PENANAD7mRK1kAtf
像我母親一樣,去了也沒有變好,我去做什麼。83Please respect copyright.PENANAI5hQTWMWVF
何況我沒有任何問題。83Please respect copyright.PENANArX0MPW0hub
83Please respect copyright.PENANAayuAcBv321
「藍,剛剛醫生說的話,你打算怎麼做?」離開醫院後,段亞音第一句話不是別的,而是問我這個問題。83Please respect copyright.PENANA5VCxqZCVGT
「我不想去。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAon9g2aUULl
她沉默。83Please respect copyright.PENANAlz7rhu6BXd
話最多的段亞音,從剛剛開始就不怎麼說話,使我有點不習慣。83Please respect copyright.PENANADSvKkir5gW
害怕她是不是開始想要嫌棄我了。83Please respect copyright.PENANARxqBLud68N
過了大概有一兩分鐘,這時她握住我的手的力道加重了一點點。83Please respect copyright.PENANAVoUlWqilFa
「不,你一定要去。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAU0maLsBXhm
這句話重重擊在我身上。83Please respect copyright.PENANAhC1tqoP54s
難道她認為我有問題嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANASWVpvjI3R5
至今為止,我一直都在讓自己看起來是個完全的正常人,卻還是不斷的被說我很奇怪。83Please respect copyright.PENANAljmWGeeoxS
到底哪裡奇怪了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAhiHhGfFUy1
傷口也都用外套遮起來了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAujQ2oe0uYc
雖然還是一樣無法進入人群,但我已經做得很好了吧。83Please respect copyright.PENANAB83MYV1jRn
正常是什麼。83Please respect copyright.PENANAWXLtJg8hKy
我不正常嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANA4kP3LykSml
「妳...為什麼覺得我一定要去。」我看向他。83Please respect copyright.PENANAjeDiMKyVow
聞言,她顯得有些不知所措,「我...我沒有任何意思,但就是認為你必須去一趟。」她的慌張消失了大半,像是為自己找到好理由,「不是去了就代表你有問題,絕對不是,但是去之後,勢必會有所不同,你不想試試嗎?每天都像在地獄一樣,去了如果可以改變呢?」83Please respect copyright.PENANAY0SWEKd72H
「如果不能改變呢?」我反問。83Please respect copyright.PENANA0OBT2Qyv6V
「為什麼要往最壞的方向想?藍奇馭,我希望你可以至少去一次,至於家長的部分,我可以請我父母幫忙。」83Please respect copyright.PENANA2ojkidl3KX
看著街上的景象,離我家越來越近了。83Please respect copyright.PENANAyYaLInAuK4
我放開她牽住的手,回應她,「請妳父母來幫忙更不可能解決任何事了吧,我先回家了,再見。」83Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0k7lKFM6a
在我與她的手徹底分開後,她又再次握住。83Please respect copyright.PENANAC7owIhJZ3F
「明天...請你一定去學校。」83Please respect copyright.PENANApctYpV8Z3I
我再次撥掉她的手,背對著她走上樓。83Please respect copyright.PENANAuOF2QcpIjT
一次回頭也沒有。83Please respect copyright.PENANAIFQ0TS3Bxj
內心有著及大的矛盾。83Please respect copyright.PENANAxZMeXQbOEj
用著我那不擅觀察的眼睛看到的是可以相信的段亞音,同時我卻又強烈的抗拒著她。83Please respect copyright.PENANAizmVG1EefT
或許,她是真的可以幫助我。83Please respect copyright.PENANA6SnQT8ekZa
但不是現在。83Please respect copyright.PENANAy8Vz6i6iws
83Please respect copyright.PENANA9Yt1Gflq9I
#83Please respect copyright.PENANAvVbOsHoL67
83Please respect copyright.PENANAwUsffxIbtz
段亞音與藍奇馭聊天室:83Please respect copyright.PENANAZuWaC5fGHT
藍奇馭(藍)、段亞音(音音)83Please respect copyright.PENANAmozd0rcKbS
藍:可以來我家嗎?83Please respect copyright.PENANA2z8fyTVGDD
音音:怎麼了?83Please respect copyright.PENANAxK9Uda70F9
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藍色海溝
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藍色海溝
Author:
伊倞
ISSUE #4
第三章
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