“ Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.

Ralph Waldo Emerson ,

You can have regret from yesterday, fear tomorrow, but peace today by sharing your heart’s deepest feelings. A life spent being fearful of showing your soul is a life not worth living.

Shannon L. Alder

                           4. speaking out

"Freyaaaaa!!" Amaya exclaimed laughing hysterically, she was always happy unlike me. She rushed to hug freya and freya who was much taller than she was had to bend her head a little so the side of her face could touch Amaya's head. Amaya  Pecked her giggling.

"You are so short," I  teased Amaya. Amaya pushed me to the corner with so much force I almost fell, she eyed me then she started laughing. I laughed back even when my stomach hurt from where she pushed me and in my heart I cried, I wailed but no one heard me.

The three of us started walking to the gate of our faculty building, the both of them laughed and joked but I was alone, abandoned. I have always been alone even when surrounded by people especially when surrounded by people. 

When I'm with my diary I feel my own presence, my mind was my only faithful friend but even she has betrayed me. Why can no one truly love me? Just why? Am I that unlovable?

My eyes glistened with unshed tears and to distract myself I listened to their conversation even if I was not part of it. They talked about feminism which Amaya was in strong support of, she was a loyal to the course, a loyal feminist. She belonged to groups and clubs that advocated women Rights. She overdid it.

"I don't support feminism right now because now it all looks like madness to me, to me people have mistaken feminism for sexism" I blurted out.

I never wanted to say it out loud, I didnt want to argue with Amaya about anything. In my heart I was always wrong,I didn't have a right to believe and I didn't have a right to speak. If I didn't have a right to speak why could I speak?