我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJv46AKLiRJ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOWTMLfNnT
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr7Cb8Q1d3
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHy7J78h9U
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr5sAX93LF
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriLVE8YFAa
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymwkFN9H1n
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUW2y8qxb3
「妳是…？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4c2l1yVlD1
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy2tWkRjLT
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6OJ4xx92Q
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIwDs5lYE0
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWMjozpxrw
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1amr9j9mdG
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggHc6pulqU
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrqBxVLWjW
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4hQYRb4RA
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zgqzuxrqq
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea8dVazXUA
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEKXIKRIUB
「妳是他女朋友？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHpNaICPzg
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1cd4JO0Ot
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYIf4p4XK7
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ7iA4HOwa
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IIHWdxkvr
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi8ShHMQ6W
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyI28zOHHI2
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Mjy4N3A6k
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzs2ffX4d5
我一時語塞，沒能回話。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPk7vygLuxQ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZII6wZKvI
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQG7EZPmGU
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHL08IsFIN
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO8h4rqgpz
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt9EUgJlYf
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAszubnuT8
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmbeCwMMXN
「小姐貴姓？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9ksaGUR80
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CxgM1bB8c
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2baBgYbGQM
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFjnxFXapa
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9x4RVTob5f
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTuS5UFr1B
「糟。」我心想。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukN43xRYOn
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKSOC28RXQ
她隨即關上木門。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2MsVGhPXg
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N08ZUQaqa
「她知道我是誰了。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFQLUSV0VP
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNKcwfKYYk
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gYz0Yn1kv
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOTVhyduSh
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEABicKkLjE
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMr0ER45yi
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMchkLDMrG
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy1lfBxiBr
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcw77V3uPx
就這樣升上了高中二年級，467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1rFtN2igI
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXrGRinPpx
迎來了人生的轉折。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5jb5kkBnU
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSQGp1LRKP
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWOyKkAlAM
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwipmNCL38
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCwMTTdbtH
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJMlZ4wA6q
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TsWWtlnCO
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEx2aVcMIj
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ2sVy1bJc
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9IaeaOMQf
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0zli3o9Nw
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbkATLXuGC
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhyHobZJWM
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDfX1ePDtl
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWmUH3IqVB
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIWVarcWVJ
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPy0VrYrOp
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoiu4OoVIb
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaumGKOUsAn
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp1aJmqdYU
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ5E1f4hzJ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2KCrD6LeT
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VOuudCJFK
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8oaijuEv0
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mYJp6E5UU
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpeQllGmsA
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2wnj7v2kQ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kcnMtzFFi
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrDdTb8MTn
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpiDvZzdz3
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ28ZrvTLbm
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQljv9e4V0
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyXHIReftv
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsLXXdy59i
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9RU9yuyiE
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sHrucmwGA
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr6jZSIMSY
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wZRNZnGae
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UHENgjLCL
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmiqqNLUJg
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHsK6XRVOA
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA582f1IfsV
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPW6u3dgmf
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gH42Has7O
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiRANoT2vF
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnyj7IxPem
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWoRgGjuzO
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0k3wGUFTNg
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbGH7z5XH6
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCsLOlrQ97
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBdZdgEG5Q
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNgrwVQd79
「爸爸。」我喊他。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoadlIVv9sf
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5tevQD9Ml
父親抬頭看我。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt61Fy8UpSK
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkWpxEc1OP
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqOeOJs3QN
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWExi8BQ4iE
「我不知道。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcsgYKp0Hv
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRZBzHXwfn
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPWhGj8tHI
「我和你一起搬走。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfbyD0iVXy
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqWR9sotg9
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz14riMZjsS
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJaLlcZyWk
「真的嗎？」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IcxxmFyZN
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXYep5JMNQ
「嗯。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU4chbj3hi
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqYm1L0yF6
「…好啊。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8uAM9HKNS
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwWZkndSsS
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRzGV7r0su
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H9jcrw5VB
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioX5aKM85t
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlIS0YlCzk
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fE2yKGzfR
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIVnSGzBDE
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXV0ezfEkf
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhdr1FXj0U
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ANPNZga6A
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z8tYUVViP
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDR3tPZCOv
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL02VBx82i2
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93aC3GbBLk
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeuA90do41
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0ECgtnvIF
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbPqwGQ2jP
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8YLXnYCUa
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsJ0lu2D5Z
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFG5nlN2av
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV18AXZZ3k
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzjRlCaTma
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Rbdknnvzx
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvAcDcV321
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBL4L4jbI6k
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8V8ngulkI
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphoAON86Z3
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jmrHIFlI5
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl9Q1dS41n
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkFb24CcMI
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLLmlyznFJ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWe5RCcR8zL
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlVPyLk144
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVKcUYDUp6
但那是另一個故事了。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZhFlyQ6Zb
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAdTcyKCtO
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtyfbkdJkI
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjrkMefkpr
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDEL4lvWft
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigbQ0ZxMow
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOtp0qaJIV
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMJHbcHLKC
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEImP4cd23v
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZu3gLVfdZ
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU1LTdJMN5
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0uilS6OuT
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TXAp4oMJH
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhQKXgTKoN
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcA2wqOZNTe
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMzWUp9HDH
難道逃出台灣了嗎？467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7t0OHt6Uw
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtVefQsh5A
難道…真的死了嗎？467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2JLs2VBbI
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2LbkXAO29
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuOiLg2p8s
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg669qaWjG
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzBj65ZnUn
但父親不在家。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKONCRTivED
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUfxx2HIJk
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QlRkZ8BFy
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTk3t2pvR7t
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9uKjZgnoT
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3yI6uhuc0
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5ILHZSV8c
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIjHGfLLAl
「都是自己選的。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b0FdsfYmF
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQZ8lNCvKV
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd0zUb3S7M
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI1haV5qPN
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcihnUYPt30
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQri8QcyBu
「乾脆，去死好了。」467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkt91HIuKz
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJm1IStkjX
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe0bKs61MI
467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E5STrRvRT
待續。
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