我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBhD0me1v3
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUqyHyFLYm
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzK7kyQMZnN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLqZlukPEN
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTt61g1wPfY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyMBx0c5TK
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OuF4KSXSX
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CgP6Wsbf8
「妳是…？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmexG20mFO
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVgGbmNXrw
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPH9BrSjX99
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9roIdmXeVH
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxet4EmNvVF
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVpDXLKbGL
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAQUGFBcEs
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAivI7M2oR
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZWZa3hhNH
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDsedSymCC
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTDebUnZkF
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgmozJutcu
「妳是他女朋友？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgl3nacemx4
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwelsf2t6Q
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5B9K1zXqq
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC24HV5jYIp
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BPKTFXFTO
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgZrm5DHKI
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxy7vyLvwEo
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGw9SQUb0K
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLH2ncyFIDX
我一時語塞，沒能回話。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsaINpPh5X
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6o7fEdQ7Y
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YXscXSHTb
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAtRq1Tpw0
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvcojlSdUN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YER8daL9p
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOCFLl2cAH
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHw9vN7aVp
「小姐貴姓？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8cEng3hUK
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpEVdJmVHw
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlV6SqDfK4
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJBJs0QlCJ
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAARSjbjGV5
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheLim8z8xF
「糟。」我心想。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM48fRWVfvj
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0N9f81zCQ
她隨即關上木門。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVCcZpbuxT
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0q2BjCxjV
「她知道我是誰了。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28pXfLOxuX
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZUM2OiKWH
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0keyndg2QN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FhaKESZJW
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMq9iK42xaL
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJOLsZ2azW
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1zM0zL1Cy
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZQCfBHzCK
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5Zrh2tRBN
就這樣升上了高中二年級，475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT8F58Fi9E
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnlPuZCetT
迎來了人生的轉折。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgUXXe3f8j
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaQ8pL4r2a
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHujRTl8rI
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJWrpDi6LL
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b8kULH7Ag
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtDUMzcxMq
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxls0TxPND
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwjstEYQkL
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXXntmc6KL
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSdDU8eqdR
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76agBEa3IT
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNQyo34k9I
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVtk5gTWGm
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqCpKnhVRN
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCzds8o7MJ
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DfXX6esaY
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZtD5Qz3xt
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnEqQiPUs7
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbBeKpfziV
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlOe4RVIdx
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqJsH4n7mm
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahNgh6kuHM
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm4Yw0WKgz
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWa6xZJ0QkV
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzTSOm5X2L
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiK5JYlTCYI
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdhbwazGhT
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHxpLL3hty
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsil8u1lQJx
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhGk6cyDYC
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEgv5JjyLt
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZMBKscRy3
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wBtYbDIBi
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXIkeEmWmN
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuBjjE8IRi
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvclFWzDWY
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12ZT5FuXwg
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbleUsI9xU
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHMkBm80dO
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl8I68lSr2
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUpFiaLBUf
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFdOul8n5R
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizt6L313nV
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgmwJeG8Oz
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Fv8cYGkb
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9iheAzmwn
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDudHDxho7R
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4iLmoJDSD
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp91MAhpAEo
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLz2PoTy0J
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ457pHFNvTL
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhPHYKQHRb
「爸爸。」我喊他。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9WrdeBqtI
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2pgAZ0jVO
父親抬頭看我。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAtqb7MitE
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvCr82bA6T
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqMsSWCwkX
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPBJWqDvCZ
「我不知道。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtqzvTTgQ6
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvOD0OlL7g
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw8qNUaoiO
「我和你一起搬走。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMoWLyb5CN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjtCP6hrHM
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcrjTKU6bO
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXJYHJgEpm
「真的嗎？」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3Sr69yMH0
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6E4Bqtoxf
「嗯。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGZRBFEX96
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLlHlxuUrl
「…好啊。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YpZ90fUNr
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKjfNyizzo
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCTdidI1o0
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJBfhzN0Ou
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8PHu2kpd9
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeydCdSsiRx
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q7833SXKf
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt82LcpKk9C
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeofa2S6l0O
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrll8FjGjs3
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanIrid5dVM
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwe3kLoLbos
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLfgBVEtt9
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLijD6B996
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwOE70Httj
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS58cbxs7wN
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hsGmD0ZED
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysIKbbxNb5
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA7Iu7kudc
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0FV2FW7cr
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1NIt7drce
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGWIwmFV3p
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsi8dvQmsuR
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS4fFLWY0v
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV5hLDqhdw
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOia8qXUWuy
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ962Zq5bMyE
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYog2wopQ6
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7gcUw9qwH
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxO8RRlEpv
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GE7APr9tg
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsNl77n97c
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uZvcGlQaR
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1QDCjhRQG
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOcxAhGwqu
但那是另一個故事了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKMCeJFj5U
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY8N5ylIXo
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgJzomKZdt
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6koEqDIoY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquQeYuibqi
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQDVYFr0Jn
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojgK1tBVDy
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEJQowLV3T
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCNQN6nJ9G
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj2AP7if3u
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbmtyhUuWO
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkOWAiwE1g
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbbVeS41Y5
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcLUvFDeTx
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPG4pakIJo
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJfcujl9n0
難道逃出台灣了嗎？475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUP5UcBtZ7
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepMENuVW2o
難道…真的死了嗎？475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZTzT2uM8C
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmVjUhazlr
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYjf4YnOTG
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYeH78kxad
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmQslKxBZO
但父親不在家。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1ftKLvnXI
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm47CkNOCRb
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6ZhpwbSBf
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWNVxQHuWT
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2H4hvEFqzJ
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ro56krJ5M
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2isnEz1bG8
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxXcwv36yC
「都是自己選的。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aSOIoKsZW
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrKAkEp6tg
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElD4bG0pyc
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7O5LI43DP
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fFoFbRlRy
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8q5XDSviO
「乾脆，去死好了。」475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsfIqfv7KY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37d3CT10F5
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPaNaOI0VJ
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7USOEgWQEW
待續。
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