我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2swRtZXP0h
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdKvbLS5iT
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9ksHtBWVd
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyOEbWhwUA
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ogj7LYzrs
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtJ24AOaUb
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0yAhOobr4
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfKsvgCYd3
「妳是…？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4HVSIzpZI
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1WjNjdPHc
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu21K7LqqRl
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecYWHGp3Gn
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9SVFigZft
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiA5nV0As7
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zdA319Q2v
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYlj3PigVk
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5vacG4sO3
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03HyRwu6ys
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKryWzaUzq
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zRC1YzwHt
「妳是他女朋友？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfq9jFUcoj
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHj3QNZL3m
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6vXHEpM2u
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb45QJ4T0VQ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyARmvwO9X
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2g5gZ3zsl
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7DjEOJR1A
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrltdcesfk
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqzjLIs7Au
我一時語塞，沒能回話。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlN2KXpkdb
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ImjGsMkNI
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N8x8jxAzO
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33Be5Njpey
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNN10DeMsAc
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7KbMHoW0l
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxyxNIclPO
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPJ8JPTbGl
「小姐貴姓？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2CmCQ6Jxs
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONAF4szwF9
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5ecC4N6CL
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZILsSVmyyx
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3tEVkDEax
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9h1aDgU8t
「糟。」我心想。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD31s2xsaJ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUuUNwjUUa
她隨即關上木門。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAHFZZ6BzD
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryzdGH2bwC
「她知道我是誰了。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuVskNVr1y
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKfbCDDxLD
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMWSSK8oCN
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxX8SRmiqFs
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmyVVd7y83
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua8ORSU4Sf
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTscmwzILz
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSn9sKB6Do
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dkAM5tg65
就這樣升上了高中二年級，474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO7JU6QmF7
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg8KXdz6PV
迎來了人生的轉折。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkw3h1Jyf6
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xqy5viEh0
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst4DwcrGuT
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQxfzlkQZD
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijMULkgEEd
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ1hPHNU3T
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUMcZT6swG
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8MRRUwlNf
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCvEbxGX0M
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ98RCAMbCW
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyB9OH5CWF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPwcWELejT
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGuHcP6J5Z
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcxjh1tTUp
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW2DAjpSA5
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PuPDR9zeG
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMu8G5S9Es
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRrsCXHN6h
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeDuEdUz0Q
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3QD9V9h15
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrqK1ey9Zb
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQax5jgwzej
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqAiu1Pkcm
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eeOZoYMHu
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpNxtfKIaK
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddzhePcV8M
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS07Cl8vND5
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2rLz7E9dB
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN59GnMEFGK
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcRIsd69Qv
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEVotKdB1H
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5cuhgdal1
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54nc6ceRMF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIAJxJWTsP
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23pBXOrs27
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvLNG93rip
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlV7uNhxOYp
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdLJSWotVC
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnNR47QrrW
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzTG0sYuAA
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CnZyMK5Id
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jQy3RWfr4
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA7wf9AHWc
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5dVKS1S5H
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bOjIL83dA
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEwk4HKH04
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wMosSXDPi
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ6EoGKhrx
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hMdrOB7x6
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfK0ck4UxUQ
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2sVzlzhAf
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwT4LlRrJ5
「爸爸。」我喊他。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0JNzGsNGy
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAW9pqg0kA
父親抬頭看我。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCasGnWNdD
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvGkYRgvq1
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvwoKUPclZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvE428DRWqA
「我不知道。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEwdGAPLON
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Os9K0ZqKZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ991osvzaXL
「我和你一起搬走。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR100Tgq2P
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0nllGEweQ
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnMX0itR5X
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFbJsm0Pd2
「真的嗎？」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNh4TfxLio
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchUbO7XElh
「嗯。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvyh1VD4cZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWhbYUsBAD
「…好啊。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOBgWRzY8G
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLclszV4gFI
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXdjmeFDV3
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFcMVoS6Sw
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG4ztwDNfK
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAENx1m9xa
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9J2tDMq1y
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOdLVXF5jM
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMCkJI9RnC
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmUKK5wdoG
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Htmea5E0Z
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJN3KCMYIO
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgMMExNnI9
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDagsbW64vs
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMSRSjCdjr
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v3MDkbWXU
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeUlk2G4fp
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsW0EAQkaP
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3uOcua7BM
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgffKfq84f
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsJnGk9stU
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBCUvxqPzx
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv1ZijPWzR
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8HQ5E6cWb
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8n9yQb4m7
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ym12aCg0P
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjD0PTtuJr
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW3bfSti03
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLe7P2ze9U
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuQQZGL6M2
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUNnQd5ccN
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoK4KxHrh3u
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75s9tkBDRn
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZExfe0GyF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lTvkI8d7v
但那是另一個故事了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRR1JlrcG7
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8jAbH8kvF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkZJDHRr3Q
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF7yzQN9Mp
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWOGd7s9mO
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi71DMa75Mz
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oz2FLTbIv
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWxboionjT
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbGSLu5HsA
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOhssEHpKO
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh6zVmOFu7
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCrCar73gY
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuay43tF5yF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRNpcU235C
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO3Mx3jk1N
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF1xEtiYvz
難道逃出台灣了嗎？474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OgEWQN00b
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTrFM2KxHt
難道…真的死了嗎？474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5g7B4SgjB
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BdQBjYXdB
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m3hE2Wle2
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjEQhzlqKe
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9neSwPSCXF
但父親不在家。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbh1XTfVSV
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcq79b87GL
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXALU7N5jZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64T9wpPVMU
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoI5fD3TEz
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOzh0JIN3M
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzE4bcK5aV
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUNqim6DIB
「都是自己選的。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXFtoUK8Dc
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbaD1hQohE
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoMSyXOx8W
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdLIrlqEg9
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeptg6fq7j
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tqpBecfgo
「乾脆，去死好了。」474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhL4iXlGr0
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUWsLh58Xa
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS80MvjvKNW
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwHIrdlTjJ
待續。
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