我站在門前許久,才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。473Please respect copyright.PENANA2TbzbqqiuA
473Please respect copyright.PENANAzufNSFK14z
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。473Please respect copyright.PENANAVqYiF26uZK
473Please respect copyright.PENANAC89csXgRpq
「請問,這是英傑的家嗎?」473Please respect copyright.PENANA8wWH0JEiaM
473Please respect copyright.PENANA5mzwYzw0Tp
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。473Please respect copyright.PENANA2TdQAU8i6Q
473Please respect copyright.PENANAKphnNFtCV8
「妳是…?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAm8Q2lbEgla
473Please respect copyright.PENANAwIoJuYQSi1
「我是英傑的朋友,因為我一直聯絡不到他,所以…」473Please respect copyright.PENANAcSxEywkask
473Please respect copyright.PENANAEs64WNKEP6
「妳找錯間了,這裡沒這個人!」她揮揮手,避開我的眼神。473Please respect copyright.PENANAjkKgR8YkBA
473Please respect copyright.PENANAgumiizpKMj
「我知道他被通緝!」在她準備關上裡面的木門前,我急著大喊。473Please respect copyright.PENANAM9FWXoOrS3
473Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZrFPfRXdF
婦人停下動作,又把木門拉開了些。473Please respect copyright.PENANAxjghG3X1Ce
473Please respect copyright.PENANANre2oNnNsu
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面,可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。473Please respect copyright.PENANAQzyfeZqlFJ
473Please respect copyright.PENANAOOkeCDOTmX
「妳是他女朋友?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAEMZuMEBql3
473Please respect copyright.PENANA8PRvEp2zng
「不是,我不是,我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。473Please respect copyright.PENANA0TmXBAJD0q
473Please respect copyright.PENANAczxquUnKFl
473Please respect copyright.PENANAHVWQxnD4Td
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAj6wiEDcxDc
473Please respect copyright.PENANAxwBwAVE2Yz
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著,語氣平淡得不可思議。473Please respect copyright.PENANAdVHNILdf4t
473Please respect copyright.PENANAxSVX0HQuld
我一時語塞,沒能回話。473Please respect copyright.PENANAxXZeQrgEXD
473Please respect copyright.PENANAHo7RqUguZW
「讓妳跑一趟,歹勢,英傑不在這裡,我也不知道他在哪裡。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAhtPKlS0pGs
473Please respect copyright.PENANAXK1Ft90Blj
「那個…那,我可以留下我的手機,如果他有跟你們聯絡,請他跟我聯絡好嗎?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAEjHABmeNa5
473Please respect copyright.PENANAmwRwXSRWVS
婦人一臉不耐煩,我很尷尬,但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門,交到婦人手裡。473Please respect copyright.PENANAUDy79tfyJ4
473Please respect copyright.PENANA8Cma7ekzOB
「小姐貴姓?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAJbLla16x3G
473Please respect copyright.PENANAVPTlMnBiIp
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。473Please respect copyright.PENANAWnGiNX85JP
473Please respect copyright.PENANAu3guNNAeAa
「………」婦人突然噤了聲,透過鐵門盯著我。473Please respect copyright.PENANAjCshYINoE7
473Please respect copyright.PENANAjI4COzpTK4
「糟。」我心想。473Please respect copyright.PENANAIWz2PzKHDT
473Please respect copyright.PENANAH5OalfFgME
她隨即關上木門。473Please respect copyright.PENANAFXrKeTHVWB
473Please respect copyright.PENANAbD7sN4qhHd
「她知道我是誰了。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAtdIhfBj0K7
473Please respect copyright.PENANAfGlPEf5jA6
我當下便明白,不管英傑有沒有回到這裡,我都無法得知了。473Please respect copyright.PENANAv9S49pAsnV
473Please respect copyright.PENANAHV0UdH5o2J
473Please respect copyright.PENANACY33x52oHD
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。473Please respect copyright.PENANALy1Ovi4bRc
473Please respect copyright.PENANAWr3iWYFwlA
我不敢換手機號碼,睡覺時也不關機,就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。473Please respect copyright.PENANALh2r3PRehs
473Please respect copyright.PENANA8x47DU8RRg
就這樣升上了高中二年級,473Please respect copyright.PENANAzXnFntvhYB
473Please respect copyright.PENANAUxDp09nmoJ
迎來了人生的轉折。473Please respect copyright.PENANA0yfKjjrLBf
473Please respect copyright.PENANAbbi3Q3Rj3d
473Please respect copyright.PENANAfCNtyG0oF0
父母親早在我國小時就已離異,但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開,便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大,幾乎是要什麼有什麼,生性霸道且極端任性,父親一生風流,基於愧疚或父愛,總寵著我,比起成天碎碎念的母親,我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。473Please respect copyright.PENANAJQ7OvXCgOM
473Please respect copyright.PENANA9TQaZYf9TQ
在高二那一年,父親生意失利,經營的公司惡性倒閉,再加上「賭」及「面子」,父親找上了地下錢莊。473Please respect copyright.PENANA7m4r5E0nxZ
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。473Please respect copyright.PENANAguR7z3AxLU
473Please respect copyright.PENANAZEcdtMwRCb
當我放學回家,看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼,我還沒能反應過來。473Please respect copyright.PENANAYWh76K6uXs
473Please respect copyright.PENANA2Z7bkCEATq
「都已經離婚了,為什麼還這樣拖累我!」
母親氣得哭了。473Please respect copyright.PENANAVsFatZBEHf
473Please respect copyright.PENANAgL6SoxOM4f
某天晚上,母親進來房間,告訴我,房子要賣掉了。473Please respect copyright.PENANAPpptfQYeAv
473Please respect copyright.PENANANwCGsy6vbH
他們離婚後,所買的房子仍是共有財產,父親要把房子賣掉,才能償還債務。473Please respect copyright.PENANA7xBQRefec0
473Please respect copyright.PENANAdiyj2Vp31U
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重,跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家,就因為你,所以我的家就要這樣沒了!」473Please respect copyright.PENANAVsmFuJZlKJ
473Please respect copyright.PENANAKfn7p2S1Cs
「那妳要我死是不是!」爸爸第一次吼我。473Please respect copyright.PENANAzq5uFr3ggd
473Please respect copyright.PENANAROxED2wSXI
「我沒錢,地下錢莊說要砍我手腳,我讓他砍是不是!」473Please respect copyright.PENANAHtVsEGoXey
473Please respect copyright.PENANA60vHLpfExk
我嚇到了,沒能反駁。473Please respect copyright.PENANA5oWNx9pp7i
473Please respect copyright.PENANAVBpR3mUTe4
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友,那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的,所以他要搬出去,妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡,不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。473Please respect copyright.PENANAZVJK7Dt089
473Please respect copyright.PENANAg6niASQC7U
我沒說話,看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親,便逕自走回房間。473Please respect copyright.PENANA4xNVRWt3q7
473Please respect copyright.PENANAKjgnVwotrq
回到房間,想起國小五年級那天,母親到安親班接我和弟弟,把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了,妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權,弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳,妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開,所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔!」473Please respect copyright.PENANASMJtOrq8XP
473Please respect copyright.PENANAYLAPlFcLPA
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。473Please respect copyright.PENANAktCpeDnyaV
473Please respect copyright.PENANAgOF8Sx682s
我不能接受的,其實是家的破碎。473Please respect copyright.PENANAFgAzrIwcp9
473Please respect copyright.PENANASsHKHAZATf
因為一直都住在一起,所以沒有分離的感覺。473Please respect copyright.PENANAGMuMThBmJx
473Please respect copyright.PENANAYPPnv1WZ5s
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子,他弟弟出生後,就被虐待又被冷落,所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後,完全沒有再過問他們的生活,也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。473Please respect copyright.PENANAi1l3TBb7HA
473Please respect copyright.PENANAIa6hSO74mG
「妳不要管我,反正我的監護權又不是妳!」
「是妳自己不要我的!」
某次和母親吵架,我說了這樣的話,害母親哭了整晚。473Please respect copyright.PENANAybOxSuZhL6
473Please respect copyright.PENANAvFK0O6DCk6
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。473Please respect copyright.PENANAvF8z4KMn2T
473Please respect copyright.PENANACmnqN0VbbV
「小姐貴姓?」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神,帶了驚訝及恨意。473Please respect copyright.PENANAT4SHyG3sAM
473Please respect copyright.PENANA5tKZgcqgKJ
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運,其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳,妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字,看起來多麼傷心。473Please respect copyright.PENANA7w1dCjGf9h
473Please respect copyright.PENANAn6EFUzS7VU
473Please respect copyright.PENANADQhFUVMqm5
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。473Please respect copyright.PENANAHUrg8dHF8A
473Please respect copyright.PENANAqPACmnupHk
473Please respect copyright.PENANALgctRL4bZJ
媽媽睡了之後,我走到客廳,父親盯著電視,卻兩眼無神。473Please respect copyright.PENANAa30UVrGJlf
473Please respect copyright.PENANAUuf93BNbKx
「爸爸。」我喊他。473Please respect copyright.PENANATm2scdeyDF
473Please respect copyright.PENANAyAh9IpsDd5
父親抬頭看我。473Please respect copyright.PENANAxYIs9qLsXs
473Please respect copyright.PENANA22QWcbYLVT
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAJLxj7ysrza
473Please respect copyright.PENANARZ0pG8RTiT
「我不知道。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAdC5h3v2Tqy
473Please respect copyright.PENANAkJ6s08C30E
473Please respect copyright.PENANAgVDIddgzOD
「我和你一起搬走。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAJcOLrQICIN
473Please respect copyright.PENANA7Y8rbyWJWI
我說出這句話的時候,爸爸一臉驚訝。473Please respect copyright.PENANAgWExgKxHop
473Please respect copyright.PENANALUgpzvlRR7
「真的嗎?」473Please respect copyright.PENANAx4wAVNoYIM
473Please respect copyright.PENANA6JExpJufMh
「嗯。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAoEpmvygLdn
473Please respect copyright.PENANAoaHoSePz76
「…好啊。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAp7psNtMMqS
473Please respect copyright.PENANAlXhsnDL1In
「那我去睡了,爸爸晚安。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAPq7ka7uGbK
473Please respect copyright.PENANAq0J24zP4E2
473Please respect copyright.PENANAT3Bzt87zY9
那時,我只想著,父親一旦離開了,我可能再也見不到他。473Please respect copyright.PENANAStLrJY1sPg
473Please respect copyright.PENANAhRcfmsVvbN
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親,他仍是我的父親,從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。473Please respect copyright.PENANA0N4q45WFP7
473Please respect copyright.PENANAuAY0lBLwF6
隔天,我便自己出門找房子。473Please respect copyright.PENANAhIulwVLahQ
473Please respect copyright.PENANA9Igk7CKVcs
母親雖然擔心又不捨,但沒能阻止我的任性與固執,就還是陪著我找房子。473Please respect copyright.PENANAyUsl3oNEFh
473Please respect copyright.PENANA6r4Sm5LgHv
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處,因為我當時尚未成年,還是請父親來和房東簽合約,之後,我自己忙搬家,請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙,把所有的家具都搬到新住處。473Please respect copyright.PENANAXLVlwkxYVS
473Please respect copyright.PENANAbZYmMrmeQl
473Please respect copyright.PENANA3NHJu0LxgB
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非,我們搬家後沒多久,又有新的債主找上門。473Please respect copyright.PENANAriuFSdqHrB
473Please respect copyright.PENANAzbwlFWvL5Q
那天,黑兔子(忘記她的人請往前看系列文)趁著假日到家裡玩,我們在房間聊天,父親在客廳看電視。473Please respect copyright.PENANAXYTf75H5sm
473Please respect copyright.PENANAfxGWxj0vrV
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候,有人按電鈴。473Please respect copyright.PENANAJV0VHxlufj
473Please respect copyright.PENANA2q2ITnIdFO
按了好幾聲,父親卻不去應門。473Please respect copyright.PENANAJdzWhD5ARY
473Please respect copyright.PENANATQdzXXdp7s
我走到客廳,看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面,示意我不要出聲。473Please respect copyright.PENANAcns85CoTyn
473Please respect copyright.PENANAaQUT7WHX5Y
對方按了幾下電鈴,便開始撞門,接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。473Please respect copyright.PENANAjGss0cZiNy
473Please respect copyright.PENANA23s0gCpzmg
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到,悄聲問我怎麼回事,我覺得很丟臉,但還是告訴她,門外的是父親的債主,我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧,才會待在門外不走。473Please respect copyright.PENANAmOv9F0Rvaz
473Please respect copyright.PENANAV8tRgCZMmx
直到傍晚,我才戰戰兢兢的開門,送黑兔子到公車站搭車。473Please respect copyright.PENANASf5JlqHlGZ
473Please respect copyright.PENANAnrEDqY8IWo
473Please respect copyright.PENANAK985LBz6yT
那年發生的事情非常地多,我喜歡上了一個學長,但他卻用各種不同的方式,在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。473Please respect copyright.PENANAbAfgAc7Ij8
473Please respect copyright.PENANAtFm9NGDXdC
但那是另一個故事了。473Please respect copyright.PENANALOvfEBwTZe
473Please respect copyright.PENANA7pMoouSN85
473Please respect copyright.PENANAPc8r1wJ8Tm
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。473Please respect copyright.PENANAT5e6zgMCky
473Please respect copyright.PENANAwTbWiuoPqF
我就讀的學校是私立職校,學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢,付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。473Please respect copyright.PENANAd5wR9riHBq
473Please respect copyright.PENANA6dEcELzc81
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口,像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。473Please respect copyright.PENANAiokDc8XPSb
473Please respect copyright.PENANAwNH1FAW9mQ
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯,但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心,又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。473Please respect copyright.PENANAWy1BoafKv5
473Please respect copyright.PENANAFgLJmtxpBA
473Please respect copyright.PENANA0d81LvQYyH
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡,我很常想起英傑。473Please respect copyright.PENANAfvbiAEWdcD
473Please respect copyright.PENANAARzc8OdOUh
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢?473Please respect copyright.PENANAoyC04PBLFf
473Please respect copyright.PENANApRmNCiDsR3
難道逃出台灣了嗎?473Please respect copyright.PENANAvJXdY3Jg9T
473Please respect copyright.PENANAIFOk83ywc1
難道…真的死了嗎?473Please respect copyright.PENANARUnHZVa054
473Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5SWVlm0SI
473Please respect copyright.PENANAiNUYF3wdFR
一天晚上,我帶著傷痕回家,在家門前,我把運動外套拉起,確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門,想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。473Please respect copyright.PENANA0UGnbFAIxi
473Please respect copyright.PENANApTyp2yErn0
但父親不在家。473Please respect copyright.PENANAgBgLvOqizT
473Please respect copyright.PENANAt5LiAE0YaY
撥了父親的電話,聽見那邊的麻將聲。473Please respect copyright.PENANA8Vr3InEymH
473Please respect copyright.PENANArCyNZsdjKH
我對父親大吼,卻被掛電話。473Please respect copyright.PENANAWeOQqLqz7R
473Please respect copyright.PENANA4g8LNHrqRo
那一刻,我想著自己所做的一切。473Please respect copyright.PENANAc5m1LgGXwh
473Please respect copyright.PENANAoagDM6ZKF2
「都是自己選的。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAaSC0fICd6u
473Please respect copyright.PENANAd6pnGgWL4h
「沒人逼妳,都是妳自己選的。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAoDgPKfDMnv
473Please respect copyright.PENANABtF4AOjOIe
473Please respect copyright.PENANAIsJ8wVrPey
473Please respect copyright.PENANA6DZFL2MYNe
「乾脆,去死好了。」473Please respect copyright.PENANAXjhfUIw7rj
473Please respect copyright.PENANAXRoM382X4u
473Please respect copyright.PENANA4DmB8cQdrb
473Please respect copyright.PENANAOB8uj0OFTa
待續。
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