我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLcCkzBtzi
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknv90cSE6u
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKcAnzJXyh
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAoW01NvMg
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB0QC6F6Ab
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtpC4Py1zw
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPdIl0nSN5
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlyubUrvGm
「妳是…？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7083oSp6QY
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWkTl0WbGH
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroPGR0B0p9
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4e5qCaGpV
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8CFGOFghl
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRlBqtvIFX
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6LhPkmgre
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93qhzZrFL6
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoN8mWIOVa
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZy1gqI4sD
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoWiOmLPSL
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhmYpJljB3
「妳是他女朋友？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM51DkECaOf
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojlqHLSEKy
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkG89X5fbnv
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GEWODWNUW
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua4ffJNOfv
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sql1SdhK8
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOsw77l8dh
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx2cnMFvDA
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxZqJUxvIa
我一時語塞，沒能回話。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRY0EznAUN
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke7aM6DRUB
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZg9zimXb5
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8gQRmDzMw
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qCzEqPENK
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnucgu9xXTg
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OSheSN6xg
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RFZwwOdUt
「小姐貴姓？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVRRH5GxzL
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N0d0K3NnC
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCvnMxwf2a
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uXxXBY0Dk
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl29Im9X9E
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8kyZsFQBN
「糟。」我心想。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IJ54Tv9bh
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWawtxYMYsD
她隨即關上木門。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58zZGF2auj
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmBE3uNVyM
「她知道我是誰了。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EKDp6ouVE
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LrjtT7Fxz
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pHtMs7Q4O
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxqa5sXVcu
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvCaZLwmWz
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtUiw5R0eC
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SByyt499S
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKcQ3j1XBU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuCyKybqd4
就這樣升上了高中二年級，440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrO7mIzrDJA
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFq296g3Yr
迎來了人生的轉折。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ndXJ4eYLu
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQncIJqsjQ
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwC222JKyN
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLbHG1qh9I
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5ABXN8Ffk
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Z0rRlXdP0
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0SqRqyVw3
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxDGpHjb7Z
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RjEf8BLqP
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojB2hY7n2O
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMnpopet4J
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVP2ouvsBE
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KvpEpAvjY
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmxJyku5N4
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP6OVFjIGV
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBOnPYK17a
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw9GdXSs0h
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLB4Nq9p4rb
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOH5lzIarv
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv9Y6Ndhgu
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukrCe1lBG5
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHDdBj4vgK
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGFoGVysJM
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QYi0R5DYa
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItcsenXvar
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiydzVSHnU
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRMbzEENRx
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxjYwCtviC
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QcXiae4xm
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxHcPDmfQk
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpskE7FVnIT
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJdp9i1jEC
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzmCIboV9s
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7ok2klUIL
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXkSio0u8r
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTfN63WMHQ
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ck5UAMRdy
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDuKV6Lo6t
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRjz9OIdBB
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XzUjs7WCe
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaNzG5Covb
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MoaU0qfIW
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP6l5Lh0x9
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHNS7NonRm
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneg73jjO9B
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguGrzigaqh
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADwvHFCBxJ
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6TcHtIrG1
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOWDbyhQVx
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDH0Apa40j3
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviNiUqCNWl
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACTfq1CayH
「爸爸。」我喊他。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs6nODx0mw
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrWhuSFWJP
父親抬頭看我。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTRiSUD8fc
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfgXsiR0xI
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuy7NVgI0s
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0aqYqDbaT
「我不知道。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHOU1phVDs
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfm5fOS0DE
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPotjMDcD81
「我和你一起搬走。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tn46maYC0
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOwiuQ7OH1
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1DZDBZwPZ
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74hplFXeC5
「真的嗎？」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlH9y49IIuL
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqiSWyN4z3
「嗯。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOa4rvpT4Y
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRawq6RVirk
「…好啊。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ewz7EcgI1
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJSaqV7Euc
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT7ctETpwU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQrPPqUGFh
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHtMdBdAGc
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWvsjEvLSs
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEYF9rNgTC
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu9iBItZmp
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXS0bnohIN
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPUzV9m4sz
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8HIkWDvsX
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymPbK5p7Sa
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOxVi8jpkD
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUiCKjsucp
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUegoXM19l7
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPNzfzEQNt
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQevGacLku5
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyooKtOf0z
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNKdynxWhF
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY4y7NaeQm
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5B02FGg5oU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6ICeMCZ6R
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLMHtJrdks
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZscLDdRwVS
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJAAp0pi9o
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwW6JlHCue
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmTAHiXsxF
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1M0f2RPSAY
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZTIZmusyc
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXhCUCyAPy
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L0Um3hsxq
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTjI0dFGXp
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObo1vfc0HR
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTs7MfaQyKU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEs03YaCkq
但那是另一個故事了。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJvis2ZI9L
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cEd5ekyFm
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V7427xLP0
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8NtoEV3Nr
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsWT4KgFuY
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7AkhBARTj
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdGJMGlLVM
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uNZNRkOa2
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcdIkwJXkB
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacWvikf6Ek
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7n8cw2xgm
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUyEWcNK6K
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg4KBASxhK
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RnU8IEeBn
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7yYVijn1Q
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy01f5l1GcL
難道逃出台灣了嗎？440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgLnrfMkHV
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5mfnA01Cq
難道…真的死了嗎？440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCqm5jWc8M
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWg4xNSdAU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhQolm3fI6
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbadwrAxqU
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwRLrSkdGu
但父親不在家。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDxoyOOpal
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeZLrA4SvC
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNvOpBMZ8e
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhimNP665G
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kSq1Pozks
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWFKpxI87h
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5GboNZOv2
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZH0B3qvp6
「都是自己選的。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8u4OMKgiEt
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEkncTSPpC
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YCRjaR06c
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjQdQd1pof
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCkZI9rJpT
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslHZjrcEcW
「乾脆，去死好了。」440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL5iaHatkS
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelRGA0wvXX
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMKxwxKzvn
440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4ytP1Uydh
待續。
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