我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiFUy1jVsV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUTeWVBRsI
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WqIpmkQX1
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A4pNdJf0k
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPndZ8tORnw
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA8R5mgJNs
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJXOTQXd6i
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbC89J0NfA
「妳是…？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgRz7FTu6l
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZ2SdZ18v4
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeubdSRNsvR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcT6wnZ4PMj
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCh0A4p70U
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8UZ8MbxCy
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWffJRNy13K
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd0944Is3E
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNUgZiOciA
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzQKKskZmW
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74P5NN9HPx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gd1WRPsq3
「妳是他女朋友？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uIOj3T4hV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygPBwioEsp
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnLl7DHsSA
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrASVrvwikE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlR92FXRtm
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6L3Wxu7sD
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHtPozvox8
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM67RK6Wcdv
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9x8UfSmdh
我一時語塞，沒能回話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hgNYi7Gzn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvr4zWR60n
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hsVIx89y9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAX53l2tDn
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA8sPZDaZd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97m0U8zuZA
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O27xCnVcA
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILRaQkvvFC
「小姐貴姓？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsZ9hJndZh
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfvIdWUt2X
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApPitqUsMi
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUsNLuKBE3
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEsVT3Q92c
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5PjJoLPqK
「糟。」我心想。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWEeHbEwaL
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2AYW4YUHM
她隨即關上木門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHwiswXOtF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf2CRl5378
「她知道我是誰了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNRJN1YL8G
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsI0YkVa7d
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HE17ZEkmM
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEelMO5MMg
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X4meVP4wd
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPGJmSrr8g
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSfdxcjfNY
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8GZR6f44o
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKpZyxmD61
就這樣升上了高中二年級，470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8glKoGrl9
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJLGiErqaK
迎來了人生的轉折。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XdC2VBWC2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzeiiwhzHf
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1NrcpXfDg
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfx88mc1bB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUwatrpMQ1
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcHsSx3jld
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl0jEg2m4m
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66DxYpLL8I
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9rYcx8l7W
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeWDPivERF
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvspSYZwPmP
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC3BDBeQ7C
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgGN3VLULz
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjk4ppZjE9
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAU80regBo
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagqOrDoFbB
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95yjOfrKaX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP494nNQglp
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj8T9s14ky
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRiPGOlKrq
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8eC98gAlr
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2MEjd3IcY
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBpBtu2uUb
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EAslGYvco
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBcop0bAsx
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zMFsYEVZm
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqKozYhvE2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwoqTx68pP
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7RRc7Cx5g
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvgjd0iI5Q
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlWccZB3eZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRweyw7sbZ
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwNxbjmLy0
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycvJxrePc4
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0d7gvt9oQs
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY51JOqKtZ
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ251eIMZK84
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACdF2aIuZo
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mtxGXIwrJ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMxZ3Op9c2
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZL27BAPfV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGd1Nl2CWco
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm17VHMI8M2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gyx79Oicv
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWel1u1L7rW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg93h9EJNnG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDmyM2ivtb
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMkfAKBBKm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cdteGNaXN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqX9eiWqpt
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxyqxsp7GX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1Mn4IOvSf
「爸爸。」我喊他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8K91vgy3M2
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46k5xIafmg
父親抬頭看我。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbZMHJ4M4u
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSmfPKBid3
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJc8CB5xCGF
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYQjtPppaS
「我不知道。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXskWbHzyX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBRcyMVCdm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV9YwGi4Zg
「我和你一起搬走。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlUOI1u9iW
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSTZh1wjr7
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXQ619DDYa
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWSjdj1uQg
「真的嗎？」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmZdoxAegK
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0sNgGvnz6
「嗯。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1y3TK9eje
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7km63WaZv
「…好啊。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtKc8CWzSE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXU86RSFFYK
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWnkDptO2H
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi438m2OTpy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmVK944RjR
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvwAkEu73y
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH0dWxmBZL
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvF6ts8xFG
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF8TOXEj1H
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVvDgYaS1c
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ03MaQXJV
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAT3a7ZKaQ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZoGZP1TUF
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJb9nMLBY5
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh4u5mXgBT
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSdw9kZnTO
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2dmsGhSVa
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytwFVCAFtA
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAosWwcuW7
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdzu8gMcA8
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNgnTH5wJm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrRu6QOL2v
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzefzkirqey
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0CsxNdJFy
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM17lD9kqN
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMg4Wzzj5qB
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ9RTcZ4lZ
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkbW3VvjE2
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc1ONCh4ZO
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0xlbnMJQO
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsptHnqhNA4
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNJ11ZPBL8
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOYwBavj9Z
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtnOKb4UrR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9GgxASX8q
但那是另一個故事了。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPPkltRGjy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4uHJQnHcd
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGg3Mocw6g
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xwj2QJxc3
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyeDCZydz9
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDFnw1AFGk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MHaHtVabY
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBum1RB7Hey
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElVf5dd7al
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkohuBiJMS
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz2I1LZqvX
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcODikJZONv
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDybHxQAAIO
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS55Zic46ez
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMIy9NvdFy
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQcu8EZBKp
難道逃出台灣了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeK8ybOG1T
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgeXw2TLig
難道…真的死了嗎？470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4pDRjeLqE
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZXfWYGoOR
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbKpteMKfl
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7xh9RiP2E
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzWZ63g7ww
但父親不在家。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2130knFFV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kpF7O75Ur
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nQ4rbGncn
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2v7MevdVkv
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe74aJQNZHq
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZ8FWJv42p
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWpIoGv1Sm
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKixlGu0nL
「都是自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoex2RGKqr
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPXUrHehGG
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rilc3kYNV
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs6W3K8WhO
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoiyTHLUWk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUY9hy57bA
「乾脆，去死好了。」470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC4NiYBsKe
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvXLtHxQBk
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBE8jAPGyB
470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8UOumG7qS
待續。
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