我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYb5M2U1BC
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TEkcB3Zij
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Wma3RNLNY
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXnTQ7567A
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpql8AOLY6O
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqSSNMSVuE
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsu5o83e5D
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII6PEOweOa
「妳是…？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3MQUGVl1Z
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8K9CHUqvb
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3VaVhpCSU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaV58sFuTRJ
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaTzAfXzoY
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWxAR8zeWa
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy83h0dxyr
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgizV5Lh235
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUjY2ehqPB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5GdxhHChT
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAS5PNQASl
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3VCmGRPDx
「妳是他女朋友？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWBwpdzBTt
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLa1uYI1od
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO67zR3yRkU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFLZ0EVPbv
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5OFvHvw9m
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukrGmHtFGo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjXsW11moc
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefSZiiduTE
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrDVPAo5IM
我一時語塞，沒能回話。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAULoXHbNtT
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBy2tETkrV
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenBjoxzPkN
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnxa34O1j7
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH0r9ORm8y
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57q0qSUhIl
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcxJ0AntqZ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRqiQoGmdD
「小姐貴姓？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGY4vV7XdD
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgqVGo99fN
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k5LG07beP
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv505bzRhyu
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW3tnYevAP
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUkSXiDi5R
「糟。」我心想。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8cXZre1Vo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQqEf5BuMJ
她隨即關上木門。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QVRAVLBE3
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wQahJwFsW
「她知道我是誰了。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7ngEOH4eB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDznpKKOyL
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDkVQWargz
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwqfJffQuJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKC5aj59qPM
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WDjDBHYGJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt3BUWcoau
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PK4U1JCdK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5JvAr63qK
就這樣升上了高中二年級，420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6YpMoSd62
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXmI3xJwUL
迎來了人生的轉折。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PI04ZXC5r
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgB99AbQxA
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJozRL1Tsa
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhjD0D9H3V
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHW37VF0Vi
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRFTPXv039
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4WqmmrwHl
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TQBSpliiP
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpEN9e0dxd
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ8J1eaLkP
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjelZ5wOs0
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgR9eiPOEt
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UHOXLFOTQ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGnrhviuF9
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSiGFDDSsh
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSES8EToGb
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYc05vj69DJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiX0QowP6vY
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvffobSoMA
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMjfz7Q3Zv
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtMf9ncttC
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNdem5inMh
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7l3Aod0TF
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLFB1AjeYM
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdF7Wi78LK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtsKnDlwaY
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRQXErmwMo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaR20UedkE
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxusF2xHDGg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZzGeESRc4
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0UYjXJbG1
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvQJ2G2iix
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpFfqkInwC
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNdyNeJXxZ
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqCeomLWye
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToTRqlbaR7
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0yXxSfMPi
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mBPss0Zwi
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd58tXXyriS
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsylBJh5PAr
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5sDrvayKB
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwsTxgGVfk
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL0d1xz6Si
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMlNa91qYy
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID0L9O6O4t
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdkntFUOUu
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCioC9E3wTI
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZ3GuogmYV
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPrkcGNMnn
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TjJnnZ8UZ
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLqvei5dMc
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IVqT85Y5p
「爸爸。」我喊他。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT2X12N6Ub
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHClPkcdHHX
父親抬頭看我。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb3CmShDvW
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xBQE2jHqm
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZACbToFAIK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugdYV5Rxry
「我不知道。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoMJHzYvNP
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lYnPNUeGd
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rFPoo7Rmq
「我和你一起搬走。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHte8JhbKsy
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTG9K2oFpo3
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryfY4szzZE
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7trpymsD6
「真的嗎？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwNPtoMvVR
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf60IrfvbkY
「嗯。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgjUIyjPZI
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3xl1tn7Tz
「…好啊。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1SGMSwe6o
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsfZFUABdO
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5QtnWifkp
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwT3v2XvYNh
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDCNFo48NX
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ137fBayfNA
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY349wNa9N
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68qMDzWlGH
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ54jr83LEe
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmhJYypWcR
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bnpX3m08E
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoQ6OP2rtN
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67a3Q3zXGs
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPaou9Qfvn
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzmaAyhWso
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6u6B69jvET
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPzJ1jzO3M
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xiJEGWraY
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ClcmgEWAX
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40bNAmz2wH
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDovfNUWHo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vJOCZ1BO9
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UAD1xmEOl
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuUwxwe4fR
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AiKvphqsF
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwxGecBrUb
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ku7mszWhY
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB3ZPcDrvk
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazdvQrEeT7
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrG0BOnIS4
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkf4Spn1BW
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F7WTRq4oc
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwu4eUE0bE
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktKlzmyEW2
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfID6NikpVO
但那是另一個故事了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtxsbMJrT0
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxWaZdfRxM
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuJo6Yu0Oz
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYAZR4TOm5
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETWgv5sjUD
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOaxsqNIoQ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7augafwcw
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZQ7qaKgls
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyeqBAtD47
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl9GfVaXeV
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLR0HvrSKeQ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUlE2wRBZk
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR64B5pXxI
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kMf8Qgen1
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlLeqD2skq
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXvBsjAChm
難道逃出台灣了嗎？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlk0yw0JwM
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFB8r6FgvxT
難道…真的死了嗎？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPKbHUDcwJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuc8KQ9RYd2
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiE1GmOVlL
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWE2cM621k
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWLsEUurVG
但父親不在家。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvcs0ds2NU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vzqOD8mPA
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8mxeD0zlA
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMswbUboaLE
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZmI94d5kK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGCSOZwUSP
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOsC67xIT5
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k3Y1fAxMh
「都是自己選的。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlh5bac569
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlexlH3Hok
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8FCetU8bo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhpnRt7Zbd
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gNzOgSwF8
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42gRTToKQo
「乾脆，去死好了。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP2HDhqR5V
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L5GVJnxWU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpP1TBW9ruT
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu2YdGcdhR
待續。
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