我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TbzbqqiuA
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzufNSFK14z
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqYiF26uZK
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC89csXgRpq
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wWH0JEiaM
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mzwYzw0Tp
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TdQAU8i6Q
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKphnNFtCV8
「妳是…？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8Q2lbEgla
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIoJuYQSi1
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSxEywkask
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs64WNKEP6
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkKgR8YkBA
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgumiizpKMj
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9FWXoOrS3
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZrFPfRXdF
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjghG3X1Ce
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNre2oNnNsu
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzyfeZqlFJ
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOkeCDOTmX
「妳是他女朋友？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMZuMEBql3
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PRvEp2zng
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TmXBAJD0q
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczxquUnKFl
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVWQxnD4Td
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6wiEDcxDc
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwBwAVE2Yz
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVHNILdf4t
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSVX0HQuld
我一時語塞，沒能回話。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXZeQrgEXD
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo7RqUguZW
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtPKlS0pGs
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK1Ft90Blj
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjHABmeNa5
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwRwXSRWVS
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDy79tfyJ4
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cma7ekzOB
「小姐貴姓？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbLla16x3G
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPTlMnBiIp
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnGiNX85JP
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3guNNAeAa
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCshYINoE7
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjI4COzpTK4
「糟。」我心想。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWz2PzKHDT
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5OalfFgME
她隨即關上木門。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXrKeTHVWB
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD7sN4qhHd
「她知道我是誰了。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdIhfBj0K7
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGlPEf5jA6
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9S49pAsnV
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV0UdH5o2J
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY33x52oHD
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy1Ovi4bRc
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWr3iWYFwlA
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh2r3PRehs
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x47DU8RRg
就這樣升上了高中二年級，473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXnFntvhYB
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxDp09nmoJ
迎來了人生的轉折。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yfKjjrLBf
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbi3Q3Rj3d
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCNtyG0oF0
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ7OvXCgOM
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TQaZYf9TQ
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m4r5E0nxZ
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguR7z3AxLU
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEcdtMwRCb
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWh76K6uXs
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Z7bkCEATq
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsFatZBEHf
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgL6SoxOM4f
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpptfQYeAv
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwCGsy6vbH
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xBQRefec0
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiyj2Vp31U
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsmFuJZlKJ
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfn7p2S1Cs
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzq5uFr3ggd
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROxED2wSXI
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtVsEGoXey
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60vHLpfExk
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oWNx9pp7i
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBpR3mUTe4
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVJK7Dt089
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6niASQC7U
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xNVRWt3q7
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjgnVwotrq
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMJtOrq8XP
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLAPlFcLPA
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktCpeDnyaV
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOF8Sx682s
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgAzrIwcp9
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsHKHAZATf
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMuMThBmJx
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPPnv1WZ5s
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1l3TBb7HA
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa6hSO74mG
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybOxSuZhL6
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFK0O6DCk6
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvF8z4KMn2T
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmnqN0VbbV
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4SHyG3sAM
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tKZgcqgKJ
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w1dCjGf9h
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6EFUzS7VU
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQhFUVMqm5
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUrg8dHF8A
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPACmnupHk
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgctRL4bZJ
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa30UVrGJlf
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuf93BNbKx
「爸爸。」我喊他。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm2scdeyDF
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAh9IpsDd5
父親抬頭看我。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYIs9qLsXs
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22QWcbYLVT
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLxj7ysrza
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ0pG8RTiT
「我不知道。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC5h3v2Tqy
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJ6s08C30E
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVDIddgzOD
「我和你一起搬走。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcOLrQICIN
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y8rbyWJWI
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWExgKxHop
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUgpzvlRR7
「真的嗎？」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4wAVNoYIM
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JExpJufMh
「嗯。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEpmvygLdn
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaHoSePz76
「…好啊。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7psNtMMqS
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXhsnDL1In
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPq7ka7uGbK
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0J24zP4E2
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3Bzt87zY9
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStLrJY1sPg
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRcfmsVvbN
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N4q45WFP7
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAY0lBLwF6
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIulwVLahQ
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Igk7CKVcs
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUsl3oNEFh
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r4Sm5LgHv
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLVlwkxYVS
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZYmMrmeQl
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NHJu0LxgB
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriuFSdqHrB
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbwlFWvL5Q
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYTf75H5sm
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxGWxj0vrV
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV0VHxlufj
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q2ITnIdFO
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdzWhD5ARY
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQdzXXdp7s
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcns85CoTyn
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQUT7WHX5Y
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGss0cZiNy
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23s0gCpzmg
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOv9F0Rvaz
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8tRgCZMmx
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf5JlqHlGZ
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrEDqY8IWo
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK985LBz6yT
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAfgAc7Ij8
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFm9NGDXdC
但那是另一個故事了。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOvfEBwTZe
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pMoouSN85
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc8r1wJ8Tm
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5e6zgMCky
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTbWiuoPqF
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5wR9riHBq
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dEcELzc81
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiokDc8XPSb
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNH1FAW9mQ
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWy1BoafKv5
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgLJmtxpBA
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0d81LvQYyH
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvbiAEWdcD
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARzc8OdOUh
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyC04PBLFf
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRmNCiDsR3
難道逃出台灣了嗎？473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJXdY3Jg9T
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFOk83ywc1
難道…真的死了嗎？473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUnHZVa054
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5SWVlm0SI
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNUYF3wdFR
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UGnbFAIxi
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTyp2yErn0
但父親不在家。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBgLvOqizT
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5LiAE0YaY
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Vr3InEymH
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCyNZsdjKH
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeOQqLqz7R
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g8LNHrqRo
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5m1LgGXwh
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoagDM6ZKF2
「都是自己選的。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSC0fICd6u
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6pnGgWL4h
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDgPKfDMnv
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtF4AOjOIe
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsJ8wVrPey
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DZFL2MYNe
「乾脆，去死好了。」473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjhfUIw7rj
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRoM382X4u
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DmB8cQdrb
473Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB8uj0OFTa
待續。
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