我站在門前許久,才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。470Please respect copyright.PENANATiFUy1jVsV
470Please respect copyright.PENANABUTeWVBRsI
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。470Please respect copyright.PENANA4WqIpmkQX1
470Please respect copyright.PENANA9A4pNdJf0k
「請問,這是英傑的家嗎?」470Please respect copyright.PENANAPndZ8tORnw
470Please respect copyright.PENANAdA8R5mgJNs
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。470Please respect copyright.PENANAoJXOTQXd6i
470Please respect copyright.PENANACbC89J0NfA
「妳是…?」470Please respect copyright.PENANAYgRz7FTu6l
470Please respect copyright.PENANAvZ2SdZ18v4
「我是英傑的朋友,因為我一直聯絡不到他,所以…」470Please respect copyright.PENANAeubdSRNsvR
470Please respect copyright.PENANAcT6wnZ4PMj
「妳找錯間了,這裡沒這個人!」她揮揮手,避開我的眼神。470Please respect copyright.PENANAuCh0A4p70U
470Please respect copyright.PENANAL8UZ8MbxCy
「我知道他被通緝!」在她準備關上裡面的木門前,我急著大喊。470Please respect copyright.PENANAWffJRNy13K
470Please respect copyright.PENANAmd0944Is3E
婦人停下動作,又把木門拉開了些。470Please respect copyright.PENANAtNUgZiOciA
470Please respect copyright.PENANAdzQKKskZmW
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面,可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。470Please respect copyright.PENANA74P5NN9HPx
470Please respect copyright.PENANA2gd1WRPsq3
「妳是他女朋友?」470Please respect copyright.PENANA6uIOj3T4hV
470Please respect copyright.PENANAygPBwioEsp
「不是,我不是,我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。470Please respect copyright.PENANAFnLl7DHsSA
470Please respect copyright.PENANArASVrvwikE
470Please respect copyright.PENANAIlR92FXRtm
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAv6L3Wxu7sD
470Please respect copyright.PENANAFHtPozvox8
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著,語氣平淡得不可思議。470Please respect copyright.PENANAM67RK6Wcdv
470Please respect copyright.PENANAq9x8UfSmdh
我一時語塞,沒能回話。470Please respect copyright.PENANA1hgNYi7Gzn
470Please respect copyright.PENANAxvr4zWR60n
「讓妳跑一趟,歹勢,英傑不在這裡,我也不知道他在哪裡。」470Please respect copyright.PENANA7hsVIx89y9
470Please respect copyright.PENANAWAX53l2tDn
「那個…那,我可以留下我的手機,如果他有跟你們聯絡,請他跟我聯絡好嗎?」470Please respect copyright.PENANAlA8sPZDaZd
470Please respect copyright.PENANA97m0U8zuZA
婦人一臉不耐煩,我很尷尬,但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門,交到婦人手裡。470Please respect copyright.PENANA8O27xCnVcA
470Please respect copyright.PENANAILRaQkvvFC
「小姐貴姓?」470Please respect copyright.PENANASsZ9hJndZh
470Please respect copyright.PENANArfvIdWUt2X
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。470Please respect copyright.PENANAApPitqUsMi
470Please respect copyright.PENANAvUsNLuKBE3
「………」婦人突然噤了聲,透過鐵門盯著我。470Please respect copyright.PENANAPEsVT3Q92c
470Please respect copyright.PENANAR5PjJoLPqK
「糟。」我心想。470Please respect copyright.PENANAnWEeHbEwaL
470Please respect copyright.PENANAq2AYW4YUHM
她隨即關上木門。470Please respect copyright.PENANAhHwiswXOtF
470Please respect copyright.PENANAsf2CRl5378
「她知道我是誰了。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAlNRJN1YL8G
470Please respect copyright.PENANABsI0YkVa7d
我當下便明白,不管英傑有沒有回到這裡,我都無法得知了。470Please respect copyright.PENANA5HE17ZEkmM
470Please respect copyright.PENANAZEelMO5MMg
470Please respect copyright.PENANA2X4meVP4wd
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。470Please respect copyright.PENANAJPGJmSrr8g
470Please respect copyright.PENANABSfdxcjfNY
我不敢換手機號碼,睡覺時也不關機,就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。470Please respect copyright.PENANAy8GZR6f44o
470Please respect copyright.PENANAFKpZyxmD61
就這樣升上了高中二年級,470Please respect copyright.PENANAR8glKoGrl9
470Please respect copyright.PENANAYJLGiErqaK
迎來了人生的轉折。470Please respect copyright.PENANA0XdC2VBWC2
470Please respect copyright.PENANAlzeiiwhzHf
470Please respect copyright.PENANAV1NrcpXfDg
父母親早在我國小時就已離異,但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開,便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大,幾乎是要什麼有什麼,生性霸道且極端任性,父親一生風流,基於愧疚或父愛,總寵著我,比起成天碎碎念的母親,我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。470Please respect copyright.PENANAvfx88mc1bB
470Please respect copyright.PENANAcUwatrpMQ1
在高二那一年,父親生意失利,經營的公司惡性倒閉,再加上「賭」及「面子」,父親找上了地下錢莊。470Please respect copyright.PENANAhcHsSx3jld
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。470Please respect copyright.PENANAUl0jEg2m4m
470Please respect copyright.PENANA66DxYpLL8I
當我放學回家,看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼,我還沒能反應過來。470Please respect copyright.PENANAB9rYcx8l7W
470Please respect copyright.PENANAzeWDPivERF
「都已經離婚了,為什麼還這樣拖累我!」
母親氣得哭了。470Please respect copyright.PENANAvspSYZwPmP
470Please respect copyright.PENANAqC3BDBeQ7C
某天晚上,母親進來房間,告訴我,房子要賣掉了。470Please respect copyright.PENANAtgGN3VLULz
470Please respect copyright.PENANAhjk4ppZjE9
他們離婚後,所買的房子仍是共有財產,父親要把房子賣掉,才能償還債務。470Please respect copyright.PENANAjAU80regBo
470Please respect copyright.PENANAagqOrDoFbB
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重,跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家,就因為你,所以我的家就要這樣沒了!」470Please respect copyright.PENANA95yjOfrKaX
470Please respect copyright.PENANAP494nNQglp
「那妳要我死是不是!」爸爸第一次吼我。470Please respect copyright.PENANAWj8T9s14ky
470Please respect copyright.PENANAtRiPGOlKrq
「我沒錢,地下錢莊說要砍我手腳,我讓他砍是不是!」470Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8eC98gAlr
470Please respect copyright.PENANAW2MEjd3IcY
我嚇到了,沒能反駁。470Please respect copyright.PENANAxBpBtu2uUb
470Please respect copyright.PENANA9EAslGYvco
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友,那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的,所以他要搬出去,妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡,不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。470Please respect copyright.PENANAiBcop0bAsx
470Please respect copyright.PENANA0zMFsYEVZm
我沒說話,看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親,便逕自走回房間。470Please respect copyright.PENANAPqKozYhvE2
470Please respect copyright.PENANAFwoqTx68pP
回到房間,想起國小五年級那天,母親到安親班接我和弟弟,把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了,妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權,弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳,妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開,所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔!」470Please respect copyright.PENANAF7RRc7Cx5g
470Please respect copyright.PENANAfvgjd0iI5Q
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。470Please respect copyright.PENANAMlWccZB3eZ
470Please respect copyright.PENANAiRweyw7sbZ
我不能接受的,其實是家的破碎。470Please respect copyright.PENANAlwNxbjmLy0
470Please respect copyright.PENANAycvJxrePc4
因為一直都住在一起,所以沒有分離的感覺。470Please respect copyright.PENANA0d7gvt9oQs
470Please respect copyright.PENANAjY51JOqKtZ
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子,他弟弟出生後,就被虐待又被冷落,所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後,完全沒有再過問他們的生活,也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。470Please respect copyright.PENANA251eIMZK84
470Please respect copyright.PENANAACdF2aIuZo
「妳不要管我,反正我的監護權又不是妳!」
「是妳自己不要我的!」
某次和母親吵架,我說了這樣的話,害母親哭了整晚。470Please respect copyright.PENANA1mtxGXIwrJ
470Please respect copyright.PENANANMxZ3Op9c2
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。470Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZL27BAPfV
470Please respect copyright.PENANAGd1Nl2CWco
「小姐貴姓?」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神,帶了驚訝及恨意。470Please respect copyright.PENANAm17VHMI8M2
470Please respect copyright.PENANA5gyx79Oicv
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運,其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳,妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字,看起來多麼傷心。470Please respect copyright.PENANAWel1u1L7rW
470Please respect copyright.PENANAg93h9EJNnG
470Please respect copyright.PENANAtDmyM2ivtb
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。470Please respect copyright.PENANAjMkfAKBBKm
470Please respect copyright.PENANA1cdteGNaXN
470Please respect copyright.PENANAzqX9eiWqpt
媽媽睡了之後,我走到客廳,父親盯著電視,卻兩眼無神。470Please respect copyright.PENANAoxyqxsp7GX
470Please respect copyright.PENANAP1Mn4IOvSf
「爸爸。」我喊他。470Please respect copyright.PENANA8K91vgy3M2
470Please respect copyright.PENANA46k5xIafmg
父親抬頭看我。470Please respect copyright.PENANAbbZMHJ4M4u
470Please respect copyright.PENANAPSmfPKBid3
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡?」470Please respect copyright.PENANAJc8CB5xCGF
470Please respect copyright.PENANAnYQjtPppaS
「我不知道。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAfXskWbHzyX
470Please respect copyright.PENANABBRcyMVCdm
470Please respect copyright.PENANAdV9YwGi4Zg
「我和你一起搬走。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAVlUOI1u9iW
470Please respect copyright.PENANAVSTZh1wjr7
我說出這句話的時候,爸爸一臉驚訝。470Please respect copyright.PENANAcXQ619DDYa
470Please respect copyright.PENANABWSjdj1uQg
「真的嗎?」470Please respect copyright.PENANAJmZdoxAegK
470Please respect copyright.PENANAj0sNgGvnz6
「嗯。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAY1y3TK9eje
470Please respect copyright.PENANAw7km63WaZv
「…好啊。」470Please respect copyright.PENANACtKc8CWzSE
470Please respect copyright.PENANAXU86RSFFYK
「那我去睡了,爸爸晚安。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAOWnkDptO2H
470Please respect copyright.PENANAi438m2OTpy
470Please respect copyright.PENANAKmVK944RjR
那時,我只想著,父親一旦離開了,我可能再也見不到他。470Please respect copyright.PENANAuvwAkEu73y
470Please respect copyright.PENANAnH0dWxmBZL
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親,他仍是我的父親,從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。470Please respect copyright.PENANAwvF6ts8xFG
470Please respect copyright.PENANATF8TOXEj1H
隔天,我便自己出門找房子。470Please respect copyright.PENANAsVvDgYaS1c
470Please respect copyright.PENANATQ03MaQXJV
母親雖然擔心又不捨,但沒能阻止我的任性與固執,就還是陪著我找房子。470Please respect copyright.PENANAqAT3a7ZKaQ
470Please respect copyright.PENANAPZoGZP1TUF
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處,因為我當時尚未成年,還是請父親來和房東簽合約,之後,我自己忙搬家,請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙,把所有的家具都搬到新住處。470Please respect copyright.PENANAXJb9nMLBY5
470Please respect copyright.PENANAsh4u5mXgBT
470Please respect copyright.PENANATSdw9kZnTO
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非,我們搬家後沒多久,又有新的債主找上門。470Please respect copyright.PENANAG2dmsGhSVa
470Please respect copyright.PENANAytwFVCAFtA
那天,黑兔子(忘記她的人請往前看系列文)趁著假日到家裡玩,我們在房間聊天,父親在客廳看電視。470Please respect copyright.PENANAAAosWwcuW7
470Please respect copyright.PENANAXdzu8gMcA8
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候,有人按電鈴。470Please respect copyright.PENANACNgnTH5wJm
470Please respect copyright.PENANAVrRu6QOL2v
按了好幾聲,父親卻不去應門。470Please respect copyright.PENANAzefzkirqey
470Please respect copyright.PENANAI0CsxNdJFy
我走到客廳,看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面,示意我不要出聲。470Please respect copyright.PENANAVM17lD9kqN
470Please respect copyright.PENANAMg4Wzzj5qB
對方按了幾下電鈴,便開始撞門,接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。470Please respect copyright.PENANArQ9RTcZ4lZ
470Please respect copyright.PENANABkbW3VvjE2
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到,悄聲問我怎麼回事,我覺得很丟臉,但還是告訴她,門外的是父親的債主,我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧,才會待在門外不走。470Please respect copyright.PENANAuc1ONCh4ZO
470Please respect copyright.PENANAC0xlbnMJQO
直到傍晚,我才戰戰兢兢的開門,送黑兔子到公車站搭車。470Please respect copyright.PENANAsptHnqhNA4
470Please respect copyright.PENANAmNJ11ZPBL8
470Please respect copyright.PENANAvOYwBavj9Z
那年發生的事情非常地多,我喜歡上了一個學長,但他卻用各種不同的方式,在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。470Please respect copyright.PENANAxtnOKb4UrR
470Please respect copyright.PENANAe9GgxASX8q
但那是另一個故事了。470Please respect copyright.PENANAYPPkltRGjy
470Please respect copyright.PENANAO4uHJQnHcd
470Please respect copyright.PENANAQGg3Mocw6g
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。470Please respect copyright.PENANA4xwj2QJxc3
470Please respect copyright.PENANAdyeDCZydz9
我就讀的學校是私立職校,學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢,付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。470Please respect copyright.PENANASDFnw1AFGk
470Please respect copyright.PENANA0MHaHtVabY
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口,像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。470Please respect copyright.PENANABum1RB7Hey
470Please respect copyright.PENANAElVf5dd7al
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯,但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心,又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。470Please respect copyright.PENANAwkohuBiJMS
470Please respect copyright.PENANAcz2I1LZqvX
470Please respect copyright.PENANAcODikJZONv
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡,我很常想起英傑。470Please respect copyright.PENANADybHxQAAIO
470Please respect copyright.PENANAS55Zic46ez
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢?470Please respect copyright.PENANAeMIy9NvdFy
470Please respect copyright.PENANAzQcu8EZBKp
難道逃出台灣了嗎?470Please respect copyright.PENANApeK8ybOG1T
470Please respect copyright.PENANAcgeXw2TLig
難道…真的死了嗎?470Please respect copyright.PENANAp4pDRjeLqE
470Please respect copyright.PENANAPZXfWYGoOR
470Please respect copyright.PENANAJbKpteMKfl
一天晚上,我帶著傷痕回家,在家門前,我把運動外套拉起,確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門,想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。470Please respect copyright.PENANAc7xh9RiP2E
470Please respect copyright.PENANAdzWZ63g7ww
但父親不在家。470Please respect copyright.PENANAV2130knFFV
470Please respect copyright.PENANA2kpF7O75Ur
撥了父親的電話,聽見那邊的麻將聲。470Please respect copyright.PENANA9nQ4rbGncn
470Please respect copyright.PENANA2v7MevdVkv
我對父親大吼,卻被掛電話。470Please respect copyright.PENANAe74aJQNZHq
470Please respect copyright.PENANAlZ8FWJv42p
那一刻,我想著自己所做的一切。470Please respect copyright.PENANArWpIoGv1Sm
470Please respect copyright.PENANAgKixlGu0nL
「都是自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAMoex2RGKqr
470Please respect copyright.PENANArPXUrHehGG
「沒人逼妳,都是妳自己選的。」470Please respect copyright.PENANA1rilc3kYNV
470Please respect copyright.PENANAZs6W3K8WhO
470Please respect copyright.PENANAaoiyTHLUWk
470Please respect copyright.PENANAFUY9hy57bA
「乾脆,去死好了。」470Please respect copyright.PENANAsC4NiYBsKe
470Please respect copyright.PENANAtvXLtHxQBk
470Please respect copyright.PENANAYBE8jAPGyB
470Please respect copyright.PENANAi8UOumG7qS
待續。
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