I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTYzeiEMzJ
From the beginning.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkthTBeLGNv
She lit sparks in dull moments.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5WAwnOWin
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3BDs9sBIo
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZVLF5Ue0W
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdfzBKm6Y5
Knowing full well she might hesitate.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf52miCy1S
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoPdxFWjzK
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORzzFOIaJJ
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7hzi4jfWi
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfMCzx7xaJ
Maybe because I was eager.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUda0DuR7LR
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDk7UMMG5l
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSlcSnG9Qa
And I took her laptop.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaOyLZbtMl
Told her not to worry about it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDdF4h5eWv
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iWUtcsp26
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecgUUoHb9E
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8kbdwCSFR
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru4oC4ZCyd
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGutImSGZZv
Little mentions.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjLfU8H71a
Small memories.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnO9pvo8em
Familiar tones.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0oLKxFwGN
But then…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t55p2dowm
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBAOgFSj2U
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpu9yruN3ya
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPWEIIgp7X
Acted normal.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQVCZQe0vX
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw4DLuINQm
Break in silence.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80vYG5UBYr
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzFIiIW3lU
Some weren’t.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTteR2KqV6
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZXCrfvblw
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW0GQZwZ0A
But I had made a promise.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1yiDuZQdY
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnzTp9wJJD
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1gBCVgFUC
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAvGGMtCy8
and now they’re just…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHn5WvkGnoz
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5m5wStjNhO
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHfvmdgrul
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoJwbF3Z9E
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR8z69Eviv
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1ECNepYnf
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoeyTVhNIq
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQ7qw6MJEI
nothing ever did.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdIteWFTHI
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCwZlfumlr
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWIDL4jHwn
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEN5uXzKOV
And the answers it hides in plain sight.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVSWo4MrR0
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfuLFLQzyZ
Words I wish I never said.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V5KZyQaoI
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KcYBHu31J
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69byNJgMlC
When I sat across from her —61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFWsXLrj3V
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Krfs6q3EP
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mTOeq33UL
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrU7DkiYEU
She never finds out.
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