With the next early autumn, I had now counted 24 moons with you.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13sxbCuJYO
"No" became your favorite word. And now, and this was new, you could open doors.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawGekR0I2I
The pantry. The cellar. And to my deepest dismay, my study. A place I had explicitly forbidden you again and again. For reasons that would seem rational to you, if you weren't an unreasonable little imp with too little intelligence and too many ideas. I heard it every time. From afar. The sound of a brass, albeit worn, doorknob being pressed down by sticky child hands. And then carefree pattering on the dark wooden floorboards.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1clK5ZyBSl
"Leonora." My tone was calm. Far too calm, because I saw the danger. I found you on the chair in my study, arms stretched out like a young tightrope walker. In front of you a table with vials and phials of liquids, most of which I still had to identify, and a scroll made of animal skin, older than Grellborn's back pain. I had not sealed it. Because I was tired. And thus careless.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01Se5AnGlL
"Look!" you laughed cheerfully, with a phial in your hand, its contents shimmering dangerously green. I had no idea what was in it. Something from Grellborn, something he had once bartered on the black market. Probably in exchange for a cursed bezoar of a ruminant or whatever else he kept hidden in his thousand drawers. I froze in the doorway, rigid. My arm outstretched, a finger raised. Like a conductor trying to prevent a cacophony of chaos. My left hand slightly defensive against the approaching danger. My body leaned slightly forward, as if ready to leap at any moment.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3F14iIK9C
"Leonora," I said again, slower, warning. My gaze darted between you and the phial in your hand.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNeulhlzvT
"Don't. Move." I said clearly and unambiguously.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4THfqhppuy
"Why?" you asked and I swear, by all dark gods, Nora, that tone was exactly like a queen denied her dessert. I stood still, because I knew, one wrong step, one unconscious provocation on my part, and not even the most renowned necromancer could piece you back together. Nor me, probably.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8QdJsJabn
"If you move," I said, clear as a mountain stream, "you could explode."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZiZfN0qGm
You tilted your head: "What expode?"20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHay26zf9X
"A state in which you..." I searched for a phrase you might understand. Found none quickly. "...would hurt yourself very much." You considered.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrHo6XpzgD
"Aha," you said cheerfully. I stepped closer, slowly and every step calculated. You had been carelessly swaying the phial. I drew in a sharp breath. And then, in an act of ultimate rebellion, you simply poured the liquid out. Onto an ancient parchment. The liquid began to steam immediately. The parchment began to sizzle and dissolve with a crackle. No explosion or fire, as I had feared.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hBoGbwYhe
I blinked.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRE37LmtOR
"Leonora," I said with a calm only maintained through centuries of meditation, "this paper was older than you, Grellborn, and my cynicism combined."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcttkluAlAe
You giggled: "Look, moke! Maic!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed. You had already climbed down from the chair and came toward me with a satisfied grin. And I? Took a deep breath. Then I turned around and made a mental note:20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3eDbOXv3Z
"Grellborn. I need valerian. For me. This time for real."
I handed you over to Grellborn.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37MAkm1ANn
We sat in the great hall. A room that pretended to be a living room but was, in truth, a jumble of carpets, antlers, clocks, and wax-clogged candlesticks.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgURbGGIzM
The ceiling too high, the windows too small, the paintings too suggestive; and not a single one hung by me.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5NDdNLc4g
I never quite figured out whether this house had shaped itself around me, or if I had simply adapted to it like a sulky guest who never left.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡww3IgsA7y3
The fireplace spat the occasional spark, as if it wanted to remind us it was still there.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTwXZDvmMR
Above it, a stag's head glared at me with glass eyes, as if I were the intruder.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBPDqWfZNl
I couldn't really blame him. He was right.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIfCpUAdoI
To the left, three red armchairs and a matching sofa, upholstered in a fabric that reeked of outdated taste and disappointed hopes.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAci7BNd1Eb
To the right, a grandfather clock that never kept time; I didn't care. Time had long since lost all meaning to me. The chandeliers hung from the ceiling like lost spiders.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAPnYOqBdX
I had taken over the house about a century ago. Not bought. Taken.
Back then, the plague was sweeping through England, and the former owners had decided, quite unanimously, to die. A few of them were still upstairs when I moved in.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVxqpRR9yr
Some bloated like overstuffed pigs' bladders, others still stiff.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eX3quedgR
I was polite enough to bury them in the back yard. No flowers; I was merely a pragmatist with a shovel. You'd played in the grass there the other day.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4sCizOMOk
Of course, I said nothing.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8suSpnUHu
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As so often, Grellborn had simply invited himself. I wasn't truly bothered. He brought you warmer clothes for the coming months (you had already outgrown the old ones) and even a carved deer, with which you played on Grell's lap. Grell assured me that your provocation phase was normal for toddlers, even if overly taxing for the nerves of a guardian.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuUe3CLT1f
"This is a really good sign for once, Szandor!" He beamed over his wrinkled face, half covered by white beard.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGn9tb9uHT
"For once?" My eyebrows furrowed.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9iWHe5ZsR
"She trusts you," he expertly ignored my question, "if she were always sweet, she wouldn't trust you."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfCDLNCAg3
"Trust," I repeated, "a dangerous instinct in beings with such soft skulls."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE2NR5I4em
"Godbless, I'd have every scribe sign this if you'd believe me then," mumbled Grell, as you let the deer vanish into his beard.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSJWPkKsK2
"She doesn't say no because she rejects you. She provokes you because she knows you'll stay."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEHuypNPnY
I blinked slowly: "Wonderful. So it's a sign of trust when she sets fire to my scrolls with alchemical fluids."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTgDEW1xez
"Exactly," he nodded, as if I had just passed the druid apprentice's exam.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfW9d96qLdN
"What nonsense. She contradicts everything. Even the weather."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0QwG1xLKd
"Exactly." Grell leaned back, I wasn't sure whether it was the chair or his brittle bones creaking.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYUa7mfMwS
"She threw herself on the cold stone floor last week because I wouldn't give her a second bowl of carrot mash," I said with a worn-out voice. Grell watched you silently, with that old-man's smirk; neither sentimental nor foolish. More like someone who knows the abysses of all creatures on Earth and still pours milk into his tea, just for the fun of it. You looked at him and laughed. A soft crackle in the fire accompanied your joy, then he spoke again:20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5SsqNFOJF
"And yet... she falls asleep beside you. Trust is not always a hug. Sometimes it looks like a tantrum on a stone floor. You never screamed, did you?" he asked suddenly.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeXS2ZtDwz
I snorted. "I was a quiet child. Disciplined. Compliant."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwR59rK10Y
"How unnatural," he said dryly. I wanted to contradict him, but I realized I couldn't. I tried to remember, any moment from my childhood where I screamed, cried. But I found nothing. Only insignificant images from a distance.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBglpC9VYsv
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You were just about to explore Grell's fluffy beard, when once again a raven landed on the windowsill. You waved to it. It was the same one that had appeared almost daily in recent months, always at the same hour. Over time, I began to recognize it by small features. The little feather that always stood out slightly from its back. The slight scratch on the beak. I stepped to the window. The raven looked at me. No frantic cawing, no wing flapping. Just that gaze. A gaze too long. Too aware. I crossed my arms.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIGbhQzuUQ
"Grell..." I began, without turning, "you have nothing to do with this, right?"20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NetsLBwHL
"With what?"20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk58nMWbkEo
"The raven."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudIowa4eje
"Godbless," he murmured, "you think every creature that survives more than two days in your estate was sent by me." You, meanwhile, had slid off Grell's knee and came to stand beside me at the window. Your little fingers touched my leg to keep balance.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pLJSniyfJ
"Caw!" you cried joyfully and pointed to the feathered beast. I said nothing. The raven looked at you. Then at me. Then back at you. A caw, softer now, almost watchful. The raven slightly lifted its wings but remained seated.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY2mrfC4HR
"Birb good!" you said then. Just like that.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR7hwn8uTB
"He's a scavenger." I stated flatly. You nodded with satisfaction, as if I had merely confirmed your opinion.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsywHdXv3Yk
Grellborn giggled in the background like a cheeky maidservant: "Ravens don't come without reason."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dw4E2s1fX
"But you said you didn't send it." I turned slowly to him, accusing with a spider's gaze, though that never intimidated Grell.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xSBmBRIuq
"I didn't. I'm only saying, if they come, it's with meaning."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzsHO5H1XE
You wiggled your toes beside me, still toward the bird.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyoBAEVsqv
"And oh, wise Grellborn, once forged by lightning, what do these avian vertebrates proclaim? Is the end of the world finally upon us?"20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIshAVYJsMQ
Grell kept his pipe in his mouth as he stirred his tea: "In this case, probably not. Ravens often herald change. Sometimes they appear when a shift is happening. Sometimes they are messengers of coming fortune or misfortune, who knows for sure? In any case, they embody wisdom, omniscience. Or a threatening kind of truth, Godbless."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIVT6RsbCm
I sat back down: "Your knowledge is as fuzzy as your memory."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwrCEiSdxR
"As with all things spiritual," Grell grinned like a rascal and then fell silent. And I knew he knew more than he let on.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1qPpFbUY1
I hate it when he goes quiet. It's never disinterest. It's too-much-knowledge he refuses to share.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6F2sLY6bd5
"Grell, if you know something..." I pressed again.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteg4YQAD1k
"I would tell you once you're ready."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCUDdwURTO
I stared at him: "That's not an answer."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWDQ2BaqgS
"It is," he said, "just not for now. Have trust."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylA29Et84U
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Then the raven flew off and you watched it, fascinated.
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