Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4K9jh7Rgo
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7mDpcuQhR
And yet, language is always power.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rV1pNSowU
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG5nDg07LN
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbjl6qmwZR
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ2TCD5A25
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99KNnn4kCR
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvX0vAhT8J
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ht4zfGzU2
And that was precisely the problem.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPpvJsybGr
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3plTCF1DM
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhfSZjHRsm
"Come here, child."22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq9y2HCd18
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqFkBHckhn
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtD85rvTvN
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT9m8jYGKj
Leonora.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhmJ5KShfs
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQEPZZP8Ln
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffJZPFEopW
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFb6csYO9pe
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYixU7MVZV
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKvIExo8g2
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88aWFQqQWS
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEScxaNyB8l
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Me0qWvUJh
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2duxTbGBur
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqzVurJFa4
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl42zRMU1RX
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdKoYg63j3
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TQsTD2CBq
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJu65p6mJ7
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRadvDw3My
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpc7ITHhFG
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvb0LfSXPQA
But like you.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3ElKLyMB9
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOqfdiOiC1
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