"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKDUzUzcBn
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZCd7B6QE7
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvUFAHdJNR
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoTGR903RH
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19aC0XxO7Z
it’s a mood.
– maya247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNBNRUTeft
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5YWZJqp0K
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAoame4jEH
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5y3Vl9Q7xX
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28vhmTNbnC
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFYMAzGXkN
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3ClqsNQuZ
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCv9rKjvlG
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogfLmsy276
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1XfSJwDDM
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5tYdTY4bt
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwLjkOOt2F
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SjVWHYYV9
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD592iSA1K0
i have goosebumps.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmpZW1XJc4
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ki9VJpbgl
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDBYWk4WqB
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiq7V6fnKB
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieh2tNQhEG
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW25yEuaMlg
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5zXAOyl3U
you passed the vibe check.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmShj60ljbi
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDI5r63SRI6
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlRi50mTbi
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWJpCzbDRw
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWTcEt1Bao
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgc0RO12QC
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ59efqFgzz
i did cry.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeFXXtvzes
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKxJiUp9e5
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNNpDFYMjN
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuyZebHT8q
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyimbzsY6g
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1K8Ad3sLR
To: [email protected]247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6y0xur3CB
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiqH5Hhjqu
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1khe1GeIG7
together we’re like...247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriT1ao7Pgw
the emotional avengers.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJptkG4R4q
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU84YUVR1C
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSojtXaLEI
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5aMxpyz4s
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTv0gV6qceL
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVfp6H90jn
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGYZJ94C4b
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcklAkBrkP
screamed into a spoon. felt better.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOe07xAxMlJ
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrtwhs9OGw
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTxJP458hI
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6aGIz5uUV
the rain cried for me.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNFuKXTinj
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59fqyAlYr6
i do not condone murder. but i understand.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtwFLZWoWY
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueicw4FVKN
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bLNIFMCBp
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEISVBV9mJ
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli247Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRpt0ERPwB
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.