|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKufd9QpGh
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8vvyMhP0F
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaq8uMGoUMu
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bQ3ZowGbp
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5ROZxmISU
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I9rG5aGd0
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqrsBf7pPy
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXZUvnPjIt
You’ve got the wrong Eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3k6zALLux
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAO7YgrUcwg
aka Eli Martin
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEI9hIrU3N
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmAwYKs1WN
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHVV8NWMwb
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8ajNxwfnr
definitely wrong eli.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj5cYt7diZ
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YaeYhNW6n
sincerely,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkf0H0vaCI
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2QUuZsNd2
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWH7RFOSel
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zj9QBB5NB
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPrx4jHV2v
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVkyzAZEgF
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6N0XMq0Aa
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2okiaVwVQ
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCIEptVSq3
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvfMNGkxhI
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZcflfpHdM
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJLu8hqMhH
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtt5jfNgoYl
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8Kr8tufdq
is this our meet-cute?117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJxCZ26vQ2
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLNPTSQzu6
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQThvV25PRh
but i might be a decent one
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHbbwVq7xU
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOAjSqz8EV
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8zqq2caFw
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6RTTxO2jF
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBllOTvbUbZ
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQMiKW8IyC
professional emailer of strangers
117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBoEClyaPM
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0vr0wuIXz
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0YDBJsOqS
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMCvsw9kzd
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0rV5whpeM
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHS3vpYssii
To: [email protected]117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzsJcmcGhd
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5ykI6iOwq
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.117Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QQi7Zq1s5
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