|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFuDRx9xec
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1Hp1TMyun
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTwmn4Nq2Z
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyrosclyQq
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg2gIfbiN1
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4FNL1XnRz
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UIDMwsUNQ
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fw2mBJ4Fr
You’ve got the wrong Eli.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8LsVJjOGR
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISjXuPtjXf
aka Eli Martin
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOHHpF0Olk
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN61E5CFF6g
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPWbEYki1I
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyim4EhiaYD
definitely wrong eli.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjvdrVjOVk
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRApKVdE39
sincerely,258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAxS5c7ZcF
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVbujBmls6
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYykp3CpSv
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCSDgj4xlL
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡni46vH9UoP
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNkzy4oQQp
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilPpmvi6D3
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0OfC2H9bk
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOItAW90bwC
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGi8h52BGT
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Jz9cwXAm4
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9WEOjk4Rl
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1IidLtSHE
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KBDOU7KqB
is this our meet-cute?258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrima9JKiUf
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00Ezfs0Yby
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1U6xS35QBL
but i might be a decent one
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1nT8aAoHd
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFI7FI2p6La
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzL63lzWoZ
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQBB4vylsq
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajICJhdYtI
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89YvYzQcNy
professional emailer of strangers
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwU7j2csEIb
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rKgoDUBLq
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbWj9ElTXD
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIjlfcwvQs
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxkqV3vb7r
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczzLc7OiDS
To: [email protected]258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMoiNRoIEe
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0Sj43o3l7
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBlcHL7bGA
and then Add to home screen.