|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NH5G5q2yp
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL3qP5To2i
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2voSX5Nyc
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNSnVSgXeJ
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AT8W8dbpw
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWecT2rjJN
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgADFAy2rH
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprE0RPTXKm
You’ve got the wrong Eli.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhMB4Oxm3L
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCylmV9j7P
aka Eli Martin
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5B1yCEV4R
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcq5Z4NG3I4
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XyP9FQzQl
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYiTW4HIQI
definitely wrong eli.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlJxctmluv
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2yYlINyWz
sincerely,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzOqIl7rby
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaM4Vzip27
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVoYZyk4Hv
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iqFNKeX6c
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1BDaVSoQG
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N65uWVjXn
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK7updvTAC
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmR0Z5iflx
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClna1LfxTb
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR30ViXoXy
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWU9ijGMz3Y
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK924pjq5t0
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38ebTKXTQD
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRZujBFMQN
is this our meet-cute?67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSnYOcyeD5
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9HiSK7ENB
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyanOhfFSGT
but i might be a decent one
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAj0AHR5xJ
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOBHylWa4j
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLOkC2LrPE
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQxidRkoNG
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmkzj5bVky
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQHN3subAa
professional emailer of strangers
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0TzJGLAxc
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe01vYWO0mh
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zAFglhxGY
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYRTzqvf6O
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wPaFmAim0
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWundXLVuhN
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YVRlHe5NH
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF3ycS08Bz
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRnjvE2HRr
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