— No, I don't feel like it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAhyBMv6PWpX
— But yes, it will be fun.130Please respect copyright.PENANA1n5YIiK47j
— What's the funny thing about going to school on a day when there's no class ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAp1UZcyytua
We have one of those discussions where I try to convince him to come out. This time, I set my sights on the Halloween party that the school organizes like every year on the evening of October 31st.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgUPNlkr6bf
I thought about his question for a moment. How can I make him give in this time ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAYWqvzHBCcb
— The classes will be emptied of their desks. There will be entertainment, sweets… a ball.130Please respect copyright.PENANAFDEoNQS28c
He raises an eyebrow and makes me understand that this is not a given.130Please respect copyright.PENANAi9calpTGVY
— Do you see me dancing ? ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAH4ZAk4CbtR
I ignore his reply and continue mischievously : 130Please respect copyright.PENANApZXAr2E9Fl
— We will be disguised, and you can annoy everyone who criticizes you from behind. Why else do you think I would go ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAGBWvmxOwoM
I can see by his expression that I have a point.130Please respect copyright.PENANAW9uFksJNAT
— Hello, Megan.130Please respect copyright.PENANAHzpHBidIsX
— Hello, Elise, are you well ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAshA5kdIUKq
I spend so much time with Jessy that I have become very close to Mrs. Sutter. She is always happy to see me at their place and invites me to come whenever I want. I feel a bit like home there.130Please respect copyright.PENANA2B5Q8OCjhn
— Where will you go in disguise ? Asks Elise who heard my last sentence.130Please respect copyright.PENANArV6MNDxYJc
— At the high school Halloween party.130Please respect copyright.PENANAIFfFUedieV
— Good idea ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAbTTNJy5hwo
With one look, Jessy glares at his mother. Mrs. Sutter places a laundry basket on the dining room table where we are and begins to fold the clothes. I grab a T-shirt and spread it on the table to help him.130Please respect copyright.PENANASwMNK0HcyG
— It will do you good to go out and have fun, you stay too cooped up here ruminating.130Please respect copyright.PENANA8rCxOEdEUm
— I like to be alone with my thoughts, Jessy defends, grabbing the T-shirt I’m holding in my hands.130Please respect copyright.PENANAkc2XHrAqKz
— Luckily you're here, Meg, otherwise he'd never leave his room.130Please respect copyright.PENANAtaLbG8w1Il
I grab another piece of clothing and start folding it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAkQrBMuUYbp
— Mom, stop. It’s okay, you win, I’ll go to the damn party ! But Meg, please stop worrying about my clothes ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAoFXuYFImpL
I look down at the item of clothing I'm holding : it's one of his boxers. I let go immediately, but I already feel my cheeks turning red. Jessy grabs it and hides it behind his back. His face is as red as mine.130Please respect copyright.PENANAEidx6uKg0d
— Sorry… I’m… so used to doing it… at home, I said, stuttering.130Please respect copyright.PENANAYolbuGwEGp
Mrs. Sutter bursts out laughing as she watches us.130Please respect copyright.PENANARQrdwSUdLr
— Mission accomplished, she comes to high five me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAAQgMlUbuBK
— What are we going to disguise ourselves as ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANALsWF9gkDX9
— There's no way I'm going to wear a suit ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAdwwZnThw2r
Jessy responds quickly, looking at us in turn.130Please respect copyright.PENANAn0xFAy7Y99
130Please respect copyright.PENANAVleFPhErwk
130Please respect copyright.PENANAYbVB9YwUJy
The next week, we're in the main hallway of the school during break time, talking about the Halloween party. I keep trying to convince Jessy to dress up but he remains stubborn.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZPpDa3x4Gc
— I could see you as James Dean, I think out loud as I look at him.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUBEp9VcFns
— Is it because I'm going to die young like him ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAiVfvYpWtVA
Immediately, I grimace.130Please respect copyright.PENANApHWHEOIfPC
— Stop with that ! I was thinking of James because you are handsome and sexy like him but if you prefer to see the negative side...130Please respect copyright.PENANAw9wD81K627
— I was joking, he smiled. Beautiful and sexy, huh ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAO9MiWbqFJc
I roll my eyes, smiling as my cheeks turn red. My words came out before I could hold them back. In Jessy's presence, I feel like I'm losing my composure. It is enough for him to stare at me with those beautiful green eyes for my mouth to respond without having the approval of my brain.130Please respect copyright.PENANAL2GKSZRZ1N
— I’m dreaming where your cheeks are all red, he mocks, pointing to my face with his index finger.130Please respect copyright.PENANAb3nRc93W9f
I give him a little tap on the arm which makes him burst out laughing. I love hearing this sound. I have seen him so angry, sullen, lonely, that when he laughs I am happy.130Please respect copyright.PENANAjdAfPqjYW7
— At times, you remind me of my brother. You have the same dubious humor every…130Please respect copyright.PENANANI7HDiKIRi
I leave my sentence hanging as my smile freezes when I see Amy passing near us. She gives me an icy look and completely ignores Jessy.130Please respect copyright.PENANAV1oxF6Q8iW
— Why is Amy looking at you like that ? Jessy asks me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAlP6wcxIMhg
I turn to him, trying to ignore my former friend. I don't want her to realize how much her attitude hurts and disappoints me.130Please respect copyright.PENANABJWDjOjxAh
— I don't know. Since I'm no longer with Chad, she doesn't speak to me anymore. To think that she was my best friend... As children, we were all together often : Chad, Amy and me. And today, I feel like I've lost a part of my past.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgvZzZA0T1P
— People change and evolve differently over the years. She'll come back to you one of these days.130Please respect copyright.PENANAHCDcKPjcjj
— You think ? I ask him, hoping he's telling the truth.130Please respect copyright.PENANAmmA2wh8aKJ
— I'm sure. Who could give up a friend like you ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANADtwEabYGDv
— Yeah, a friend, I breathe with annoyance while scrutinizing him.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbtACiEfamz
I would really like him to see me as something other than his friend.130Please respect copyright.PENANAqOMMmtidOU
— And with Chad, where are you ? He questions casually.130Please respect copyright.PENANAoZTMsWtrqQ
— Nowhere. We haven't spoken in several weeks. I turned the page on him. On the other hand, I continue by staring at him. There are three other boys who asked me on a date.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbs1JtZ5Q61
Am I dreaming or has his expression suddenly changed ? He lowers his face, staring at the ground as if it holds all the answers in the universe.130Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6oygvxNBz
— Did you agree to go out with them ? He whispers in a strangled voice.130Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZZMGlTsXc
— No, I refused. You're the only guy I want to spend time with at the moment.130Please respect copyright.PENANA5acM4TWreP
Suddenly, he lifts his face and smiles. I observe him carefully. Maybe he doesn't really see me as a friend after all. It’s enough to make me smile again.130Please respect copyright.PENANAGT3sPBI5y6
— You and Chad broke up shortly after I arrived in town, but there was one thing that struck me from the few times I saw you together.130Please respect copyright.PENANAQVelJ9D0zP
— Ah good ? What ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAU6RZRpme34
— The distance there was between you. I mean, you were never in each other's arms or making a move to touch each other.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUYZxBnFBNm
— Is that what you did with your exes ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANApNDRiSJTyc
I scrutinize him to read his reaction which does not take long : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAxF7qLDfdYB
— No, but I have never been in love.130Please respect copyright.PENANAmQl3A0ILOW
— Maybe Chad didn’t like me that much, I shrug. Or that I'm not the type of girl that guys like to hug.130Please respect copyright.PENANAlHkG3n6eQI
— Oh yes, any man would be happy to be able to hold you against him, he says without a shadow of hesitation.130Please respect copyright.PENANAQklcKIl90r
So why don't you do it ? ! I want to ask him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA2qIN7Lib0O
But suspecting that this would turn him on, I just stare at him and remain silent. However, I am happy with his admission, so I continue with a smile : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAL6M9iffxcQ
— So for Halloween, what are we dressing up as ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANABnSJ7T375m
130Please respect copyright.PENANAmHZITH27QU
130Please respect copyright.PENANASPJShWjjQU
On Friday evening, I found my parents in the living room while waiting for Jessy to arrive. I enter the room and turn around asking them : 130Please respect copyright.PENANARGEhui7SSV
— Is my dress okay ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAlA8EPviQmn
— You are very chic, admire my father.130Please respect copyright.PENANAl2o94Acq94
For the occasion, I opted for a black Charleston— style dress, and my hairstyle is adorned with a white feather. It's not my favorite outfit, but Jessy only agreed to wear a very classy suit jacket.130Please respect copyright.PENANA5kBxGmzkyp
— Megan, why do you have a mask in your hand ? Nina asks.130Please respect copyright.PENANA7OSnMuIGjY
— I'll put it on when I get to school. I promised Jessy that, under cover of anonymity, he could annoy the students who criticize him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA25nwcRZuBy
My mother laughs.130Please respect copyright.PENANAIrD6aCDfmZ
— That’s definitely your idea ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAGnq9VYuY17
— It was one of the arguments to decide him to leave his house.130Please respect copyright.PENANAQVw7Qkqfql
— You two spend a lot of time together, my father comments seriously.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfbyYXD9s8g
— Yes, he’s great ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANArYHEJY0G5x
— You know we love Jessy, but we're worried about you.130Please respect copyright.PENANA323MzdsZFA
— We are just friends.130Please respect copyright.PENANAyteYQlYuon
— I'm not talking about that. Losing someone close to you is difficult.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbkN6iCbUoL
— I know. I know that one day he may no longer be here, but if that were to happen, I would have time to prepare for it. And he's my best friend, I can't stop seeing him, that wouldn't be fair to him or me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAv6OZEzJ0LW
— Are you sure it’s just friendship ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAT4wE9NFOFI
My father examines my face which immediately turns purple.130Please respect copyright.PENANAxWjF6zVXbT
— I preferred Chad, my sister objects, sulking.130Please respect copyright.PENANAcOUv3vkLRt
Without meaning to, Nina makes me smile again and distracts my father's attention. Admitting to myself that I'm in love with Jessy is one thing, dropping this bombshell in front of my father is another. I already know the moral lesson that would await me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAYcluDXLRMS
— And I find this school rule stupid which stipulates that you have to be fifteen years old to be able to attend this evening. I would have liked to go there ! She says, crossing her arms over her chest.130Please respect copyright.PENANAy6RUyZBJyo
— Then you should have asked Chad to invite you ! I said, provoking her.130Please respect copyright.PENANA2cah1cpUCE
In response, she taps her foot on the ground while the doorbell rings.130Please respect copyright.PENANASjUBzFbGYL
— I go ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAgKYHkgeuZJ
I rush to open the door to Jessy. And I literally stand there glued to the spot when I see him in his black suit with a white shirt, black tie and hat. In his hand he holds a white mask similar to mine. He exudes a particular charm that disturbs me even more than usual, which is saying something.130Please respect copyright.PENANA3v3l6Dm52J
After a few seconds of examining each other, he leans towards me to hang a white rose on the strap of my dress.130Please respect copyright.PENANAMqFbFLYUiv
— How pretty you are, he whispered to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANA7MDbKHndhU
His hands brush the skin of my shoulder and I feel myself melting. I take a deep breath to force myself to pull myself together.130Please respect copyright.PENANA8Zt2k7AqpW
— Isn't that okay ? He asks me, visibly worried.130Please respect copyright.PENANAVSXLNDGenR
I can't tell him the truth. He was very clear with me when I let myself kiss him. And even though he hasn't spoken to me about it again, I still feel a burning shame. Since then I have restrained my actions and am content to be the friend he needs so much.130Please respect copyright.PENANAH1HAEufD0W
— Yes, it's going very well. It’s just that it’s hot in the house and cold outside, the contrast struck me. Come on, just a minute, I'll get my coat.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgbt5LtjCeC
He nods and follows me to the living room where he politely greets my family as usual.130Please respect copyright.PENANACguUBwL6yC
— Wow, Jessy ! This costume suits you really well ! Launches my mother.130Please respect copyright.PENANANYJLjby90B
— Thank you, Mrs. Crawfords. Nina, I thought of you, I brought you a little thing to console you for not being able to come to the party.130Please respect copyright.PENANAhUDBdi0lOT
He takes a rose similar to mine out of his pocket and hands it to my sister, who is speechless for a few seconds.130Please respect copyright.PENANAETwLHDiK9v
— Thank you, Jessy, she finally said. Then looking at us, she adds : I take back everything I said earlier, it’s Jessy, my favorite ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANA6ypKTXeqBe
We burst out laughing.130Please respect copyright.PENANAwjRBB1nP8D
— Well done, Jessy, you managed to dethrone Chad ! My father is joking.130Please respect copyright.PENANAYhwDgmE23G
— It wasn’t won though, smiled the young man. — Here we go ? I ask him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA2pFlGQyOBJ
Jessy makes a hesitant face and answers me without much enthusiasm : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAtcdf5qm0bD
— I would have done without it, but since I have to… let’s go ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAXYLak6S1Cb
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Two hours later, I see that Jessy is having a good evening. We took the route of anxiety : a walk in the middle of the corridors of the high school which, for the occasion, were decorated as a house of horror with skeletons suddenly appearing in front of us, vampires thirsty for blood who throw themselves on those who dare to approach them or even werewolves who run after us in the feigned hope of devouring us. There are many activities, but Jessy doesn't forget his little revenge either. When we pass a tall dark guy dressed as Dracula, whom my companion immediately recognizes as one of his persecutors, he puts on his mask, approaches slowly and manages to drop off without anyone, except me, noticing. has a large rubber tarantula on his shoulder. A moment later, we hear a scream echo through the classroom as the guy in question squirms in every direction to escape the spider. Jessy and I walk out of the room laughing until we cry.130Please respect copyright.PENANA6iMOlK4N0d
— I admit, he said to me shortly after in one of the corridors, when we caught our breath, that just for that, it was worth coming ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAwBx1GwmyQg
— See, I told you we’d have fun ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANA48rrnBVXuY
— You were right, thank you for forcing my hand. (He takes off his mask before staring at me.) Of all the people I know, you are always there for me, no matter what. For what ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAXPmjocRqBN
He is suddenly serious.130Please respect copyright.PENANAGyNMbj3jBi
Can't you see that I'm in love with you, idiot ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAM2XlHDKGHp
I want to tell him, but I hold back.130Please respect copyright.PENANAS7IXLkbBuk
Instead, I answer him : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAvNW77qN8LZ
— Why not ? You're my friend, right ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAL4i9gTLw1k
He nods, and his green eyes shine with a strange light.130Please respect copyright.PENANAzNcxDkORU2
— Oh, Jessy, come ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAveIJfyK6sR
Without waiting for a response, I grab him by the sleeve of his suit and force him to follow me into one of the classes that says : Come discover your future through cards.130Please respect copyright.PENANAPFDM1pNA8Z
For the occasion, the room, deliberately darkened, was divided into three parts by curtains, thus constituting cabins where clairvoyants sit. We approach one of them.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUbuVKtPvHv
— Can we ? I said, pointing to the seats in front of her.130Please respect copyright.PENANAMNKworv9qx
— Of course, my children, come. Sit down.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfPTvoMBAyC
She is a small woman with brown hair, with a fairly fleshy build, who inspires confidence at first glance.130Please respect copyright.PENANAuGg3mbv5lH
— Who wants to start ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAdcqMWnFmDF
Jessy and I exchange a look.130Please respect copyright.PENANAoAsKtOEGC6
"Iron, Meg."130Please respect copyright.PENANAC0H8qGHQBH
— OK, draw seven cards from the fan in front of you.130Please respect copyright.PENANAOIQwDsUlCc
She turns the cards over one after the other, arranging them in a sort of large cross.130Please respect copyright.PENANAJpaJq4tCgQ
— You are a nice girl, a little too serious at times, she said to me. You are always there for the people you love. This card, which designates the Empress, tells me that you are good at studies. I can assure you that you will go to university and study for a long time. A great job awaits you at the end.130Please respect copyright.PENANAW6bUDTQNxs
I'm happy, studies are very important to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANA3IWsYJvk1c
— This card, she continues, showing me the Lover, — tells me that you are hesitating between two boys. One has the key to your heart and the other relationship is more controlled by your reason, the first boy completely capsizes you, the second rather symbolizes security.130Please respect copyright.PENANAvoE0VnH0mD
I feel myself blushing from head to toe and, silently, I thank the heavens that the room is just lit by candles. Jessy and Chad ! Only I'm not in love with Chad and I'm banking on love... I feel Jessy's gaze weighing on me, but I don't dare respond.130Please respect copyright.PENANAwWT5IBI7wZ
— I can't tell you more, it will be up to you to choose between these two men, she places her hand on mine.130Please respect copyright.PENANAYVc1BJjhCT
— Thanks.130Please respect copyright.PENANAJo3khieTHh
— Your turn, young man, announces the woman, shuffling her cards before spreading them again on the table.130Please respect copyright.PENANAOxhFLJsYQ3
As I did, Jessy takes out seven cards from the deck and turns them over as she goes.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZHZbSI8YfU
— You are a kind boy, very sensitive, who has suffered a lot, but you do everything to keep it from showing. You play tough to hide your heart of gold. You are gifted in studies, but this card, it points to the Moon, leads me to believe that you are especially gifted in the arts. The drawing ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAFISL6igayn
— I painted a lot, but I stopped for a while.130Please respect copyright.PENANAhFbMuwkTnq
— You should start again. You are an anxious boy, and this would calm you down.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbeMNlRm5k2
She turns over another card : the Hermit.130Please respect copyright.PENANAVvW5lWgM97
— This one tells me that you tend to run away from others. You like to be alone and, at the same time, you experience this solitude as if you were afraid of the world around you. Yet you are not alone... There is someone in your life that you love, but, for I don't know what reasons, you seem to be running away from this love that life offers you.130Please respect copyright.PENANAuILvTRrHYi
I see Jessy growing nervous next to me as he stares intently at the cards.130Please respect copyright.PENANAiza4OPABbh
The clairvoyant turns over the penultimate card : the Nameless Arcana. Despite myself, I flinch.130Please respect copyright.PENANAkibU2DLiLG
— Don't worry, the lady is reassuring, this card is scary with the skeleton reaping it represents, but it rarely means physical death. Above all, it is a sign of change in life. Your existence will be turned upside down, you will succeed in overcoming your fears to fully live your destiny.130Please respect copyright.PENANArKew3qbLfa
She turns over the last card : the World.130Please respect copyright.PENANAlaIrCyMXWC
— In the coming months, you are going to be very happy young man, much more than you imagine, but for that, you must open your heart to accept the gift that is being given to you, said the clairvoyant, looking Jessie.130Please respect copyright.PENANAAJr5cGXSvt
— Thank you, Madam, he stammers, visibly embarrassed.130Please respect copyright.PENANABqJI4FpQaJ
— One last thing : Concerning your health, just live day to day without worrying too much. Destiny is destiny, you cannot change what will happen.130Please respect copyright.PENANAGxgCNJAS9X
Jessy nods, looking serious, even though my heart is pounding. Has she just confirmed his imminent death ? His words are enigmatic to me but not to130Please respect copyright.PENANAnN8qiTOnVk
Jessy who gets up quickly and leaves the room, I follow suit.130Please respect copyright.PENANA0xTEkKGoNS
— Jessy, are you okay ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4WPzd6Edw
— Yes, very good.130Please respect copyright.PENANALVnkf8nHM9
— I'm sorry. It was a stupid idea to go see a psychic.130Please respect copyright.PENANAI8o5tqlHoH
He stops and turns to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANALOWrImVnHT
— Don't worry, she told us an ending that you and I already know.130Please respect copyright.PENANAdd4f2G9yma
— It wasn't that clear to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAp4c1krp35s
— Yes, but you are always overly optimistic while I…130Please respect copyright.PENANAvow2ckgGfs
— You are disarmingly pessimistic.130Please respect copyright.PENANAretTFO16q1
My reply makes Jessy laugh.130Please respect copyright.PENANAtEZLbFoxtF
— It's true. Between the two of us, we have the perfect balance.130Please respect copyright.PENANA9whShsuc5i
I smile in turn, thinking about how we complement each other perfectly.130Please respect copyright.PENANAnvdmZG1Vf9
— Seriously, are you sure you’re okay ? If you want, can we go back ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANA4Tb3mguIRc
— No, we're having fun. Come on, come on ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANA1zuCCIANZQ
He gives me a reassuring wink. For the first time, he takes my hand, which suddenly makes me feverish, and guides me towards the gymnasium which has been transformed into a ballroom. Black and orange garlands cascade from the ceiling, paper pumpkins have been installed on the tables where soft drinks are served. In the four corners of the room, plastic skeletons held by wires move like puppets. In the center of the room, students wiggle to the rhythm of a wild Rolling Stones song.130Please respect copyright.PENANAVku9S5C3Uj
— You are thirsty ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAlLL86YGTOx
I nod with a nod. Jessy leaves me to go get two cups. I look around the room. In a corner, I see Chad dressed as a vampire, and his friends. Apparently they are the ones responsible for leading the anxiety journey. Then a tall blonde girl comes and kisses him full on the mouth. Despite her Marilyn Monroe disguise, I recognized Amy immediately. That's why she's been running away from me since we broke up, she did everything to seduce him and it worked. Chad quickly forgot me and her, that traitor ! Jessy returns with the cups. I drink mine dry.130Please respect copyright.PENANA3PLFYERAiw
— What do you have ? He asked in front of my furious face.130Please respect copyright.PENANARvK0p4hRCR
I nod and show him Chad and Amy.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgd5a5xpkmN
— Oops, is the only sound that comes out of his mouth.
Jessy looks over to the corner where Chad and Amy are watching us, seeming to be watching for my reaction.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbq6XHco4vr
— Come Dance.130Please respect copyright.PENANAqnuMUyPMQz
He takes my hand again, which has the effect of calming me down immediately.130Please respect copyright.PENANAimIyOPxnbU
— I thought you didn't dance ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANA3qvhitbMIG
— I never said that.130Please respect copyright.PENANA4IjeTNkApq
His smile completely melts me. I let myself be guided to the dance floor. The music starts with a soft song. Like every time I'm in contact with Jessy, my heart starts racing. Without thinking, I put my arms around his neck, while he places his hands on my waist. Soon my head is resting on his shoulder. I breathe in its sweet and intoxicating scent, a mixture of flower soaps and aftershave. I feel wonderful, everything is so natural with him. But he stops abruptly. His gaze is focused on a girl, small in stature, with bobbed red hair, who turns her back to us and is chatting with friends a few steps from us.130Please respect copyright.PENANA3AT6fllt8n
Jessy doesn't take his eyes off her as I feel his shoulders tense.130Please respect copyright.PENANAoSL3SeTIM8
— What is…130Please respect copyright.PENANAhxkFxLPNxu
The girl turns around, revealing her face to us. Jessy takes a deep breath before turning his attention back to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAks8blcW9ZV
— I need to get some fresh air, he tells me, white as a sheet.130Please respect copyright.PENANAHW2EdchPpu
We push through the crowd to the parking lot where he takes a deep breath. A cold wind rose, carrying with it the dead leaves from the trees to our feet.130Please respect copyright.PENANAdgRyamYoej
We lean against a car.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZFHTqTQDUz
— Why are you shaking ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANA3CzmqHCymp
I question him timidly.130Please respect copyright.PENANAE3oRaL9jaY
— I don't really want to talk about it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgWl6gKvPcU
— But you are livid ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAvaj4GPrSgS
— I don't want to talk about it. Let's forget that, okay ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAXbPXSL0g5H
— Agree as you like.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZftLA47KL3
He raises a questioning eyebrow at my resolve. It's not like me to give up so quickly. Usually, I insist that he talks to me, but now, I'm afraid to know the truth.130Please respect copyright.PENANA84avCJaDH7
— Shall we go back ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANARcTPAwQeCa
— Yeah, I think it's better after all that.130Please respect copyright.PENANAKujeEmZY1I
We set off. The high school is only a few blocks from our homes.130Please respect copyright.PENANAIDKFFIhYnj
— All that ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAQf8fkhVdVx
— Between the clairvoyant, Chad and Amy…130Please respect copyright.PENANAGNowS37KhW
— And your latest conquest, I tell him, not being able to contain the feeling of jealousy that has invaded me since he saw this girl.130Please respect copyright.PENANAL3S02Z0sng
Jessy turns to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAB66N2gcvp3
— It's not what you think. I thought it was Haley... The girl who gave me AIDS.130Please respect copyright.PENANAhV2A5i1Ca9
— Every time you talked to me about the virus, you told me you were handling it all. But after seeing your reaction tonight, I think you're handling things the wrong way. You didn't solve the problem with her. I think you should see her again, or at least talk to her.130Please respect copyright.PENANAto2JilH8dU
— I don't see how that would help me. You know, it was just an adventure, but one that I will regret for the rest of my life... — Think about it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAXYxR6es1Wu
He nods silently.130Please respect copyright.PENANA1GNrMOYMgs
I don't add anything. It's his story, and only he knows whether he wants to look straight ahead after settling his scores, or stay immersed in a past that gnaws at him.130Please respect copyright.PENANAW9FsdR2XYJ
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The next day is Sunday; dressed in my coat, a scarf and my gloves, I leave my house, determined to face the morning cold which has suddenly fallen on the region.130Please respect copyright.PENANAr7EYAvXe0Q
A black car stops next to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZKcSImucu7
— Hey, a familiar voice calls out to me.130Please respect copyright.PENANA8BJ4ItIJpE
— Hi. Jessy, do you have a car ? ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAOahrnoURm1
— Eh yes ! I've been talking to my mom about it for a while, and this morning she came back with it. She was so happy to see me out of the house ! You come ? I'll take you.130Please respect copyright.PENANA7XCdCDR0lL
He starts and, quickly, I see that he is heading towards the highway ramp.130Please respect copyright.PENANA6F9WZ0K4Ck
— Where are we going ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANATsBtLL5O6F
— It's coming ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANA4aUI8kCQ0k
— At the cinema ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAQEXWEPjuW6
— Non. 130Please respect copyright.PENANASdVPBhXz42
— Take a walk in the forest ? No, that's not the road. So, maybe visit a museum ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANANhY4sGbzLy
— No. You'll see, it's a surprise, and he gives me a big, innocent smile.130Please respect copyright.PENANAK5N074WR7T
— OK, anyway, wherever it is, I'm up for it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAF931yrWpxx
— Your parents won't be worried ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAtAinwrjLTj
— I told them I was going to see you. They suspect that I'm going to spend the day with you.130Please respect copyright.PENANAOUFh993P0v
— And that's going to be the case, because we're not going very close. I don't think we'll be back until tonight.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbGeAB2LkG7
Still want to come ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAS1nFrpXMrG
He gets onto the highway.130Please respect copyright.PENANA8flW4EtjZC
— Totally ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAflM820iEBo
— I want to show you Allentown. Today, we are going to walk in the footsteps of my past...130Please respect copyright.PENANANGoIZFWTTA
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After driving for almost three hours, Jessy parks in a small suburban street that seems very nice. All the houses are undoubtedly owned by wealthy people.130Please respect copyright.PENANA78HmyoHwb1
— We have arrived, he declares, getting out of the car.130Please respect copyright.PENANAE931ZwpFzR
I'm happy that he trusts me enough to show me the places that mattered to him. I get out and look at the house we are parked in front of. It is a single storey white villa with a well kept lawn. Large bay windows let the sun shine through, and a solid oak door welcomes visitors via a small path which splits the lawn into two parts.130Please respect copyright.PENANAevvk3iGBnx
— Is this where you lived ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAeYcLTuWptG
Jessy has an enigmatic smile.130Please respect copyright.PENANApWwui729I1
— No, it’s not my place. We're at Haley's.130Please respect copyright.PENANAwdF0zX7R8e
He gestures with his chin towards the beautiful house. I suddenly have a pit in my stomach.130Please respect copyright.PENANAFP7Oc6DGBd
— What ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAFXvWvN8unU
— I found her, it was very easy, actually. She told me her name and what neighborhood she lived in, a call to telephone information was enough.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfHSo6F74Ob
He leans back in his car, staring at the house like he can see through the walls. Little by little, his enthusiasm seems to diminish. His face turns pale...130Please respect copyright.PENANANc8iNTBial
Suddenly, Jessy comes around the car and announces to me : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAYkEVfZ5vzM
— Come on, let’s go.130Please respect copyright.PENANAIPD6IMURSj
I remain stunned.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfqYeKunNVq
— Oh no, we didn’t come all this way to leave now. You need to go talk to him ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAfeEjT8zrCh
He stares at me, his face frozen.130Please respect copyright.PENANAcZnEGosZas
— I am scared.130Please respect copyright.PENANAKvaWbnJwPM
— I know, but if you don't go, you'll be left with everything that's on your heart for a long time to come. You need to move forward Jessy, you can't stay stuck with all these emotions.130Please respect copyright.PENANAz5IF7gPfA7
He nods and, taking a deep breath, heads towards the house. I see him approaching the door, taking the small gravel path. I'm afraid for him. It rings and only waits a few seconds before the door opens. Jessy enters. I'm not really thrilled that he's seeing one of his ex girlfriends again. What if he fell back into her arms ? This scares me as much as imagining him screaming horrors at him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA3Q43uprs4j
After all, she is HIV positive, he could perfectly well have a real relationship with her. Not just a friendship like with me. Now I'm almost wishing I was sick, my God, I'm really going crazy ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAd8VBZljlcP
During his absence, I also wonder about his behavior. Just the day before, when we talked about the clairvoyant's words, he repeated to me that he had nothing to offer a woman who, in any case, would quickly tire of only being able to kiss him. I managed to tell him that some relationships go beyond that. But he remained firm in his positions. Lost in my thoughts, I don't see him coming back. I jump when he opens the driver's side door and slides behind the wheel. I see right away that it's not going well. He is even paler than when he went to ring the bell, and his hands are clinging to the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. His whole body is shaking. I feel him at the end of his nerves even though he tries to control himself. I ask him half— heartedly : 130Please respect copyright.PENANAmQ8l4EkpKT
— Did it go wrong ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAURr3OMJZ44
— It was his mother who opened the door to me...130Please respect copyright.PENANAVh2d1dHjwE
His face expresses such hatred that I immediately think of the evening on the bridge when he was hanging above the void, screaming. I would bet that at this very moment, he would let himself fall under the wheels of vehicles rather than live another minute on this Earth. He struggles to speak, but I don't do anything to rush him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA75xVcdzj6f
— Haley died five months ago.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgRaD0gG7D2
I immediately understand the dark thoughts going through his head at that precise moment.130Please respect copyright.PENANAnZQj2MnsI4
— Is that all his mother told you ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANABEtQiSVhRc
— Oh no, he gets angry. She told me she is sorry that her child infected me ! She also gave me a letter that Haley wrote to me before she died. We're getting out of here ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANAP3G6krUpCl
He starts off with a bang and rushes through the streets which, apparently, hold no secrets for him.130Please respect copyright.PENANA7J4TlhUAM6
— Jessy, please slow down a little, you’re scaring me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAyiHymKOJum
He doesn't respond, but I notice that he raises his foot. He drives like this for several minutes, in silence. We enter downtown Allentown. He takes the main artery then branches off several times before stopping abruptly in a small street. On either side, tall buildings block out most of the daylight. Along the buildings with their gray walls, rusty iron fire escapes make the place even more sinister.130Please respect copyright.PENANAjzviGaW8Xk
Jessy gets out of the car and slams the door. I'm. I am so afraid that he will try to end his life. He walks to the center of the street, where metal garbage containers are piled up, and hits them with all his might several times.130Please respect copyright.PENANAAYTLRs60tm
— Jessy, please calm down, I’m begging you.130Please respect copyright.PENANArzJsXL2IdA
— For what ? Can you tell me what all this is for ? What's the point of living ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAU53UkUWeFJ
— Stopped. (I place myself between him and the trash can on which he pours all his anger.) You are alive ! You hear me ? Are you still alive ! And by the time the disease breaks out, perhaps doctors will have found a treatment. But the force you put into hitting this container, you have to put into fighting yourself.130Please respect copyright.PENANAEx6nGd48cE
— But why ? What is keeping me on this planet ? Don't you understand that I'm going to end up like Haley ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAmegRYKaKdV
He pushes me away with one arm before knocking again.130Please respect copyright.PENANA20oXSBJyWM
Soon his fist is bloody.130Please respect copyright.PENANA61nqWSCMTu
— But why are you hitting this trash can ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAZSC5RCT72M
— Because I'm angry, and even then, angry is an understatement for what I feel.130Please respect copyright.PENANAy6WM4Sbews
— For what ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAXXZfMz0ERE
He, usually so secretive, finally decides to confide in me while now kicking the poor trash can.130Please respect copyright.PENANAeBQHkjOoxr
— This is the place where my life changed, he said to me, out of breath.130Please respect copyright.PENANAf9l3p6Hnvx
He stops knocking and points to a spot near the right wall, a little further away.130Please respect copyright.PENANAK9wZZfTje5
— Do you see there ? This is the place where my father, my real father, died. He was killed by a local gang who wanted to steal his money, they dragged him here before shooting him. When I was little, I was terrified of losing my parents. I don’t know where this anxiety came from, it was unreasonable, it woke me up at night. My father reassured me, constantly telling me that he would always be there to protect me, and when I was five, suddenly, he was no longer there. He let me down. He didn't protect me ! Things would have been very different if he were still here. And now Haley is gone ! And it pisses me off because, even if it’s wrong, I would have liked to scream at him with all the rage I have in my heart ! And all I have instead is this damn letter ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANA9QVoQOI4g6
He takes the missive out of his coat pocket and shakes it in the air, as if he wants to get rid of it but is unable to.130Please respect copyright.PENANAlGqxmI59bO
— I understand that well ! But when you calm down, you will want to know what she had to say to you. Your father didn't get to say goodbye to you, Haley did it through these words in this envelope.130Please respect copyright.PENANATO65JaSP5M
My voice is choked with sadness. Jessy looks at me, searching in my eyes for the reason for my sudden emotion.130Please respect copyright.PENANAgasCj10vjE
— You’re right, he whispers, looking at the letter still in his hand. I must not condemn her, she was not the only one responsible for what happened that evening, he said more calmly.130Please respect copyright.PENANAPuOF0FvrtZ
— It's true. She didn't know she was sick at the time. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel relieved that you didn't see her again. I know, it’s awful to think that ! 130Please respect copyright.PENANApqO3XqewaO
I turn away, I don't dare look at him anymore. I just told him about the fear that filled me the first time he mentioned Haley. Even though she infected him, he had a history with her, he was closer to her than he will ever be to me, and it breaks my heart to admit that.130Please respect copyright.PENANAjNg3zwC8lZ
Jessy stands in front of me and examines my face.130Please respect copyright.PENANAFLvknGHEP3
— Why do you feel relieved ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANArc9afe4CIw
There is no longer any trace of anger in his voice, just curiosity.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUh0Va46k38
— For nothing, forget it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfASF1KvxUg
— Yes, tell me, he breathes softly. I hesitate, watching his piercing gaze.130Please respect copyright.PENANADLkOiPtrbt
— Because I was afraid you would get back together with her.130Please respect copyright.PENANAMzD2AZIbAS
He looks at me, incredulous.130Please respect copyright.PENANAamscLR3xqu
— I know..., I continue but I quickly interrupt myself, no longer knowing how to continue without admitting my feelings.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUj9cpJnAgq
Jessy stares at me for a moment that seems to last forever.130Please respect copyright.PENANAQf9wravTVV
— When you were with Chad, I said to myself : "Nothing will ever happen between us while he can do anything for her. "130Please respect copyright.PENANASg1G0N20in
I remain in shock, did he just tell me that he is dying to be with me or was I dreaming ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAWQTSSQjJqA
— I'm not going back with Chad.130Please respect copyright.PENANAEQsqjyFUf8
— It's true ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANApsQTColRdx
I nod, grabbing the lapel of his coat.130Please respect copyright.PENANA0oMBo3dtVg
— Chad has never been an obstacle between us. He's not the one I want to be with.130Please respect copyright.PENANALiF1p3hKe0
He wipes his forehead where beads of sweat appear and looks at his damaged hand.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbmzCwkCo9t
— Actually, I mainly thought that it would scare you to be with me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAwWrGUkTLle
— Maybe you should have asked me ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANANVkpSxw0Xp
I fiddle with a button on his coat.130Please respect copyright.PENANAscPuxQEVO5
— It's true.130Please respect copyright.PENANADFqFRI4uo0
He purses his lips and says : 130Please respect copyright.PENANA4RgbGmM6qJ
— Do you want to go out with me ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAwVmmqc8kKQ
Finally you decide ! I smile. Of course I want to be with you, that’s all I’ve thought about since we met.130Please respect copyright.PENANAw6m2gRfLFa
Jessy gives me a big smile.130Please respect copyright.PENANAtaL3AAwHiC
— I don't know how long I'll stay alive.130Please respect copyright.PENANAkTs17rZL7V
— We'll see. We're going to make every day count.130Please respect copyright.PENANAGsTnXaAWje
— And with Chad, is it definitely over ? Are you sure ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAlruDWhifS5
— Jessy, Chad and I broke up because you came into my life and offered another horizon to my future. When I met you, I realized I never really loved him. He's just a friend. That’s the real reason… At least for me.130Please respect copyright.PENANADAzyL3AqRm
I hand him some tissues which he wraps around his scratched hand, which has already stopped bleeding. Then he puts his arm around my shoulders, kisses my forehead and leads me towards the car, putting the letter in his coat pocket.130Please respect copyright.PENANAKWoXaYdOQz
— I suspected that I was somewhat responsible for this story, he said, winking at me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAUqLYDtNDsN
Suddenly, he hands me the car keys.130Please respect copyright.PENANAxECbI8Qb8K
— I don't feel like driving after all this, would you like it ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAheDnNDTKyr
Too happy to be able to get behind the wheel, I eagerly grab the keys.130Please respect copyright.PENANAHopS1NrK1f
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We enter Millisky, the town is deserted at this hour, only the street lights give a semblance of life to the streets. I glance at Jessy, lost in thought. Suddenly, instead of heading towards his house, I change direction and head towards the hill. I can't let him go home like this. Having reached the top, I stop the car. Jessy snaps out of his thoughts and looks around, surprised. He doesn't know this corner of the city where I myself rarely go.130Please respect copyright.PENANAk9zfs8BeLV
— Where are we ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAjmyCHY5uOh
— Come with me.130Please respect copyright.PENANAwJJFR9QZtR
We are on a small dirt road bordered by a security fence. Tall grass protrudes from the slope overlooking the town. Jessy joins me in front of the car, I take his hand and lead him past one of the sumptuous mansions, which offers a perfect view of the sleeping city.130Please respect copyright.PENANANgpnxSok2D
— I know you’re not in good spirits and I understand perfectly why, I assure him. I also know that you're waiting until you're alone to read Haley's letter. But I'm not going to let you do it, I don't want you to be upset, alone, in your corner while I'm worrying about you. Please, Jessy, do this for me. I'm not asking you to read it, I just want you to read it in my presence because whatever you think about it, you're going to need support afterwards and I want to be the one to hug you to make sure that everything will be alright.130Please respect copyright.PENANAu0a2EsKosA
With tears in his eyes, he nods.130Please respect copyright.PENANAR17PBSnhs8
I move a few steps away to give him his privacy. He takes out the envelope, hesitates for a few seconds then opens it. From the first words he reads, I perceive the change in his expression, he seems to be decomposing. Quickly, I see tears rolling down his cheeks while I hold myself back from going to join him because I feel so bad for him. A few seconds later, he stops reading, leans over to lean on the safety barrier as a loud sob escapes him. I can no longer resist and will hug him. My arms are around his neck, my face on his shoulder.130Please respect copyright.PENANAOQtBAA6HRX
I'm here, Jessy, I'm here, I whisper in his ear.130Please respect copyright.PENANA1qtjpOyeed
He stands up, turns around and hugs me as if I were the only thing holding him back on earth.130Please respect copyright.PENANA2geyrKn4al
— Here, he said, handing me the letter.130Please respect copyright.PENANAxcxm5ORhsY
— No, it’s meant for you.130Please respect copyright.PENANAHVuaj46NT7
— I don't want to hide anything from you about Haley, not after what you admitted to me earlier.130Please respect copyright.PENANAkgb6UjaluU
Although it bothers me, I grab the paper.130Please respect copyright.PENANAa9Wz3a8HI2
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Jessy, 130Please respect copyright.PENANAimBtaeUXNM
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If you are reading this it is because I will no longer be here to speak to you in person. It’s also that you are looking for answers to your questions, explanations. I will try to answer it.130Please respect copyright.PENANAfORi2tfn1K
First of all, I wanted to tell you that I am deeply sorry for having infected you. If I had known that I was carrying this virus, I would never have hit on you that evening. As I told you during that famous evening, I wasn't looking for anything serious, yet when I saw you, I liked you straight away. If I left so quickly once we slept together, it was because I could have had feelings for you and coming out of a difficult relationship, I didn't want that.130Please respect copyright.PENANAm8MIPR6Szj
If you are wondering how I became HIV positive, it was precisely this ex that I had such a hard time forgetting who infected me after cheating on me. He didn't know he was sick either.130Please respect copyright.PENANA5duFhkUINp
As I write these words to you, I am in the hospital. I don't think I'll get through it. I'm not telling you this to inspire pity, but to tell you that I pray that you never experience the same thing. I sincerely hope that medicine finds a cure before the virus manifests itself. In no case did I want to condemn you to live in this hell, neither you nor the two other boys whom I also infected.130Please respect copyright.PENANAXn02oXec2B
I'm going to leave consumed with guilt. I pray that God forgives me, that you will be able to forgive me one day.130Please respect copyright.PENANAjSkqBoB2IC
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Haley 130Please respect copyright.PENANANeAjQjXWua
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These words upset me because they seem so sincere to me. I turn to Jessy who has wiped his eyes but still seems disturbed.130Please respect copyright.PENANA9qkI3iKLPf
— How are you feeling ? I ask him.130Please respect copyright.PENANAF94hCSMOse
— Sad and relieved at the same time. In fact, I feel like life will never give me any gifts and that every one of my hopes will be disappointed.130Please respect copyright.PENANAX7Mjt1DBED
— You are wrong, Jessy. You see that ? I point to Millisky lit up in front of us. This is your life today. It is no longer a dark alley in Allentown, nor even a state of the art residence in which many misfortunes hide. No, your life is here now. As for your future, I don't know what it will be like, just as I don't know my future, but there is one thing I am certain of : I will be with you.130Please respect copyright.PENANAjiI64QgLrB
He leans towards me, I kiss him full on the mouth. This time he kisses me back forcefully. His body presses against mine, making me shiver. From my lips, he lets his mouth slide slowly down to my neck. I savor this kiss, this desire that pushes me to want him ever closer to me. Then he takes my mouth again with a mixture of tenderness and eagerness. With the tip of his tongue, he parts my lips, his tongue caresses mine while he sucks in my breath. No boy, no even Chad has never kissed me like that. I feel faint in his arms, my legs have difficulty supporting me. He moves slightly away from me, staring at me. I can read in his eyes that I won this first battle, he regained faith in life, in my love for him. For the first time since I've known him, he's happy.130Please respect copyright.PENANApxV1imXhkV
Behind us, in the house, the group Divinyls can be heard with their songI’m on your side. 130Please respect copyright.PENANArwkFHyfoWS
— Miss Crawfords, will you give me this dance ? 130Please respect copyright.PENANAk7qWHVO6En
He holds out his hand to me. 130Please respect copyright.PENANAALpPeWCZA4
— With pleasure.130Please respect copyright.PENANAZD886rUW8O
« I’m on your side 130Please respect copyright.PENANAAwgAtaJVMu
You know I’m not the enemy. » 130Please respect copyright.PENANAotnzCX082F
It's not hot tonight, but sheltered in Jessy's arms, I'm not cold.130Please respect copyright.PENANAPXJfoeUT5Y
« I love you, babe » rises in the silence of the night.130Please respect copyright.PENANAm7MyOASQcn
Jessy moves back a few inches and looks at me with a mischievous smile.130Please respect copyright.PENANAuVDfRxczVb
— So in the end, who won ? The heart or the reason ? He asks me, quoting the words of the clairvoyant.130Please respect copyright.PENANAhXtGSr05qf
– You are the heart, you always have been, I answer him forcefully.130Please respect copyright.PENANAbOlkzX0Xp0
« I’ll hold on to you. » 130Please respect copyright.PENANALDnPPMBrSR
This is how, snuggled in each other’s arms, the music rocks us.130Please respect copyright.PENANAoZY3QxapFK
« I love you babe, I love you babe, I’m on your side. »130Please respect copyright.PENANAHbbGOy8Npa