後來，林蓁回想舊事，喜歡Y先生時，其實已是中四。記憶再模糊，感受亦是真。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETFGngWgX5
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJjpMuIZnp
她之所以傷心，除了因為他不喜歡自己，還因為那個熱心助人的同學，竟然用「豬閪」這種字詞形容人。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJXFZVgsHU
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6hvU21HKI
自此之後，她就沒有喜歡過男生。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKN6cG8CGL
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgF1XjpIOQ
／469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4upBVdqlN
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tceAkd5bB
每次感到空虛時，林蓁也會意圖填滿自己。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaza1jW1jy
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCNyL4jFFd
以食物填滿胃，以粉底液填滿毛孔，以男人的話語填滿口腔。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaQiMGmxhr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad9Zvq5eGi
她記得上次輔導員問，除了跑步，她還有沒有其他的方法，可以緩解情緒。她有更多是沒有說出口的。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs9ttwcWt0
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgkfFRSRx0
例如，暴食。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoLwxNwvtc
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHClLbx289u
時時如此，只是，她後來會節食一段時間來控制身型，讓別人看不出早就經過一段飲食的變化。好吃或能提供味覺刺激的食物總是不健康的，韓國辣麵、炸雞、珍珠奶茶，唯有滿是油、糖、脂肪的「邪惡感」，才讓她覺得自己對於悲傷贖了罪。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJr6zHH5C7
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xqcJaI4nB
如果進食不健康的食物，是對身體的懲罰，那麼她作為身體的靈魂主體，折磨自己，抵擋無法隔擋的、洶湧的悲傷。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg8xuDgk8B
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3kD5ntsCy
記得有一次，她留在周立沖處，聽他說很掛念A小姐。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡengfwNlSOZ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTQcl5aj14
分手才兩星期，不過半個月，他若然思念，亦是正常。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPXf2zEWgs
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24KBSSBGYB
她無法感受自己的情緒，只是得體地應答。可是，隔了一會兒，她近乎哀求地問他：469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtebUrPobmh
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguWN1mpTAM
「可唔可以煮個印尼撈？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamK1HI1F2B
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEGyx8GLgl
「啱啱先食完飯……生果都食埋喎，你餓？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13kw7oxmgz
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1USlVJ6m0z
「我想食嘢。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtzpCjrNCr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2J53ijpjz
「洗多札提子畀你？」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGWMbu45YA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnnodwaN1m
「我要食印尼撈。」她難得強硬。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMdwxz9jkr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rXbw3OBSd
「你今日做咩事？奇奇怪怪。」他也不再多問，動身煮麵。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAx2uen71R
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LblmTY7zs
林蓁清楚，這是她的忍耐到臨界點了。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBryRUC4KA
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBvMPAJIJ4
她陪在他身邊一整天，開心笑開心玩，熱鬧過後，他傾訴的是另一個女子。她只是感到，自己不知為何要存在。原先還以為自己特別大量、包容，其實不是，她啞言，佔有慾在一𣊬間將她壓垮，還傷了自尊心。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd4yBAZgrN
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLtinZft4s
可是他明明說她很好。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWdfqOEXAx
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFE9gRcPBm
可是他明明說分手幾年發現只有她一人可以裝載他全部心聲。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iL0JJzJ3g
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFONc8bmRy
可是他明明說她很特別。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNuBqRc3Hs
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkM9bPYrl3
陷入苦戀，心知無法繼續前進，發展出更美麗姻緣，卻捨不得離棄過往已建立的，譬如與對方的回憶，譬如自己投入過的情深意切。她那樣清楚，現時的快樂會飛散，認知若是過分清晰，實在無法浪漫。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IxbDIfyge
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy8n6d1dzk
可是在心底深處，她很想往後餘生也有他。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBj0TLK9GS
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6VzL5UZT5
因此她想要進食，彷彿以食物將湧動的情緒狠狠包裹。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67uKYBr3DU
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRGJinsryb
「好食！」林蓁又嘻嘻哈哈，和周立沖歡快地聊天。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQgZTlnz60
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfEWOkcsbE
本想用滿是炸蒜的唇親吻他，她的臉被一隻大手蓋住後，他轉而主動親吻她的臉。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeguOFDGGul
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXFoYiptbi
呵，這樣的二人，竟然不是親密愛侶。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPeKm20MEL
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81vRyuVwLR
她平靜起來——雖然由她自己敍述，彷如一個隨時都會失控的精神病人——她最怕別人怕她。然而，在旁人眼中，其實她並無特別的行徑，僅僅是，無緣無故便吃很多東西（而且，多數獨自躲起來吃）。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3k2KaJfLr
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6esRjZghF
不要怕我，其實我看起來很正常——這是她想對所有知道她情況的人說的話。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6g4EqhGkPT
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHKN6KQYrW
「食多餐都好啦，你咁瘦。」469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF648Zs3QCq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zoxarQaja
縱然周立沖覺得莫名其妙，但也沒有追問。他只是覺得林蓁的話很少，比起三年前，雖然因嬰兒肥減退而更美麗，但是性格越來越隱晦。她以前更加有魅力。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7z34bp1wF
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3KzLulgF2
實際上他也不在意林蓁的莫名其妙。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHr1CO1oxa2
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoJPVll9KR
一直以來，她的身型沒有太大浮動，包括體重、體脂、肌肉量。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TjYVLcAaJ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MjAc6bQkT
暴食的念頭多是突然襲來，不是因為肚餓，只是覺得「想食嘢」，於是便泡個杯麵，配搭檸檬茶，隨手拾起薯片及曲奇，又吃芋圓，直至盡興。吃完後，只有無盡愧疚——啊我竟然吃了那麼多，強烈的飽腹感將身體向下沉，更加難受。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HDBTGbJhy
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GP7gAlRyb
持續幾天，忽然又想：我唔想變肥，唔想人哋留意到我有唔同。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw8AcuB1W7
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQyZBsaBhB
現代女子多少有點身材焦慮，更見於年輕一代，是否、是否。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDdscZiQSM
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlkMhSi7ny
因此，便又連續幾天吃少少，反正沒有人管她吃什麼，一個麵包頂全日、一杯綠茶飲一個下午，亦是常事。飢餓和過份飽肚的痛苦不同，但同樣是腹部位置作崇，前者似漩渦不斷將整個身體吸入，後者則圓潤而沉重地壓住身體。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iO2TrokHq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhwAreHKBG
正常飲食幾天，又循環。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ncGlsZJOT
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAHgs4JJ30
在周立沖處留宿，其實已改善很多，畢竟二人多數吃一樣的食物，而他總叫她不要吃太少，否則沒有能量，三餐也足。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI4DWipVyZ
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwOTCoHOC6
最重要的是，她不想被任何人發現，自己的身心漸漸不健康起來，要以編配食物的排列緩解——她絕不接受有任何人知道。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCJ7EhHWOS
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdlJooGhnQ
其實她漸漸認清，除了這些那些細碎的不幸，令她病的，還有自尊心。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmm1kqj44Xx
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5A6NrcyoNg
握著那無人在乎的尊嚴，以孱弱身軀保護她，不想讓人知道內在殘破。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOFm4PH9Jq
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1ztkHAXcM
不開心，怕被嫌棄。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb0iUAFoyn
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItlJEptrat
過往被家暴，怕兒時經歷影響自身太多，才壓抑，意圖說一切早就過去。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK8aYvQbxM
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIscUC8a2xT
陷入痛苦的關係，怕被質疑批判。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwBlkEKZtM
469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w6x7JrP9f
沒有洩漏出去的聲音，在她心頭響鬧得很，變成鋒利的刀刃，刮在脆弱的皮膚上，鮮血直流，淹沒她。469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIh7f4NTNB
and then Add to home screen.