其實…我地而家係乜嘢關係？ - 八十二

話咁快就到咗約定嘅日子，我諗住出門口同阿必佢哋聚會嗰陣時，我又响度諗：

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其實唔知點解…我對晴晴嘅果種感覺已經算係無可奈何

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或者因為我已經冇辦法去…點樣再令到自己唔再執着喺搵返晴晴嘅嗰一個目標

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有時候打開WhatsApp我都可以諗返起自己同晴晴分開，

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同埋分開咗之後咁多年嚟，都好似冇一個真正嘅目標

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但係如果唔係呢個追番晴晴嘅目標引導着我嘅話，我都唔知可以點樣令我向着努力讀書，然之後去到大學，入到一科理想嘅學科，出到嚟社會搵到份好工，咁樣嘅人生規劃

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我始終覺得…爭咗一個心愛嘅人係身邊，就好似做咩都冇動力咁，

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身外之物都唔係一啲我想要嘅嘢

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我淨係想要番晴晴

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我响大約三個字前就已經到咗佢哋約嗰度，咁理所當然佢哋班嘢應該冇咁早到㗎啦，

不過去到嗰陣時我望到一個人

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晴晴？

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佢自己一個企咗喺一邊，喺度睇緊電話，而我望住佢…好似…點形容好呢？

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呢個企喺我面前嘅女仔，就係我呢幾年嚟都諗緊嘅女仔，

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其實我可以趁呢個機會行埋去，同佢打招呼，然之後問吓佢而家過成點呀，關心吓佢

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如果佢真係想嘅話，我哋甚至可以講返清楚成件事，但係咁樣好似有啲唐突

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所以我去咗附近嘅一間超市行住先

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唔知點解感覺我係唔想同佢一對一接觸

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或者係我唔想再望到一個自己之前鍾意過，理論上鍾意過自己嘅人，而家已經變咗心

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咁即係我明白自己好似已經冇乜機會再同佢溝通咁樣，所以就…

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我哋兩個人企埋一齊會有啲尷尬咁

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有時候現實就係咁，好鍾意一個人，但係你永遠都唔可以同佢喺埋一齊

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好似咁多年來，我出街都未試過見到晴晴，但係我一個星期可以幾日都撞到阿必

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一個無緣份嘅人，就算你香港一日遊都見唔到佢

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(我親身試過)

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世事就是如此

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而我亦無能為力改變這既定的事實115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9aaL6pkny

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