午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82pZz5OKK9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKX6tI5ZD2
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4TplhykBL
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nl9R0mqo1
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaGOW8koJB
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndRERYk8tm
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1SzvAESax
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG9EvH6mqr
為何記住？我解釋不了。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHDunKEwuS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMqqlgoTXt
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfC8lMWvxs
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9uHfVS2UV
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3mz9yyB9U
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiszmEVDve
其中一個是他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6u4CyI9cd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVcoAPXBLt
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMlmEKegi2
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ94Ye3l7XU
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1sp2yZOup
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiS8003zR3
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC26dElxcvo
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDU828aRsa
「你遺下銀包。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9m0AjiKVO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yqzVudUk7
「謝謝。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHIB0gKoFG
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4lwcGLWOa
「不用客氣……」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnCiIvky6q
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziF21bhZ3U
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJAk7k6dhz
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m9YaNirWc
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZ7GNR7aOE
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrNGzjcsL2
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlwvQXSyCY
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X3AJbMlwJ
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxRXhFa9ob
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwGVmMQ8MY
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iOtCMwCd8
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANso3VwlCt
「我是文班許家偉。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lVAKFyZGy
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJvDL5Yhuy
「我是理班李浩榮。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8uWZwDh9v
其實我早已知道許家偉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORGBdym5pz
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCvt2nHOGj
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzhVFi5Y1j
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0bJXciKWl
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl1aYNAgER
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnbx3yGvBR
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwzGWthuvj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrc4lvwfcM
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVJ99c1Mrj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnOex3wYkW
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpgNLPp9bS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnXqMydHOa
不服氣。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzEO7JueR4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMIIpSk0ER
繼續觀察他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ47bfM07u
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B3IqyULzt
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRKHGapxfb
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZ40E6kjIy
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfCADTjy0f
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjqPBjcDUW
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpm9Znr3KSd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrcej118xd
我急步追趕許家偉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ566Yl5VV6r
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GRl93iAu3
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2ecwUx4IC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoJHReBOc5
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PMW7uQ0OX
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS7dv8wg4n
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngYS8oo2qz
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwJgcwDDOp
「你遺下了銀包。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqFekF0SGw
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2u0IMz5rX
「謝謝。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLuPbFTAqe
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORxpMOr5Hy
「不用客氣……」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1TgUivDc9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGFDdpGQXw
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSv6TeoKb7
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2n1ZHRdhah
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1arTl0C801
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVub22r77t
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPJjZGncUk
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvccSPKMV6
我望入他雙眼。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVRylzHQQ9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEd9BtWfGZ
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1C3cvnkM0
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrecsfODdC
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd4jmmgWyO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YnBrz1a6s
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePRnHl8iIr
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OYXw1s2pq
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWQ21Qwmiy
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnibaDuc2Eh
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsTSaZG7WR
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhZgfX42QB
「我是文班許家偉。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOM5IviBsd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nfoutRvQX
「我是理班李浩榮。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3cctsCeAa
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyKYqo3Onb
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXa3JoYYMV
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6R77ev3cQ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcleD1BlCZ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3pbR9Bhd4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9aliMKQSe
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4YXh89ZKS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvz1s259veW
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCq1iKmcf1
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lOvkmlhLa
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDMxicglQK
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JMDzV6SVJ
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2X3pULiAF
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡike2jITe89
但我沒有阻止他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkXIDJCPho
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmN3lR71zuY
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiBqPv9eBr
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYyTQa24Zc
我慫恿他繼續說下去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzq94gclRAx
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9enf7YbtTm
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQEvSPdwcP
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf8wbUAmyu
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVZWBBxNvT
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw4PncgGVO
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJalWP4UET
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8JasSvvYx
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMtz3l1PO9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4jr39ryp0
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkTHFAZd8E
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoE4WCmRo9
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIZNmCIVAX
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8j1kB5Apw
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK4gxpqvzr
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6viOjBInv
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcyKGO5OOC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQWxfxw2qz
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK90idXSgAO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEygPxdu82H
但我掛念他。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAok8kVGG8J
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsNC8iEQIo
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOuUvGKrNF
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcnUTrMwNT
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3wjopgrzn
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOiIljDJ29
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkJnknXnmH
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPInfsqlv6z
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqvJLA5jpw
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluLSqBfXXR
不要說。不要聽。不要見。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22GrPr9V1f
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5A9zfncuR
希望時間會沖淡一切。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLITfzAelx
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasoLB01XgR
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyZ8ecfNnd
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0TjCE97Tl
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3FiKf0qtK
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb388sMQorc
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrrUXtqOdi
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97MYepki3W
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpwFlCk5VN
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZFTWC92xg
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVAgeod9Lk
「我也不明白。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMgILv6pOU
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7f4HAN6YlU
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDM4zg0gEiX
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXCw4Bngek
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9X4LfUYOI
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOpzbqUaN5
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡou0mmwZij3
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsziZVFXnTB
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhvTHCAT7B
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0RQInbDyb
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG9KaKB1i6
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDKGq1E1mj
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zQlSjtSWi
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKOFwAxyq1
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrSOmtIUEy
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSuV3jliJl
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKZGCHI5hN
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0nKrXtTrL
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntP8WXFwyJ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaR5xsFtuU
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAeGi8Qcc8
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT0oGXA9Su
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEllCeXYWdA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypOobABBq0
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihkD6HJ7ch
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs5NdglMMx
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtG1dixfzi
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLIlkPNsCQ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPJCuf1hxn
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgAJPOYYu8
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2c1zRh1HJC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99vJ3Zq6Dj
為何要走到這一步？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgBZFRHMDg
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqoc9Mf8ZD
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuqYortNuu
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnusU1EkQ4c
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UMGqN3PrJ
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyHl14H3cr
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6JrQWeyl9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy5jD3FgBm
「別倔強。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAOOK9Ylff
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmcxsT3RVq
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWTP9Txfou
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTkCzGP3Ju
「我想你放棄。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGOaFnpACa
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiDDLZTYig
「原因？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5S51sI9c2
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIELp1zGdwy
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSihnb6Gb7Q
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9nXtSzkqJ
「我知道。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBczsO9Va5k
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmdMAhhIPU
「何解還要繼續下去？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5TC4oZhXI
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOa6V3LPYz
「感情易放難收。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2rmkxeT3H
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bQx4q17AJ
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlT0ETiel8
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxwZYDpB9L
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh1ar8LsST
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA5gFxc9cJ
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDND5S3Uw0Q
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4pAhwPtSY
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYBdxRkSyK
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPFPJmBDUV
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnH2ewjhO2
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlaGBojScj
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPv6osxWkO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknsb6j3noA
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFWxOHr1ad
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpndnRWIia
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDOHwa3KcA
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtux8f7CFv
小醉。半醉。大醉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1BRGzNtC9
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfhatk8dmw
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWzLqR6xyb
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDqaR0N9X7
「直接講我愛他。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCbjqoj2ji
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwkUTrijFI
「如果他拒絕？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YAIfXDua1
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v6I410O0P
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSv0xnOGRO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFPJFG0Xet
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbpYgujiD4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcllpaMOGWm
「我當然是高興！」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9Gu1s0RhG
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlV8UuBTSK
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3H7Lv0oRa
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN221DGxQRj
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡid2Xe1kuFq
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9gkI8fm6g
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRNbB4jueS
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTlzPBff2a
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUTtQ37iO7
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdFpObxIlT
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJkaHjGyS0
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5ScOHjgYq
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXM11l9RPuL
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX54BsZkCw
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr4jkv6pB8
「你仍然單身？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyixp0anV2b
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwDfWNQMZd
「是的。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fvlTpcFCD
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k4cjoZCVT
「要我當媒嗎？」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWYAKZ6Wdb
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmp6gbg5sb
「不了。難為情。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev7vQZpKfC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2kZXw5yJh
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0VaoQTp34
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3PF2kJ1oI
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1W4uinTvYP
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlI8iS2EVX
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8U4YlhN8w
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7KzsVLviS
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvOGj5y0Ct
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsFeTUnTR1
回家吧。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNxz9xAgUn
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh6XKljx84
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHniToiwlAu
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxwHGUFbd7
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu1nvZthxf
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEwtvsEfHj
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTioj5PPdBK
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大概是一見鍾情吧。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7shoGcxvQ
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHuCC9xfa8
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNZhdnvci0
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8DeOVtCPO
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst0tMFxUZK
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJzEMaaY5j
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp2s5eMBYV
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYVFfe47BO
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jCxjvWuNx
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhQZM6PZ2Z
百感交集……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3F1EwmsX8
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmQ6DmACUA
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvTw7BRTMz
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxNlOna8Jx
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErOBOHCXhj
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30lFd1yW6V
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3mkM2cwrS
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNmhBdOQUx
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nRd4SV9hC
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hLkapRUOc
「認得。你是文班的。」234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLVRVBbypv
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeZ7C4qtJw
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs6oiIZRQr
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItLn4SSkQR
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzobXYJe0T
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kZdyICvUd
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTo5mnWmEll
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3bfIUYwae
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyzZdOcM3x
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdL6MFSaDC
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2PvK5geLt
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWhuCTe44U
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYPT7szOul
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpr63BGQ9K
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg63nNDJbd
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X49WXrT1T
我哭笑不得。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwJ5d7B8sz
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMiVySLiUR
無意跟他繼續對話。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WcgXhCOb4
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROpqXgIM98
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hRqll2HN3
234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs3EPmuHJv
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。234Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjW0EXb1OWs
然後按「加至主畫面」