午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。108Please respect copyright.PENANAEiOPMXmsEN
108Please respect copyright.PENANATCsB9inR3f
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。108Please respect copyright.PENANAYs6MzlwhWe
108Please respect copyright.PENANAeSsDI49CR9
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。108Please respect copyright.PENANAT5zJ4RewyE
108Please respect copyright.PENANAreFcMyDX4O
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。108Please respect copyright.PENANA83t3jUOyHp
108Please respect copyright.PENANALBx3itUKFc
為何記住?我解釋不了。108Please respect copyright.PENANAFBbXX6EBRP
108Please respect copyright.PENANA8AXv7EH0XD
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。108Please respect copyright.PENANAQuPnKtsX3r
108Please respect copyright.PENANAOCFq0I5MAE
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUDQY8bqQRO
108Please respect copyright.PENANAabtgZ5P6Hl
其中一個是他。108Please respect copyright.PENANAjmk23Zh6l8
108Please respect copyright.PENANAMV2ABTxBFA
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJKc67Rso5d
108Please respect copyright.PENANAI7ELautmX3
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。108Please respect copyright.PENANAc6YH28J85X
108Please respect copyright.PENANAaRaOXBNtwg
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。108Please respect copyright.PENANAIsC4v7b9sz
108Please respect copyright.PENANAqGdNJ0D71d
「你遺下銀包。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAf5L4icKTLK
108Please respect copyright.PENANADFdUOrdjzw
「謝謝。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAXsLkryfa9y
108Please respect copyright.PENANArwwzSWEGQF
「不用客氣……」108Please respect copyright.PENANACUwxIpWYlX
108Please respect copyright.PENANAiUO55TgL4K
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?108Please respect copyright.PENANAKyLXJK7LkS
108Please respect copyright.PENANAUbZEnZlTZz
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。108Please respect copyright.PENANA0Auac4ciKX
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJQW0HbYyxs
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。108Please respect copyright.PENANA3WPv18fzqF
108Please respect copyright.PENANAhVRr4TaUvQ
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。108Please respect copyright.PENANApj00T6nVH7
108Please respect copyright.PENANAcPV2qQdVJ1
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。108Please respect copyright.PENANA163qbnHKgE
108Please respect copyright.PENANAhwLL0K84Ys
「我是文班許家偉。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAgM8IwdQX8o
108Please respect copyright.PENANAUg42cWTsxB
「我是理班李浩榮。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA3TbtksU50p
其實我早已知道許家偉。108Please respect copyright.PENANA76azH9iHkA
108Please respect copyright.PENANAVhxlrXAQ81
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。108Please respect copyright.PENANA9wDy8AajUB
108Please respect copyright.PENANA0dbeIAm5Mu
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。108Please respect copyright.PENANAfQTT40xLfJ
108Please respect copyright.PENANAIdT2kC9IRV
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。108Please respect copyright.PENANA9Y7L4st9dh
108Please respect copyright.PENANAnA7WBnwlmz
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?108Please respect copyright.PENANAd4UwtCE3X0
108Please respect copyright.PENANA9CvvI41cTw
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。108Please respect copyright.PENANAlZTNuI2qLS
108Please respect copyright.PENANAnApMYWIjNf
不服氣。108Please respect copyright.PENANARNRkVuSDbP
108Please respect copyright.PENANAWimDk4inVg
繼續觀察他。108Please respect copyright.PENANAO71KYTtMAy
108Please respect copyright.PENANAbNS2Xzf28W
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。108Please respect copyright.PENANAxOl8cjuOVR
108Please respect copyright.PENANAuy2QwqJdJ8
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。108Please respect copyright.PENANAxb3o15K9l4
108Please respect copyright.PENANAnR6TFUc4nQ
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。108Please respect copyright.PENANAQJiDdBNBWw
108Please respect copyright.PENANADSkJfswqzn
我急步追趕許家偉。108Please respect copyright.PENANAbMJk9YXoXp
108Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ea7CnsI1S
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。108Please respect copyright.PENANAGuMR8l6ijx
108Please respect copyright.PENANANm3cZVsmCu
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。108Please respect copyright.PENANAVvRd7RMhkP
108Please respect copyright.PENANA0VOodTrmVn
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……108Please respect copyright.PENANAVm6KnL6aSn
108Please respect copyright.PENANA4yr7wk5kiQ
「你遺下了銀包。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAhY6hfB0lSI
108Please respect copyright.PENANAb87Q3JuDKl
「謝謝。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA8m8fxmhSP8
108Please respect copyright.PENANAWvt9CS5A1b
「不用客氣……」108Please respect copyright.PENANADL8JpbZiOg
108Please respect copyright.PENANAul2KRuK8Y1
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。108Please respect copyright.PENANA5tXNWdziP0
108Please respect copyright.PENANAyCy3QPuCJX
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。108Please respect copyright.PENANAvmGSyy0lYX
108Please respect copyright.PENANAw0i3BTwFJp
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……108Please respect copyright.PENANAv7EVLHMTLh
108Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1v5T8VOlX
我望入他雙眼。108Please respect copyright.PENANAvm601I88Bx
108Please respect copyright.PENANAdxynDkjDS7
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……108Please respect copyright.PENANAUfi6f8IEUv
108Please respect copyright.PENANAiGSkzhbTZm
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。108Please respect copyright.PENANAYke76IEBpn
108Please respect copyright.PENANApV5MiuC1Jj
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。108Please respect copyright.PENANA8expPNEkar
108Please respect copyright.PENANAbRyXggVxdc
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。108Please respect copyright.PENANA2v2U9Yo61f
108Please respect copyright.PENANAy0w6eVi3qb
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。108Please respect copyright.PENANAdy9ngZXYzu
108Please respect copyright.PENANAT48zWaRL2n
「我是文班許家偉。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAfx2G8gzPqh
108Please respect copyright.PENANAFH5ZVBOEMB
「我是理班李浩榮。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAWP0NfCuCRs
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAJGR3susDxs
108Please respect copyright.PENANA2XJrED0r2w
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。108Please respect copyright.PENANAkHPM9MnjQQ
108Please respect copyright.PENANAr0eWMcLYkx
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。108Please respect copyright.PENANANJNE3prkk6
108Please respect copyright.PENANAzvf134VVGm
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。108Please respect copyright.PENANAc7evsTtNmC
108Please respect copyright.PENANAVWB1xo30Ig
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。108Please respect copyright.PENANAtoi48SXll4
108Please respect copyright.PENANAkH3AkQ8xEK
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。108Please respect copyright.PENANAz3YQQIXkyo
108Please respect copyright.PENANAtFFsbRw0DG
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。108Please respect copyright.PENANAqJSLd3t6l6
108Please respect copyright.PENANArfx0CfdrSH
但我沒有阻止他。108Please respect copyright.PENANANm0GoJXscV
108Please respect copyright.PENANAOBDP4jgOaJ
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。108Please respect copyright.PENANAD8JpSTk9oS
108Please respect copyright.PENANAM56rrfY8nk
我慫恿他繼續說下去。108Please respect copyright.PENANAfSe3GIWJIh
108Please respect copyright.PENANAr5eijyWbPl
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。108Please respect copyright.PENANALDDnBBVY4I
108Please respect copyright.PENANAStf81BPQht
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。108Please respect copyright.PENANAAs9qw9fHK9
108Please respect copyright.PENANAnD39W3Ytn1
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2BH6jDF5T
108Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ueg2Vrln8
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。108Please respect copyright.PENANA2rfzmX0sdC
108Please respect copyright.PENANAM1souJjbwM
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。108Please respect copyright.PENANA4jmexpseSP
108Please respect copyright.PENANABP17ZuuwMq
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。108Please respect copyright.PENANAPA1j1YGiDD
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0omyMnXsq
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJZ6XD3PUnr
108Please respect copyright.PENANAMz6E97AVLD
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。108Please respect copyright.PENANA0Q7JSX4CtD
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJb2XkfHiY6
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。108Please respect copyright.PENANAEGZDPSnNYr
108Please respect copyright.PENANAR9wLhVcxAy
但我掛念他。108Please respect copyright.PENANAyCDL1wwmvX
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJoa2Iu8RhL
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。108Please respect copyright.PENANAdWTjFARSsV
108Please respect copyright.PENANA0uDeUGf654
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。108Please respect copyright.PENANAh4VYSbTpsZ
108Please respect copyright.PENANAljE7wH41MX
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。108Please respect copyright.PENANAVO89xneXSV
108Please respect copyright.PENANA2rwhX6HNkB
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。108Please respect copyright.PENANA7JS2UmLOiB
108Please respect copyright.PENANAR6Dv4MQuSR
不要說。不要聽。不要見。108Please respect copyright.PENANAN8lLcfCZTT
108Please respect copyright.PENANAnSfZWYWBBv
希望時間會沖淡一切。108Please respect copyright.PENANAiH8sjH7NzE
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。108Please respect copyright.PENANAagtigOd5iA
108Please respect copyright.PENANAQqDpas7yDV
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。108Please respect copyright.PENANAl3xfFbBamC
108Please respect copyright.PENANAwbj6zYp0ED
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAtvB0l2hgJd
108Please respect copyright.PENANAdRdgOT0JMX
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。108Please respect copyright.PENANARzANVgUQuG
108Please respect copyright.PENANAgz11msox6G
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAyiEQNtoZsk
108Please respect copyright.PENANAhGklT773V0
「我也不明白。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAsDRq9FGs73
108Please respect copyright.PENANAjXYS125VkM
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAhPBSA5JY2H
108Please respect copyright.PENANA7AbcCiOS6F
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZTpmyaXlt
108Please respect copyright.PENANAW6mhGRaCWa
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA6PUVfL7Wk1
108Please respect copyright.PENANAhsFBZfpSuz
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA7reFehlYmC
108Please respect copyright.PENANAMhV6mdNsSH
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAxns863GbJE
108Please respect copyright.PENANA2MATACCejg
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA4sIOKEsZIE
108Please respect copyright.PENANAWNpYD2Bti4
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。108Please respect copyright.PENANAeoJmmS4Lr0
108Please respect copyright.PENANAus7gjvBQNG
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJm1IRXbfdc
108Please respect copyright.PENANAXqid7HIIIl
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?108Please respect copyright.PENANAX4Toh6CRfF
108Please respect copyright.PENANAvseelpDB2y
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。108Please respect copyright.PENANA01iRtlSPs9
108Please respect copyright.PENANANP7weRYWU3
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。108Please respect copyright.PENANAbDiz2uTyja
108Please respect copyright.PENANAPZDx8xhsrV
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。108Please respect copyright.PENANAaS6QzDQRKM
108Please respect copyright.PENANACuGWCCDvG0
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?108Please respect copyright.PENANAFUv1cJTW0Y
108Please respect copyright.PENANAzqfPTWpos3
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?108Please respect copyright.PENANAvKIcirsqdn
108Please respect copyright.PENANAPsWL5rtcev
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。108Please respect copyright.PENANA7avl0vJ3uQ
108Please respect copyright.PENANAIqYSifJvp4
為何要走到這一步?108Please respect copyright.PENANAYdlzYQMVpl
108Please respect copyright.PENANA4MueWwkzkh
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。108Please respect copyright.PENANAlH7M1VckQ9
108Please respect copyright.PENANALZBcZwAR7p
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAxillHMMXY9
108Please respect copyright.PENANAyItrVIhv8d
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAPG8ISHvGCk
108Please respect copyright.PENANA6dT5rTWMX3
「別倔強。」108Please respect copyright.PENANARdZcCjyXwn
108Please respect copyright.PENANA9f1zlhOBJr
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」108Please respect copyright.PENANAfeigGH3yFY
108Please respect copyright.PENANAqqUH0djaN9
「我想你放棄。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAbhreGeVWnj
108Please respect copyright.PENANAPmBVHqVmfo
「原因?」108Please respect copyright.PENANArrpsJzyMNb
108Please respect copyright.PENANAydM2u8t0jz
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAKXjVTdvLYi
108Please respect copyright.PENANAGACfthZvmc
「我知道。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAwnKb3qxU0I
108Please respect copyright.PENANAz69mV4QEYL
「何解還要繼續下去?」108Please respect copyright.PENANA5zN1aEg0YI
108Please respect copyright.PENANAP0QTPJQOAN
「感情易放難收。」108Please respect copyright.PENANASMcYXLq2pg
108Please respect copyright.PENANAAfknjZWgXt
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。108Please respect copyright.PENANAcW07UUCIVg
108Please respect copyright.PENANAlIvLeMVR6D
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!108Please respect copyright.PENANARf0CVHeZuP
108Please respect copyright.PENANAuvOgY64vMk
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJYuaDAmXz0
108Please respect copyright.PENANAFW7TUCkJXZ
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。108Please respect copyright.PENANAL7kDzWrTCG
108Please respect copyright.PENANAjxjYY0gTzF
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……108Please respect copyright.PENANAEcqOnP5Hz4
108Please respect copyright.PENANA6UOiTPdEyq
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。108Please respect copyright.PENANAS8YkA7dpKB
108Please respect copyright.PENANADHzuKVWkIT
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAh3GIuu4RGq
108Please respect copyright.PENANAmjoakTyvfw
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。108Please respect copyright.PENANAnoBZJC9PyS
108Please respect copyright.PENANAuK4P3Cou0I
小醉。半醉。大醉。108Please respect copyright.PENANAKvEL9LgqOd
108Please respect copyright.PENANAGkde2xNfJF
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」108Please respect copyright.PENANALD6uO9QTYh
108Please respect copyright.PENANA6aD8SNSDIm
「直接講我愛他。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAGPDKG4VSwY
108Please respect copyright.PENANALInDaJhCMp
「如果他拒絕?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAxylv6nZqht
108Please respect copyright.PENANAfO6bI2GtGD
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAsYptTRCjlT
108Please respect copyright.PENANAbZECoMvjXt
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」108Please respect copyright.PENANApegNYGjr3g
108Please respect copyright.PENANA0nNaAPw2HL
「我當然是高興!」108Please respect copyright.PENANA61ti53EGe5
108Please respect copyright.PENANAwW8jb3asB8
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAz53FBh4BGS
108Please respect copyright.PENANAOvvMl4bJas
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。108Please respect copyright.PENANA8kcphGSPLs
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。108Please respect copyright.PENANAihhOiW1VXf
108Please respect copyright.PENANAS3ihTqZjOI
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。108Please respect copyright.PENANAN22ZpzACYu
108Please respect copyright.PENANAkFSlQqmqdB
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。108Please respect copyright.PENANAX3qj21Et2n
108Please respect copyright.PENANA183wzH1tCx
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」108Please respect copyright.PENANATmBTLF4jaj
108Please respect copyright.PENANA7MnzA3ie0P
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAXhiQGPZu1I
108Please respect copyright.PENANAxGm8ztPS8G
「你仍然單身?」108Please respect copyright.PENANA95BdesZPAf
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJxMRgs5BkL
「是的。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAF2QWyGuqUH
108Please respect copyright.PENANAZUg2TPQ52L
「要我當媒嗎?」108Please respect copyright.PENANALyoyitvJsx
108Please respect copyright.PENANAYVB82Mqwjr
「不了。難為情。」108Please respect copyright.PENANARjSzRwsOil
108Please respect copyright.PENANASnnuYwlmSY
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。108Please respect copyright.PENANAWJJgSP27so
108Please respect copyright.PENANAHqRqWDcYwl
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。108Please respect copyright.PENANAs3a7bsDtVl
108Please respect copyright.PENANA9J5HMCqM78
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。108Please respect copyright.PENANAEcdaZ29v7j
108Please respect copyright.PENANAT3yBkzYIT3
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。108Please respect copyright.PENANAQhGNIg27lL
108Please respect copyright.PENANAR2DqF6ixKL
回家吧。108Please respect copyright.PENANA2YGe3I5HO0
108Please respect copyright.PENANAgI4UsDZWYz
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。108Please respect copyright.PENANAOc78is5d0s
108Please respect copyright.PENANANv6a4LGq4s
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。108Please respect copyright.PENANARxEAkqAUa1
108Please respect copyright.PENANAhz7eZfpjrc
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。108Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZVZLsfIsq
108Please respect copyright.PENANAdDcVmRtAgu
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。108Please respect copyright.PENANAtU3IVlH729
108Please respect copyright.PENANAsNXfvZMYwb
大概是一見鍾情吧。108Please respect copyright.PENANAZ24ng3D31l
108Please respect copyright.PENANAjmJovMTgsE
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。108Please respect copyright.PENANAXa5GfqlzHx
108Please respect copyright.PENANAduAvmhnsrU
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?108Please respect copyright.PENANAhG0LSDvqRF
108Please respect copyright.PENANAyZ9jfE1dUZ
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。108Please respect copyright.PENANAXJ4PyZEaU9
108Please respect copyright.PENANAgB169NptyP
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUPGnmMsWmh
108Please respect copyright.PENANAsc9br1WgTs
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。108Please respect copyright.PENANA4jY9glYD0x
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。108Please respect copyright.PENANA7DTqIjrWc7
108Please respect copyright.PENANAwp2DCjtYIn
百感交集……108Please respect copyright.PENANAxViEnZjlvB
108Please respect copyright.PENANA4asGXb6bss
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。108Please respect copyright.PENANACwfZGjaYzY
108Please respect copyright.PENANAJXQAaImNe7
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。108Please respect copyright.PENANAI3yaI4h04G
108Please respect copyright.PENANAfJt3auAVWg
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……108Please respect copyright.PENANAwyD5LavTc8
108Please respect copyright.PENANAR47dqrNXle
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAHsju8wcDFL
108Please respect copyright.PENANACPiRq17s1G
「認得。你是文班的。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA240UaHKaBQ
108Please respect copyright.PENANAeNj5BlA3Aw
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。108Please respect copyright.PENANAuUyzV5HayP
108Please respect copyright.PENANANZrfi7DFnO
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUFrNXHipiM
108Please respect copyright.PENANA9AEZNVjDdm
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。108Please respect copyright.PENANA9KyLW2r883
108Please respect copyright.PENANAvhwTUEfXV9
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。108Please respect copyright.PENANA7XbSt0MvK1
108Please respect copyright.PENANAMmy9NvPWNg
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。108Please respect copyright.PENANAiTBMsMD3np
108Please respect copyright.PENANAUikf6MwfRH
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAY71nhjTYQp
108Please respect copyright.PENANAurQR8nNETg
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?108Please respect copyright.PENANA7YhRHMD9hX
108Please respect copyright.PENANAX6ME9qol1R
我哭笑不得。108Please respect copyright.PENANAcIq6KHAYCw
108Please respect copyright.PENANAaBlR5KitvV
無意跟他繼續對話。108Please respect copyright.PENANAXbUPrhQbI5
108Please respect copyright.PENANAUINSVEHb5R
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。108Please respect copyright.PENANABZe58XEdlb
108Please respect copyright.PENANAn24h462G3p
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。108Please respect copyright.PENANAvx9kB5F50g