又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUM7MyvTLz
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYQw3YqTIs
「…係？」我回答。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bOXfq55oR
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6LRtWN4ln
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMfJ7mJ1uK
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzXkpLUj8q
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5eYQZPSDq
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiewM5EvXWO
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpJ4zs4uxq
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscBmHAheIF
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmuuIQ0oYC
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0wV4aMOh5
我等著她最後那句。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN72jS3HjV
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz1D24CNLH
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABAZDsSBLc
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRdUwhaAJH
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kYmSpZyef
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Oy7NnOqnE
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqlPK29sZZ
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIDp2aAD8Y
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G3hdshDUL
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8YGFqtBda
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMivvLM4wX
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTKbawETtE
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9m4uidBVd
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fki0J9DSv
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnNKSTVXNl
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfl9gCabk2
「咁…」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEN6jUpcm2
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBqwXBIHF8
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktOTx8iEq0
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoG0QFUPKu6
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCItXu0Pbdy
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvqkYmyLY5
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXg7lAWznh
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM31e9GTw38
「嗯，你講過。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1Ny3ngA2p
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh9Wjg8efu
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg8Vk1Sqzy
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHj0M4TILlH
「咪笑我啦。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkk3GMYVx2X
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUXUIBLCLk
她笑了。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP0SvOUa1H
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrwwHx5vLw
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUdS7k3haE
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LrHgvCu2g
「係好夢定惡夢？」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMmMxAZgwp
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI4ayLNRx0
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpgeeUOzTd
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjVm8SvcCs
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhtehB7S6l
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZFOqDz7QK
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3Ai1LhM9n
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHqhx8W7Ic
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEscItdiIu
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsk06aMMkv
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUaCxGurpb
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ouwbz3r63
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5cwD7zT16
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmupJpFod4
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsb66PM6eK
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd99HQiMJ1x
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GZZ1mNfj9
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyY10yKL7G
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhXKWsuz2O
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlpPnofvBw
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej9LFQzfhT
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD2zjXgOLb
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd206eVAJ5J
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Af3mE9VFP
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4MdoZhtim
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXyeyiJ2Ff
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguP25xyC3k
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiQeDYCipU
萬物的崩潰。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsOHVYEQf8
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYX44BxfXBu
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuAxMdWzK4
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsi2Qv8Pgm
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8P5U4Of53
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlas77Uimi
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkkwom6O6s
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ndJr63Q5V
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYffmk4uys
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZjsaIoDeB
愛的反面不是憎恨。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6T3XsYF3q
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WNdRqGDc7
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBwPXbrpwR
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaGgi4my6c
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kWq678JQZ
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWe265NixoM
這光景，我看過。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqfCGry7yj
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURoSPCGtqz
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E534Lcebi
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfQdd7TUMH
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpUnGCbRM6
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TNTrsxT3T
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FAuwoMZRQ
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslKs8EMzrR
「無可能。」我搖頭。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HhDmaYaV5
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChtkJpfuMD
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi0kX6IdxY
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nUeQ8qckD
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdCbxyfVXE
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Q0SGpXNWE
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQBRzjo8U5
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDHs7Fy7J1
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKslROSkQ5O
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzPO4ycVXy
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYkjLCzymg
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DHddEZSOj
甚麼也再沒需要了。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzzYlotr8Z
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg208YeuJiv
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncOPxFlgu4
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLuaWjOgva
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5u1Y4j2DJ
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKppk7xgTn
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGhOI6N0F2
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MN9lju4YI
話畢。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gnvV1Ppwe
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp0VGQfxge
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1eniQOgMP
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wywG00ZZ6
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULTQLDRZ4A
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWX88JvnXX
她沉默了片刻。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaYQajFpRs
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6GA7JxJ1c
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWch2eAgNa
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvojbzfqVx
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkSMBuTDMg
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMmh5XjtvH
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLKYPGGvHs
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSo1XkWN8W
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9ZacRnzKk
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGfisVr6Px
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26y8tJxkpk
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJE5hMkAmaD
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h4lFXCZy2
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Hzk4PzLzh
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXbRyg3z1a
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K8Q0OebTe
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DTpdzsSFF
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOq95352Ar
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqLtaodrvb
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQmWdFmAj1
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH7ZTa2slW
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZbyFX3IhY
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfOl951Dbn
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHc6qpdE8xK
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GLA0npPXq
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYRS6E7OBv
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w8SHFORVD
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gZlMODHMq
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8Kr3DgHbv
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvAOIBQyBE
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOSqOnLm2n
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrkYH5Ou6U
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbUdzcrgTD
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHeV21noRL
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZTy0XmoRV
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyurYeaRRrL
「……」1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4NQZaXdwp
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySDGEyHlMz
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QWfC2KdHu
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVFHBT3Zep
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIkrrM2pVL
1056Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaL0aIScFfU
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