INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Umt58YJUW
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KCVvgA1l2
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzB7lkNg61
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLzzBdcDjw
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSbccP0P04
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzQeUxguXw
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OWO6e15BM
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZquOGSIaS
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN8CrDmyVW
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbStTSqyJXe
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3EfHD8WdY
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1iM6aNmoE
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LkmQnmAt4
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bzeVbiYxe
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFInS0pCYKe
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIaxTi0Dq4
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXS7ZrQsu5
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY94Ivw3kQ
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCSOCoB8y0
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlkCLqJhSV
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxwiCQrRSa
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdoTPFYotM
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRakjfQG54I
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXDiFO5qGW
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJduZAxqsmQ
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI59tLhfTCx
You've met?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dm4RMEIfd
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00QKu7keV2
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MaChImGLg
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkzA94gspR
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2dbfVhdqj
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4JdxX6L0B
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JlWLh4Pvu
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcqkCMfYWQ
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NbSu1AlhT
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzVYYqOMJ3
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWrXTPDMVX
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHwbEeOKBP
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99zDnuz3Zn
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QaSm12mQN
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeITbfXG59
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpviCvzjPVF
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8HpZPir5D
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZxsF55aci
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK72P9sgZRD
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IVza52GlZ
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufPId6rLNp
I know that already!
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5CTEcezgM
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71JaKEZCDM
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jpwLMuN4O
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiLilRz1C9
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnx87ADT7FM
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkKHDlaauq
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVaK8HlOMB
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MYdLNjYwk
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dzpiU1pvc
No you're not!
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SHARON216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IyFHRpaLY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EZgxOtS8d
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOddjKGKBHT
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod3dvVr1PX
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNADLzoTx1L
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzfLwNuiTO
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqQvUYvpG0
What?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDo9cL0GlCy
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2c2SpKRXN
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ph8dL0xKy
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiLw9Un1So
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeMn8cVYux
Long enough.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiY7Sked2o
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYw5V14MwL
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHgC2jE9Js
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY62vV0oyST
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAz6zfA88cu
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXwTt5UDgf
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP9aRiAH2B
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBofFaYP9y
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKxzwfoTlz
Well, if you insist.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWprQLGtmqB
GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmn4ggY3b4b
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrmTQ6KGyA
GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6bN7V3Pqv
Does this mean you want me back?
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrLeXq5OcS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7grX6DsRU
HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLBUD0rrFq
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaFmMtXW6v
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlJBaGsciD
Well you can't have me.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsin6pmoJcp
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh065iWSjz
HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblRYqsgTg4
WHAT?
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0K2rvs1mS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUc6pSckep
GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzvuCMXGzY
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNH6fI04jE
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TvZ1OleUq
HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxy7Aa7o23R
But...
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfO0WK9oIvS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8087XbvInb
GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kkhHCb7NG
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvIfQrhkwA
CHANTAL grins.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmclB4hHEu
HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYkIqjjSw1
But...
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuI6uGQ70h
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGKna1rFbP
CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1Yp7RUy8Y
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5hhu30DD5
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKLQHUp0XU
HARRY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5Qe7sw6vZ
Gregory?
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3GLt09oQp
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2zNxX3aCp
GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcU5HIAeXt
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBlA3sj7et
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvdx9m86gj
CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALAvxPgkGH
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSLMpbJVzx
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFJ0qcClNA
GREGORY216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPFUjqJXrN
Of course you are!
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnEzFP3ePv
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAs7GB0w6x
CHANTAL216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJhSiZBTX3
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWAmfkEBp3
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOX9cBdUKEV
THE END
ns216.73.216.223da2
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