晚上回家後,陳冬月一進門就把自己關進房間。
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她沒有打開電視,也沒有回訊息,只是打開台燈,繼續翻著那本已經快被翻爛的數學複習講義。
15Please respect copyright.PENANAIHKSaaxB7K
房門外傳來媽媽跟鄰居講電話的聲音,笑得很大聲。但她什麼都聽不進去,只覺得自己的腦子像泡在水裡,沉得喘不過氣。
15Please respect copyright.PENANAIEIjpGOBS0
每天都是一樣的節奏:
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白天在學校背書、抄筆記、狂刷題目。
中午不吃飯也要去問老師問題,晚上回家繼續熬到凌晨才肯睡。
15Please respect copyright.PENANADGdETSf7tY
她像是一台上緊發條的機器,一刻也不敢鬆懈。
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只要一鬆懈,就會想哭。
只要一停下,就會聽到媽媽那句:「你到底在學什麼,考這麼爛?」
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—
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時間就這樣一頁頁地翻過去,像她課本上那些密密麻麻的筆記。
15Please respect copyright.PENANAjWhi6jtgCR
不知不覺,日曆上的日期已經逼近那個所有人都在倒數的日子——
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段考,到了。
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—
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校園裡的氣氛明顯改變,連平常愛講話的同學都開始靜下來。
走廊貼滿各科重點、圖表、考試須知,教室裡只剩下翻頁聲和嘆氣聲。
15Please respect copyright.PENANARbgjPVeRvo
賴夏陽坐在她旁邊,偶爾還是會丟給她一顆糖、偷偷畫張搞笑的便條塞進她筆記本。
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但他說話的次數也越來越少了。
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因為他看得出來——
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她的臉色越來越蒼白,眼神越來越沒有焦距,手寫字的速度慢了,但壓痕卻越來越重。
15Please respect copyright.PENANAv4m4o1xe4z
就像一根繃到極限的弦。
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隨時都會斷掉。
考場的冷氣開得太強,陳冬月握著筆的手指有些僵。數學考卷攤在桌上,一眼望去,滿滿的文字和公式讓她腦袋發脹。15Please respect copyright.PENANAkurZPFSdoj
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她深吸一口氣,開始寫。15Please respect copyright.PENANA4ttMPaGGRK
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前兩題還算順,第三題就開始卡住。15Please respect copyright.PENANAFu0EJ4OO48
她咬著筆,腦袋裡的公式像雜訊一樣混亂地打結。15Please respect copyright.PENANAdRhdIRUKBf
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAMzCWHnIQP2
她不是沒念過,她背了整整三天,可腦袋就是空白。15Please respect copyright.PENANAKgIsjI27wI
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時間一分一秒地過,試卷上的空格越來越多,她的心也越來越慌。15Please respect copyright.PENANAb4OiV4uVKn
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANATcp1ICjuEB
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考完後,她沒有說話,也沒有問答案,默默收好東西,低著頭走出教室。15Please respect copyright.PENANAH0z2kexUKz
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賴夏陽看著她的背影,眉頭緊鎖。15Please respect copyright.PENANAjpeXsjC4JM
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANAqKBAGTRzmE
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兩天後,成績出來了。15Please respect copyright.PENANAMD5wwm9K0Z
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陳冬月拿著那張有些皺的成績單,站在陽光下愣了好久。15Please respect copyright.PENANA7ADpBbbiRB
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她真的有進步——15Please respect copyright.PENANAxLcTMxHxsY
從原本班排38,進到了第21名。15Please respect copyright.PENANATOlmMuxXBw
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAB0TLSvCoGv
對她來說,是拼盡全力的證明。15Please respect copyright.PENANAlQFTnyK1iM
她幾乎沒睡覺、沒休息,把每一分每一秒都用來背書。15Please respect copyright.PENANA5DQDFvcWzw
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但她知道——對某些人來說,還是不夠。15Please respect copyright.PENANAG5tgbmhNVP
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANA8Y90PvKWxy
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放學後,曹敏第一個衝過來,笑著抱住她。15Please respect copyright.PENANABVuJEY6bJs
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「你超棒的啊冬月!這樣的進步超誇張欸!」15Please respect copyright.PENANAb3IwOwr1L3
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黃炫承也點頭:「我哥之前補習班有學生進步沒妳多,還被誇爆了。」15Please respect copyright.PENANAmzHRhPhHXe
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賴夏陽只是輕輕伸出手,摸了摸她的頭。15Please respect copyright.PENANAtneSgUa24v
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「我就說妳可以的,對吧,小月亮?」15Please respect copyright.PENANAOFmMNlrLH9
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAAFRzlq349N
她低著頭笑了笑,眼眶卻有點熱。15Please respect copyright.PENANA9O9G3IbkoX
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANApXFWzC6wnF
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她不敢多停留,怕情緒太滿會被看出來。15Please respect copyright.PENANA1Bp8S6RJA1
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走回家路上,她一直看著成績單。15Please respect copyright.PENANA1jV99LFzWU
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她想像媽媽看到會不會笑一下,會不會少說一句「你怎麼永遠都不夠」。15Please respect copyright.PENANA8n10jOVLbz
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANAT5uxl0FZAf
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一進門,媽媽正坐在餐桌前削水果。15Please respect copyright.PENANALlirxx0r4P
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15Please respect copyright.PENANA41QsxhK80o
「回來啦,段考成績呢?」15Please respect copyright.PENANA7A4B6TJXdF
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她小心翼翼地遞上那張紙。15Please respect copyright.PENANAfu14FvgIq1
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媽媽只掃了一眼,眉頭便皺了起來。15Please respect copyright.PENANAgC92d7NyJr
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAPZYOH8Jk8s
「21名?你之前不是說自己有機會進前十?」15Please respect copyright.PENANA76WMurno6E
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15Please respect copyright.PENANABDgZkTCzv2
她的聲音並不大,但每一個字都像針一樣扎進心裡。15Please respect copyright.PENANAfEtb0uW38m
15Please respect copyright.PENANAmHEbf0HjVc
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「我……我真的有進步很多……」15Please respect copyright.PENANALltBDwb7uB
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「有進步?這種成績叫很多?你看看別人家的誰誰誰,段考都第七、第八了。」15Please respect copyright.PENANAJI6hiNLIQe
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「可是我已經很努力了……」15Please respect copyright.PENANA0OaX64Tqqq
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAx7Dn6PJiZn
「努力有用的話,全世界都考第一名了!」15Please respect copyright.PENANASzH2NXpbAU
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那一刻,所有壓抑的情緒在胸口炸開。15Please respect copyright.PENANAbZxBuKQOLe
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAbbsptrh9OX
「我每天讀到凌晨,我都沒跟朋友出去,我連你叫我吃飯我都沒去吃!你到底有沒有看到我在幹嘛?!」15Please respect copyright.PENANAwPLz9S7ldC
15Please respect copyright.PENANAz2edTGtntZ
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媽媽愣了一下,但馬上反駁。15Please respect copyright.PENANAaNPLKfJwnm
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15Please respect copyright.PENANA1mqK4MsCvQ
「你對我大小聲什麼?我是為你好!」15Please respect copyright.PENANAlyI3KEc8wQ
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「你從來沒有問過我好不好!」15Please respect copyright.PENANAt5bvI0ZJIm
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANAEqlTkcLNGO
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那句話一出口,房間突然安靜下來。
媽媽轉過頭不再看她,冷冷地說了一句:15Please respect copyright.PENANAYmFiQLqwwk
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15Please respect copyright.PENANAm3UKy6hXEC
「我真的對你很失望。」15Please respect copyright.PENANACyLYVta9le
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陳冬月站在原地,手還捏著那張成績單,指節發白。15Please respect copyright.PENANAb9iLdTbuSp
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她想哭,卻發現自己早就沒有力氣了。15Please respect copyright.PENANA0TjnSfIry5
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—15Please respect copyright.PENANAEOSguqAooo
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她轉身跑上樓,關上房門,一頭埋進枕頭裡。15Please respect copyright.PENANAoUeABCInqs
整個人像崩掉的牆,終於撐不住地垮下來。15Please respect copyright.PENANAGpThU9UUMZ
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她想打給曹敏,卻怕說不出話。15Please respect copyright.PENANAQAjA2rp8I9
她想傳訊息給夏陽,卻又一個字都打不出來。15Please respect copyright.PENANAS5AEgWalZi
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她只是一直哭,一直哭。15Please respect copyright.PENANAvl2qqdb0XJ
心裡只剩下一句話在反覆吶喊——15Please respect copyright.PENANAcWwbBFzKyN
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「我真的,已經很努力了啊……」