許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsIziZwVLc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuD6K63fUDA
「急事。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mtp8H4hFv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbR85ya2wn
「你不吃晚餐？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sExVnCnpW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmRIR4lYwz
我沒應答，逕自出門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPzUzGFZol
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifgOWQdjWO
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCrujM9lPZ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucMEUy7bgP
難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz0MYJRLnk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yp5Dhuff8
長嘆。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86agTkVyVM
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YBLgXz1ng
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ790277rJj5
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx9pBVm28q
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKQ5kGwm7s
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YqugatImU
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMT5xap1Kj
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOGILziLR0
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt6rImgie0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvdzusg41Y
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJbrmW6qgw
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiPicOIXcd
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGwwItkiup
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2heJwAn858
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHiEQf6I4N
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfG8HsWubE
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXoyMca5mJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7AZIXwwF8
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVjmME3tgF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuQE5OpsUd
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMd5bVwIDB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4rVAnPLGE
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4P14dWvOr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRDxtgV7aS
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTl0DB4GSg
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX9FcvT001
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGzRxmwUnm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5rxqslgyv
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBGqFMwZ1i
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5A87NYrsG
註定的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dbt34fxyl
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqOKuVk0pf
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXciulBBPgp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQtlubmx2V
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICC8JgwoPa
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0POxhalMO
停步。猶疑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekKRHAqDlv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyykDWcTpyu
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICCChXKVuJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vb6JKGTYE
轉身。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniBGOJVXJc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc3ruBhinN
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViznOImw1M
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4M7aV20Y0
我回身走去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNaz1hQNxY
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVH68Xw16s
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlDHVDX5ia
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HlAkWsrQI
把小狗抱入懷內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvNd90fPYF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfhVoVxvkd
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pcaFQ2bk0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlYJqzQz2y
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9hWwtx8hI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZihL739g2
海風？海濱公園步道？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSxaHmy4Ii
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvGHV3CExr
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pq0DpZgYF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP6hpQuflO
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBZZFq5YIz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAcJ7bKifH
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpxk3Jl1MF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIuEPeDole
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIEwSKIc14
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFthbZCSWg
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfKg4vrjii
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIt0zl3cCZ
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSD90KCDM0s
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMm83S1Mss
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4O3js0cWI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVmF7O7vt5
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglEXj5tWS9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10FN1TE2yl
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFJ3ch1C0c
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBwaTr9duz
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6oFH0AOmX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8IYxUBUrm
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpmuANuX1F
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkD1EPA050c
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA24Gz2wVVa
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhRrIkpPKx
鬱悶何來？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMpw84zO19
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAXGYWnSVX
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepSoPvn03J
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2F6bZz4a3
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrdQczrfWq
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4SbE3MXpE
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp11dQzXlSe
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy02TJsjghC
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNsuw2mWGu
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCINK7GrMxz
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFcWnBEJZg
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LByvlMNXt
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYVJ3jX3BB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4K8w2zW9g
然後呢？根本沒有然後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKkjSuNNQ5
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1gGI1CZ1z
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhDVtxpUNC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ655Ey6WmbK
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.206da2
然後按「加至主畫面」