《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlkOfccPSB
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlKUwvPtvz
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gIdP7GJIG
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVYtdvBUxq
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETSUtvXVZb
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqGXvb1N4i
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7vuD2pZnh
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE77BeZLc4j
壓力似乎一併消散。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DKEScjUup
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdWZyjbHEH
茶盡。我再續杯。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzC7guUA9aK
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1Hm9OR7iA
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklxTi6IiQL
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik6DWbVlva
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X788PImo2
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GNq9BOMR9
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0F2U3yPsL
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStyuKBcR1m
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgj3KEhge4
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Uep0vI5U7
夢醒一場空。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTfHF9yUhX
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYbtOLWU7J
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx42Ent19Au
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTN6vPo2Id
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtywe9VyCgp
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyXJWwg1nf
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnF5l1fxo5a
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTRH1MfnGS
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTKrhw4a5N
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfNsUlKJcL
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu2ehIfBu1
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9LitU3Zft
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUuH8VQDXZ
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN0bKxjqTA
我沾沾自喜。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7jlPJedq0
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcZuY2jEY9
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1ZjAPAVKp
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzsrw9jnFB
但我沒有向同學們坦白。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPL4TPjvc0
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUlwzbfkzT
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCsIZsZxVy
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ849pKyyx1K
努力，努力，努力。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6wFnQvdsU
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwUiRL1pqW
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Uy9jdiNtu
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMHJF0q2Hc
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeGWjqPtWP
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxyEtjmq4z
以為。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnwlmzOm4g
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag201LbuDD
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpesXEl62o
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWBAfQeIxi
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhn4JwEZ3i
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Audf9XD0W
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPlyDSgG7K
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYD0PrSErRP
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxdb0PYVFR
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNzb9kxCvT
我的作品感動了我。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OKhBDXIXN
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6hzzMwPCq
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBK6TptdeX
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDz1DleiW94
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPLdBR0bpC
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1hahpV2gR
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXOb9PXiEo
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRL9FZHJ73
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OyV4czSiu
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdHIFEvs1W
熱茶又涼了。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemrEdj4xDk
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LMn4YOyYA
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD8Uk3dBAr
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmpJ7iVVgM
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmePKIX3xz
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnS3Oz6FIO
我的作品只感動了我。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0fbFXSeic
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCAuFuNQcX
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx60TrNgUi