ATEEZ的長篇故事《訪客》 - 第二章

三年前的事還歷歷在目。

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崔傘返回韓國那天，除了回到曾經的住處以外，其他地方哪兒都沒去。

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空蕩蕩的。

祂不在。

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是從什麼時候開始愛上祂呢。

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那天包紮完腳傷回到住處，崔傘赫然想起什麼，因此紅暈爬滿臉頰。

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原因不是別的，是朴星和待在自己身旁的眼神。

充滿溫柔氣息，讓人怪心動的。

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從崔傘總是處處針鋒相對，至今他們成為分享故事的對象。

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懶洋洋的早晨，做什麼都讓人提不起勁。

崔傘伸了好幾個懶腰才從床上坐起。

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一樓矮陽台前祂盤著腿和野貓對視。

半透明的物體乘著陽光照射，看似輕盈。

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直到崔傘拉開落地窗嚇得野貓迅速溜走後，朴星和抬頭看看他。

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「早安」

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要是這個世界允許，崔傘肯定會一把將朴星和擁入懷裡。

讓祂蓬鬆的髮絲靠在自己胸前撒個嬌。

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「祢不久前還躺在我旁邊呢」

隨口一句話將不切實際的願望打斷，崔傘覺得太不真實了。

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崔傘有時半夜醒來都能看見朴星和的身影，更長時間是站在窗戶前，看起來在思考什麼。

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雖然大多時候祂都躺在自己身邊。

隨著次數增加，崔傘也習慣的留下靠外那半邊的床位。

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「我不需要睡覺所以才到處晃著」

後者禮貌微笑。

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一切都比想像中來得溫暖。

他從沒想過會在朴星和身上尋求慰藉。

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兩個不同世界的人相愛的機率是多少呢？

崔傘不曾想過這個問題。

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不久前還認為靈魂是一種負擔，那時跟朴星和起了爭執。

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崔傘內心的傷口還未消失。

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曾經他承受了周遭人們投射在他身上的視線，以及冤魂們的情緒壓力。

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久而久之，他認為逃避才是對自己最好的選擇。

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所以崔傘為第一次見面就匆忙離開而道歉，他只是比較習慣獨自思考。

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「我們對彼此坦誠一點好嗎？」

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「你還沒叫過我名字吧？」

「崔傘，試著叫我的名字」

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朴星和知道崔傘背對自己正在掉淚，作勢從後方伸手擁抱他。

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祂甚至以為自己藏的很好，殊不知腳底板踩在崔傘旁邊早已露餡。

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不怎麼害羞呢。

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當時打算否定朴星和存在的那個人，現在是祂的全世界。

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然而因為崔傘的出現，朴星和對「幸福」越來越渴求。

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如果祂和崔傘活在同個世界上⋯

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穿著彼此喜歡的衣服、在咖啡廳正式約會、甚至肢體上的交流。

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朴星和好像喘不過氣。

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從崔傘不經意問出些問題，祂還沒有辦法當作回憶說出口。

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「看來要習慣去面對死亡這件事⋯」

「還太困難了」

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作勢把祂攬過來，卻稍微模模糊糊的穿透過去。

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時間久到連朴星和都快遺忘死亡的感受。

也不曉得是什麼原因，祂始終沒有從這個世界裡消逝。

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「我喜歡祢」

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崔傘壓根也沒預料到這份感情的萌芽。

甚至因為相戀，讓那個世界的時間加速流動。

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所以在他們認識將近半年時，崔傘好像再也撐不住了。

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他們的戀情相當脆弱。

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就算朴星和小心翼翼的保護這段愛情，但崔傘總是不經意的將不安感寫在臉上。

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怎麼說呢⋯

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每當激起那份慾望時，崔傘壓根控制不了情緒。

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看得到卻無法觸碰。

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朴星和說這陣子有那麼幾次，會看著自己雙手突然變得透明。

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是開啟了什麼開關，讓祂感覺自己漸漸在消逝。

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「如果未來的祢不在了」

「那我願意留在這裡陪祢」

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最崩潰的那次，崔傘哭著衝進廚房舉起刀子。

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刀沿抵住他白皙的肌膚，頸部浮起紅色血管。

他哭得全身顫抖朴星和都看在眼裡。

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可朴星和連擁抱他的雙手都沒有。

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「你不准這麼做」

祂以自己會消失在這個家中做為威脅。

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剩下六個月。

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他們能給彼此安慰多少呢？

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2022.02.01

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