Contest Entries - Diarrhea - ye old poop poop, don't be a john

This is two entries from the contest Diarrhea

ye old poop poop

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A good while ago,

I was seated, right here, in this very room,

as my stomach gurgled.

it moaned and complained, and thought I, 'Heavens,

what an odd thing to occur'.

Soon, I felt the funniest feeling - yet there was nothing amusing

about what would hence take place.

You see, my friend, a good while ago,

well, you see...

It hurts me to say, I cannot find respectable terms.

Well, my buttocks exploded.

One, and I was sitting idly,

Two, and I was feeling a tad off,

Three- It was too late.

So you understand, my friend

I did truly have Diarrhea.

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don't be a john

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John - How come you weren't at bowling tonight? We missed you!

Rose - Ah, John, so lovely to have you call me. Well, I was preoccupied you see...

John - How so?

Rose - I was just a little poorly John, let's leave it at that.

John - Was it that nasty virus? Shouldn't you be isolating?

Rose - No, no, John it was something else...

John - Well, what then? My son is a doctor, you know, so perhaps I can help.

Rose - I had diarrhea, John, okay? Poop was squirting from my behind, okay?

John - Oh. You shouldn't told me.

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