現行大學教育體制下的犧牲品,完畢。
接著說故事。讓我為剛才冗長、不簡略、沒有重點、根本騙字數的自我介紹道歉,這裡我一言以蔽之。
一個小白臉靠老婆過活的日子,以上。
當然有人想問:「這有什麼好說的?」
我會這樣回答:「這小白臉很出名。」
他叫,諸葛亮孔明。
故事的開始有點模糊,因為我記得我人在宿舍,剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口,沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提,時間是星期三早上八點,一整天的課大概都得翹掉。122Please respect copyright.PENANA4KFiRHkqZh
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不過那已經不重要了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOj4duBGmjU
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因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。122Please respect copyright.PENANAW5t1heuPCo
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiSp49rfPZo
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風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3CKTyt33oy
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風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAdVwzKJT7PR
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那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。122Please respect copyright.PENANAurg9mU3jWx
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我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvFX1m9CdmF
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似男類女,撲朔迷離。122Please respect copyright.PENANAFaxlbq1zAp
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我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmKJ3YMXNM5
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甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJrUug6d6QU
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那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAEtDavPdsXX
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我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。122Please respect copyright.PENANAggFxaOVGO0
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我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZUOpwW47l
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他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAwV8gRdWCcG
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我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwn3plETeF6
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甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfi95F5YBrB
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人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVVqykdgtqy
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這時我只想笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAYpM5uzqiw
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我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAFnrhvnRYSl
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那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAZcRyPFNARv
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我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAaYoADccQdn
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諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAezufnXbFU1
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我走下床、打開門、走出去……122Please respect copyright.PENANAgMBKla10p7
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停住。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhGrlWxJ7NO
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如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGssKpCabIR
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刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。122Please respect copyright.PENANA7Xd6AQ9aGr
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我面無表情關上門,回頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGVe8USE7Be
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諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIOFI18NGlZ
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諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」122Please respect copyright.PENANACTIkUuxu12
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文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAMTBPJBKF5
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太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwQtPMnZQxV
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但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWjK6yGIfru
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諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAE0hOf0rKzF
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我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuTBqcLSEbu
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竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。122Please respect copyright.PENANAO32ZwdEQgc
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怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。122Please respect copyright.PENANAy9RsB7eKYh
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萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAd17oUSDATu
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWHD8OqeD5P
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痛死我,不信也得信了。122Please respect copyright.PENANApgvPgc2E6i
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「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAn4tPFlQGc7
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我:「這是什麼情況?」122Please respect copyright.PENANA5bYwYgDkNE
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這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?122Please respect copyright.PENANAXfNI8TMj2V
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我絕對沒有打錯字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuz2N04EuAR
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諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANARWm7jwzlKr
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我:「代替?」122Please respect copyright.PENANA2rjeJXo1Gw
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諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAQAZd5rNG1A
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我:「為什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANANEt8oBgwS0
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諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAKSF1MYZIVc
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我:「那不要說好了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAdGbG0ms8GP
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諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAVGFd8gZL3m
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「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAVJ7pEv0u11
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諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」122Please respect copyright.PENANArFRglqXzGt
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也差不多意思。122Please respect copyright.PENANALKDWWKKlZI
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諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA6EOePgNz1j
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真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。122Please respect copyright.PENANAgxyUKRqAvo
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諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA7IbyG0znoq
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好個有商業頭腦的老頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAluYHmRs4sH
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我:「這算什麼錯?」122Please respect copyright.PENANARULrDZC6aQ
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諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIE6uCVKbyh
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我:「這樣很好啊。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAR6DjzNBeld
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諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZkeK2MbHA
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……122Please respect copyright.PENANAkwpnFcaT9Q
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諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAUaxTmr8gWr
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你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!122Please respect copyright.PENANAWjJbqgZR2q
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諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAj8Yc2dNOiW
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我:「什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAqT81JDf6Y5
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諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」122Please respect copyright.PENANA75PxPCvHaW
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是報應沒有錯啊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxSRgZ2Bqnk
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不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANAakh22hnCJM
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重點是。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3TzgdZGfS4
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怪我嘍?122Please respect copyright.PENANAqv1NxAEHaP
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我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAfQdtIxJSkB
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諸葛亮:「抱歉。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIBu2Mqxphe
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我:「不接受行不行?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAoDHkyWKcYA
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諸葛亮:「對不起。」122Please respect copyright.PENANABg2vjFmYAT
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……122Please respect copyright.PENANAF9YUhJcI7m
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諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA5kwHjfF1Fp
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。122Please respect copyright.PENANAldvuXClmCb
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「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAAfINrtJ7oH
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去你妹的。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkARLiT1ePv
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我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA3stnh8APkk
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那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。122Please respect copyright.PENANAS32VoFJopP
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不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。122Please respect copyright.PENANALfKwSUJrab
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但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAnFAa1bFafV
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他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。122Please respect copyright.PENANA61M79czZbS
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我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaBG6VX836H
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鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9KOxqxhv0h
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諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAdO9SVAve01
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我無話可說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAamyK5mXSDT
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諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAYCP5hI6rNr
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我真的無話可說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL4raNA70oh
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諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAzKLgrjAdxd
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我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAuEgHVolFji
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諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAQfAFjXgnh8
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我剛才已經問了!122Please respect copyright.PENANAsqhCgowC98
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他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANA8KkPYJdLJG
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我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAT45hZrLhCM
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「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAjGxjrOrUna
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我:「放心?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAGGi3GeBhGJ
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諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAH7jt3KpeJq
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我喉頭一澀。122Please respect copyright.PENANASVtIyQHtCQ
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根本笑不出來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcoq29Mnw7q
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但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAGA6Ry4xpUe
122Please respect copyright.PENANANJ1oCwKccS
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。122Please respect copyright.PENANAau4VcdiK7a
122Please respect copyright.PENANARe6nUGKEdq
「歷史是會騙人的。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAi1PPHUw1JM
122Please respect copyright.PENANAXgwJ3lz8Cb
我的視界陷入混沌當中。
ns216.73.216.224da2122Please respect copyright.PENANAoWrYYgXUbc
不過那已經不重要了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOj4duBGmjU
122Please respect copyright.PENANARspWjSuzmd
因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。122Please respect copyright.PENANAW5t1heuPCo
122Please respect copyright.PENANAgBXpgBghyh
那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiSp49rfPZo
122Please respect copyright.PENANA9Mqi53ctsn
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3CKTyt33oy
122Please respect copyright.PENANAnQQfuTDnnP
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAdVwzKJT7PR
122Please respect copyright.PENANAo9bg2AT9xL
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。122Please respect copyright.PENANAurg9mU3jWx
122Please respect copyright.PENANAeOp2Yu0MOZ
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvFX1m9CdmF
122Please respect copyright.PENANACUKDXAXZTt
似男類女,撲朔迷離。122Please respect copyright.PENANAFaxlbq1zAp
122Please respect copyright.PENANAOS513VArt9
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmKJ3YMXNM5
122Please respect copyright.PENANACh5UgfDtzz
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJrUug6d6QU
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlVa1EQxmjn
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAEtDavPdsXX
122Please respect copyright.PENANABFKVWDXuEa
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。122Please respect copyright.PENANAggFxaOVGO0
122Please respect copyright.PENANAJMs2wpNj2b
我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZUOpwW47l
122Please respect copyright.PENANAdErOenxQy6
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAwV8gRdWCcG
122Please respect copyright.PENANAL1apBeTFVr
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwn3plETeF6
122Please respect copyright.PENANAFfNIGONZOr
甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfi95F5YBrB
122Please respect copyright.PENANAfAiU3tKVpn
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVVqykdgtqy
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUCyoxVzQjV
這時我只想笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAYpM5uzqiw
122Please respect copyright.PENANA5Hf4DEWsPg
我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAFnrhvnRYSl
122Please respect copyright.PENANAZucEKdGqeX
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAZcRyPFNARv
122Please respect copyright.PENANAc7rHYCDgJl
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAaYoADccQdn
122Please respect copyright.PENANAInywnVulXZ
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAezufnXbFU1
122Please respect copyright.PENANA6Aj9v5XTlt
我走下床、打開門、走出去……122Please respect copyright.PENANAgMBKla10p7
122Please respect copyright.PENANA81yq6JmO4E
停住。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhGrlWxJ7NO
122Please respect copyright.PENANAyEbiNhYKVL
如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGssKpCabIR
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUJRpwnjCil
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。122Please respect copyright.PENANA7Xd6AQ9aGr
122Please respect copyright.PENANAhslHgQhbf6
我面無表情關上門,回頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGVe8USE7Be
122Please respect copyright.PENANAu8ph0LfYrr
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIOFI18NGlZ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAkvrvjmRsjH
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」122Please respect copyright.PENANACTIkUuxu12
122Please respect copyright.PENANAfnSVg7sRjW
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAMTBPJBKF5
122Please respect copyright.PENANAooeGEhO4ci
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwQtPMnZQxV
122Please respect copyright.PENANAaCeWiRQkME
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWjK6yGIfru
122Please respect copyright.PENANAjv2CGIEDVE
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAE0hOf0rKzF
122Please respect copyright.PENANAjYoebXSMAK
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuTBqcLSEbu
122Please respect copyright.PENANAD5unLVfpRT
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。122Please respect copyright.PENANAO32ZwdEQgc
122Please respect copyright.PENANAfQlQlcoXuL
怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。122Please respect copyright.PENANAy9RsB7eKYh
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlNEk4EKL7v
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAd17oUSDATu
122Please respect copyright.PENANARE2oyHYv4B
然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWHD8OqeD5P
122Please respect copyright.PENANAsJs8vxmIpT
痛死我,不信也得信了。122Please respect copyright.PENANApgvPgc2E6i
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVW7LGECEZI
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAn4tPFlQGc7
122Please respect copyright.PENANAIX8jirmIkT
我:「這是什麼情況?」122Please respect copyright.PENANA5bYwYgDkNE
122Please respect copyright.PENANAjzINSn5e8u
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?122Please respect copyright.PENANAXfNI8TMj2V
122Please respect copyright.PENANAMPjiBA2XB1
我絕對沒有打錯字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuz2N04EuAR
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUhydf8ZIHa
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANARWm7jwzlKr
122Please respect copyright.PENANA3U86AbwhRh
我:「代替?」122Please respect copyright.PENANA2rjeJXo1Gw
122Please respect copyright.PENANATBJNIEyHGK
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAQAZd5rNG1A
122Please respect copyright.PENANAaY7U6TNHBv
我:「為什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANANEt8oBgwS0
122Please respect copyright.PENANAvfzDwuvI5I
諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAKSF1MYZIVc
122Please respect copyright.PENANAvTZJokgq5N
我:「那不要說好了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAdGbG0ms8GP
122Please respect copyright.PENANA9uVaMj1VAa
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAVGFd8gZL3m
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGqCc7SQ7yc
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAVJ7pEv0u11
122Please respect copyright.PENANAnQFfuwXLkr
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」122Please respect copyright.PENANArFRglqXzGt
122Please respect copyright.PENANAECsrsQkHGG
也差不多意思。122Please respect copyright.PENANALKDWWKKlZI
122Please respect copyright.PENANAMNl4OjWVRc
諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA6EOePgNz1j
122Please respect copyright.PENANAzaCXMz7rN5
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。122Please respect copyright.PENANAgxyUKRqAvo
122Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ra1hU5Ruy
諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA7IbyG0znoq
122Please respect copyright.PENANAmetaStEMy2
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAluYHmRs4sH
122Please respect copyright.PENANAiXsWv1etMf
我:「這算什麼錯?」122Please respect copyright.PENANARULrDZC6aQ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAjrIrwrebwh
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIE6uCVKbyh
122Please respect copyright.PENANApZYp9KRPzU
我:「這樣很好啊。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAR6DjzNBeld
122Please respect copyright.PENANAjplhI5AopP
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZkeK2MbHA
122Please respect copyright.PENANAz9y23AV1DN
……122Please respect copyright.PENANAkwpnFcaT9Q
122Please respect copyright.PENANA2cCesL3Q0n
諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAUaxTmr8gWr
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVGgHdrdip5
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!122Please respect copyright.PENANAWjJbqgZR2q
122Please respect copyright.PENANAZPpMGgfvp5
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAj8Yc2dNOiW
122Please respect copyright.PENANArEpwvhluab
我:「什麼?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAqT81JDf6Y5
122Please respect copyright.PENANABme0K4obyk
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」122Please respect copyright.PENANA75PxPCvHaW
122Please respect copyright.PENANAXhRUiblbDK
是報應沒有錯啊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxSRgZ2Bqnk
122Please respect copyright.PENANALWvQ3F62lj
不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANAakh22hnCJM
122Please respect copyright.PENANAgNEG7ZGyQr
重點是。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3TzgdZGfS4
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGwjmx8gtj1
怪我嘍?122Please respect copyright.PENANAqv1NxAEHaP
122Please respect copyright.PENANAP6ziAR1E7g
我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAfQdtIxJSkB
122Please respect copyright.PENANAQqyN5co9VI
諸葛亮:「抱歉。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAIBu2Mqxphe
122Please respect copyright.PENANAzQgBoHEgwL
我:「不接受行不行?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAoDHkyWKcYA
122Please respect copyright.PENANATSqyJsW2Zg
諸葛亮:「對不起。」122Please respect copyright.PENANABg2vjFmYAT
122Please respect copyright.PENANALGDNr6apKO
……122Please respect copyright.PENANAF9YUhJcI7m
122Please respect copyright.PENANAHo0xjfiKqJ
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA5kwHjfF1Fp
122Please respect copyright.PENANAhCdy1Bfwd1
那我大概有三次被抓的機會。122Please respect copyright.PENANAldvuXClmCb
122Please respect copyright.PENANAb2VxKpbmrX
「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAAfINrtJ7oH
122Please respect copyright.PENANAqtGcbjUgY5
去你妹的。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkARLiT1ePv
122Please respect copyright.PENANA2YTTAi49yi
我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」122Please respect copyright.PENANA3stnh8APkk
122Please respect copyright.PENANAbK6nDzHznl
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。122Please respect copyright.PENANAS32VoFJopP
122Please respect copyright.PENANAJbhTNxmpW4
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。122Please respect copyright.PENANALfKwSUJrab
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUPyYxjhxhY
但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAnFAa1bFafV
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlcT9g2DmLx
他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。122Please respect copyright.PENANA61M79czZbS
122Please respect copyright.PENANA1jERykjYvD
我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaBG6VX836H
122Please respect copyright.PENANAeZcELXHNKn
鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9KOxqxhv0h
122Please respect copyright.PENANAKCVc7qdADw
諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAdO9SVAve01
122Please respect copyright.PENANAsLxM0CvwVj
我無話可說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAamyK5mXSDT
122Please respect copyright.PENANApp3R5EvMT1
諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAYCP5hI6rNr
122Please respect copyright.PENANAphxcjnP48e
我真的無話可說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL4raNA70oh
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7semIchSt3
諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAzKLgrjAdxd
122Please respect copyright.PENANATwjVaC8fhV
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAuEgHVolFji
122Please respect copyright.PENANAxmuhjRXaml
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAQfAFjXgnh8
122Please respect copyright.PENANAirDbBAHtrU
我剛才已經問了!122Please respect copyright.PENANAsqhCgowC98
122Please respect copyright.PENANAZsodzYfMEk
他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANA8KkPYJdLJG
122Please respect copyright.PENANAe3u0Mq8odj
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAT45hZrLhCM
122Please respect copyright.PENANASUUz5gWNv5
「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAjGxjrOrUna
122Please respect copyright.PENANAO3YeENuCAJ
我:「放心?」122Please respect copyright.PENANAGGi3GeBhGJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAY3aiggcSWa
諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAH7jt3KpeJq
122Please respect copyright.PENANAs0CAp0tCOb
我喉頭一澀。122Please respect copyright.PENANASVtIyQHtCQ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAZzhExhRGBp
根本笑不出來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcoq29Mnw7q
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUhKdtvi8p2
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAGA6Ry4xpUe
122Please respect copyright.PENANANJ1oCwKccS
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。122Please respect copyright.PENANAau4VcdiK7a
122Please respect copyright.PENANARe6nUGKEdq
「歷史是會騙人的。」122Please respect copyright.PENANAi1PPHUw1JM
122Please respect copyright.PENANAXgwJ3lz8Cb
我的視界陷入混沌當中。