從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzw5JbZvag
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEninsh6Ge
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqiu9HrkyO
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpG0cvqsXUg
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgkL6y9U1F
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuW4lw9ZbG
　　我滿意點頭。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55kX3PgLh6
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9Qywl05Na
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEromtiCJJR
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRr0E9QP7I
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt3NLIEfcZ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJynfQKEG8
　　「不知貴不貴？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhzDNiFfvd
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjPCDOeHuZ
　　「應該還好。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBjfLAMTxB
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8ds10A1sD
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq1lKeAPfZ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNhBC1PPMk
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4om7gqrX2l
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcV79l0ulEt
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rR9Ry3kzP
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIuMzBgNU2
　　我震驚了。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszM6A4CHeJ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJ39pfFwKQ
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVE84rqdwb
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6vjB6s4Sb
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qh97p5M4g
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyZe1vusdP
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFv8NegXkC
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W6BMK3cDH
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnnPwJd91v
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WHahuusKj
　　What the hell?863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHkQxL4jND
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoOpieFwWW
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKh4FCSxVF
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPepgT7fqv
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43q4GtYo9a
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BY6pkm56e
　　嘶——863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQZe4rcN3v
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57Ja78oh84
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXu1olnH9cU
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwANHHphqM5
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3VWiGJE67
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX3OAJwzCO
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbcJBvt3k1
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnkhbxbud9
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcUBdAWGvQ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgROjoSDcKO
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4FWVHWXCZ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGtc1A6rTF
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0vXsH0yk7
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxWv6n3L8C
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOl1bfzhfI
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDMaadSQEN
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku7W0YI1dV
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalezhhXRRC
　　然而高個子不為所動！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71eT4WzkdX
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1BSGi2qqd
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCNxgbGM26
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgv3AjfEH0
　　高個子依然面不改色！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC57eJehW2
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbVCzlapbG
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXjTjdinIV
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lDqS0bLr8
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbLIRJ3gRB
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfMRbez5T8
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzUPaynBbT
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSTH5pgbZe
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax5z2IAGPC
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtrhaeKbNT
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4U01CvcYP
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Bj8wd3OBa
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbcIf5TRIO
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hjOKQWg6x
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazfX0KXXYG
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkToq2XP3Je
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhcxFzevfn
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV1cx8t5vS
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq5rTCSUXQ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUgWwKLTWK
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTZiLIYzU6
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAJIfO8P2X
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64mDU3TAL3
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvXiX9jk0d
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqIrPCGIMf
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE1VcBcR8Y
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HteGyyeZu
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IuK5UtJtE
　　「但我餓了。」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKaNA8iePv
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14YSYU15Dy
　　「……」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj60s30UgV7
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrVxKpTHkt
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYnMwPZAOD
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDovcyd4rIR
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1oexA6Ylw
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJR8bup1BC
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSuQadF2UJ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPyklGxtm7
　　「小語……小語……」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbP4QgOkSk
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZEaG3f6GE
　　Gya——863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNn2Gos81T
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShvrlTkXoz
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMedMKVgaK
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfkXV40iW8
　　They are fucking gay!863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6a1pb9ceD
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ353VfKWSWX
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoCq7kHDX7
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtfkFmmUaC
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVSvWyIofo
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQS9HTzOxY
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64ylkowgRY
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdfzPWyjvx
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3llKZ5aglK
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kRLlfnzKM
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMESBeFjIqZ
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8424ePYMvQ
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGj9393oIo
　　863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB39vl1RyWO
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlEVL2bEag