"So we'll say goodbye for now," Becky said, her voice gentle and reassuring. "Take care of yourself, okay?"160Please respect copyright.PENANAGDGFaRM3kS
"Okay, bye."160Please respect copyright.PENANAIpUzUjaSTE
The door lock snapped shut with a “click”.160Please respect copyright.PENANAnJn1TtEkbw
Once again, I returned to my lonely and desolate world, facing the challenges of today, tomorrow, and the days to come. Alone.160Please respect copyright.PENANAyW59wjOROf
At least until I return for another counseling session.160Please respect copyright.PENANAtpMGxlLbkd
There was a time when that "click" would have sent me spiraling deep into anxiety, with cold hands and feet, and trembling all over. The sound was my life preserver, my only support, and I was left mercilessly alone to face this emotional monster called “depression”, devouring all my hopes. Staggering on the verge of collapse, I wanted to knock on the door again, clinging onto the only ray of light as tears streamed down my face.160Please respect copyright.PENANAedGnybImng
But my remaining sanity and dignity told me that this was something I had to face. Long is the road and cruel is the world.160Please respect copyright.PENANAh7bp5PsyxM
Becky was my psychotherapist. Since my family underwent a sudden change six months ago, I was gripped by depression. My friends Kevin and Penny recommended her service to me, hoping her expertise would lead me out of this labyrinth of desperation. 160Please respect copyright.PENANA9UloObtX5R
Every time I met with Becky, she would encourage me to speak freely about my recent situation and problems. After digesting this information, she would pinpoint the key issues and ask me questions, helping me to reflect on my feelings and respond accordingly. As an information technology professional (an "IT person"), before every meeting, I would organize the key points I wanted to discuss and write them down on my phone to ensure efficiency.160Please respect copyright.PENANAK9ZK4C1Zyz
In response to her questions, my answers were usually concise and logical.160Please respect copyright.PENANADUwy8dvKwf
However, no matter how efficient and rational I strived to be, my rising emotions would often overwhelm the facade of control. 160Please respect copyright.PENANAsD99tKLpjx
Especially when I talked about the past and touched on the deep wounds buried within me, my emotions would break down like a dam bursting. Like today, when Becky instructed me to close my eyes and recall some "images" from the past, recalling the most regretful episode in my life.160Please respect copyright.PENANABN1CgMa9DA
I closed my eyes, recalling faces and events that had left a mark in my life. Finally, a person came to the fore: my grandma.160Please respect copyright.PENANAunJzo0ITWD
Scene after scene of the time we spent together came into focus, the vivid sharpness cut through my heart.160Please respect copyright.PENANA3yyuKjF5lR
"I remember grandma," I said softly, tears bursting out with endless longing.160Please respect copyright.PENANANTyP3MVrcD
I couldn't stop crying for a full ten minutes, mumbling the same sentence over and over again.160Please respect copyright.PENANAcWe0x4jB5t
"I miss her so much, I miss her so much!"160Please respect copyright.PENANAvTcOQqpVxj
She has been gone for over six years. When she developed dementia, she gradually lost her ability to take care of herself and had to move to a nursing home. And she couldn't recognize anyone apart from me. But I was always busy with work and couldn't find the time to visit. Day after day, month after month, I kept procrastinating, until one rare day when I left work early because I wasn't feeling well, I decided to visit her at the nursing home.
On the way, I passed by a Chinese bakery and remembered that she loved Chinese buns, especially the hot and spicy meat ones, so I bought two and shared them with her.160Please respect copyright.PENANAgmTWeULgfs
"They're delicious!" She ate them with relish.160Please respect copyright.PENANAsgda32xZM8
"Shall I come visit you again next week and bring more meat buns?" I said.160Please respect copyright.PENANAllyU10Y0ak
"Okay, okay!" Completely satisfied, grandma laughed like a child.160Please respect copyright.PENANAIoCYu5tpX8
So I made up my mind to visit her every week, no matter how busy I was, and to buy different types of Chinese buns to share with her, enjoying the simple happiness of being together, strengthening our bond through our taste buds.160Please respect copyright.PENANAtnt4Kt1qmA
Unfortunately, my plan fell through.160Please respect copyright.PENANAj2EhyqhnkJ
After that day, I never visited that Chinese bakery again.160Please respect copyright.PENANAftNmBBV3iB
Grandma's health suddenly deteriorated and she needed emergency treatment at the hospital. A few days later, she passed away.160Please respect copyright.PENANAjMX6qqgpL5
The last words she said to me were "Okay, okay."160Please respect copyright.PENANAX0RFj2PYgr
This was probably the first "unforgettable regret" in my life.160Please respect copyright.PENANAYy6RzjDEgH
“You are sitting on the edge of a rooftop. You are devastated. You are on your own. The choice is yours. You can turn left to get yourself back into life, or you can simply turn right to give in. Unfortunately there is no one that you can look up to for help. You have to make this decision on your own.160Please respect copyright.PENANAAcrC1EV4SM
This is DEPRESSION.”
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