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Die-hard fan
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✳Yes I am extremely tired and sore from working all day but I feel at ease the moment I see your smile✳
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Crystal Valerie Beck
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197Please respect copyright.PENANAYThD7PmoVa
I sigh loudly immediately my balance appear on my phone screen, why is my account balance always crying, at least it is not a negative
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I only ever have enough money at the end of the month when I get paid for tutoring some overly spoilt kids, fast forward to the seventh day of the month and it has all vanished into thin air
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I can't even ask my mum for money since it is not one of those extremely important things she would willingly give me her money for, and she is an overly brainy woman who can't be tricked easily
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I can't spend the money I get from the cafe either, that one is supposed to be saved in my school funds
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I pressed the home key button hitting the candy crush icon almost immediately to play, why is the bus taking so damn long
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"Everything is going to be alright" the frail-looking woman sitting beside me said with a reassuring look on her face, why did she say that to me? I never said I had any problems
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I do have problems but I never told her I had any
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I am kind of confused but I still smiled at her "do you need money?" she asked me with a kind smile
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will she give me money if I said I needed it? And yes I believe I can meet someone on my way home who would solve all my problems, I have delusions of grandeur
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Is this how I will meet my rich Samaritan? the one who will be the answer to all my prayers
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God, finally!!
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I smile kindly at her nodding my head "one would have known with the way you sighed" my dumbass self forgot I sighed loudly
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"It was for another...." My sentence got cut short as the bus arrived "the bus is here" she said as she rushed toward it, great timing bus, you could have been here two minutes earlier and saved me from telling her I needed money with a freak smile on my face
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Should I take this bus or should I wait for the next one, that's going to take long
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even if what happened meant nothing, it is totally embarrassing to me
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I am the kind of person who overthinks and misjudge practically every kind of situation, I don't want to face her again even if she is going to be my rich Samaritan
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do I think my rich Samaritan will be taking the bus with me?
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Yes
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Am I dumb?
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Yes
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But you don't have to say it out loud
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I indeed needed money, but what I need the money for is not something I can be very proud announcing to people
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I can be proud to announce it to a certain group of people, those of us that think alike
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I got on the bus anyways, the woman keeps waving at me, she made hand gestures while mouthing for me to come and sit beside her
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I walk straight towards her smiling while taking a sit, there are a lot of sit left by the window side but she seems to be too nice to ignore and I always have a hard time ignoring people
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I'm hoping she doesn't do exactly what my mum would do, you know ask a stranger if they need money then proceed to pray and look at them pitifully till they part ways or even go to the extent of trying to get the stranger contact to do little help like inviting them over for food and giving them the little she can afford
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I'm talking from experience
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my only prayer is that she doesn't bring home a weirdo or worse a serial killer
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She didn't make any side talk and she even slept off after a while
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she is quite different from my mum then, I wanted to tell her goodbye when the bus got to my stop but I decided against it
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My house is a tad bit far from the stop so I have some trekking to do
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My breath sounds forced as if I had just ran a marathon, well I just did
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Considering the fact that i arrive at my doorstep exactly fifteen minutes after
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That's a new record
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I knocked on the door for over two minutes, my mum is supposed to be home now, where is she? that is unusual and also quite usual
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It isn't something new but in my case, I worry about every little thing
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I groaned, taking my sweet time to get to the flower pot to take the key from under it, checking around to catch someone with a camera hiding behind the flowers
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It is not that bad, I just have the main character's energy
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Confidence is the key or so I've heard
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I unlocked the door only to find my brother sprawled all over the chair "why are you home at this time of the day" I questioned pretty annoyed that I had to unlock the door with my very own hand after getting the key and acting like the main character for almost three minutes when he could have saved the hassle and opened the damn door when I knocked it "you don't like me being home" I have decided to ignore him at this moment saving my self the time to argue, I need the time on something more important
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Alex lee is going live any second and I have to watch my baby, I have never missed any of his lives and I am not about to start now because my dumb brother happens to be around
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I marched up the stair with a little bounce to my step, I made sure to lock the door because I didn't want to be disturbed during the most important moment of my life, I set my laptop in front of me with the bowl of snacks I had in my room earlier this morning, I looked at the wall clock
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If he finishes quickly, I'll be able to watch Tae mu's live too, and that would be a burst of happiness for one day, this is why they should stop their lives from clashing, there are a lot of people who stan them both
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"Oh babe" I squealed immediately Alex appeared on the screen, this guy has never looked bad a day in his life, why is God so unfair to some of us
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I lay on my stomach facing my laptop and lifting my feet in the air
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"안녕하세요 여러분, 잘 지내세요? {hi everyone, how are you}" my heart melted immediately I heard Alex's voice, I mean literally melted
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There is this satisfaction that comes with listening to his voice when he is talking or whenever he is singing
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I watched as comments float on the screen and I am glad people appreciate him as much as I do, but no matter how many people like you there are some mother fuckers who just hate you for no reason
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'You should die'
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The comment said and I immediately replied
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'You can take his place'
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I sent the comment with so much enthusiasm
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Truth to be told, I wasn't always interested in his lives or watching him every time
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I watched his vlive one day and I saw a lot of comments that were so stupid and inhumane to say to people and it pissed me off and hurt me, it was as if they were all directed at me
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Imagine how the person it was directed to probably feels
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Since then I made it my mission, to reply to anybody who makes an insensitive comment about any of them
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'You sing trash'
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I don't see any point in hurting others' feelings, if you don't find comfort or pleasure in what someone is doing, just don't pay attention to them
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'Your life is trash'
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I commented immediately making sure to @ the commenter
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These idols can't say what is bothering them because they have to appear nice and un-bothered on screen, well since they don't have the opportunity to reply, I help them say exactly what I think they are going to reply to these bullies
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It kept on going for a while a lot of nice comments and a few bad comments and I did the honor of telling those stupid bullies to fuck off
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It has now become a routine that I never seem to miss
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I'm getting a little thirsty so I reach for one of the many bottles I have on my bedside but they are all falling and making a clinking sound which means they are empty, I am so annoyed at myself right now that I didn't leave any water there because I always have two to three bottles since I drink water a lot
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Don't think I'm some health freak, I balance the water out with Pepsi
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I quickly rush downstairs trying not to hit anything on my way, all the light are off and it is dark, we have an unspoken rule in my house that I find surprising that everyone one of us follows because it is hard to follow even the spoken rules
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Whenever any member of the family leaves any part of the house, they always leave the lights off, it was so scary when they started it but I started doing it too, so whenever there is nobody in the living room, we all just leave every single light off, I took three bottles of water and headed back to my room
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I am already a few minutes late, I jumped on my bed excited to continue listening to Alex's deep, soothing voice
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"So you guys should just write your name and your age on the coupon and try your luck out to win" wow what have I missed, I am furious, why will he get to the important part only when I went to get something
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I went to get water for like five minutes and I missed an important announcement, are you kidding me?
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I quickly typed in hoping he see it or something because he has never replied to my comment before, no matter how much I typed or how fast I was, I was the first person to be on his live one time and I expected him to talk to me and if I didn't know he was a sweet human being, I would have said he ignored me on purpose
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But I'm sure he doesn't even know I exist and I just haven't gotten the luck to be replied to by any of them
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I continued listening to him even though I don't understand what he is saying anymore
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To my surprise he replied to my comment, I was speechless and looking at the screen so dumbly
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"I was just talking about a coupon which is going to have a lucky person win a surprise gift, we don't know what it is yet, or do we?" he wiggled his eyebrow teasing us, "so you write your name, your username and your age, then you wait for the announcement on Wednesday" I was still in awe at the fact that Alex said my user name which he didn't bother calling in full probably because of what it was
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I quickly typed in a thank you because he answered "천만에요 {you're welcome}" he replied again smiling kindly at me
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He was smiling at the screen but you can't tell me it wasn't directed at me
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What the actual fuck, he just answered me twice in one day, I think my life is going to go on smoothly from now on
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"You guys want me to do a mukbang video" he asked after reading it from the comments
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'OMG yes' I quickly typed getting happy he might actually do it "I'm going to ask Min ho hyung about it, 우리는 함께 할 수 있었다 {we could do it together}" he replied while giving a thumbs up
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He is so freaking cute that I'm dying
"Thanks for your support guys, I love you all so much until next time, 안녕 얘들아 {bye guys}" he waved at the screen and I waved back at him as if he could see me
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I tried to watch tae mu's lives too, but I only met him halfway, he also talked about the coupon, I always followed the same routine for every idol I watch, I reply to haters
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I only like two groups so much but it is still worth it
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I sometimes just wake up in the middle of the night and just stare into oblivion, I told my doctor about it and he said it is due to my anxiety
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When I wake up most of the time, I just stare at the drawings on my wall till I fall asleep but most of the time I just cry my self to sleep
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Today I feel extremely uncomfortable, I begin tossing and turning till I finally feel comfortable laying on my side, I stare at the picture of my father hugging me while he carried my brother on his shoulder, this was the father I really loved, the father that cared for us
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He just suddenly changed and became a new person, started drinking alcohol, started abusing mum and Timothy
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We thought it would stop because most of the time when he got sober he felt remorseful, he doesn't really say sorry but he buys home things, that is his own way of apologizing, I only had a reliable father figure till I was six, it went downhill from there
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Listening to music has been my escape from the real world, I started with some western music and slowly slipped in to the world of K pop
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I watch dramas, crying when the sad scene comes on trying to convince my self I'm crying because of the drama and not because of my life
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