我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2r9rI4dle
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa7C2BhAQv
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc762p6Mlcd
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5UP3QRyz9
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9Z6FRnmbq
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7NkUJR94J
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWK411pl56
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBs4v7DxST
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjV0kMqVWZe
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4LWBQoxnW
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYRF3SjdtO
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf6aHGsEXA
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZIB1sYNtU
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaVVKJtp8F
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYKIbnAe1p
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbpy0T5CfJ
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXpPLg3GfW
熬夜……對，我的錯。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5u9eg2zbe
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8oZW2h42b
的“林布蘭特”？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKEZjHRzlo
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OcW0I1s8W
吸了……560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMakuoOcj6J
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURnwUm8oHF
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugyZ8cStaT
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5Ve3VINXH
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTbQZjVv4W
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZI4OAKzVx
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeltEivANzW
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRl64vkYFS
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡit75qZA6sm
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasRFfjaE7D
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJt5tRc002B
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjspZcJsXC7
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPz1pkkLPa
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbBFHH9Cvx
怎麼辦？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mphkNoIkH
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdjhhMBjF4
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidCRVRXtUo
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3ujVDAMIi
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagOx61iWqI
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWIU8PA7jY
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPn6w3szWX
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzC5aZ5Q0a
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7GyPzXysM
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVOIMKrvf1
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiktoEIxtx
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7vszL0LC7
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wwszCFM0M
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8EjstZVYE
「下跪道歉」？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUuCIWkB5J
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65JOxRHNen
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBgru7np3T
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr76u8fbrJ2
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K12jmy6b4
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn5QEmf57x
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNlOsCsvWA
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod5NN1ohlC
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Zu3Q0VFop
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9DhM8ymnd
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZzMqUX0XS
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD7v9iIr1q
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpl80cg4FF
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg44IcQZGwr
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHbkdzPq6o
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktg28UQJ21
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJPm6VLuuN
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm3vDwnuWz
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UYPuxGC9H
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpcnrXIvZy
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJyYotim30
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi017if4uz0
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNFgu49QTL
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmZjL9Gild
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XXeFdqvBS
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8Zz6q8kR4
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67TEa1zyXV
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MfTBXBkNI
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzrv7r60Wq
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSNvhVox72
「媽」…唉…又來了…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM7uEPh22t
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyol2oBWzyC
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpc5Gsug05
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E2xDzyiwq
咦…不對……560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx45GP9OzR
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdl7NUT6M9
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eSolLCrol
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIA3SkwX1X
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjCqLjQIpK
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m2tsm5Pl3
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0knk7eC2s3
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzuIN2oa8O
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLi5OWzAu5
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ4SBSdpTK
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmX9f5stT2K
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIVnv4Xnjm
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcatedrDw7
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqzhYqkicB
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wXvQzNwjs
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgo0QkYFAo
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96RFuYB852
　　560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc8EsPU1vv
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3tsENP21F
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBeywAxZcf
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpV1My1WNbC
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyQMLD5RvF
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJRXw3h8yy
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3A3bUDs5OT
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto8p6CzLHa
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrs2aPHRdb
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQN9HtsoaQ
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2SdXpdMOh
退不得，那就跑吧！560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80to7LfgLf
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiNoRCGi7T
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7MfpY7gOp
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRLPFjpamt
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2K627fm9ms
560Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmlGn1wt2P
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。