the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF3lYkpfzy

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPthrhwVLd

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96yJI9FDRa

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoCImFjObm

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uSh60fMQ3

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpanwAsmfmf

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzQ57qLD3Q

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3TNWHdz0I
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkToxWEcf1

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Dwmq5w0BB

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZwjJ3QwWa

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIAdIGfKc7

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QUx8NmkbF

Solo

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl26tsAaq9

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQi6LXvdavb

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr95FCAADQ

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqd2Gklgpr

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXSlEqSyIN

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiL6LP6hOn

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0IlWCbe6P

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSOrJ2eKq8

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwAAhFiOjh

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7E6SCi84V

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFD9tFhs34

Honesty

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEYBm6HKR4

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXXcxEYegb

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhygk0GpHi

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoqAwtQatZ

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAU7dtI2Sr

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNULurXeHOq

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbepedEX0i

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGCrLmWwrI

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWtcSn3lVN

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPL66poS3Q

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRF7LLZX28

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jwbSeuL0h

I just don’t try,

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UZJzwch6K

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VYlvPhdPD

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQcqkeu2fR

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Tkt620VBP

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSdh1AJz5M

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NmUtKYXey

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZwPzvvf06

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpqQva1xvN

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKeJJhGVhi

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MYJRz2OaB

Fond Of

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R2sBbb5y3

What im fond of..

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhORD0mn7TD

I am fond of memories, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqzm3flURi

I am fond of love, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibrxrENswR

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgdThxD7s5

I am fond of family, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkdnXfgUTj

I am fond of life, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZNvRkir6I

I am fond of giving, until im not

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY7gVla47U

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf2N7UzzO9

Paranoia

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFd6rLCQ5K

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGaLVik2LX

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYTWm5XTZt

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RM2YsMPzK

Are they laughing at me?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt3CXBxQnn

Do they think I’m ugly?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyxWYGl5kt

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr9x2nGVyn

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs5W1p99iv

Is there something wrong with me?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EJQBBIOc5

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEsUV8GZOR

Is she looking at me?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHCeOnM6sj

I wish she would look at me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgwUokpnrg

Why isn’t she interested?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq855CFrL3J

Do I even want her to be interested?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JjSmEd4do

Its better if she isn’t.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdrsQ4wDL6

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQRo7XtnKl

Am I enough?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88N54KxH1X

Will I ever be enough?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9qR1lM7EZ

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LbliyKCZ3

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZTQAcpxt0

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvdRocL2am

Does god even want to hear from me?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Vbwoaqyz

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6QqhkwjZS

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHSmDHrodz

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4G4YSsZ0QD

Love Her

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XtPjsGS93

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM7SO7FNKG

Some days I think about you until dawn.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JmIv1gbZu

Most days now, I am restless.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UTzy07M8A

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X8aQA1GPG

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8cX3NKnli

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LKgqfOKQs

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgFMsfuqYl

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZv8dyuxKSa

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzC2AzLENU

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfysqnoIVFz

This path she walks erodes her.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwSxjNSgdc

It erodes me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRq05w9xZV

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRquCFbizaz

Spiraling

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRfNZpPz1X

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6d5hA6VQij

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT2w6AwbEs

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMJGlKtz8O

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdcbLYmxGQ

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtKw9QYt2I

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSq23V8eR7

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbqBxPPHgy

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0Y8thrpeL

Because im not. I’m not okay.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WcGutj9Pz

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CrhF0ml5g

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28d1mAWaZK

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87EE3Xt12o

I can barely hold myself together as is.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnMfXEI4yz

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx2gGYZeIo

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmFZCJvO8H

Its really fucking good.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVA9YALKzb

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKE5NibvYY

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4RCCQrj8O

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlXPBQIUCV

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzRtXyEQX2

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe74knXHvg

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjxBHkKQk1

This is when I leave and head back home.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9vvYmzQth

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteckE1brV7

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYb1Uay4qpL

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3SP3B3uIJ

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQbIKtWdAK

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueitoYqQwr

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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