My mother told me to swing my arms in the lovely winds of hope, smile for everyone else that don't know how to, speak like death will never stop you. It did.
When will all of this stop? When will it all end?! Everyday, my heart has a pain on the very back. Somewhere where a hand can never reach. The pain, the throbbing feeling sitting on your throat, why won't the shadow leave me alone? I want everything back. I want to be truly happy. I want... to be able to see again. I was caught in an accident, where I lost my eyesight. Anne, or anyone never told me why or how I became like this, but I don't know, and maybe I never will.588Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrmtsJuUHv
My therapist says everything will be alright. Change your mindset. Forget everything for a moment. What does a moment mean? When will my moment come? My eyes don't shed any tears, my heart does. It sheds salty regret everyday. Daily, I show my dimples to everyone I see, I swing my arms, but with secrets, I speak, but on the edge of the cliff. When will a beam of sunlight enter and destroy my darkness, and forget about hiding everything again?
"Maya? Come down for breakfast sweetheart!"
I sigh heavily, put my fingers on the ends of my mouth, and place them into a smile. This mask is my treasure. I can never lose it. No one can know what kind of darkness I have inside my chest.
"Coming Anne!" I yell back, cheerfully.
Anne is my mom's friend. She has a son, my age, but he never comes out of his room, or even show up at home most of the time. I never heard his voice, but I heard his footsteps about 5 times. It's better that way. I have less to deal with.
"It's your favorite!!" She smiled
I smiled back, said thank you, and ate while talking about all of my fake plans for my future. How can I have a future, when my past is just a hole. An empty hole. My mother and 5 year old brother, killed at a gas station, and my father gone, when I was 8 years old. At such a young age, I lost my star, and I lost my voice for 2 years. I hadn't spoken one word for 2 years, reminiscing everything that happened. Like I said before, when I lost my eyesight, I was 10 years old. On my 11th birthday, I finally learned how to hide my depression, but it never left, even until now. I'm waiting for something that doesn't exist. I realize that now. Today's going to be the last day of this inescapable maze of bloody tears.
I listened to the sweet sounds of laughter of the highschoolers for the last time. I grinned sweetly to everyone, and I listened indifferently, nodding to everyone's favors. I hugged strangers that I don't remember, and I said hello to girls that gossip about me right when we pass. I took a deep breathe, and I turned back, up to the stairs on top of the school. Our school has a flat roof, where only staff members can enter. Garfield Highschool is a very prestigious school, where only the wealthy and very intelligent people can go and handle. I never knew where I fitted in there.
I went to the teacher's lounge before going up the stairs, and stuck the key into my pant pocket. I couldn't help but feel a little bit dizzy, and palms sweaty, since I never did anything like this. However, I kept reminding myself that I'm going to become relieved again. The shadow will finally leave me be.
I unlocked the trapdoor's lock to the rooftop, and I feel lots of storage boxes here and there. The gentle breeze blew my dark brown hair off my left eye and I finally smiled, but something didn't feel right. Oh, who cares. This was my moment. This was the miracle that I have been begging for ever since I was 8 years old. This was it.
I stretched, took a deep breath, and felt the ledge carefully. I could finally be together with Mum and Paul (my little brother).... maybe even Dad.
I placed my cane down, right beside me, and my glasses on my other side. I opened my eyes, and I imagined myself just like a regular student, a normal girl with a wonderful family, perfect green eyes, and the most frank smile. In this life, I couldn't even yearn for the darkness to leave me, since it was honestly the only thing I had. However, it's better to have absolutely nothing, than a knife stabbing my heart every second of my life.
I took a foot out to the open air, but I suddenly heard a shuffle behind me.
"Is this what you really want? A unfamiliar voice spouted.
I flinched. "I don't know who you are, but yes. Yes it is. If you come any closer, I'm jumping off on the spot."
"*sigh* I have one favor to ask. Just turn around, and look at me"588Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM4aMRZxzq
I rolled my eyes, and turned around. "I think you should get your eyes checked. As you can tell, I'm blind."
"Oh I know. But I don't want you to get hurt by slipping and falling face-planting."
I smiled warmly, "Sorry, but who are you-"
"Don't try to fool me with your synthetic smile of yours. It's cute, but it's worse than lying. I thought Mom should've noticed by now..."
"Wait... you're Anne's son...? Jack?" I slowly asked.
He chuckled quietly. "Yeah! You finally found out."
His laugh sent something down my heart. It felt extremely unnatural, so I fidgeted a bit. That moment passed like a shooting star, so I went back to my "cold/warm" expression.
"Why... are you talking to me now? How did you see me here?"
"Well, I know that you aren't happy... obviously, or just I knew from the first time I saw you. We were both 9 years old, that's what I remember. I don't know how no one else saw that you were probably the most miserable human being there. And you probably didn't sense that I was there, since I'm at my dad's home most of the time. Also, I saw you going up the stairs, with this expression. It didn't seem like a good thing. Look. I understand how you would feel-"
This snapped my fuse in half. Everything that was inside me, exploded out of nowhere. This wasn't like me... or was it?
"What do you know? Do you how it felt to be left alone, in the dark?! I can't see anything, I can't feel anything." I put my hands to my chest, crying tears that I haven't spilled in years. "My heart... its empty. I hid my pitch blackness away from everyone else, but the most scariest shadow never hid from me. I couldn't even run away from it with all my strength!! I'm done with everything now." I gasped one last breath from my tears, "All I wanted... was my miracle. The ones that come out in movies and fairy tales. I just desire a beam to sunshine to bring a morning to my heart, and maybe it would have cleared my vision for all I know!!!" 588Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIx5LJ9wmc
I fell down from the ledge, sitting there, crying and screaming inside. I didn't even care what Jack was thinking, I just kept crying. But a thought came to me, while the salty river ran down my cheeks. This was my first time telling anyone this. Or just straightening it out for myself.
I felt strong arms wrap me, and I felt subtle tears on the back of my shirt. He's crying? We both sat there, not saying a word, just listening to the birds chirping to each other, in the warm sunlight that I never felt before, even on summer days. Jack placed a small, miniscule orb of light into heart and eyes, but the darkness was like a scar. An unerasable scar. It's like the darkness seared a tattoo onto my frail back. I'm still hiding my glumness for everyone in my path. Even Jack, still doesn't know some things about my past. Even in my story here... I keep some hidden in my back pocket. Although the darkness left me, and left me a frightening scar, the blackness remains in my eyes... and in the veins of my body. 588Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjU8xHl192g
The End...
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