《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAX6JN25x4
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrH3a4k0Xa
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse5EwzSsAa
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4Gg8soagJ
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwQwpmU058
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikSvhWwTO5
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsQprafU0i
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1aN5VtgDF
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD4QH1eFIJ

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtqIEgGSuQ
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5RlQJ0zlY
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwKlZEICLg
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvNGhxBeYY
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eWKt2FBSD
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JR23GYcN3
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKH5h47zWp
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjyYYMFnSR
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxEqjDX9bx
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhm7UMLMyy
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb4wyDl14t

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5MtQfHXGA
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvo5yjKJnY
咔——387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy3SUvCqOE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgLfyeDF8S
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlCCHCQoEl
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHZpDJMJNZ
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfKs0MpaAx
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EOV6H5JK1
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHauw91TmYE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDGvzlzu5d
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2XuJ2W0F9
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjjg5U2szE
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKfFvSBOLU
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreJvJS2AB7
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY01IJ0AO8
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcC0iUDNWa
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxxXh00nvP
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu49LhHvRZq
至少三十年。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo0vPORuCI
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mo55slGdv
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1iPR43Ml8
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnNDc0jWJ1
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MHpj2Bdx2
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5zigSWzXU
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBjpjXybfJ
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTZc1maBdh
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf3Jnd1SC3
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLExqNEbklZ
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFl00VkpAG
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanNBwOp3na
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgflMhARKDQ

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9VhDfODOq
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwRJEAtUqB
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6wLX5khbc
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GfhU99ddt
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAG1XGRKfr
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNaupIREOQ
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGOnID36QB
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kUMf3omCM
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLkZNLQ74I
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Pg2QYP52H
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw8pzOa5BM
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKUaXtM6PC
感動退散，惡意再生。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxii5d6vuT1
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE7hHsJjdM
缺失很多，要求更多。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1rPRodNR5
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9gvCH2IM8
缺失愛，索求愛。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29Ht8XSfro
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuyjHx6heJ
變本加厲。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Tr7TRXIiY
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uIVOSEntP
理所當然。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszwb3C0oLY
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWfpfbcAzl
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q4zNqyv2t
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFEU83U1cy
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1hioMAI9X
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfQHd03l65
沒有永遠的愛。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgBRi7h9mJ
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXOvWo3oba
缺失愛，索求愛。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmJVR5rgrm
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdyEovIsEm
鳳姐索價三百元。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4PcZJmmIE
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNM7VxRLBhd
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrvwoZYQF5
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRXgRAzfOF
完事。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ltJFOsbkd
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HgbSSARTn
一切歸空。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIz6mNncId
387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeucGNn02dd
理所當然。387Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk7E7whz4x