《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgp07y35hKn
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衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwqirFbPW7
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附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcju7XC0eY
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登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtyFbuoDos
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OhkTQnVu3
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0fw1tI29x

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcLBgA8otB
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9cMOMpNyb
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCYfA1IjLz
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA50MVWCYEI
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFJUQZRR9X
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2x0ubBmv9q
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpgSu99KOY
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIne9A0yON7
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTLpZbF0uw
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDniXQFTOE7
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoOUaYo0Vm

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyKZxL2tAf
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咔——331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1yPlaoezK
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODC1i8TUE6
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69MUAjBC4g
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaucHyVxBFt
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJJbVXdiPJ
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9Z621aXQQ
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhnUfRbTbt
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIYowC0nwc
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIg75kf25Hp
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxP8izLqE5
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2F9zMzNI5
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挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs8ZI1GfMh
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGtRgbNcka
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhs8JKdekm
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至少三十年。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjaAxrATrR
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我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0zVFxSRLi
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「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHgVOn99Ek
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwml2UsrQM3
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zvkZOrlJa
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs5YULRvsm
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSbmCO6hQW
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SyJzDelUr
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QWUOHFaH8
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsv21cUAIn
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhySV0beh3n

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxulUKQtbd1
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRu3FrmM2e
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW7yZzZaKL
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7Qu9qlWCf
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3cZvrQKR1
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIQ7vqH1YP
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvzWNaRcZM
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9CHG3fI48
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OHZlYY51J
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrE2WJUtiYh
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE5Wz5vVL0
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感動退散，惡意再生。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JjoKLM3fX
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缺失很多，要求更多。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswKCQGZ4Og
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缺失愛，索求愛。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qbS35cjYZ
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變本加厲。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNAOfu1mzk
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理所當然。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGMOletpvI
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社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoDPe2dPEf
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UxMuK7SHi
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpisd40sr48
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沒有永遠的愛。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6BNEb5ioY
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PBYGXjKAa
缺失愛，索求愛。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06UIdqzYLe
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鳳姐索價三百元。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hkAKYkPPS
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她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZaYkneKvt
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完事。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiqeFNUG0Y
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一切歸空。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yOwsYuacG
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理所當然。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSq32tQTVd