《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1gHZmVANk
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0xL96zbAP
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgRpAUabzU
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附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2h28Naqhb
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登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeMrsyHg4F
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ciTRfRv9F
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTQ1FUZqx9

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGaFliR2hp
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQWSEbJQ8E
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKa61d6MCAD
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtqvZZlXY6
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt7lwz7WPn
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWwdDjqmi3
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SuRdegyEo
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阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡou1D7NGclZ
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQu5VkaHGtt
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDlVWB0W6T

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxFu6Wy9t9
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhOjuswIH0
咔——320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfVntszObi
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOHmL7IRma
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSNT4p32BL
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdol5neGAPY
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fyhZcKfTV
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7zLiUVsWT
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvCNhRzyxe
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bUjPIKpX1
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fvdj8gqBy
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmRabdCJDl
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlW53uDWUx
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挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RVhys1fut
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQN88t5HhW
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzBnGtyrws
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lPP6HAyKb
至少三十年。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunp0sG3nog
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyBky2E7OZ
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkbjlRj0ld
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「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQEbi0q9mN
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2qTvrHtX7
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2w2NRNLmA
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HJEQU11jH
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEoN5mW2RH
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWVzXyq9CV
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXylFPCKYi
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjRQQQyKCw
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsCOLozKZO

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmtNWsoNLt
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiQnGYga6F
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgtq7mcT4t
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ydaVym2S0
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdZg5F9AUt
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiYIC2KL4z
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P12ZWaHzV
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY6bAMu0lT
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9jcmnPJfP
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAR2MiERyIT
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RPVPvEq9O
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感動退散，惡意再生。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7EkCxLXLg
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缺失很多，要求更多。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYDnSXRm6h
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf73ZMhOfiE
缺失愛，索求愛。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVnBqxOIyP
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變本加厲。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuSiWVPUiH
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理所當然。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKV552nUqJ0
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5qSmQC2f0
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDgqkN5v1s
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrNKtyeZzA
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDGImt2ZsW
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沒有永遠的愛。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjCTBOkWiU
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKs8qF5xOk
缺失愛，索求愛。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh7lWd5CuF
320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71YKcJz5gB
鳳姐索價三百元。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL0tRRq6qD
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她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUSAX1tsEt
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完事。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w8CnJTJrk
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一切歸空。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzq0nZFBAj
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理所當然。320Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc24EoNIdC