《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8GVjttRbP
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3VlfO7BGo
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgWkxPC6a9
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK38qlOdrW
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5hr3WJ96F
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLUfmnzdre
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkeCqgj2tv
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPa4l6dYVz
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0R3c9GvlhC

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJwMxgezrc
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe4JLjN4Qw
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgrvxMYmF0
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtp8LFMjze
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqgJrY0Tpu
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS0KtIKdtF
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZROkRmDrJ
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE7rSgf3cP
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yIr7Hhqb8
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3XqG8GlHv
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8iH8AMTI8

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD4PnG7L0r
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MSrAhiFsh
咔——530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3Mq9rId5g
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyJTtykrs6
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyFCx8xcDn
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsjFA5I1G8
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODFk3AqgyR
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqX8ml724z
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquMbDUGMcB
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aWzHFf7LX
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0gMYv1yQ7
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wGmUzwGnn
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso6Gm4O323
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCJsfiVZqf
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIUNv4Prb4
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAEsBfXvcL
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYmmzDHeyx
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDKLeuci5p
至少三十年。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXp9uwKxqH0
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTjnIRML5b
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQnQ6hdCs5
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sRX7gQxzP
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8cDjLTA58
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89KpC5V5X5
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw03jk2riG
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZSI2S0lQt
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2grQca52x
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5TV55Hw1T
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eEv4nPfVf
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKmdyc9QF1
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZlKFpwQiy

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1Q2OlHmLK
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25xUnLHp8B
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXrYvOQdrh
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4TczyzCsL
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Bo1GnoQbS
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj60kVTyUTm
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTubunJkp8h
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qIsunsnm8
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm89p2IxRhA
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwKzfgsm5J
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcii8ZZcS6e
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XwcefguxM
感動退散，惡意再生。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7Tx8gisMH
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRTnSoH6Bd
缺失很多，要求更多。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGrXPNp2Tc
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FKkLQpdUX
缺失愛，索求愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3ggM2HWZB
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdACkOmadu
變本加厲。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u0OsZ7vlx
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fPgn0vw9j
理所當然。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI144bIXxGs
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8MYhGZcpj
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk2yw59P4e
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYymQ7h2rvV
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8fRnaMxCN
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhutXg9MgOL
沒有永遠的愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB59jgEv0lD
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqq4PbPw0bV
缺失愛，索求愛。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYucY5VtW7
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7fLMgl6bT
鳳姐索價三百元。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjojxbw0y4L
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJHGG25c3K
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1Fjg8aH99
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhruSJxDH4m
完事。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYsxcukeyk
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOkrSS789m
一切歸空。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjiVFaHwiM
530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N8CCZIyw8
理所當然。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SP9kipfqG