《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTchWTxTyp
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcvXCZcbet
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTteox8Zo5r
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTHKWi7DLZ
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhIdjaZugR
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc2S7ugIr0
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpmbkXkU7T
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5ZxqB3k9O
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIOBNNYx7r

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0osMepmEZ
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEd4gM3Hi9
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRSw13iCQI
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAz9DIbFcg
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmAlDEFbvF
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR89fvmjUei
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2al41ZAvt
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX7YVmTuSV
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj6YKC8byF
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2Kn0ezKz9
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHh1Euj9fZl

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fb6YuEXDP
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjYS3T6YyY
咔——416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pfVSjukDD
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75kF9n8Gms
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGqRzSOS7n
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPf5ZOoNw6
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7gLUDyYxm
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPb9aTMMrEk
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxfkfhuoSS
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCvlvMAL9A
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxsArNUbPA
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzPwZz1PcW
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne98QAMIPN
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WmmWT0rB4
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z5UcqtFO3
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zwJuMcO9D
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GhMDWeOV6
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApBK65z3S5
至少三十年。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KAdjkK7MX
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGfi0NYLNV
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xxaEUQZWi
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPJD9ePqj2
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fztPfCGnf
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZ9CG1SQFW
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOJN4E4piR
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSvcx9YCGX
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYtai0Hboe
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDs0RDnOkk
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQPcczb7a2
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ta4zfsROE
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDcTZQYll3

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4wskUcEBr
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2l83s4ktuL
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkTaB5AhN7
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6T7qfzDti
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ9YGYYrO7
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiLcMbCLeB
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelWlOXx0EO
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b00rsdEXB
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HZkd0kWu4
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuk4gWmZXs
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfvm0imktF
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLjjIV8LfU
感動退散，惡意再生。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7hPCa8T6X
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6KgAr9UTP
缺失很多，要求更多。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3um0CIPDB
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey144cs2gf
缺失愛，索求愛。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpCkFBontQ
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFJlrNi1UH
變本加厲。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaOnIhTf4P
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5KWaJjQFg
理所當然。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LOJmzTinI
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXZucXFHlf
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcnIhO3n5W
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zNHscLYya
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLl3PsmPJW
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwuTUG4sJa
沒有永遠的愛。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNQkLqoACb
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZEClqsQOa
缺失愛，索求愛。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4FRgUjEAl
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS9Q95oZk7
鳳姐索價三百元。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0RnQ1emlj
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0o4pnG5eqS
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYu7fG1w8x
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfmBwyL1PC
完事。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3Q4CIHJ3w
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSh0q5k1gE
一切歸空。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhlh2SQiL4
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jDBKpgf4o
理所當然。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEDO1w7N4M