《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyNKyLVRy5
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e85SzqIuG
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnUIIG06pn
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BGmJqBmfM
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByH3al8UIj
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登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMJrUCfmLq
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMo0pBn20ll
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UwO2DQub4

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrykZd4fHd
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4Qv7n2avk
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9x6O6oUey
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz41qCfDGKU
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8pU8vLxYB
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDbGDbKqgU
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9wDefDqqu
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXTSs5qEH1
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvmOlQtPae
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HslAsjp3b
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBKmeyAN3A

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlly2qFztYo
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咔——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuBVO0UToE
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小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9FgZDbeR6
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93KXCHOZ9Y
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYeyUy7uKa
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5hppFSQtV
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzMFdKtumc
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu8GRbxJvl
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ9j3C5FWq
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKsxsmqq6r
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN864SYB04
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挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ331TcrXk5c
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WWKkC5BNs
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHxtsTea2y
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至少三十年。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNN5YiFRq3
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我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPEj4VEZRs
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ6UnqzEfA
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE68lqPsgg
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM3kyunnVY
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaOrlNxNnE
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLh7dr6GqV
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUnvfrs6iB
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSNXpQ6hoG
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKay3pJWddK
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYHtEXbxkh
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOC26Db6qe

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAbB2pquLk
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN8gmZwQuw
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaJbICTOHl
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt9VypCFjF
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhdcsmgq3g
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9AMgdI7BD
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWnb3zW3EI
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunZS3GJY8S
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8rdzL5scO
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMW26qFiij
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uMhLu5mBw
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感動退散，惡意再生。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVlR8pFiJQ
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缺失很多，要求更多。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VI1Rooi0f
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缺失愛，索求愛。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBK4fk6oDm
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變本加厲。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskfoLggM9o
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理所當然。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpQBnh1itW
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbdwRZu5V5
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpzJQ4LNtD
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluSLSqyQ0s
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIW1MjNfCM
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沒有永遠的愛。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsCCzFwv4J
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缺失愛，索求愛。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXswnMgBqC
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鳳姐索價三百元。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCxtXu30qo
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她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLWQlbci5e
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完事。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBGR9PyApT
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一切歸空。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ57XkoGde
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理所當然。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2U0ZigpgC