「我憎恨你!永遠憎恨你!」301Please respect copyright.PENANAysqNEHiZpB
301Please respect copyright.PENANArHlvmKum2y
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛,跑出遮雨簷篷,衝過警方封鎖線,直撲上前搥打我胸膛,拳拳復拳拳,拳拳到肉,拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗,而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺:父母的血在我和她體內,亦在她手上、我衫上。301Please respect copyright.PENANAbwBtaoDiKi
301Please respect copyright.PENANAVhT3tJhAji
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹,待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。301Please respect copyright.PENANAkllBt8AxBt
301Please respect copyright.PENANA26lsYtLPSA
登上警車,我輕問身旁警員:「你們是故意的吧?」301Please respect copyright.PENANAjUjEiPURPM
301Please respect copyright.PENANA6fyESomXCT
警員目不斜視,對著空氣道:「你殺死父母,是故意的吧?」301Please respect copyright.PENANAaGXp7AzFzp
操場上,烈日刺眼,人影紛亂,或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來,其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中,驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸,想到一個減刑方法。301Please respect copyright.PENANA4QYT1bnMLK
301Please respect copyright.PENANArIAqIRxlih
「他有參與打鬥!」臨近操場出入口,我突然指著阿青呼叫。301Please respect copyright.PENANAaREKGN6uva
301Please respect copyright.PENANAwB8bomL2Sr
阿青尚未意會我所指何事,已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色,嘗試辯解:「冤枉啊!我沒有……」301Please respect copyright.PENANAY3q5xZhbVE
301Please respect copyright.PENANAemjxWddHZg
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥!」雖知阿青無辜,但為了建功減刑,我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀:「我平日與阿青關係不錯,沒有冤枉他的理由。」301Please respect copyright.PENANAZBqfAYnZkQ
301Please respect copyright.PENANA6iTVKRUprl
阿青抬頭望我,似乎明白這是甚麼一回事,瞬間臉容扭曲,極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青,甚至對他施用棍擊。301Please respect copyright.PENANApNiwYAd0oF
301Please respect copyright.PENANA1FwZgPoBVM
亂棍之下,頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒,勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我:「你這忘恩負義的傢伙!枉我在獄中處處維護你,代你吃下不少苦頭!走著瞧!我定會算帳!我不會放過你!我永遠憎恨你!」301Please respect copyright.PENANAELhuAht6w3
狹小房間內,淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟,胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。301Please respect copyright.PENANAzQgVAkOexM
301Please respect copyright.PENANAdCjHUY1AGp
咔——301Please respect copyright.PENANA6CFK2BnIHr
301Please respect copyright.PENANAedso9weJst
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚,表情僵住:「客廳有人。」301Please respect copyright.PENANAC5nTcbgYbZ
301Please respect copyright.PENANAwTS0RgNt1P
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚,繼續重覆腰肢動作。301Please respect copyright.PENANAxzfKOdbsJZ
301Please respect copyright.PENANAUNYfgYTK0K
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。301Please respect copyright.PENANAlpouuCmbz9
301Please respect copyright.PENANA2NTBjDMyQ7
「孕婦,跑不遠、跑不快,怕甚麼?」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸,暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張,沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡,匆匆收錢離開。301Please respect copyright.PENANAS60FfWeWRl
301Please respect copyright.PENANAfsKyIKZo2T
我叼菸走向梳化,在芝芝身旁坐下,安慰道:「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」301Please respect copyright.PENANAUa8ESeEyA8
301Please respect copyright.PENANAnfFsCMMYmm
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語,臉色玄青。301Please respect copyright.PENANASv3TTS72wV
301Please respect copyright.PENANAYMuHMKMoPh
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆,心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。301Please respect copyright.PENANAJVPGN18mlO
301Please respect copyright.PENANAtWnVa4Ljq1
至少三十年。301Please respect copyright.PENANAnLtx2L9fmr
301Please respect copyright.PENANAnkJaeS5y1U
我們相識於中學三年級,彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混,她是不良少女,一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚,幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際,誰料芝芝主動聯絡,供吃供住,只求與我再續前緣。301Please respect copyright.PENANAMiK06x2l2O
301Please respect copyright.PENANAYkoJFjJbof
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受,不是出於內疚或推卸責任,而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。301Please respect copyright.PENANAt296y9Hj5x
301Please respect copyright.PENANAR8W2QFw7uW
「你曾愛我嗎?」芝芝眼眶通紅,忍淚問了一個傻問題。301Please respect copyright.PENANAWmquWwBG9Y
301Please respect copyright.PENANAEb1zqNGOCf
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛,但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。301Please respect copyright.PENANAoh0yAHoaMf
301Please respect copyright.PENANAJTFHEw1NhY
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住,流下兩行清淚,語帶哭腔:「這刻開始,我會開始憎恨你,永遠憎恨你。」301Please respect copyright.PENANA5AVAlCx08w
301Please respect copyright.PENANASxV7iQirl7
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂,直接走出大門,離開單位。301Please respect copyright.PENANAXZgQlgiq6B
七十歲的我獨居劏房,不良於行,少有外出,平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。301Please respect copyright.PENANAiuakciyTui
301Please respect copyright.PENANAy89yE4PbRF
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人,不知人世險惡,對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄,她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多,買來更多物資。301Please respect copyright.PENANAkIQrZAXlX4
301Please respect copyright.PENANAHrINp3EYvE
相識之初,我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多,我多次目睹她為我無私付出,不禁開始動容,深切自省。301Please respect copyright.PENANAw2YfO39v7k
301Please respect copyright.PENANAOXzlSThLgi
夜深人靜,流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近,對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾,在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠,憶起很多人,很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯?因為我不相信永遠。301Please respect copyright.PENANA2z8lOcDc0F
301Please respect copyright.PENANAze4cNrpOwA
沒有永遠的惡,沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。301Please respect copyright.PENANA4EaLCP5cWy
301Please respect copyright.PENANA8JY6niG4dY
我自私?誰不自私?爸媽養兒防老,阿妹需要爸媽供書教學,阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮,芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算?人人都在計算!301Please respect copyright.PENANAx3UjhGjo4v
301Please respect copyright.PENANARy3bbStC3h
感動退散,惡意再生。301Please respect copyright.PENANA3oeHMCUTMj
301Please respect copyright.PENANAaaBffxIjHx
缺失很多,要求更多。301Please respect copyright.PENANA1YzgVxWhhU
301Please respect copyright.PENANADyl4cih8G0
缺失愛,索求愛。301Please respect copyright.PENANAAlCPyUMLyR
301Please respect copyright.PENANA99qu01QyTr
變本加厲。301Please respect copyright.PENANAArlYyzD5P6
301Please respect copyright.PENANAwBBkEl2Pb3
理所當然。301Please respect copyright.PENANAt8prg9TgLA
301Please respect copyright.PENANAOfD1JnsiuY
社工說疫情險峻,求助人數激增,難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限,無法重點照顧我一人。301Please respect copyright.PENANAWR13RuvFTR
301Please respect copyright.PENANAoKjx90Pyky
她離開。我撒野:「你偽善!快走!別來!我憎恨你!永遠!」301Please respect copyright.PENANAWHaDFBpzYF
301Please respect copyright.PENANAeg3ulYzsmx
沒有永遠的愛。301Please respect copyright.PENANAKVoTm7EcDh
301Please respect copyright.PENANApJmLES4ao3
缺失愛,索求愛。301Please respect copyright.PENANAzTKiV1KS1q
301Please respect copyright.PENANA9XzYkj6kQY
鳳姐索價三百元。301Please respect copyright.PENANAsfMHFJ1k58
301Please respect copyright.PENANAjQxj9yp4EG
她有眼前利益,我有當刻快感。301Please respect copyright.PENANA2mRqaiXlTY
301Please respect copyright.PENANAkY6n9QDd9Q
完事。301Please respect copyright.PENANAwiBeFv3bco
301Please respect copyright.PENANAGJlhv6a7oa
一切歸空。301Please respect copyright.PENANAsDHWHgeRhB
301Please respect copyright.PENANAZxS1M4yMmN
理所當然。301Please respect copyright.PENANAryJrGMLgNG
題解:
四:四次
嚎:嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永:永遠
憎:憎恨
你:你
註:此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns3.22.68.71da2