《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3CvuFQhgb
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xv4QvmNnn
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WbjlcjVwm
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fz0WETca9
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxidsPajkXe
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPH2Rg0U8v
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uYkOaLFzX
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhpTiw4YQV
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmcyVDgwaR

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV2thpDOz4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE6XNLz2xN
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBvPBMClwy
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZMghTQwVB
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA00xjF7I0j
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCP66AhacK
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJMhGJJhYo
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYpQOcMhMC
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaYaQzbFZu
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FC9TBZTCc
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GYQjyt3Lh

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oHPuvomiw
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcdNpm3403
咔——413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx55ne2qPz
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwpeBVUD1s
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgX3fh7gqx
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQbkd0A5sU
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBQPxFeeyY
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbEBmQzfbD
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqssIcENrww
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CxuHFwMx4
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5AQSosqUR
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovrmE1oIZl
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby2WaJzPXW
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ78ezGpqs
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkItX77R9g
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCWIrvv2YU
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyQ1ru7MIV
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr04TdNitM
至少三十年。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVlBYrTBd0
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXhDADFgjw
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKXjlObhEg
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Bp2gIIcwb
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF8vpYFubp
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiWbkM4jVG
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYJhLv31xe
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsBWgqZKOh
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFdHoDPYM7
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OJj5gYFep
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRgWQnDLGk
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDecCNjmVHI
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxueYC2SZg

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRARZHRgFck
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9Nw03GDI8
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PYHIvng5u
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrYcty4P4o
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IbjUP9TxJ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t9VisUVWT
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzuopFEphn
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbA6rvtTtk
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8BOghYnUP
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFDzbuWHPL
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ3SDoHvnc
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnPsXqSbKZ
感動退散，惡意再生。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJVoh4KSra
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93EPCTXcg2
缺失很多，要求更多。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiw1CZcFG6Z
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdiSv5dhjT
缺失愛，索求愛。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHabviZY6v2
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X7fLapEtt
變本加厲。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRX38UyAqYw
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdAtBnZYoB
理所當然。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdlVXGosE0
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dsMrmRfJR
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jkYFS1NnO
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliE0NFSLGx
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOGWW5eU9V
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFlGNxNkQ6
沒有永遠的愛。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFOSzXZGlm
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xlHV6SfM6
缺失愛，索求愛。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwT0wGKXQyx
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV9DTTEKwS
鳳姐索價三百元。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4TqwfzWpJ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTWWg5ZaLl
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ351WTgoQoN
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKP9L1LcDL0
完事。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONjOl7xmvQ
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUf7HCKn3y6
一切歸空。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5sL9T5SK4
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlSDWcaWbP
理所當然。413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwPYWNMPep