《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8r2fWZcKcC
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwiIAIrkeT
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3mEJFwCya
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4tXsrRZ47
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnHGYJElZs
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2e7vXVWx3r
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbJQFKXXa5
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZCIIM2qE3
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPiQ7IXzBc

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pwwHle6OC
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz6XqI9pbf
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lhdZ7cc2z
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuiVkNa04I
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5BfKgV5dY
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIfhX8fH2F
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUicG4MGeKb
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFSoAI6SmJ
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE44rIkBnM
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazMP8fyAPe
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4smlSAh4Uk

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcjEGoIjPr
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v8EVxG5b7
咔——369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJys7LmxYAX
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxvGiwqDLK
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5KyIs4BoC
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tvvvKLa6h
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNYBOUwnNg
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBthHnEZiY
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3abRjSqwf
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcg6V0Y5s8
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueL47HTJme
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwV50zuXDj
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPISrzQ9P1E
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx0LiLigCP
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF75U13LkBc
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6fd2USkgG
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWPWjF1hwo
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x2c9cRfxd
至少三十年。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOWbErYAL9
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeO9Kmgemvv
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2jGXy8LzS
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkErCTIzAs
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHefqa42icA
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pjJEKAoB1
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUMGOtVCfJ
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV0ZHqJV60
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oZp6V0h7D
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPg5Mi94YJ
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaM0aXpxia
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqXBitKymb
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AN86gJ6cG

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ArrF5pQKv
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIqpZvDySi
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnj0FnbJxI
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJHSHbI2TU
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxeRPhoZMa
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWuxkUJECd
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlCzYZzjJD
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87lckPNoWy
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsfqo6qHkK
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡac6G0Mn6b9
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwDnVqkHAL
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fsEjmvClV
感動退散，惡意再生。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXohX2nWF1
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtYIUaGDk2
缺失很多，要求更多。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQWAKacsTc
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvAG1eNQzg
缺失愛，索求愛。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqzeIp9Z6t
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkE18r4YxS
變本加厲。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXsOtSdAjH
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpYKOxp1zJ
理所當然。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHuR81fZSD
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4OFa9rHlW
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM8Kiy2tf0
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvssCwzaFUJ
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FmzNYGBWS
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv1NNTteHy
沒有永遠的愛。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJYCLzlSmm
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3RqPOao4E
缺失愛，索求愛。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lxl6Rzj4c
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpT994tZ6M
鳳姐索價三百元。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaxkydZ8Ke
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJli9m06Yv
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwbD0h5T6j
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ld5PhdOnd
完事。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgToKZ2KEiY
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOl1pTi6lQ
一切歸空。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPfULUe5D4
369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHfUcYQW6Y
理所當然。369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcXTQPDia3