Okay. Let’s talk about the fourth grader in the room.
Shipping.
I’ve mentioned this many times throughout the story so far, somewhat describing it, but I’ve never gone into detail. Today, though, I’m gonna go full into detail.
You probably know what shipping is (unless you’ve like never met another person before). Like I’ve said, it’s just when you make fun of two people. Ever see two people talking, and you’re like, ‘Ooh, they like each other!’? That’s shipping. Even if you’re not saying anything, or doing anything, it’s shipping. Pretending to, as some people would say it, put people together.
It’s a form of annoyance, in my opinion. It’s a lot like poking and prodding people or saying things that make fun of them. Except it’s a whole lot worse.
If you don’t get it… do you remember that one song that goes like… ‘(Person) and (Person), sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.’? That’s exactly what shipping is. Alright, you understand now.
To ship someone, you’ll need to ship them with someone else. Such as Jaidon and Anna.
WHAT
WHEN
Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it, but we (the group) ship them. A lot. I’ll talk about that in… uh… around a minute. Start counting.
So this shipping thing was… a huge part of my fourth grade year, and will be for… a lot more years. Hmm. I feel like I’m about to say something climactic.
This entire story has been leading up to this point. Ever since I met her, my world has been screwed over. I’ve had to deal with so much torture, pain, even hell… and… new feelings. I don’t feel like admitting it, but yeah, something was happening to me. I arrived at this elementary school expecting to meet a few new friends, and get good grades, and maybe even find some new… hobby. See how boring that sounds? Well, now, elementary school is… fun. It’s entertaining, interesting, and the people I’ve met have all made a pretty big impact on me. And it’s all thanks to you, Cait-
“BECKY watcha thinking about”
GOD- I’m trying to have a moment to myself, can you ever- Anna, just- ugh so Anna just interrupted me looks like I’m not gonna be confessing anything today sorry
“Huh?”
“You thinking about Caitlyn again?”
I-puh-I but- pfft- no- but- pfft
“What? Uh, no, no, of course not?”
“Fine. Your head okay?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Can you come with me then?”
“Uh, okay?”
Relax, guys, I know that walking with her’s only gonna lead to disaster, you don’t have to act so surprised.
There lied the fabled friend group. I’m in for something bad. I know it. Hmm, Jaidon isn’t here? Suspicious. Something else is missing, too.
“So why am I here?”
Ah, that’s what was missing. Her.
“Stop pushing me! Wait, Becky’s right there- oh my god-”
There were multiple people pushing Caitlyn towards me, and I tried to take a few steps backwards. Didn’t work, they pushed her too far and… I got ran over.
“Do you have to be so annoying? Caitlyn, you good?”
“Uh, yeah.”
Was there something else I was forgetting about shipping?
“Hey, look! It’s Alalyn!”
Oh. Yeah.
“W- don’t call us that!”
“Yeah, you’re being annoying!”
I’m sure they listened and stopped.
“Alalyn! Alalyn! Alalyn!”
“God, shut up, will you? That’s so annoying- right, Caitlyn?”
Caitlyn? What’s- she’s looking down and looked a little funny.
“Uh, you okay?”
“Huh? Yeah, just, shut up! It’s not even a good one!”
Okay. I should explain it. When you ship people together, something you can do to annoy them even further is to combine their names. When you do, you’ve made what’s called a ship name. Such as how they made ‘Alalyn’. You take my name, Alan (I’m reminding you what it was in case you forgot), and you take Caitlyn’s name. See how my name ends sounding like ‘lan’? So does Caitlyn’s (Cait-lan? See?)? So we can mix those two parts together, it sounds natural. Ala-lyn. Mixes together, sounds normal, sounds okay. It kinda fits well.
“What’re you talking about, Caitlyn? It fits pretty good.”
“No it doesn’t!”
Caitlyn and I both said this. Okay I know I just said that it fits well, but if we scream that it doesn’t, it makes it seem like we aren’t agreeing with them, which is what we want.
I decided to retaliate.
“How about you and Jaidon, huh?”
Ha. Got her there.
“What about him?”
“Uh…”
I looked over at Caitlyn who was eyeing me with a look that said ‘what are you doing you know you wont succeed’.
“Uh, Jainna?”
See? I know how to make a good name.
“Anndon?”
What the hell is Anndon?
“Mine was better.”
“Mine.”
“Mine.”
“Mine!”
“See? You guys are practically in lo-”
“NO!”
I screamed at her. Didn’t want to hear any of it. I don’t get what she’s seeing, but I do get that Jainna was much better than Anndon.
“Anna, you agree that Jainna is better, right?”
“Uh I dunno”
Anna you suck
“Ugh, you’re so annoying.”
“You two get along well.”
Caitlyn said this. I have no idea who she’s talking about and to who. Hmm, I’m assuming she’s talking about me, because she loves to make fun of me, and then… well, there was only one other person I could assume she’d be talking about…
Duh, Leanna Miller, the girl I’ve never talked about before-
Caitlyn was talking about Anna.
“Who, me and Becky?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, no. Wouldn’t you be jealous?”
What would Caitlyn be jealous of?
“What would I be jealous of?”
“Uh, me being with Beck-”
“NO! I- I think you and him would fit better. You could be… uh… Alan…na?”
Hm- heh- okay.
“That’s terrible.”
“No, it’s good.”
She’s just lying.
“What’re we talking about?”
Jaidon walked up. I did some quick thinking.
“You and Anna.”
“Anndon.”
“NO- It’s Jainna.”
“Is that our ship name?”
He just- he just ignores the fact that we’re shipping them together? Who just accepts that? Unless HE OOOOOOOOH (I don’t know)
“Uh, yeah, Jainna’s bettter, right?”
“You mean Anndon is better?”
“Both suck.”
He knows that mine’s better.
“Aren’t you and Caitlyn togeth-”
“What?! No!”
“Definitely are.”
“No, no!”
“Totes are.”
Who even says totes anymore? Well, Anna, obviously, but-
“Their name’s Alalyn, by the way.”
“No, we already said it was stupid!”
“That’s fits so well!”
Oh my GOD STOP IT
“Man, you two are such a good couple together!”
“NO!”
AUGH PLEASE STOP
“Alalyn! Alalyn! Alalyn!”
NOOOOOOOOOOO06GDQCO@aiwk3$8almdsa;wql111--xndkawlehuifdmklel;asg\]``p\pjegiospojlp1ease$@vein2xedhe1p@ewsugjetWwe8s9vhhjenq2l1-99%&#@001--1/..>>:21038imdsAE$*@(..........
Listen.
I’m gonna give you a big piece of advice.
First, don’t listen to people. They might think they know more than you, and they probably will, but don’t listen to them. Even if it’s something incredibly important, or if someone needs to talk to you, don’t listen to them, and go at your own pace. Don’t be swayed by their thoughts and opinions. Go by your own tempo and move at your speed. Try, just try to ignore people. I don’t care if you don’t have friends. I don’t care if you’re lonely. That’s ultimately much better than how I experienced this life. When I say this, I’m not kidding. Talking to people is hard, unless it isn’t, and maintaining friendships with a personality like mine is hard, unless it isn’t. So just listen to me and ignore everyone in existence.
I just realized that if you listen to this book you literally cannot live so… just ignore that first part.
Second.
Don’t talk to girls.
So back to the story. After they finally finished shipping us together (for the next three minutes), we re-gathered and were immediately put back in hell.
“Gross! What’re you doing?!”
Anna was… salivating on the field.
“I was just seeing what color my spit was.”
“Uh, disgusting? Can you not?”
There was a bit of drool now covering a layer of grass.
“We gotta clean that up.”
“It’ll evaporate, right?”
“What, and make the rain contaminated with your spit? No, thanks.”
I wasn’t having any of that. I wanted a full medical team to come and do a high-level quarantine on the entire field to prevent any strange disease from spreading.
“So how will we get rid of this, Professor Becky?”
Ugh, Caitlyn… stop…
“Someone will have to volu-”
“I’ll do it.”
“You don’t even know what I was-”
“I’ll do it.”
Jaidon volunteered to pick up Anna’s spit?
“Well, I was gonna say to clean it-”
“I’ve got it.”
WARNING
What is about to happen is very graphic and can be emotionally impactful, so you can skip to twelve sentences later if you do not wish to know the important part of what happens.
WARNING OVER
Jaidon licked the spit up.
He licked.
The spit up.
“OH MY GOD!”
Everyone cowered away. No one wanted to see Jaidon do… that. He finished his act of being literally a dog, stood up, and smiled.
“You-you just- licked-”
“Yup.”
“You- you’re like-”
What’s the term?
“Related by blood?”
Thanks, Caitlyn, but I was gonna say ‘disgusting’. You’re disgusting, Jaidon.
“No, we’re already related by blood.”
Jaidon- how can you just talk after- okay. Wait, what?
“Remember when we went on a trip slept in the same room, Anna?”
What
“Yeah, when I sucked on your thumb?”
What
“Yeah, and I was bleeding?”
Stop
What
So Jaidon and Anna went on a trip together, slept in the same room, and Anna… sucked… his thumb?
“What the hell?”
“Oh, our parents took both of us on a trip, and my thumb was bleeding, and Anna bit it, but her spit got in my blood, so we were already related by blood.”
I don’t think that’s how that works. Wait, no, you just licked his spit up.
“So… you’re like…”
“Siblings!”
Uh, no, that isn’t at all what that means. Oh, look, here comes Karoline.
“Jaidon and Anna are siblings?”
This is weird. Do I like this? No. But do I dislike this? Yes.
“So… you’ve got the same parents?”
Uh oh.
“Yeah, Caitlyn’s obviously my mom.”
Anna, stop.
“What… about your dad?”
Karoline, you’re not helping.
“It’s obvious.”
“Nope.”
“Becky.”
“I disagree.”
“Everyone agrees.”
“So Caitlyn and Becky…”
“Are married?”
“STOP.”
I don’t like this. Caitlyn obviously didn't either. She was looking down at her feet. C’mon, help me counter these idiots, please?
“If you had kids, then you-”
“No.”
“Did-”
“No.”
“The thing?”
Oh, right. We learned about *whispers* sex *whispers* this year.
THATS RIGHT WE HAVE OFFICIALLY EVOLVED WE ARE NOW MATURE ADULTS WHO EVEN KNOW ABOUT SEX
“NO!”
They’re pretty annoying, huh? And they’re just laughing. Just laughing at not just me, but Caitlyn too! C’mon, this whole shipping thing is just annoying!
“We didn’t- no, we- we aren’t even married!”
“Y- uh, yeah, he’s right!”
THANK YOU FINALLY
“No, you’re both married!”
Both marr- that’s not correct grammar, Anna. It’s ‘married’, not ‘both married’. Come on, guys.
“No we aren’t!”
Haha, all fun and games aside, they were really, really ticking me off at this point, but… the idea of me and Caitlyn marrying was now spiralling around in my head.
My thinking: ‘...marrying… her? Why am I even thinking about this? Marrying her? No, that’s just dumb. But… that would be… not cool cause I don’t think I would ever want to… I mean… marrying is for adults! Right? You can’t marry cause we’re only 9! At least I am… oh… but marrying her…’
You think that’s gonna happen, 4th grade me?
You’re wrong. Well, that’s a spoiler, so, spoiler warning.
Unless… Yeah, not gonna happen. Girls? Ew! I think.
“Ugh, just, who else is part of this stupid family?”
I’m trying to draw them away from thinking about the me and Caitlyn being married. I mean not being married. Sure, it’s like… fun to have attention… but it’s gross! Marrying? GROSS EW BLEH
“Well, Karoline can be…”
“Grandma.”
Is that an insult or a compliment, Anna?
“Yeah, I’m okay with that.”
According to Karoline, it wasn’t an insult. Anyway, more people were assigned roles to the… family… we need to come up with a name for it… that isn’t just ‘Family’.
“What’re we gonna call ourselves?”
“Uh… the Elementals?”
HAHA-
“Not that, I mean as a family.”
“Oh? Interested, Becky?”
“No! I just want to make sure we don’t call ourselves just… ‘The family’.”
“How about… the Friend Group?”
“I- what?”
Yup. That’s the birth of our super cool and awesome name. Good thing nothing else happens this chapter, cause I’d be pretty
“So, you like each other a lot?”
“Huh?”
“I said, you and Caitlyn love each other?”
Jaidon walked up to me and smiled deviously. He eyed Caitlyn as he was talking to me.
“STOP!”
I ran away before Jaidon could make fun of us. Hmm… I tend to run away a lot. Doesn’t matter. The bell rang, so he didn’t have time to do anything anyway. We went back to class.
I sat down in my seat, analyzing my pencils.
That’s… kind of a weird thing to just randomly say.
I have a pencil collection. That’s also a weird thing to randomly say. It’s more normal than you think. I just have two pencil bags, one for pencils, and one for everything else that isn’t a pencil. And since people ask me for stuff (homework usually) all the time, I figured having a ton of extra pencils would be smart. So every time I find a pencil on the ground, I’d pick it up, put it in my pencil bag, and… do whatever I was doing.
No it’s not picking up trash, I’m… saving the environment. Some of the pencils are really cool, too! Like the shiny one, the one that’s just the lead and no wood, the one with hearts- wait
Never mind.
Caitlyn was off somewhere else, and Anna looked at me. She was holding something.
“Look what Caitlyn made for you!”
I stared at her hands. There was a little yellow bird sitting there. It was made of feathers, it had two beads for eyes, and there was a piece of orange paper glued where its nose would be. I stared back at her eyes.
“Did she really make it?”
“Ooh, you want it?”
“NO! Just, just wondering.”
“Mm, maybe?”
“May- you just said she made it!”
“Eh, I was lying. Hey, can I have a pencil?”
SEE?
“NO! Definitely not you!”
She took one anyway and started writing on the piece of paper that was on my desk. I looked to the ceiling, sighed, and paid attention to what she was writing.
‘She…’
Hmm?
‘Likes…’
Woah, woah, woah, stop!
‘Y…’
STOP!
I stole the pencil before Anna could finish writing it.
“You made the dumb bird, didn’t you?”
I took the bird out of her hands and stabbed it with the pencil. She screamed.
“BECKY!”
The class looked over at us. I hid the bird, who now had a hole in between its eyes.
“HOW COULD YOU?! Caitlyn made that for you!”
“Wait, what? I thought you made it!”
“So if she made it, you would’ve wanted it?”
“I- uh, I don’t know?”
“What, do you like her?”
“I- uh- n-”
Caitlyn walked in to the class.
“Hey! Caitlyn, do you like Becky?”
Anna started whisper screaming to her, and I assumed they didn’t think I could hear them. Or Anna wanted me to hear. Hmm.
“Shut up! No, of course not!”
“Well, you’re always looking at him.”
“No I’m not!”
Is… is she? Not that I care!
“Well, I think you like him.”
“I don’t!”
“Hey, stop screaming, you’ll let the whole class know you like him.”
“ANNA!”
Does... does she like me?
No! Of course not!
Why would… why would I even think she would? That’s so dumb.
It’s not like I like her.
It’s not.
“Hey, Becky, do you like Caitlyn?”
It was the next day now. During recess. Anna came up to me, asking that question, and Caitlyn wasn’t anywhere near. I had all the right to say whatever I truly felt.
“I- uh- you- wha- hu- who- yo- I- y- h- Cai- uh- yo-”
A man of my words, I would call myself.
“NO”
“Ooh, you stuttered. It seems like you like her.”
“I DON’T!”
“I think you do. Why else would you be acting like this?”
“Uh, because you’re annoying?”
“No other reason?”
“No other reason.”
“Mhm.”
“I definitely don’t like Caitlyn.”
“So you do?”
Did she even hear me
“NO!”
“You do?!”
She- she’s so annoying! Someone, come save me, please!
“What’re you talking about?”
ANYONE BUT YOU RIGHT NOW OH GOD WHY YOU
“Caitlyn! We were just talking about who has crushes on people.”
“W- what?”
“Stop! No, no we weren’t! She’s being dumb.”
“Wait, do you think Becky likes anyone?”
“Anna, shut up!”
Hey by chance do you know how to stop a bomb from exploding? You can’t? Oh. Darn.
“I- I don’t know?”
“It’s actually-”
“NO!”
Anna couldn’t even finish her sentence. She started snickering, laughing, cackling. I dunno any word for laughing.
“Jaidon!”
ALSO NOT SOMEONE I WANTED SOMEONE ELSE COME PLEASE
“Come here, come here!”
Jaidon said that, not Anna. He made hand motions, and then when Anna walked over to him, he held up his hands together.
“What is he-”
“Oh, god.”
He held up a heart, and looked through it. He looked through it and was obviously only seeing Caitlyn and I. Anna silently screamed. She also held up a heart and looked through it.
“What-”
“What’re you doing?”
Caitlyn and I were both confused. They were holding up hearts towards us-
OH NO
“STOP!”
I’m overreacting, they’re just hearts, right?
“Love cam!”
Ok but no what
“What?!”
“Love cam!”
God, now they’re introducing something new again. I hate it when new stuff happens.
“You know, if you make a heart and look through it and only see two people, they’re a couple?”
This one’s even dumber than the hump day one. Where do they even come up with these ideas?
“We made it ourselves!”
Ah. So these ideas are completely stupid.
“Just- fine, have it your way!”
I did the same. I held up a heart and looked through it, and only saw Jaidon and Anna. Neither of them moved. Frustrating, it’s the exact opposite of how Caitlyn and I- Caitlyn? Oh, wow, so now you’re- right, because they’re still holding up the Love Cam.
She moved away from me. Ugh, great. Anna ran over to me, both her and Jaidon laughing.
“Hey, hey, Becky, you should tell her.”
“Tell who?”
“Caitlyn.”
“Tell her what?”
“That you love her.”
“I- NO! I DON’T!”
“Do it, I dunno, soon? You do know that school’s gonna end in a couple of days, right?”
“I DON’T LIKE HER!”
Oh. I screamed that. I spun around, basically praying that Caitlyn had walked far away enough that I couldn’t see her. She was gone. Phew, dodged a nuke there.
Anyway, Anna makes me so mad. I walked away from her after she finished teasing me, sticking my tongue out, while she was smiling and making a lovey-dovey face.
But… she did say something kinda important.
School’s almost over. And… another thing…
Did I want to tell Caitlyn something?
I should tell her… that she needs new friends.
I’m joking. I’ll tell her.. I dunno… something… on, uh, when would be good?
Hey, the end of year festival is coming up, right? That’s the perfect time to confess something!
Er, no, no, no, I’m not gonna confess anything. I’ll just… tell her that she needs new friends. Yeah, yeah, that’s what I’m gonna say.
Just that.
Definitely not something dumb, like… ‘I like you.’
No. I’m not gonna say I like her.
That’s weird. I’m not.
ns 172.69.59.58da2
然後按「加至主畫面」