我和一個o camp女女的故事 (已完結) - 五十八

五十八

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講左我細妹先吧，因為三個入面佢最少野要update。

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我細妹同Jenny自從中四果次平安夜我帶Jenny上我屋企過夜之後，佢地變得好close，算係好好朋友，仲會成日一齊出街，Jenny又會唔收錢幫細妹補習。

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可能因為細妹同Jenny好friend既原因，所以我細妹同我既關係響我同Jenny分左手之後一落千丈，直至響我結婚之後關係先好返啲，但感覺都係返唔到之前咁，始終有一層隔閡。之後佢考DSE考得唔係好理想，屋企出錢比佢去英國讀大學，今年將會學成歸來。感情事？佢而家都唔係幾理我，所以我唔清楚。

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至於阿冰同Jenny呢？

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其實…即使到左呢一刻，我都唔敢講我人生入面最愛既女人究竟係阿冰定係Jenny。

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當年我出軌既時候我以為佢地兩個響我心目中只係各佔一半，係同等咁重要…

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但其實應該唔係…

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「閉起雙眼你最掛念誰，眼睛張開身邊竟是誰」

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我知我好撚仆街，但其實我去到呢一刻就算結埋婚，我合埋雙眼入面最掛住既，係阿冰。

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我響報左名考消防之後，準備體能測試既時候練跑步，每次都聽住歌黎跑，每次一路跑我一路聽歌，聽到陳奕迅首人來人往既時候，我諗起既都係阿冰。

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嗱嗱嗱，話雖如此，不過我應承過自己，我而家已經結左婚，所以就算阿冰而家全裸響我面前誘惑我，我都唔會再出軌。

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我唔係阿寶，我唔想再犯同樣既錯誤。

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如果唔係今次隨時搞到我婚都離埋。

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再講，阿冰響我個心入面佔有一個重要位置，唔代表我唔鍾意而家既老婆。

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得不到的總是美好的。

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遺憾美。

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總之先講阿冰既近況，之後再講Jenny吧。

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我同阿冰響分左手之後，一段短時間係完全冇任何接觸。

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我冇刻意去搵佢，但更加冇刻意去避開佢。反而我覺得係佢避開我，lecture唔上，連tutorial要take attendance佢除左要present之外都唔上。我幾驚累到佢GPA插水，搞到連業都畢唔到。

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我有冇諗過趁佢單身去追佢？係扑佢果晚有諗過，但係同Jenny分手果晚我應承過Jenny唔會咁做。

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即使同Jenny分左手，我都決定要遵守呢份承諾，去為我做過既錯事贖罪。

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再講，就算我知阿冰唔多唔少都有啲鍾意我，但我唔知佢有幾愛我有幾鍾意我，而我都唔肯定我係咪真係可以追到佢。

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總之隔左一段時間之後，我會響campus再見到佢，而雙方都會禮貌地向大家生硬咁打招呼。

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其實果下我個心好痛，我地既關係已經倒退成咁…

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不過果陣都已經隔左一段時間，所以我都接受左呢段關係既轉變。

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縱使響夜闌人靜既時候，我總會上阿冰既Facebook默默咁留意佢既狀況update。

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唔知係咪特登，佢既Facebook由頭到尾都冇再顯示過佢既感情狀況。

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去到下一次我同佢有正式對話既時候，應該係大學畢業典禮既時候。

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果陣，我望住佢，佢望住我，四目交投，雙方眼神都好複雜，有好多野想講，但冇辦法講。

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其實咁樣對望，我覺得雙方都感受到對方殘餘既感情，不過大家對呢段關係都已經無能為力。

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因為，果陣我已經結左婚。

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「恭喜你畢業。」我率先開口。

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「嗯，你都係。」阿冰勉強擠出笑容：「係呢，聽講…你結左婚？」

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「係呀。」我唔想講呢個話題。

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「你呀，今次婚都結埋就要好好控制自己，唔好好似當年咁同一時間鍾意兩個女仔呀！」阿冰擠出笑容。

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其實，我唔想架。但感覺呢啲野係控制唔到的。

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「知啦。」我選擇將上面既諗法藏在心中。

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突然我感覺到背後有一陣寒意。

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我知道，我老婆望住我同阿冰傾緊計。

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我打左一下冷震，借故行開：「有小小急尿，去廁所先，一陣搵你影相。」

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阿冰噗哧一笑，道：「冇見咁耐你都仲係咁搞笑。一陣見啦。到時影相呀！」

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最後，呢張合照…

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係冇影到的。

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有啲野就等佢永遠咁埋藏在心中吧。

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我其實有諗過問下阿冰有冇拍拖，不過最後都係冇問…

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有又點，冇又點？

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鍾意一個人見到佢同第二個一齊幸福自己都會覺得開心？

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真係？

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老實講，我驚我接受唔到…

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要開心既話，梗係兩個相愛既人響埋一齊啦。

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屌，唔好再諗了。

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我都好鍾意我老婆的。

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我亦都唔想阿冰孤單一個。

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總之我同阿冰既故事到呢一刻就真係完結了。

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畢業之後我冇再見過阿冰，亦都冇再同佢聯絡。

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我唔知佢有冇睇我Facebook，我倒係好誠實，我係有睇佢Facebook 的。

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阿冰畢左業之後繼續讀書，去左教院（果陣仲未叫教大）讀教育文憑，畢左業之後去左一間中學度做實習同教書。

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今個學期好似轉左去一間新既學校度教書。

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我諗佢而家至少生活無憂。

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呢啲係我好似痴漢咁睇佢Facebook而得返黎既資料。

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可惜上次阿熙派帖既時候，阿冰去左旅行所以見佢唔到，結果我同佢畢業禮後既第一次再會就推遲到今日。

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今日我終於可以再次見返佢。

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我心情…有小小矛盾…

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其實我間中都仲會掛住佢…如果唔係都唔會好似痴漢咁mon住佢Facebook啦。

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不過感覺…隨住時間既流逝，我諗對阿冰既思念已經冇以前咁強烈…

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應該冇…

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其實唔係。

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我仲好掛住佢。

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…

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諗起今日會見到佢，我就好緊張…

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見到面，唔知我地仲可以好似返到以前咁樣傾計呢？

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（待續）

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