ATEEZ的單篇故事 - 鄭友榮X崔傘《簡答題：一個故事的循環》

如題。

前因後果，類似蝴蝶效應。

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只要心臟還跳動，必須伴隨相遇和分離。

沒有例外。

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「你們怎麼每天都在吵架」

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晚歸是丁潤浩的作息。

他踏進玄關甩了甩手錶，比平常早了半小時左右。

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故事都是自然發生的，從崔傘下錯交流道開始。

在那之後鄭友榮臉色越來越黯淡。

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他將耳機掛上，音量比平常多開了幾格，然後緩緩閉上眼。

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今天狀況非常差，就連後座的丁潤浩也不理解鄭友榮生氣的原由。

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「你平常並不會犯這種小失誤」

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還沒讓他們吵起來，對向車道的小貨車打滑直直朝他們撞上。

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任何一個叉路都充滿未知。

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「所以你們從醫院回來就開始吵了」

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丁潤浩沒什麼太大的想法，畢竟他在後座只是稍微碰撞擦傷。

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鄭友榮生氣的是那股不知來源的不安感，他在其他人面前脾氣不是這樣的。

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追根究底就是那該死的告白，總是不經意的從鄭友榮腦中悠悠地飄過。

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他對告白的那個男子壓根一點興趣也沒有，倒總有一股陰涼的感覺搔著他頸肩。

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他潛意識裡被一雙乾枯冰涼的手抓住。

甩甩頭，他不想讓自己深陷在其中。

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當初崔傘對自己可溫柔的。

導致鄭友榮甚至不允許他對其他男生微笑。

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從處處針對，到後來變本加厲。

所以這次鄭友榮不小心動手對崔傘揮拳。

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如果愛著他的心會走向變質，那鄭友榮寧可重新來過。

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「對、對不起⋯」

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雖然回神時馬上和崔傘道歉了。

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語氣心疼，鄭友榮挽著崔傘手臂硬是拉到房間，伸手作勢輕撫他的髮梢。

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後者沒有給予理會，任由鄭友榮碰觸全身直到滿意為止。

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「我不是故意的⋯」

「別生我的氣⋯」

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病得不輕的瘋子。

崔傘暗自咆哮。

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「把手放了吧？」

拍掉他手腕發出聲響，崔傘不語，只是走到床邊坐下。

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因為活動範圍甚小，崔傘的房內也跟著一團糟。

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隨後他馬上後悔說出剛才那句話，想當然鄭友榮不可能理會自己，甚至還起了更多疑心。

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「那個男生，我後來根本沒有理他」

「⋯我知道你在氣這個」

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他了解鄭友榮總會用極端的方式確認，得到自己想聽的回覆。

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而他會掙扎到最後一刻。

最後還是累的任由鄭友榮再次把自己拴緊。

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沒有例外，鄭友榮多少有點喪心病狂。

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丁潤浩準備的晚餐放了一個半夜，拆過的塑膠包裝還飄落在床邊。

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原因是崔傘板著臉，鄭友榮根本不敢食用。

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凌晨三點半。

他跟著崔傘的腳步悄悄走到後陽台。

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掛著的眼袋比昨日更沉重，兩人亦是。

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像個犯錯的小孩不敢和崔傘並肩站著。

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他已經盡可能屏住呼吸不讓味道吸進肚子裡，但還是張嘴擠出一句話。

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「對不起⋯然後」

「別⋯別抽煙了」

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想到幾小時前動手的事他多少有點心虛。

這樣毫無意義的懺悔日益嚴重。

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事後的道歉、該死的佔有慾，崔傘漸漸無所謂。

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呵———

崔傘笑了出來。

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不語，還叼著菸的手指往鄭友榮嘴邊靠近。

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「吸進去」

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沒管後者悶哼幾聲，被逼迫下意識反抗的本能讓崔傘不樂，強壓住後腦硬把菸和兩根手指往裡頭塞去。

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「嗯，吐一口氣出來」

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溫柔細語，白煙伴隨咳嗽聲吐出，鄭友榮甚至被嗆的流下生理淚水。

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又反覆幾次直到崔傘滿意。

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「你不喜歡那我就不抽了」

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崔傘說這句話時還吐出淡淡煙味。

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是真心的。

看吧，崔傘在乎自己。

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再一次迷糊睜開眼已經是隔天中午。

他不在。

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這種感覺他很不喜歡。

失落？還是其他的。

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他常常陷入這種焦慮和恐慌，通常崔傘會讓他服藥控制。

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「傘⋯」

「在哪？」

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跌跌撞撞才到廚房，卻把櫃子翻的一團糟。

從滿是藥堆裡找出那顆自己見過多次的藥丸，此時呼吸還無法平穩。

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“吸進去，吐一口氣出來”

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鄭友榮滿腦只浮現這句話。

和吸菸一樣，是崔傘教他的。

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但他只是乖巧的把廚房整理，讓其他人看見可不好。

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“去哪裡了為什麼不告訴我？”

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這樣子的問候已經不是一次兩次，崔傘覺得快要窒息。

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是鄭友榮贏了沒錯。

強烈的排斥使崔傘壓根離不開他。

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恐懼的要瘋了。

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兩人產生了情感，崔傘沒有教他正確與否。

鄭友榮漸漸只為崔傘而活。

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無法清醒。

老是在意鄭友榮，老是想撫平他的情緒。

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「傘啊，你覺得怎麼樣？」

「我太愛你了，所以不會放你走」

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崔傘的一舉一動，甚至一言一語都助長著鄭友榮對他的慾望。

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若要問崔傘的意見，他希望各自都能為自己的行為受到懲罰。

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崔傘還把鄭友榮輕摟在身旁。

對他說著如此荒謬的一段話。

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「所以我把這些事加倍奉還了」

「就這樣吧，以後也得一直愛著我」

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你情我願，我愛你這句話聽著簡單。

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就是個故事罷了。

只是特別的來由甚至多的不夠說明。

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2022.04.29

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