《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIENgolx9Rq
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fk0JLioHU
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpwNo2jO0v
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUTCgSumBH
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniHeyVmVWz
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wCzAfcgnF
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEGvON8xvk
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdvOAH3fnJ
壓力似乎一併消散。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYYwC2hgqp
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBCPa9Roj0
茶盡。我再續杯。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF740VT2U6z
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQZAlh6GPV
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAz4TJAhiC
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwBpLtUB7n
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvWGKkymdC
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqUR03ArUW
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyK6NP0QRAn
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77ogbCjxX8
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyrYhh6xQD
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxyZCgHPlh
夢醒一場空。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkG0jVfk4tE
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ847Dqmo6mU
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBDR4hc63f
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzN5XcNjj5
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8bAEcrGOn
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDANyZc2dS
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpOym3SWeC
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWZGZglz1C
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNpdbiZ2RO
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3w0WKSZrE
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlquTc8eNqP
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYntgyTqaP
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYbzAReqeS
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToc6SIsaU1
我沾沾自喜。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYTbmpDxSb
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0htH5L4XVb
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsetjuYxI0
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6zVK7RT0U
但我沒有向同學們坦白。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6szCf2JpjT
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaXL5wTMWI
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxetvgsoACN
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTE709lan1b
努力，努力，努力。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYv5KsiXUU
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBHRj77R8c
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEUEUFeudb
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5HpxPFUKc
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH9H121zme
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWQomVbmcF
以為。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYFSQR3rjQ
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3qmUpaOTg
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4PxQzTjwa
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsyY7GpAgd
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj60jrFrV4K
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJZTmMxjh8
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2YZx3lte1
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEjwr8PhLj
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wPSfd9QWH
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27b2gTtHtI
我的作品感動了我。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZgE9LSCOI
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfXtWuYRJv
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcYkzEjJv3
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa6yvAVeIc
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUrqo4dJCI
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgHo0TdkQI
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2lyWvMuQ5
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqHY90NUUO
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PmND1jGoi
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdcZE5D14N
熱茶又涼了。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp2Avqpyv3
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbSHWXfkTx
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl3uk31qxP
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdEb6iOg4i
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLpKOjVKx3
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA8y8Ha7H6
我的作品只感動了我。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBnTXBzzit
367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiaXZXvxrf
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。367Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBIfRg8gEW