我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。154Please respect copyright.PENANADrZ7cdIfp7
154Please respect copyright.PENANAW2D0MOjnnC
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。154Please respect copyright.PENANAlxTXOSOUxA
154Please respect copyright.PENANAtdvbzFNPqY
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。154Please respect copyright.PENANAaJkxRE43iM
154Please respect copyright.PENANAhBJDRdrXzB
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。154Please respect copyright.PENANAkvU9UVTftE
154Please respect copyright.PENANA1rBb8UsUDU
壓力似乎一併消散。154Please respect copyright.PENANAd81oOBXyIF
154Please respect copyright.PENANARQg0BgxfQM
茶盡。我再續杯。154Please respect copyright.PENANAjkKT7U63do
154Please respect copyright.PENANAtdD0vPXZr4
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。154Please respect copyright.PENANAxU7X9HwK0a
154Please respect copyright.PENANAp1KpX2zYtB
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。154Please respect copyright.PENANA6OD9kVmAzV
154Please respect copyright.PENANATXhCRCdwbZ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。154Please respect copyright.PENANASP4J4dz4NC
154Please respect copyright.PENANAejW9DXxp9j
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。154Please respect copyright.PENANAiKYwZMCcfg
154Please respect copyright.PENANAGdryT8jZYS
夢醒一場空。154Please respect copyright.PENANARSgFhoTZ0d
154Please respect copyright.PENANAP0vP4WEBUW
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。154Please respect copyright.PENANAicythWBsGf
154Please respect copyright.PENANAJjGIhTlzGV
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……154Please respect copyright.PENANAIF2VvK2acQ
154Please respect copyright.PENANAofGACrxFMF
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。154Please respect copyright.PENANAh5v0fF1pjP
154Please respect copyright.PENANAlLpSqwNBhK
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。154Please respect copyright.PENANAbqpcWJvi9b
154Please respect copyright.PENANANGSHro8ijT
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。154Please respect copyright.PENANAgqE0D6MSD1
154Please respect copyright.PENANAUekYPid34n
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。154Please respect copyright.PENANAHUFV1wkVa8
154Please respect copyright.PENANAf7v1XeOLZl
我沾沾自喜。154Please respect copyright.PENANACpiOTskZ8r
154Please respect copyright.PENANAboOn9YzUEi
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。154Please respect copyright.PENANAgcuGqtZDLf
154Please respect copyright.PENANAIGLFkBH3P6
但我沒有向同學們坦白。154Please respect copyright.PENANAnEdNYU66XK
154Please respect copyright.PENANA7poeHhdfxh
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。154Please respect copyright.PENANAGOrA8aHAki
154Please respect copyright.PENANAxYitjHfYR1
努力,努力,努力。154Please respect copyright.PENANAGBhMsPmzS7
154Please respect copyright.PENANAC9IswdckGY
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。154Please respect copyright.PENANAt3NbmByiJr
154Please respect copyright.PENANA2MNkJO88Tn
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。154Please respect copyright.PENANAS0dSOYQacO
154Please respect copyright.PENANAz7y2FZJppx
以為。154Please respect copyright.PENANApzVameyWYV
154Please respect copyright.PENANA0P0ZsSsCtx
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。154Please respect copyright.PENANA8U8a5UR0uU
154Please respect copyright.PENANAVXoyeIXsEK
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。154Please respect copyright.PENANAr6GddLFEii
154Please respect copyright.PENANAaFWiPfWGYS
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!154Please respect copyright.PENANAF8wwCwPjXN
154Please respect copyright.PENANAjBAFlhBcVf
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。154Please respect copyright.PENANAq8fenIxzk0
154Please respect copyright.PENANAHMVaaB2fwf
我的作品感動了我。154Please respect copyright.PENANAUAwXLFufWe
154Please respect copyright.PENANA0Blf9L9Oeh
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。154Please respect copyright.PENANAr4BlqVk1oJ
154Please respect copyright.PENANAMIHyTees4h
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。154Please respect copyright.PENANAS0MHAGQTQa
154Please respect copyright.PENANAIww4DEAA0D
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。154Please respect copyright.PENANAR6QdOLTwJ2
154Please respect copyright.PENANAMjnjtRfcJH
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……154Please respect copyright.PENANAqtuzOt9e6B
154Please respect copyright.PENANAGg9fV4ulDM
熱茶又涼了。154Please respect copyright.PENANAaEjqHSw2iY
154Please respect copyright.PENANA8VWqnQUBXq
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。154Please respect copyright.PENANAfE6Jkoez5D
154Please respect copyright.PENANAk6O0BwzGHs
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。154Please respect copyright.PENANAbgnFAUUFAl
154Please respect copyright.PENANAexXZCRRSsV
我的作品只感動了我。154Please respect copyright.PENANAXaNXwQa71l
154Please respect copyright.PENANARkfegC0h56
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。154Please respect copyright.PENANArs3TfDo9Wt
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.131.22da2