《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySIHf0hSQM
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFxPX0EdNv
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMN6uot1Yv
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85sWCP119H
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8K7ENT8pu
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi68zIy70X
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaf88uSfYE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzZWA1Lc2h
壓力似乎一併消散。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjI0dTFVYtM
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouIEqMCwXE
茶盡。我再續杯。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvhztSM2Su
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcMuyIIW0W
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdfQMFCw2l
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD3YN6Icba
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4z6NAHOE90
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC3ZO7dwE0
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QbHArzX80
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RGfV40db0
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89mmYOAoXy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkbymi3E5l
夢醒一場空。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdiHnkNwQI
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjaJ7mpQok
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH0AU6ivy0
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmVGNIy797
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77udnAXpSC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZYioXbMBv
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34KZ4fxy8t
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDdhW68y7t
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXol5aDo3BQ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBMqiR1Nfy
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwzNn4bbW3
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy0PO4gulR
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJBhtJW2Fp
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddAggb74jr
我沾沾自喜。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPoaqBdK2h
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tXY6otnan
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEW5ZbcNJxT
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fG1UIF62H
但我沒有向同學們坦白。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhiFQmvweM
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFERS7VMB6
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQEJYVTnYc
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHyPN0PGfJ
努力，努力，努力。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N0t5BZp8s
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0iHpBNz25
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohi3ibSogi
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1sdtSxyBb
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5T6loUBxP
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW1nh7GFX7
以為。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfIjx7uu5k
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVwJePCRjZ
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppHK6r3Ytm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaQmVJddrE
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wNW2e8Ry8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5pJ9y4SpI
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkuUyzSpX1
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7xftX01Jl
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQxRiy8MLR
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oexu3ur8A
我的作品感動了我。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nN5375uFm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1ChI8lMWA
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIjN4wufcN
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0xKC6R3C8
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZk8UFDz5sg
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2UTRYoLCw
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJvoHgbeAR
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJEUkPbBuj
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyKW2lBuxn
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMgzwNhy7c
熱茶又涼了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWmmtQLcY8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXFWakgBQ6
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZeNQwoLD0
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRp2FQmsJ1
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYCY5LarY6
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0F9ZE6pzy
我的作品只感動了我。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOPIjEFxzl
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4rfzScvDH
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM8veIlLqc