《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu05O2TEu17
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOarwCsjmtj
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZfMrXhB7j
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlODCae8oB
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIMiAkDHdb
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaWeEN7NZK
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQm20WtmKl
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgIKHgeNQO
壓力似乎一併消散。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQJYr1KTBI
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4wysPz60P
茶盡。我再續杯。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGlYeHP5Bm
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLM78pKwds
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJw7LNHQ3o
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1jDhiS7CV
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUCuwglw5J
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY1vmrLIcM
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfiKsJO6pg
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cMotLdgzs
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p8ln1jJ1L
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamE5dBnZPp
夢醒一場空。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjPb0TOxgW
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1P4ShsIUR
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5z3yHBivk
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYamSoA262
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZE85TnLf1
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS7DbroUGu
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB99wUof4P
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaIFhGOoED
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SUzKgS3Ya
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru2g7FOPhS
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbfG7DNqqI
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFfgRPGY6a
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFUxmicxzJ
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLv7Hj06J5
我沾沾自喜。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlcK6u9NwS
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYx6zWsPU0
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnK22TgV6t
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPnXrjYBtw
但我沒有向同學們坦白。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVhSaZD8Ft
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGZBFGJ0eN
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPI5BqOLtz
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoAWc9nFJZ
努力，努力，努力。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFIVFqjboZ
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHNSL7nELq
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9etwfkxHrl
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaRKYByqGe
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD6VJi5fhz
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElcipzcm0k
以為。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pwYSn7zoT
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVPWJlz088
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHYXr2cYgK
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBb2AodDBiL
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE06NYpMK9
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTSoizhLsf
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKbVsAdyfu
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXl4mc1XSy
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7e2z9wtsx
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8xxFTxSN7
我的作品感動了我。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGqgoUemxH
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlWKXmOgaZ
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9WQ6fi4MK
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIGyU94xQo
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxIEQXL0BI
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6aXKPdScu
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZctVsmvuYB
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelB0MJ1gIE
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs2tO1xhuu
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvLwsne7n6
熱茶又涼了。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06wfUsNaKL
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRIPTT5o3O
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup7BbfdXsK
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHx9BiYFcs
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrciYiRkLg
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jMTlwR1L5
我的作品只感動了我。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3wypzYuvf
279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kav4uan1x
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsVhOme6p4