我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。139Please respect copyright.PENANAexQBzncFWP
139Please respect copyright.PENANA0SuttRnRhO
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。139Please respect copyright.PENANAHIsy1w0hHR
139Please respect copyright.PENANAHl0bCX5LGR
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。139Please respect copyright.PENANAeCxgexniWd
139Please respect copyright.PENANAX5U5Dn1iGF
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。139Please respect copyright.PENANAokukvAq50o
139Please respect copyright.PENANAcBDJGOx72R
壓力似乎一併消散。139Please respect copyright.PENANAsZiYUG37af
139Please respect copyright.PENANAvqMsFQR4BM
茶盡。我再續杯。139Please respect copyright.PENANArshs3sdPIj
139Please respect copyright.PENANAFXa0O5rsLH
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。139Please respect copyright.PENANAZLifmLpcgy
139Please respect copyright.PENANA7iieUZkkGr
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。139Please respect copyright.PENANApoZ70QHqtf
139Please respect copyright.PENANAzSuT4HuSUF
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。139Please respect copyright.PENANArOjVNr6Fbz
139Please respect copyright.PENANArsFTpfcTDY
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。139Please respect copyright.PENANA3h34BMA1QI
139Please respect copyright.PENANAjm9ZYvhJ47
夢醒一場空。139Please respect copyright.PENANA6E4MEvroK3
139Please respect copyright.PENANA5iN8aBEEWZ
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。139Please respect copyright.PENANA8q66u7LdUD
139Please respect copyright.PENANAgMccPWHQwq
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……139Please respect copyright.PENANAwyKsBkO5B6
139Please respect copyright.PENANAXSCQMqnu0T
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。139Please respect copyright.PENANA4KiovnLJyr
139Please respect copyright.PENANA7NXWErl1sv
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。139Please respect copyright.PENANAZWaRm0xWft
139Please respect copyright.PENANA3zseCkYBU3
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。139Please respect copyright.PENANAwOFWfFhlDu
139Please respect copyright.PENANAXgn7BoevX8
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。139Please respect copyright.PENANAN9TJZaW2SW
139Please respect copyright.PENANAnC0V9vI1Ew
我沾沾自喜。139Please respect copyright.PENANAL6L2EetU2w
139Please respect copyright.PENANAlQUzjDVBoe
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。139Please respect copyright.PENANAcAyx4adT2C
139Please respect copyright.PENANAeQ7XwRlTGW
但我沒有向同學們坦白。139Please respect copyright.PENANAaI4TUvAjzc
139Please respect copyright.PENANA9QRPY5PbDv
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。139Please respect copyright.PENANAXicaBC0hkm
139Please respect copyright.PENANAn8vD2QYtTK
努力,努力,努力。139Please respect copyright.PENANAumdYKqPCw2
139Please respect copyright.PENANAaYJJfiTFNL
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。139Please respect copyright.PENANAQ7lPlGGvcU
139Please respect copyright.PENANAFaRGlBCmtD
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。139Please respect copyright.PENANAvTdP6Bthwb
139Please respect copyright.PENANAZUy7LWFplR
以為。139Please respect copyright.PENANAYveZh02710
139Please respect copyright.PENANAZyu4ZocNIS
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。139Please respect copyright.PENANAkWkrEilkjI
139Please respect copyright.PENANAUp6Us0Qh5t
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。139Please respect copyright.PENANAHtPVRU8fmG
139Please respect copyright.PENANAnauYwf2Mi8
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!139Please respect copyright.PENANA3Iok0M8ABs
139Please respect copyright.PENANAp1NxOAdKXj
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。139Please respect copyright.PENANA256aG7Z9AB
139Please respect copyright.PENANAWsBKMvCrMc
我的作品感動了我。139Please respect copyright.PENANAIAglFQEwea
139Please respect copyright.PENANAPP0NAS1W1I
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。139Please respect copyright.PENANAkN6hiqjLjW
139Please respect copyright.PENANAyMKN7yW6hr
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。139Please respect copyright.PENANAYPuIRw1j2z
139Please respect copyright.PENANAZdalh2LUK1
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。139Please respect copyright.PENANAX4Es7u5jaI
139Please respect copyright.PENANApfP1Runw0G
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……139Please respect copyright.PENANA370TUQepAU
139Please respect copyright.PENANA0zATA5Vj2G
熱茶又涼了。139Please respect copyright.PENANAxbrlwuWXRr
139Please respect copyright.PENANA4hfjgxwDTC
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。139Please respect copyright.PENANA0p1quVqRfr
139Please respect copyright.PENANApKoiBaPRRV
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。139Please respect copyright.PENANAuv59fXhG2y
139Please respect copyright.PENANADVRdge5mUG
我的作品只感動了我。139Please respect copyright.PENANAbvPIx1pEFN
139Please respect copyright.PENANAxMSzWvCRGt
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。139Please respect copyright.PENANAhOTrRDf514
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.130.196da2