《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QEYtDSwQl
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不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FXMtciLwk
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfHNw6za1v
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALUOUbzHR1
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qUGSKIrSQ
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgocjoGbTpp
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk4LatQHgB
壓力似乎一併消散。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVIqML9W8b
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茶盡。我再續杯。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqS2Q4Rt62
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添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuHQU7hxq1
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEAdd4lLNh
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadjYFKbsz6
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGq9LRDkhY
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXgy5qZhDk
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JZILcjIVt
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lnTesZmyL
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夢醒一場空。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHoTUATkzp
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJbhQs5e05
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSvmhCkgJz
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8NRymPHoR
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cgjRsSrpi
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIcxij1CPf
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvaQ7PcryH
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQDiEgvvax
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOMt9GPcO8
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在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL4CKZJo1C
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrSeQgiXhb
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo3W6VrEDV
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我沾沾自喜。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTDxhWMkGs
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細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNfZIaA7xh
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但我沒有向同學們坦白。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDgZWHZ5DH
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuJIe7ddmq
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努力，努力，努力。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eQ3QDEZmG
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8YshMImlh
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZRlucOPf7
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmHWRj17ft
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq12B2Hqsvd
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以為。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w2KkZHJtP
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告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6dWt0GVpa
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普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0NZv9CEBV
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRV7lmNKeX
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwgL14Zdsg
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAurAscHcWm
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNUd6OkkoL
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我的作品感動了我。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHtj08X8Je
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1qrUw8UED
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjQdq8Ya8j
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcrbAyz007
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxHGmhv7do
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvgcxQrsEo
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstn7NXS7qY
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnjj4pETBY
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZcCfuwpPN
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熱茶又涼了。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVUOardERN
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屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiQh5faffK
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2r5GFozJm2
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNbquG8m2q
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOmRxu1F5j
我的作品只感動了我。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq3Fpa5Uag
331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dl7P6zdY6
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。331Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vPLGb4iQZ