《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PkFIcH6x3
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1QygTWFR7
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRIJvSPvAa
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCHFMMnmi2
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KheV9yARP
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4rXaWFQiZ
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBOZq2y8P2
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeajlmBJ6X
壓力似乎一併消散。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaCWUcNjYm
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ll02QmuDb
茶盡。我再續杯。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoKfM7pWVb
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcmVB2xRzo
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOq6ZwXzQz
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Cv5AYCrI5
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH2PJ6vY26
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy5fIWCSbR
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o71urPUqs
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNakOGem0i
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqjGaQ73Qm
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2HuhOnZAo
夢醒一場空。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63lhCFrUZZ
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHyngsOF6K
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaae2L6IiS
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pvGbvpWQk
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnr36yMGTx
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM9e0xrxT9
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RA8LkMNjf
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUS05P9QYj
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlyuRAvf2i
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcGQedgNjE
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrwn3qk7e5
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6OfmNXXSU
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLIRQmK3Tk
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGAaVnIvo0
我沾沾自喜。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwzIq5QQf4
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQpzkLmmUM
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUbj3RalTE
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB47mKScqqI
但我沒有向同學們坦白。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZoyDWGpup
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF69l4AhuJ8
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfuDRWYQZl
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sFGXfE0wO
努力，努力，努力。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjit3wOv5I
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDmY8e4P6T
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJYF74foEo
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySFKcrfR5Z
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2sY8UDtYJ
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuNZ8sy9NM
以為。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6AHxNP3qV
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8CBeGSiqE
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSud9sad0kw
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNn1IiEXDWV
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7uDHNTOEN
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUti60bJ54J
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEMdL4QNKC
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUjrVpLgWQ
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCziPpx0KL
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF7BZDQD03
我的作品感動了我。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoRvauMLdx
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzynaEo8y8b
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyNvKlIUag
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBnwtmSfR1
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9tqj2cdLU
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZicjGjiCz2
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a4vqJ5a6M
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID1RJlnAZU
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlHkbSHGLD
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VaizbiJS1
熱茶又涼了。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZXJthsiL7
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAROt3eDPab
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWe11VOc05
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxX2SFcJl9
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1s3NpYcnJ
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZS7SmQe0w
我的作品只感動了我。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRnKAyFkWX
524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjbZ01FC1v
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSG7K5SBbB