我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。143Please respect copyright.PENANAyL7VFEjnud
143Please respect copyright.PENANAD78uOZI8Gi
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。143Please respect copyright.PENANA2b8JZBTQHv
143Please respect copyright.PENANA68CCn8aEAq
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。143Please respect copyright.PENANAwmfY2KItJx
143Please respect copyright.PENANA79dIXVuc5j
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。143Please respect copyright.PENANA8mT8DCW3NH
143Please respect copyright.PENANAYlmuzvye3m
壓力似乎一併消散。143Please respect copyright.PENANAETiyzWxYuV
143Please respect copyright.PENANAtMbQe6aKe3
茶盡。我再續杯。143Please respect copyright.PENANAxUfWBbNGlp
143Please respect copyright.PENANAj2xxqnlW6x
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。143Please respect copyright.PENANAGaqsLAdEGt
143Please respect copyright.PENANAlVhIDYSjS6
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。143Please respect copyright.PENANA3P9kZ0oofd
143Please respect copyright.PENANATj1vz672QF
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。143Please respect copyright.PENANAoYZ5NC9ZY8
143Please respect copyright.PENANAbVGz0qpCPY
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。143Please respect copyright.PENANAokaGhqIHaN
143Please respect copyright.PENANAwhorKXys3N
夢醒一場空。143Please respect copyright.PENANAd1UeBurkAi
143Please respect copyright.PENANARjCf7R4eyV
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。143Please respect copyright.PENANAXt1EBJdnjX
143Please respect copyright.PENANA6IL6xuGYko
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……143Please respect copyright.PENANAlT16fZfqy9
143Please respect copyright.PENANA2v6NvVYnvz
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。143Please respect copyright.PENANAk2XksFUJ2U
143Please respect copyright.PENANA3TezIngTiX
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。143Please respect copyright.PENANAhNNtJWgEjJ
143Please respect copyright.PENANAvgSFGrdO2v
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。143Please respect copyright.PENANASgdhCPpyk5
143Please respect copyright.PENANAZ28njJEjlS
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。143Please respect copyright.PENANAIZDgu03IUr
143Please respect copyright.PENANAuWIfWp0huT
我沾沾自喜。143Please respect copyright.PENANA3HJ3jt2WUX
143Please respect copyright.PENANAYd3wkpcPXR
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。143Please respect copyright.PENANA2HRs13RJuu
143Please respect copyright.PENANAGkwlpimb6g
但我沒有向同學們坦白。143Please respect copyright.PENANAcIe6U41Ysq
143Please respect copyright.PENANAtYJEtvjmSO
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。143Please respect copyright.PENANAxALAsEzHKk
143Please respect copyright.PENANAAlr6k8qkTy
努力,努力,努力。143Please respect copyright.PENANAPMK3N72VRs
143Please respect copyright.PENANAV7GrPBDoJu
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。143Please respect copyright.PENANAkuOubNGS5Z
143Please respect copyright.PENANAm4EGtsLipR
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。143Please respect copyright.PENANAlZSa0cJvyx
143Please respect copyright.PENANATS5eSkxMYU
以為。143Please respect copyright.PENANA1tsmmksjWd
143Please respect copyright.PENANA2uRzXDzJLP
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。143Please respect copyright.PENANAa37xHEfcJY
143Please respect copyright.PENANAjIRYBNGbFf
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。143Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5fF0FR6au
143Please respect copyright.PENANAwSjcMpNBid
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!143Please respect copyright.PENANABvKF7eVI2j
143Please respect copyright.PENANAmn1OYGmtTK
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。143Please respect copyright.PENANA5IiFofHEFD
143Please respect copyright.PENANAQd6YXQv3AA
我的作品感動了我。143Please respect copyright.PENANATmxWd0AzHK
143Please respect copyright.PENANA2uSAsNIknZ
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。143Please respect copyright.PENANA9zhkSKrfQk
143Please respect copyright.PENANASSTDpaRoL0
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。143Please respect copyright.PENANA4PnNhW8Ep5
143Please respect copyright.PENANA7SQzBSDN0k
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。143Please respect copyright.PENANAotsnKNDlA2
143Please respect copyright.PENANAAmqEjKq3iA
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……143Please respect copyright.PENANA9ess8OOPY4
143Please respect copyright.PENANArbgfa3C0EO
熱茶又涼了。143Please respect copyright.PENANAGE7469LPl4
143Please respect copyright.PENANAl2xCKKNSFT
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。143Please respect copyright.PENANAXigv9iswPb
143Please respect copyright.PENANAPstVkJUm6Q
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。143Please respect copyright.PENANAb80hMtBKaD
143Please respect copyright.PENANAAFqbn662hY
我的作品只感動了我。143Please respect copyright.PENANAA1Y6Pbb4xB
143Please respect copyright.PENANAoY6ab0RFas
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。143Please respect copyright.PENANAAH3fJVwGaj
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.69.58.215da2