《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RZAixUGr6
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不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQRS3Ml8TV
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyn11uvDaiT
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXg3c91iW2
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOFOztmerB
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3rgo3BzSB
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLMewhqmme
壓力似乎一併消散。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BDgcoFzsB
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMx9lOUyu8x
茶盡。我再續杯。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzViruSE5WN
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYHONyKZWq
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSEr0Kan8d
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48Juhd7vSE
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96ORzViGKX
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYL5IIa9GT8
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRAHR8xJji
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCC7U0LLRO
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCuuRmajq2
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k8YOlsu47
夢醒一場空。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapEDA8mo5D
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0f0Rz3UEK
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqFBiuNFgO
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayOxA1wXQ0
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvwzp7RMVE
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1IEBBwkRC
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvw2hYDR0F
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReAyZzZAFE
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK9xrU6VlT
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrCGYWKztn
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBPnKfd6ED
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom5wA8ciNQ
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uEPP3Vcwv
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTYho3IppG
我沾沾自喜。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9wxBjqeeM
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7S4pOEMeo
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjUdAyeGNK
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvumrTfEutg
但我沒有向同學們坦白。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrHJXBhrUW
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlm1BXVfOKm
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEKYJMzDeJ
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ldQQWnAD
努力，努力，努力。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ693C7SdFsV
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gzRhoAgVk
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrBO1H7AEL
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69wdpOG56g
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWecKjkXTEt
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWyVbgSTzN
以為。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRnxMnKKvM
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ROjGeiGR3
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACGmYYhQI7
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGZBEUjAbt
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HJzhOPLnL
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaWRKSO8ie
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4phtDlGsGN
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8Qj64jB9s
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcJsNKXKFO
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRn9dhPXCh
我的作品感動了我。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHymtfzTUQ
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaTSagw0z9
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUVYNy9Kud
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WZDlu3Wu9
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjsquuVYgY
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2ku8AQ1gW
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5vxxDt3GY
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgPAApKB4j
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9bsKfLZsp
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZ6Zm6AmTM
熱茶又涼了。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aODOpkCEZ
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2Kh1NHEJU
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUuew1OSej
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTMxt1eUg4
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Lm8MbQ8ry
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztn2tTMhHN
我的作品只感動了我。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDS0BgyjK4
527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MofMQRjXL
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qegz33hCO