《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgFlc1WrWw
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWjM1m62b8
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTORkSgEnq
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV43rTofp86
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAcFpHOTJF
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA57GK88WPs
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmZ7OBiRH3
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcZTcRv5V8
壓力似乎一併消散。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMved1Alqa
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqCs9ZLzgK
茶盡。我再續杯。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExgKEXRVRB
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNsFAYxX7v
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtueIdWQiaC
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjjx8uX6Tv
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe469ZPl6LC
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL8ymZEcID
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUE4p4q5D2
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8IDcr6Wl7
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodkr91rkJu
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q6Anvgzf6
夢醒一場空。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWktclhqr5
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhdSBqnhi0
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAawu7qurb9
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FGQOMKYUQ
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaB0kJyiQB
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8N1hz7XgC
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZotGTdQKPA
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSdtpaE92x
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmysMS0bLn
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqfeVW1g6K
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8x4VqaC0l
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY3gVKhX7B
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZVAJw9W52
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7YesxAezc
我沾沾自喜。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4J2kPjmGsy
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcARvqKPhAS
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzztnLrMee
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotC9ZXAJCK
但我沒有向同學們坦白。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKsp07OwXa
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k1WWcqFWL
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cy15fgC3r
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkEfrJbMAL
努力，努力，努力。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzaaNv09R7
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHzCRn0TBl
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpaTPS2YXj
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpUtr5YjIH
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqWIi27bN3
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJlHjPVpDw
以為。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmppdE2BpI
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0d3jvY9BR
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaW19j4LDK
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4McUNljmrK
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQosS9Ax68
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0dgpxiurB
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TteE5P71e
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVr7W2N5vwd
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWbINpgZxI
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1cDPtiWD9
我的作品感動了我。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaK16XZhpg
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHdzVfut4Z
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72X4EGUFJg
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7CdzsW4XO
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEY67j9eT2Q
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasok2OGHG6
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4CF7Vp8DF
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA2EtiMxA7
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d0iNNxKno
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj4lpoBRzV
熱茶又涼了。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZskcaNvuZ4
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YF6HS9Z0A
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma2ErPOFCQ
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUvrty0ruS
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbvELzr79N
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW87YuDhH4d
我的作品只感動了我。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct6gGZ84GE
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq04HDQFv6
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtoteA9JNp