我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。149Please respect copyright.PENANAGSZxGlkY9w
149Please respect copyright.PENANA5ax6A2TPLy
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。149Please respect copyright.PENANA75inCdvdHg
149Please respect copyright.PENANA00ahGDhWOI
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。149Please respect copyright.PENANAZWhPCeEjhj
149Please respect copyright.PENANA2Wz7ytpMTv
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。149Please respect copyright.PENANAbJStnr1yqt
149Please respect copyright.PENANA5F59sD3qzR
壓力似乎一併消散。149Please respect copyright.PENANAXYhUhbDk8j
149Please respect copyright.PENANAvXE1ZBoENU
茶盡。我再續杯。149Please respect copyright.PENANAiMryyBboGU
149Please respect copyright.PENANAke3wjlbu50
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。149Please respect copyright.PENANARk6MHxRNw4
149Please respect copyright.PENANAbbbQwmP19r
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。149Please respect copyright.PENANAMpkIdo79TM
149Please respect copyright.PENANAUZhBY6i24m
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。149Please respect copyright.PENANAZLrEE5chrA
149Please respect copyright.PENANANCFFgGgg2R
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。149Please respect copyright.PENANAdAAgyrqoch
149Please respect copyright.PENANAEWCN8WDG29
夢醒一場空。149Please respect copyright.PENANA20L4UBypwx
149Please respect copyright.PENANAvF0LKHchDq
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。149Please respect copyright.PENANAD6OIcpFKAN
149Please respect copyright.PENANAiAHPncHph4
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……149Please respect copyright.PENANA7YA3rA69IH
149Please respect copyright.PENANA24PKhjqCdT
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。149Please respect copyright.PENANARJGueY5zGL
149Please respect copyright.PENANAg2zQp2XWZc
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。149Please respect copyright.PENANAiN12KIQsEw
149Please respect copyright.PENANAlcgGUqpVtQ
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。149Please respect copyright.PENANATpBU3Dokrw
149Please respect copyright.PENANAIGQNGKFidw
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。149Please respect copyright.PENANA5Z0URWxtf2
149Please respect copyright.PENANAaO2HBD7ynD
我沾沾自喜。149Please respect copyright.PENANAIP6dKvE0qP
149Please respect copyright.PENANAoqjBhH5z4P
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。149Please respect copyright.PENANAqA7KrHHof9
149Please respect copyright.PENANAh2e5h1gdxB
但我沒有向同學們坦白。149Please respect copyright.PENANAUMrHh5QZPK
149Please respect copyright.PENANAnW02dog40e
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。149Please respect copyright.PENANAX0eQRiUz59
149Please respect copyright.PENANAa03ar8V2V8
努力,努力,努力。149Please respect copyright.PENANAIIZFPWb289
149Please respect copyright.PENANA3mkGxve4fi
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。149Please respect copyright.PENANAXVUfMqlwBO
149Please respect copyright.PENANApIxyna6WmG
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。149Please respect copyright.PENANAgoDaXxRCch
149Please respect copyright.PENANA5g4y5Hqn34
以為。149Please respect copyright.PENANAfcmT9BbIPB
149Please respect copyright.PENANASTUiJOG3f6
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。149Please respect copyright.PENANAxyHdsLlWm4
149Please respect copyright.PENANAinn5saEjEw
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。149Please respect copyright.PENANACq8VWejiMx
149Please respect copyright.PENANAtUceWgAHW7
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!149Please respect copyright.PENANAahik7QxLhy
149Please respect copyright.PENANAcMY4JpobyE
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。149Please respect copyright.PENANAI7h31BRUKH
149Please respect copyright.PENANAJvlRPuUnll
我的作品感動了我。149Please respect copyright.PENANAmKSKPPy8Bd
149Please respect copyright.PENANANhexnnzMIi
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。149Please respect copyright.PENANAjXhIRlXUQu
149Please respect copyright.PENANAYUpvaH4sKg
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。149Please respect copyright.PENANAzBNWTTRM7s
149Please respect copyright.PENANAs8CJ93Bu5Y
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。149Please respect copyright.PENANAYa0bQKtzAN
149Please respect copyright.PENANAwCvp7fuJyv
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……149Please respect copyright.PENANAPdvhVdEZ4R
149Please respect copyright.PENANAjHpHZnJRgo
熱茶又涼了。149Please respect copyright.PENANAqv1tforB1S
149Please respect copyright.PENANAfoya7ZSYsl
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。149Please respect copyright.PENANALUETW6VhMR
149Please respect copyright.PENANAXAwXztLdcV
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。149Please respect copyright.PENANA1KjXzS9F0r
149Please respect copyright.PENANAubWLw68fAN
我的作品只感動了我。149Please respect copyright.PENANA0xZ9R7qjuC
149Please respect copyright.PENANAuAZM51kjqw
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。149Please respect copyright.PENANAxeTFX2DXfb
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.71.254.211da2