《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP39cxjpzkz
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxrkHjKPFE
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XHZXMsrOn
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYQnRRUeOo
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzpZ6SCRFg
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgQ4JX3Gg9
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrd2vqybbHR
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUniXkYS0ih
壓力似乎一併消散。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc2hCokQUl
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hJw83QDNS
茶盡。我再續杯。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7jfX06gn1
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mwaNKQvjs
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngUPQPjnmL
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCz4NArEnz
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLOFJ3OJ4O
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ1nXftnkM
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjqL4Zkyd0
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXZfBc7flA
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRZQLT9n7u
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MSKZYhPmM
夢醒一場空。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAUlnSYjqN
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETDFU3aBEW
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGgvJwR6AQ
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfeLbIKwDq
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKCuMEZCI6
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ajM1ZH8Gw
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9QoDz1mSe
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD0lH8EV35
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRwG9k8c9D
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxWuqpfpYJ
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYrwBLb0eW
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyy4RVtBqt
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgThwA86AJF
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFBj03m6L4
我沾沾自喜。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30RoJ3xViE
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HbqOtmTpS
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtfNmDL4iU
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCpCS5yGfE
但我沒有向同學們坦白。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSWRqOVZzH
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByEbpaJWA3
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4qUtgQ043
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiSOBSEzKb
努力，努力，努力。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmuydJh9SX
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowYDQwxW69
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhtmF5AuXA
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51DewLbtwI
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItxCie7PWM
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf6tOHQKVV
以為。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR1t06UDFT
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOhmdKNFGH
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlozqHR8Ze
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCTi8BMBdT
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnBYONl3Ev
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf3oQgEthV
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiKTReulQy
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNT3hzDTJum
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo79MQ5fF51
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRZZE6bcmY
我的作品感動了我。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NgRikp9KY
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd4qlHHxNk
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI31rcrAgD
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFbIAVtsE3
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t0A40Ae1w
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc41AU0nQ4
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU2APQwagC
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tn2UKtXIj
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHLInyxeLM
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCAcFGQUQS
熱茶又涼了。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LEFnb0q4N
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRZCsqrQGc
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp77Ijo126
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BsNozDntw
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOH1DxAmBe
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpBeU2kEkC
我的作品只感動了我。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WkoIL1Ep5
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOIqp06lyq
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxME1QuxpAO