《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtK23FWVzte
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdu7WnvBWFB
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyedq093qJb
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFwxFsWcWr
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQHlBDBRlG
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmYStBiccI
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQ9pbWNn7Q
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1f1EOTBs7
壓力似乎一併消散。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyL1bWCRA7F
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM4wzXo0Jm
茶盡。我再續杯。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EDwFtyHd7
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oLlIfUNKV
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkLDTSqcqW
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7fO0L8Ay0
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnBfJ4v1VV
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVscYNvePYi
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWzXQFAQaf
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW5CmiIwc6
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjuENPWcgY
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ0g7PRDNt
夢醒一場空。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrSG1gtRb6
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiE2j19qqHj
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12ias0at2q
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lhuT2sVWy
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqbhO5EyN9
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1pRLHFSDr
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvp8OeRfZr
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfftt83528l
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFktlZetZQ1
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw6E9rqjb4
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxLZ6UVRex
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCQNt1ABAK
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm571puYvyz
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6IszSnuEb
我沾沾自喜。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4zd2adeCb
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiS6wFyBitQ
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgCu2LXIac
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjMASTgjcF
但我沒有向同學們坦白。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAqlO6rEXK
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7hKGk1FPG
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6hIxdNHol
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH6VzsqFMm
努力，努力，努力。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVD07ybvCP
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeju8hdZhI
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqcRo268Hd
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX727t7Wp6o
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxSP1Zvfzs
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRL6Yw8bkPf
以為。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIAwH2UlGi
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyv35iX4y0
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7Ia0M7aQK
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH52Vi8xgJh
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dPl4CL1Cu
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23WgdQziGl
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpQIYqy9rm
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZKMBf9ro4
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JXN9p5WHW
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg44UmxmFk8
我的作品感動了我。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuFceyv8Cj
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3fNilh7Sj
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91HTzEBc1V
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSITDHy7jY
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAElj4F4Et
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjOsNcvssU
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyx0vd9JQA
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddrWSHODVh
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS5WxZMNbk
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYMXeidcJa
熱茶又涼了。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIMFTXlJ3n
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcCIAcJbxT
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcak1ZXKyfw
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuebQW2dyW3
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV4fkYfsUO
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAgrQKTP58
我的作品只感動了我。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XqJLTejka
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux7rosv9lp
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0obat83hz