《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuDAwsYrHH
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikfOhTcwXB
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jKdrh0Y3M
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEfe1LoMp7
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVB10XhrxN
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVoKMBPtCj
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCord4BIzVb
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3PCHbqkoC
壓力似乎一併消散。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ77loflM8
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMkkOHrPVE
茶盡。我再續杯。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKQ30CVbzx
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkZqjfnzNb
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa4GUFrcNn
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAsQwY3mhs
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aWYPbPGj1
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRZtUhuQRP
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgys4dtGQz
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7OHdQDDe5
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH3yfX0nUj
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3DPxNR8th
夢醒一場空。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lPonMSVd3
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFR5k2n84F
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7CcLsvFQP
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbp9g3Zy8L
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHluKase2i
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhT9CKCd1u
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJfC02xBBK
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kIL1j6NBB
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyktBMQwTE0
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhLO5MljIl
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SH1zT5LHC
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPqF2aMAR3
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtn2T2leuv
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoolWg8tYhc
我沾沾自喜。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7pjHnRPbV
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr840KXFv9
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgdOLL3R9E
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HaD5H1Tcz
但我沒有向同學們坦白。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbLge8cVWW
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MKgsMjhgu
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtLi4qSzPD
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3NtyxglSG
努力，努力，努力。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIYbLe17Va
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fUU3OClVU
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDM00u6oWAL
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyPTByEhAs
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8r2avFxGO
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ468AbquWRd
以為。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2ATgVVzyI
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5U97VnqAV
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuUtzHpc54
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeOeUikC4H
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVEBBKx37N
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpahkIGr1CR
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO9pvvzKp2
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliJgrzFMuR
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTshotzKeG
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIK28xXwQsk
我的作品感動了我。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8sQMngbn0
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9eU2XJB5z
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcUqBSY9N5
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUUQzEFKUE
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcLh1iXiLp
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHEKHXGPOb
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fzGMNpWCO
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTXFP8gHQT
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GjoL2gx28
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zzAORDdsN
熱茶又涼了。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnmLa8wu6i
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIOKZ7QDWG
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqP4IuXIIy
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaogXfhDjt
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP9X8Tn0RF
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuFzpxe5vZ
我的作品只感動了我。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseeRO0WiJ4
309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWATrtXINoW
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。309Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR05IpzxTLc