我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。309Please respect copyright.PENANAiuDAwsYrHH
309Please respect copyright.PENANAikfOhTcwXB
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。309Please respect copyright.PENANA9jKdrh0Y3M
309Please respect copyright.PENANAsEfe1LoMp7
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。309Please respect copyright.PENANAoVB10XhrxN
309Please respect copyright.PENANANVoKMBPtCj
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。309Please respect copyright.PENANACord4BIzVb
309Please respect copyright.PENANAY3PCHbqkoC
壓力似乎一併消散。309Please respect copyright.PENANAFQ77loflM8
309Please respect copyright.PENANAFMkkOHrPVE
茶盡。我再續杯。309Please respect copyright.PENANAlKQ30CVbzx
309Please respect copyright.PENANAHkZqjfnzNb
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。309Please respect copyright.PENANAEa4GUFrcNn
309Please respect copyright.PENANAyAsQwY3mhs
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。309Please respect copyright.PENANA7aWYPbPGj1
309Please respect copyright.PENANAYRZtUhuQRP
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。309Please respect copyright.PENANABgys4dtGQz
309Please respect copyright.PENANAO7OHdQDDe5
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。309Please respect copyright.PENANAwH3yfX0nUj
309Please respect copyright.PENANAe3DPxNR8th
夢醒一場空。309Please respect copyright.PENANA1lPonMSVd3
309Please respect copyright.PENANAWFR5k2n84F
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。309Please respect copyright.PENANAh7CcLsvFQP
309Please respect copyright.PENANAWbp9g3Zy8L
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……309Please respect copyright.PENANAgHluKase2i
309Please respect copyright.PENANAFhT9CKCd1u
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。309Please respect copyright.PENANAOJfC02xBBK
309Please respect copyright.PENANA5kIL1j6NBB
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。309Please respect copyright.PENANAyktBMQwTE0
309Please respect copyright.PENANAOhLO5MljIl
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。309Please respect copyright.PENANA0SH1zT5LHC
309Please respect copyright.PENANAHPqF2aMAR3
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。309Please respect copyright.PENANARtn2T2leuv
309Please respect copyright.PENANAoolWg8tYhc
我沾沾自喜。309Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7pjHnRPbV
309Please respect copyright.PENANAlr840KXFv9
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。309Please respect copyright.PENANAfgdOLL3R9E
309Please respect copyright.PENANA4HaD5H1Tcz
但我沒有向同學們坦白。309Please respect copyright.PENANAYbLge8cVWW
309Please respect copyright.PENANA5MKgsMjhgu
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。309Please respect copyright.PENANAAtLi4qSzPD
309Please respect copyright.PENANAq3NtyxglSG
努力,努力,努力。309Please respect copyright.PENANAkIYbLe17Va
309Please respect copyright.PENANA1fUU3OClVU
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。309Please respect copyright.PENANADM00u6oWAL
309Please respect copyright.PENANATyPTByEhAs
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。309Please respect copyright.PENANAL8r2avFxGO
309Please respect copyright.PENANA468AbquWRd
以為。309Please respect copyright.PENANAE2ATgVVzyI
309Please respect copyright.PENANAL5U97VnqAV
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。309Please respect copyright.PENANAwuUtzHpc54
309Please respect copyright.PENANANeOeUikC4H
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。309Please respect copyright.PENANAFVEBBKx37N
309Please respect copyright.PENANApahkIGr1CR
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!309Please respect copyright.PENANABO9pvvzKp2
309Please respect copyright.PENANAliJgrzFMuR
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。309Please respect copyright.PENANAdTshotzKeG
309Please respect copyright.PENANAIK28xXwQsk
我的作品感動了我。309Please respect copyright.PENANAE8sQMngbn0
309Please respect copyright.PENANAf9eU2XJB5z
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。309Please respect copyright.PENANAAcUqBSY9N5
309Please respect copyright.PENANAWUUQzEFKUE
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。309Please respect copyright.PENANAmcLh1iXiLp
309Please respect copyright.PENANAAHEKHXGPOb
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。309Please respect copyright.PENANA1fzGMNpWCO
309Please respect copyright.PENANAzTXFP8gHQT
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……309Please respect copyright.PENANA0GjoL2gx28
309Please respect copyright.PENANA0zzAORDdsN
熱茶又涼了。309Please respect copyright.PENANAPnmLa8wu6i
309Please respect copyright.PENANAOIOKZ7QDWG
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。309Please respect copyright.PENANAkqP4IuXIIy
309Please respect copyright.PENANAwaogXfhDjt
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。309Please respect copyright.PENANAYP9X8Tn0RF
309Please respect copyright.PENANAtuFzpxe5vZ
我的作品只感動了我。309Please respect copyright.PENANAseeRO0WiJ4
309Please respect copyright.PENANAWATrtXINoW
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。309Please respect copyright.PENANAR05IpzxTLc
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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