《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTQcYd6sq8
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk6OdOrkEY
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYq2EQ6mJj
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhwx60nQBZ
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡon184p4MOZ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldaYwXug3X
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSQtSFHjG5
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeMz7bDWQv
壓力似乎一併消散。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJCDdxigqA
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgsHIiL9BT
茶盡。我再續杯。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP0sKx9Gp6
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk127tNrtp9
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqsh8DxtWg
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlsvIJWvK9
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI05tGwbYCx
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKxzvgeYQJ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsI4ATjTknn
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV093oUUqfy
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax2387od0j
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyXLd2fFXi
夢醒一場空。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc5klWIc5v
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDpJDvTH2D
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6ObNEiMPl
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlqB9u6h2u
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsza615xSyk
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5JB85ppEB
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanWhtAFE7m
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxnoAA0tzL
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSaDQGvx29
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsitSBQRDXB
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBkt1a5mOp
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRl1CRCtgSQ
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwwYKYCpqj
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiembaRqcU
我沾沾自喜。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqGYomRZhf
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURrd52IYUA
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUdNEXHaxd
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKYTAO6Igk
但我沒有向同學們坦白。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28tbn3o43w
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETWxbhlWYp
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPZnnKNIHv
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QL11ttDd6
努力，努力，努力。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5RQsQabtJ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCewaxbuBG
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTAMSUcWiP
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUWRHb7PZG
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAQ9TY1G0S
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1ex7SgfMc
以為。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjMps9ClOa
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzV64RK0Fly
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOINP4tfLmu
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6KvA6P1NT
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L7z8I61qR
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOvjlCPc07
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7yOw0LJtr
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaApttrDRIF
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS16EpuZ06
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcPUo1d4L4
我的作品感動了我。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VTtJsfeNv
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RzMblSh7W
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzLUe4o4Ug
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup8dm2EbVd
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXqjfA5VwD
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipmZ1Jm40Y
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Iu88BaXgR
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlr7oycf4R
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoVqm0OIKw
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaoaijhe6j
熱茶又涼了。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlEur0rbrJ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqEAtkvpbi
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0SzOZ7Iv2
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG1fzo3xen
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFKXDk5THv
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFmzFmLy2c
我的作品只感動了我。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0YLDZGeqy
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvcPdKQJRf
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63WPpH5qwo