《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RAw4DtqJI
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgKzinFyh2
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWvwmif0ZL
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1EryWPsq9
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAx2X6FMrR
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3s2RpTUOo
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jmJLqU4ug
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NUoFQ4lvS
壓力似乎一併消散。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06Tk9OOgLB
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v6nOypdVP
茶盡。我再續杯。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WGetzmQGe
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkLkHEeDyZ
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJIbr5g7AE
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3EgWT9lLK
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUruDhbO7n
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDiNqMrxE2
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOMsROXNkW
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgab8y6LWcm
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fAiudG0Md
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTFXqPDsnM
夢醒一場空。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfXLv6GVKO
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgTPl5V6fo
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnHslYjFKz
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5lisuUXES
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7HzNthpx1
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡureOoVVxCa
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmdQeLwNK4
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos54AdVnCx
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFi11Cmq1H
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19993WCRmx
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAP8VOkU1b
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFszJfFQfuS
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1PQpRs0UP
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMakU5mlQ0
我沾沾自喜。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw7QWILcfU
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSNIvlQhOF
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCY7VI1G9V
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsGX3HIUUb
但我沒有向同學們坦白。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eLB1jyaYv
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT51lxvfIFJ
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1iozXUxB4
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwigvUzGJHt
努力，努力，努力。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAIlGAMZv7
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8WwPueeZp
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpo9f9xGJx
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPmP94o2qi
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02foSWxMqk
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以為。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aqfgBAsNU
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWWXMHCtSW
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI9a5OXEgb
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgKr6CwMbe
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oTELK9MWe
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRT8f6Wwc6
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujpVXYrIow
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKB7Lunhku
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOMN0T8UC7
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofQvPCnKUh
我的作品感動了我。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8UYLhC8kT
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Kv4NTfK02
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxOUwo7HIh
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOJxTDxiBG
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OKPc3grZX
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7mAUx3pmN
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXvOtIhpJ5
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpKMWK2RJ9
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZetncDOksm
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYhqEpyUkk
熱茶又涼了。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETX2I9BpiA
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpiu7NmPs8
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNWODmzpLF
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQHu4EU7V9
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hZMH44bvu
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSEv9oFBii
我的作品只感動了我。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSGWfjSU3B
256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21tN765QN1
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。256Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSCRA1zSMf