我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。148Please respect copyright.PENANAeZ71K5kWR7
148Please respect copyright.PENANAlsw1FXJa5d
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。148Please respect copyright.PENANAjTmpkA9n4L
148Please respect copyright.PENANApaz9Seq442
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。148Please respect copyright.PENANA1w9UnOP1o8
148Please respect copyright.PENANA6iKfN0BmZQ
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。148Please respect copyright.PENANAkVU5SDRMrI
148Please respect copyright.PENANA3vaaDHCpGe
壓力似乎一併消散。148Please respect copyright.PENANAIAChY1uLSf
148Please respect copyright.PENANAD9J6cwyYXy
茶盡。我再續杯。148Please respect copyright.PENANAT7JGSVgP2R
148Please respect copyright.PENANAzZkn8pDOMm
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。148Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZPE22GWM6
148Please respect copyright.PENANADbkoBLswyS
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。148Please respect copyright.PENANAYHTb32gfzO
148Please respect copyright.PENANAQfpZ4AvhBW
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。148Please respect copyright.PENANAvOW12isdtw
148Please respect copyright.PENANAGqACkACETN
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。148Please respect copyright.PENANAvmR8mPCkLv
148Please respect copyright.PENANAc6cCVppbRa
夢醒一場空。148Please respect copyright.PENANAlcwjoED89O
148Please respect copyright.PENANALbUmdUfXi9
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。148Please respect copyright.PENANAocqEW3hZ6d
148Please respect copyright.PENANA3y5YnlV71c
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……148Please respect copyright.PENANAy6W144w64x
148Please respect copyright.PENANATGPf6fG4jw
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。148Please respect copyright.PENANAgcc6MLSLDT
148Please respect copyright.PENANAGl6KhbMdB3
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。148Please respect copyright.PENANAuNlXqV61T1
148Please respect copyright.PENANAUAvdgBFaOH
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。148Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3TkJbuzzR
148Please respect copyright.PENANACvRdjFvg6s
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。148Please respect copyright.PENANAotAOSlqm5R
148Please respect copyright.PENANAXYq4JTvrz8
我沾沾自喜。148Please respect copyright.PENANAyxD33gF0Hr
148Please respect copyright.PENANAHNzBBjlzL9
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。148Please respect copyright.PENANALQIFqEhy09
148Please respect copyright.PENANA2Uu1IYG839
但我沒有向同學們坦白。148Please respect copyright.PENANAxoenC6GeYz
148Please respect copyright.PENANAm6Fahtwuea
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。148Please respect copyright.PENANAmsAp8JnHI2
148Please respect copyright.PENANANVYVRovHua
努力,努力,努力。148Please respect copyright.PENANAu8VK4LAZF2
148Please respect copyright.PENANAGUjbvFcuH6
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。148Please respect copyright.PENANA45DPC3jSH9
148Please respect copyright.PENANAWMYLwhA6gg
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。148Please respect copyright.PENANA22pM6Zl6bZ
148Please respect copyright.PENANA7Jp5MrQf7b
以為。148Please respect copyright.PENANAtiKqk4Yu8j
148Please respect copyright.PENANAWodw4lVRTS
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。148Please respect copyright.PENANArwdLOKRiKE
148Please respect copyright.PENANAIAVouj09TI
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。148Please respect copyright.PENANAvrIDAv9Mgl
148Please respect copyright.PENANAYqzzEeOG6f
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!148Please respect copyright.PENANANNSyD4FGb5
148Please respect copyright.PENANA1EHAPrlj81
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。148Please respect copyright.PENANAXPHWwF3RsG
148Please respect copyright.PENANA1qhS8kOdNA
我的作品感動了我。148Please respect copyright.PENANATOCTxOByK7
148Please respect copyright.PENANA3URVn0AGqo
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。148Please respect copyright.PENANAaH0eutAAzz
148Please respect copyright.PENANAaIfRHheEAK
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。148Please respect copyright.PENANAY5PW2Tpm9y
148Please respect copyright.PENANAmLiVrAPUK5
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。148Please respect copyright.PENANAKcw09QUQY2
148Please respect copyright.PENANAfzbltq7pK7
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……148Please respect copyright.PENANAykNVLmxHgD
148Please respect copyright.PENANAEpMLLLE7Oq
熱茶又涼了。148Please respect copyright.PENANATsAia35GED
148Please respect copyright.PENANAETSzYBvZXX
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。148Please respect copyright.PENANAT0TFXD9j6C
148Please respect copyright.PENANAYHsRMKKhcV
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。148Please respect copyright.PENANAvhFyZEfGdV
148Please respect copyright.PENANA0auwLVJ40O
我的作品只感動了我。148Please respect copyright.PENANA8aU8Dh1ekZ
148Please respect copyright.PENANAXiMI5kUlHr
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。148Please respect copyright.PENANAU7FvJ7CACy
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.100.152da2