《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1l5F0rcnhW
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不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa88PfdeQFc
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWHYUqW8pP
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHOgJlz2At
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73sX3kNZyp
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gARrup9CT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E2Pa3ET8Q
壓力似乎一併消散。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IUNMD0Oa7
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxnA1lm0Y9
茶盡。我再續杯。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSF9dS6IZx
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98MhiJUNsl
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEvn7QCBZd
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbBKc3rBEW
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs4trG4XVT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9HahDre6D
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8VADMX7n7
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbSWhztRCp
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQPfTLDIaF
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6EykuAU6w
夢醒一場空。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckjEcLYDKP
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCuBcdlh8K
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPMl0yqvd8
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoJLPha7Xc
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4hwBBAJsT
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jZoyCSgSi
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFbQYpOWQ9
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrWCTuQ22B
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOavZvJv0B
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1eWUfmwRP
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gCWFagvvl
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGAR6q77iK
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZuWY1jfP3
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JjZxFJ5LD
我沾沾自喜。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzRlBSxVHJ
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kI4NeABSg
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbj5Noc4Kr
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但我沒有向同學們坦白。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD8nzgI7by
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYApXie3Cd
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VfYAYKy7L
努力，努力，努力。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohQiKKGIZ3
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP36Pt9sM8q
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0xdj7Mz4C
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFso1iCD9Y3
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLMmu6Jj3c
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以為。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSuQfnwYNa
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告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCA2eqmuqPO
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普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AQtY9xndx
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6al2PhF8K
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv8z6lIa3r
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1jvhBtPuP
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaModtP1i3
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtk8iBJl2L
我的作品感動了我。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRtHqQsxHt
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvwIIEm9nL
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5U9dC5zu7
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQSwhLA57G
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEtu7YUtyR
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14qHDDNfiM
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJu07PECJrx
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTUuBIzxDV
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKm6MCem1X
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYySU4dV0Y
熱茶又涼了。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiCj9JSaMq
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8KxbTndtD
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQN6AageHP
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJRXzZxHKd
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pa5bgY0yy
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MaX35Z20F
我的作品只感動了我。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI0cCbi9x3
317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1bZtMEZt4
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb52Uq6zZA5