I must admit that the leader annoyed me. How could she point me out in front of everyone and tell me I was inappropriately dressed. How could she say that Satan had corrupted me because I wore a short skirt and a belly top? A lot of girls my age wore clothes like this and none of them was evil! I thought they were very pretty and showing my belly did not make me a sinner. How could the camp leader imply that the devil was telling me what to wear? She made it sound as if I followed him. How could she say this? She did not know me!
After the welcome, I sat on the swings with Jenny. She told me her life story. She was born into a religious family. Every breath they took was in the name of Jesus. Everything in her life involved Jesus. Her ambition in life was to warn people about the devil and false religions. She wanted everyone to follow Jesus. I listened to every word that Jenny said. It was amazing that she was so different from me. This made her very interesting and maybe that she could teach me something.
My story seemed to have shocked Jenny. I admitted that we were not very religious and I did not pray. We went to Church but I thought that was so boring. I was very influenced by my sister that wanted to be popular. Jenny did not understand and asked who wanted to be popular. I seemed to shock her with every word I said. Her smile disappeared and her face became more scrounged. It looked as if she would faint when my best friend was a Muslim. I told her that Aisha and I had done everything together and we never had a fight over religion. Aisha was the kindest person that I knew and I already missed her.
Jenny said that she would pray for me.
I decided that I must make the best of this catholic camp. It was obvious that the children here had a very deep faith. It seemed as if they were fanatics and the only thing that they talked about was Jesus. This made me feel like an outsider. I did not know what to say. Jenny never left my side, so I just let her do the Jesus talk and praise to her. I spent most of my time observing the other children. I would mumble praise to Jesus when everyone else did, but it did not mean anything to me. I thought that it was strange that children my age would worship someone so much. It was a one-way thing. I mean Jesus could not be seen or heard.
The camp leader wanted to speak with me. She was still disappointed that I wore belly tops and short skirts. Despite I tried to explain that it was fashion, she started waving her fingers at me and told me that it was the devil that was corrupting me.
"I can see the devil has a stronghold of you." she explained, "There is no reason for a young girl like you to look like a tramp. This is not fashion, it is the devil's work! You do not have Jesus in your heart. I will pray for you and your soul. I will also pray that you do not corrupt the other children here!"
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. She was speaking to me as if I was an evil child. She thought that I would make the other children evil. I may not have had the best relationship with Jesus and may even have doubted him, but I was a good girl. I never teased at school or bullied anyone. I always listened to my parents and even did chores. I liked when people were happy and did not like when they were sad or hurt. I wanted everyone to be nice to each other. I wanted everyone to help each other, especially those that needed help.
I was not evil. It was obvious that the camp leader did not like me. I was not as religious as she was. This annoyed me, as I did not like when people disliked me.
The camp itself was very busy. It seemed as if we were going from one event to another event. The common thing with everything was that it was Catholic. We had Bible studies, Cathechism, prayers and small films. They were all about Jesus. Even when we have done art, it was pictures of Jesus or Church or something like that. The other children were very enthusiastic and loved every minute of camp. My problem was that when I heard about Jesus, I had so many questions. Like when we were told about Mary of Magellan, I wondered was Jesus in love with her. Did he want to marry her? We heard that Jesus was lost when he was 12 and his parents were very worried. They found him in the Temple where Jesus asked if they did not know he would be in his father's house? It did not seem that Jesus cared that his parents were worried! This did not sound good to me. Was he grounded?
Jenny tried to explain things to me. I admired her faith. Jesus was her best friend and she was not afraid to tell the whole world. For Eva, Jesus was in her heart and she could feel his presence. I wished that I could. Maybe if I could, that I would not be such an outsider.
The best with the camp was at night time when we would speak around a campfire. There was still a lot of talk about Jesus. However, there was also normal talk. I liked listening to when the other children would talk about their lives at home. They seemed to like the same things as me, like dancing and music and cartoons. When they talked about school, it seemed as if the school was like mine. This all meant that these children were just like me. They just had a special faith that made them happy.
Jenny also told me how hard it can be to be Catholic. She was often teased in school because of her faith. This was because she was very open about it and wanted to inspire the others at school. She was different and that made her a target. I would not have teased her if she was in my class. I would probably think she should think of other things besides Jesus. It was sad to hear how persecuted she was.
We had an important lesson from the camp leader.
"The devil is out there," she shouted as she waved her hands all over the place, " and the devil wants to corrupt you! He wants you to sin and turn against God. He wants you in his army. The devil is a sly one. He will corrupt you through friends that have been corrupted. He will corrupt you through fashion to look like a street worker. He will corrupt you through music that is too sexual and not appropriate for children your age."
She warned us that we would end in hell. She even implied that most of the children at camp would end in hell. This was something I did not expect. When I looked around, I could see that the children looked so afraid and many were even crying. The whole speech that the leader gave surprised me. It even shocked me. She was talking about a God that I never heard about before. The God she talked was an angry God, that was vengeful and full of revenge. He was a God that wanted to punish us.
Jenny was very quiet after the meeting so I sat down with her and tried to cheer her up. I could not cheer her up as the camp leader scared her so much. I told her that the camp leader could be wrong. I doubted that God would be so mean as to punish us for eternity for mistakes that we made during the 80 years we lived on Earth. I was sure that God will tell us where we would make mistakes and forgive us. Then I smiled and told her that there may be no heaven. We could be reincarnated and have to go to school all over again.
I hoped that this would cheer Jenny up. However, the Camp leader suddenly appeared from nowhere and gave us a stern look. We could hear her mumble that the devil was everywhere. When she went, I could see that Jenny was very nearly having a panic attack. The only thing she said was that we are now in trouble. I tried to explain that we were just discussing what was said. Jenny walked away.
I was now left on my own. I tried being with other children, but they walked away from me. The only thing that I could think of was that they were afraid and did not want to be associated with me.
I was bored and alone. I walked around the camp and tried to find my sister. I looked everywhere and could not find her. I was worried if she escaped the camp and tried to go home. I just wanted to speak with someone normal. I wanted to speak about normal things. I did not want to hear about Jesus or hell.
I found Eva at the last place I expected. Eva was in the chapel on her knees praying. This was nothing that I have ever seen before. I think I must have stood there for minutes wondering how weird it looked to see my sister praying. The only conclusion I could think of was that it was peaceful and quiet in the chapel. Maybe that's why she was here, to get peace from all the Bible talk!
I sat beside her and was relieved that she was not biting my head off. She even asked me how I was doing. I told her that everyone here was strange and I had no friends. I wanted to go home. I assumed that she also wanted to go home. This was not the case. She asked me what was at home? We should stay here and find Jesus and submit ourselves to him. She told me that I had to open my heart and let Jesus in.
She took my hand and told me it was time for the next lecture. The camp leader was waiting for us. As soon as she saw me, she asked that I stand next to her.
"This morning we spoke about the devil working through other people," she shouted, "This girl is one that the devil has a firm hold on. Yes, she is a nice girl and she has a good heart. This being said, she is slowly allowing the devil and his wicked ways into her life. You must beware of girls like the one standing beside me. They will slowly do the devil's work and corrupt you"
I felt like crying and screaming at the same time. I was not the evil one. It was evil of the camp leader to exhibit me like she has done and tell everyone that the devil used me to corrupt others. I looked at my toes when she continued speaking. She told us that we had to renounce the devil and repent. We had to change our lives and only do what God wanted. She finished by looking at me and said there is still time for me. I looked up at her and said that she did not know me.
No one wanted to be with me after that lesson. Jenny even told me that we could no longer be friends as she did not want me to corrupt her. She did say that she would pray for my soul.
I had enough. I snuck into the camp leaders office. I was going to ring home and tell my mom to come and get me.
To be continued
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