There are things I cannot say because I fear you may leave just like so many others before I met you, but my true fee and emotions will always be valid to me just as I respect your own emotions and feelings. It took my a long time to figure out that my emotions and feelings are valid and that is something I would never give up because as you know i went through so much to come to this point of understanding within myself. Maybe it's selfish but that is how I see it because I fought for that understanding with my life.
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My fears of abandonment that has developed over the years from my childhood to my teenage years will not allow me to jeopardize my friendship with you because as much as I value my emotions and feelings I value our friendship. Recently I feel that you have forgotten or it has slipped your mind that I am only recovering from my depression and I have not fully recovered. If I being honest I do not believe a person can be cured of depression but it can be ignored as we look at a brighter side of life, but that is hard to do. Whatever it may be I know that just like me you are struggling but trying to look at a brighter side, that is something I most certainly will always understand, which is why I would never blame you for anything, unless you have done something to hurt me intentionally but that is something I have faith you will never do.
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I cannot disregard my feelings and many would say to tell you these feelings but again I cannot let go of my fear that you would leave, that's too much for me to handle especially when i have come so far. I am still young even though I will be an official adult with in a year but that does not change my fears. Maybe as we grow up and our bond grows stronger and as we both recover from the dreadful depression we do not deserve to face, we will see each other's emotions more clearly. I am willing to go the distance for our friendship as this friendship is something that I hold very close to my heart.
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I do depend on you and have only one expectation of you that is for you to fight for our friendship as much as i do and to always meet me halfway. You meet that expectation with flying colors and I could never ask for anything more. I love you and your so called flaws that you are insecure about are things I see as perfection. I am grateful for you since the moment you entered my life and I truly believe you are god given gift to me. I believe we will go great distances together even if my fears get in the way I know that I will always stay beside you.
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Sometimes I do feel alone in our friendship but that again is not your fault nor is it mine, it is how I grew up. These fears of mine seem to get in the way of all my relationships with my loved ones but you make me feel loved and valid when I'm at my darkest or just having a bad day. My fears make me question myself everyday but I am working on it, I will become better and I trust you will stay by my side whatever happens, but sometimes my fears make me question the trust I have for not only you but all other relationships in my life but in the end I give into our friendship because I trust you, despite my fears. You are significant in my life and I will always be loyal in our friendship. I trust you enough for you not to be toxic and to understand me better than my own family.
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You are apart of the small group of people I call family and that makes you a person that I love very much, whether you have my blood or not it does not matter. You are my sister, my mother and someone who I choose to trust despite my fears. When we are older I wish for you to be by my side but that is something we can only hope for but you are truly my platonic soulmate.
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Our friendship will last I believe in that and I love you very much my dearest friend.
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~ Destine
Hello to my readers, this is my way of being heard in a way that I can trust to be safe. If any of you relate to this letter than be sure to comment, comment something that you want to be heard, I will be looking at the comments and replying. I'm always here to talk for anyone who needs it or wants to be heard. You can message me any time. 465Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4lfOECukY
~ Destine ❣️
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