Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9yluhYIRC
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxcnow4bm2
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx9I1Rk6cD
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO70NeQcsbf
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOC4F3LJLTy
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVcKUtIxBM
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9DmdzRTIC
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2xGwiDdNP
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sYMfBDVBn
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUJB2NEUOm
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5fqzAxFxx
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XKFpTJlVH
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDJXpDwz8M
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfJ1wpM1hV
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMDpMrdDdH
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63VUQg8HRP
我：當然沒有啊。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmbvCJO5qJ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3JAo7G1Nj
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNQl1OCg5J
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOgF9aqYXy
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DWmgPANiQ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpRCgweJJn
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmDJaLMT4u
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW1VrVaQSX
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu3f0zs5IO
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0ZqOJx2cC
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Re9DUqOvg
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YPwmb6jo0
Priscilla：係呀。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxULli0I1i
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw0eKtY0NT
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTBuVxjI5i
（我對她微笑地問。）404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWScMuHRgI
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRs6Zt84Tb
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcgrpdEdtx
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KVXJw8QTk
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXPNPlrpYX
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD09lnVVbT
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWdktr8X33
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Bfiwyk34d
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlT8Eqa2ydW
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv7NNMwldW
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn0kiOpIMK
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjD8kAlKBK
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi9rjdp3Ng
我：不如就開個account啦。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLg7T5G9hd
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeqlVODydX
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv4FXzdYxf
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoQwdaXYEz
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ5fLpRwsi
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQFDU1FUww
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bxOz7ERu3
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SePIZzxip
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8aw4a0KwH
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNS9bSgbs6k
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnjBMmeh81
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0CKxuK2BT
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssOk14l3XG
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9pcOTXZKY
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeo3Xgby7yJ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYstKcCpuf
我：睇完先再算啦。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaFX4btHs3
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GXXr7vS1j
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteGU94mkl0
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbxKiiHsep
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX0DaSZ8ya
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2Zhitri3M
-----大年初一的早上-----404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4MYvbsJTV
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqVSJAYK50
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHdkxyCUgD
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eNeGlYGQy
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5tKd8gPGD
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0aPvVbWpM
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm6WblmeJt
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRR6wJemAW
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlberT3Aw7
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkFe2GWCYt
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZrRfI5xt4
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5wcKc4Fvs
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFRKtz4Ou6
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD14j03DrRq
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH7TuGFGFn
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWBu3rzvFT
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA48ifDWLwI
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17HbFFdY3c
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKApz4ZfVIo
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrofGkSdZyR
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvIgCcukEv
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyY32HSArZk
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaElAmiKc4
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9Y66jV924
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvcL6v1CGw
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ysjf1qa9K
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7ThXLRYVu
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FmQssqWcr
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoVrtlwOz5
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUW13x6viiC
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHoUZUJWBr
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K757KmQ0x
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUjeUa9lzk
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWx9CdM9OB
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniJQmCPw3S
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqQWHVMaZa
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiJlbnfaar
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhNIvYM5HM
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdssmLhBYzW
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSCs7h96YE
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn72y7BA8h
我：咁拍咗幾耐？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMre0cfMYxF
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpiWvUACQX
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUNPIopQ1S
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspksuFcFO3
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3jiLUXUWW
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KzecxipqB
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMteGfUkJBV
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFf3fBkrDe
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIxMbXRdMQ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTo1wOgTf8
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nOtDXRiVO
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRPExLHLNV
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoa6meC0KF
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54B5niW2ho
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8qNhjAgyg
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU1x9ASqjq
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7Nh9tgqBO
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOFCUXS7zk
說著，我又說起自己的情史。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSD8EcLgaIM
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtwA3JolMv
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7O4b9Es5D
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwKxLbHHPX
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCyognuMRb
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbZs4qVlfc
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiwN7LlpBE
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVe0jzRVPU
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO9U3MLMsX
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecwNcLxoDf
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgiXcl5n1V
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELATv6U4dk
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHQ4flQf0B
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQUU16PaMK
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPed7qrCUEB
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6OXjhZp2m
我：最後拍左一個月就散。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPOgefnVur
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l1Gx1lX0f
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLStgm2B9B
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjyRCoQ5lL
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0grj9QhSed
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLPBjJ93gb
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxSgiNODvc
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloClIKCnSr
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HiamZLDsx
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbof0gWRar
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfcVt4kGUe
這頓早茶，以AA制完。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNX6VhbnJT
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWhuWZerMn
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltWPSFyjy2
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5ad1jW290
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeluYPaa0h9
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgebBaqKDp
我：下次再玩啦！404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBBBB6jj5d
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ873la0vYGQ
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qZit1otT1
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRk3ehPSCp
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtD2iOqLa1C
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwZJBZZuY6
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPHeeKPpW5
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