Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvz756yzrL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cMrcgiERL
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EotWwOBiQ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVAyFXGpV6
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEw1c2G5xnJ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53M4b8So75
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKOW0bMiOD
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmvHfExv2a
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9aJ1uhYx4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG4GA8TofU
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B49FmAnLm
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4Ysdazobi
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfEgAy6iOI
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x3igTRZon
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddze8agWyN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdI3HTdiZI
我：當然沒有啊。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zBlrnRRng
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bMM0WSqYo
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JduHOJy2H
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxQAgAVsnh
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6cLY36f4n
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhIxJ7GB5J
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMVMg7tEbN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfmTnroclB
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaF3CXVJ87
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMEPt78t0C
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKHlPPd9sy
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LdAGBG7dV
Priscilla：係呀。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfeP9XsFcz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rbG7yjWxy
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaaR5krTRV
（我對她微笑地問。）483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJQ8RU1pDu
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphc5d1RRr5
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnB8nNjg8M
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5wkxN1eBw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kH1H5frhZ
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9fy0ZcPUz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvaedbCD9u
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlysPxccJd4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirxmtfzvca
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZjoW9W19C
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMwjvtR7PA
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7Iq7tBMr1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zeCji3FLx
我：不如就開個account啦。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJPDubi5LN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A2nnom7vQ
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdTPMGGtRp
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPmboTKWhf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNSTutRwXf
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbWv8uyNqq
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoKD7WPuhn
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPZHvZVMmA
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC2HcpfPaj
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡum1Q2lqxvS
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5KQY7rgS8
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjIMflAlSm
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDxQNxoaNh
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ933pF6s1Wg
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qTDMKzf8B
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhmHajniAN
我：睇完先再算啦。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXZeuVFtdy
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UDcmiEFyH
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu6pn8dV6F
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl864nVVROp
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MO20gC0gk
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPk70zYNzU
-----大年初一的早上-----483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLztKLfOjjb
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfH0JuLxk3
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZbgYNfLJY
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5fZiVAkKN
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zSIsEXvNf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44tGpdhN1a
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifIrgO2cPw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab81QkIJGc
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBed5yWhkpL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKImoMXdIY
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySK4VauGGw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtgI8W3LqY
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6nTyVbD8e
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TXYLzgm3k
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC0xMvN257
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2O1SHMmRG
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFLiOLpIfW
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoNY78QMRm
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEBPr7i55u
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMluuKXqkZF
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOD2xgXaQ7v
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVr9d2MsNP9
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftOSoxaZ7q
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCg5jadosY
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vgQRiq8AS
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP5IK9Fa4o
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dTm25XpiD
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoMrd6oUwd
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1oLTSv7e8
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ211YzXdKsf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoZwpeDDRS
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOn9u4voMT
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8bxvcX7wD
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzMR4jTth1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUgvrKeNZT
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIBEWJzx1s
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRjx7McEi3
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUeVvKcqm4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2EhWtchTM
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgiNe57gv1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwBq02i9lS
我：咁拍咗幾耐？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarDp3k6UDg
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuGrzfYOkm
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafkd4yCJ3u
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2BHsnMVgG
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSRafc1lHz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP62YNOrly
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLFekmopsf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt20wkX06wx
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBQyDY5CoR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vu319759U
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6bRpGZ5Wg
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYxf74bpPu
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhf4qjIOF7
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacU7uSHspe
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK3vIjLlja
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJb9wZIrOX
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbeNSTmvcy
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqAS6FmgHF
說著，我又說起自己的情史。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0vj9iaXue
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPWAIQTPbW
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1lRjWYzsU
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z9gsmMzXw
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUtRbIJqSf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzkLwG0nPZ
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuOuTT0tBk
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6mU9nTrCF
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6kQD2rT10
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH0x0k4Vjg
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN286u8UhyC
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6LWgwZmcx
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxle0r0ZMwM
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMAFw7XcER
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkpbkJo1AA
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiOxGuPbAk
我：最後拍左一個月就散。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs73wSN4nhi
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc72lI5Rpr
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQBG1OuTxn
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwebLqxK2J
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMPPdpjme4
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPiMV6ixGb
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUNhZNBFSk
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7xcZF0tdj
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyMlqwLam7
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1JzA0Qe8q
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0Y8ZHcSnZ
這頓早茶，以AA制完。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNroxh7fgxt
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsf3Fpngbw
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytKUa1ASxa
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VEsN4Aqif
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1JRYtFYyx
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCvtMfuXFd
我：下次再玩啦！483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY8vbaNdsh
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso58cqXOmz
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUK4a7TmMm
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPK886tnA7
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVBs9gkGO5
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZLuD9zOac
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rR6HZQM6Z
8964 copyright protection479ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25cXoyUiyn 維尼

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