我對於落日與晚風的看法是:兩者錯離又同步,講求的是時機與緣份;愛情同樣講求這兩點,但是固中又有沒有人為可努力、可爭取促成的部份呢?落日與晚風,寒與熱的交匯之間能看盡人心的真與假、努力的渺小與高貴,就如下文的朱塔瑪與約納森。一切在人,人是因,人亦是果。401Please respect copyright.PENANAeheUMST0i0
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PS. 文中所及的百樂宮—Titanic主題曲噴泉表演是真實存在的,紀錄在這裡。
「朱塔瑪,我們需要好好……」401Please respect copyright.PENANA5Xc1jh2gGY
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「I do not consent to be accompanied by a former Lieutenant Colonel。Leave me alone,would you。」(我拒絕由前中校伴行。離我遠點,麻煩你。)
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大腦將這段女音回放了一整天,身旁的引擎風與歡呼聲衝擊著男人從未止痛的心臟。一切都沒變,卻也面目全非:凌厲的、果敢的,全都屬於那個他夢迴千百遍的人。
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「我沒必要故意去搜查一個優秀的退役美軍……但很遺憾,我現在真的無法離開妳的視線範圍;我也是來觀光的——這是憲法修正案允許的。」401Please respect copyright.PENANA93bN3fhNyf
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約納森.麥巴倫扯開道微笑,連話語都隱隱顫抖——不知道是被那些言詞刺痛了,還是百味雜陳的愛戀讓他快要窒息而亡。
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賭城、聖誕、百樂宮,全部全部都是深植記憶的承諾,教他怎能心如止水?
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最後6小時,他能否借助聖誕節的神奇力量,挽留她?
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「……Suit yourself then。」(……那就悉隨尊便。)
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絕對的硬碰硬是戰場上最愚蠢的做法,於是朱塔瑪深深調息,然後沿著賭城大道南行。赭紅早已染塗一邊天,照落她一頭棕黑摻藍的髮絲;十二月的美國西部內陸清涼而乾燥,黃沙微鹹隨風拂過她刺青的後頸,倒比當年黃昏持槍在阿富汗當值好過些。現在她走在賭城街頭就只是個普通的美國公民,孑然一身得高貴——
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比起只知等待和信任的從前,好太多了。
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她這樣想著,冷冽著撲面的晚風又柔和了不少,乃至有一句話於她轉身的瞬間湧上心頭、衝出咽喉:401Please respect copyright.PENANAwDvgp8EMGe
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「我要去百樂宮,別跟來。」
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沒有他項,惟有百樂宮。
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「我當然不會這樣做。」
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約納森立即回話,又往眼前一身米白的泰裔女人靠近了些,最後一直維持落後她三、四米。沙漠夕陽下緊綰的棕髮低調沉實,如年輪般無聲訴說她六年消聲匿跡的成長——作為前長官、前戰友,誠然他樂見最短的歲月將她打磨成身心狀態最佳、最有力的武器。
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可關鍵是,她本來不是這樣的,她不應該變成這樣的。
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有幾陣冷風肆虐心房,男人擰起了雙眉,深藍似海的眼眸烙印著那整綰的軍髻與性感的刺青。上次這樣看她已經是七年半前的事了;那最後一個他駐守阿富汗的夜晚,她就坐在男軍宿舍門前的路口發呆。她頸後的阿拉伯文讓他拋棄了軍紀與理智,走上前帶她走進了他的駐地……
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那一天,從黃昏到深夜,他與她互相索求。濃烈的愛意讓軍舍床笫間的哭聲與呻吟銘刻他的心底,從此潰瘍化膿,日夜折磨著從償願的他。
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「賭場在裏面,你自己進去吧。」
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約納森聞聲回神,朱塔瑪站到了白石欄邊,面朝著百樂宮的招牌豪華噴泉。波瀾萬千的水面已然染上夜晚的第一道靛彩,溫暖的景象正飛速消逝。
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又一個沙海裏的諾言。
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「我想這次應該會播Titanic。」
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朱塔瑪皺眉回首,約納森就在身邊,眼看著奢華非凡的百樂宮亮起了金光般的夜燈。千篇一律的水柱已然聞歌起舞,悠揚的樂聲正勾勒著曾經的美夢。
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剛好今日自己穿了一身米白馬甲與長褲,連高跟鞋都是Jimmy Choo的婚鞋,不說真以為她是誰的新娘。所以問題來了,有哪個新娘會想當Titanic裏的蘿絲小姐?那可是新婚即喪偶守寡。不過今時今日婚姻早已不重要,婚後生活形同守寡的大有人在,倒不需要過於感慨。
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觀望著名的噴泉表演,水柱間她彷彿看見了耍樂於巴米揚黃昏的自己。那一天下了罕見的太陽雨,在晚霞的雨水與山谷微風下她跑向了他、第一次與他接吻,就在隊友和長官面前高調地相愛——仍然一身戰服、一手鐵血,但她感覺自己已經成為了他相守到老的妻子。她發過誓她會遵守與莉莉小姐的約定,不會讓病魔或者戰火奪走她和他的未來……
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只是,只是。
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「朱塔瑪,我一直都愛著妳的。」「那又如何。」
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「我很抱歉七年前欺騙了妳……但是我發誓我和莉莉已經結束了,我愛的女人從來都是……」
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「You lied to me because of her,that's all it takes。」(你為了她而欺騙我,那就夠了。)
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熟悉的長笛間奏柔和得多諷刺,朱塔瑪很想笑,但話題沉重又疼痛得壓碎任何正面情緒。畢竟深愛過,她只能看著日歿下夢幻的百樂宮,任由視線悄悄模糊:401Please respect copyright.PENANAkNcYR64GcC
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「你知道軍隊和我的底線同樣是誠實,再大再小的事都好,說謊無助解決問題。人一失信就什麼都會變質,更何況七年了,能保證什麼?中校先生,你說過會讓我在這裡成為你的妻子,但是我……」
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夕陽彌留一剎,歌曲的高潮帶動了激昂衝天的水舞,陣陣清寒撲面刺骨。約納森聽不清那句話,看清了她的唇瓣——那片他眷戀而心疼的嫩唇,為他判了死刑。401Please respect copyright.PENANAAVSoqSsRO3
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軍紀與原則扼殺了愛戀,而罪魁禍首是他本意善良的謊言。
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「……我不會再來這裡了,朱塔瑪。」「Suit yourself,it's my last day in Vegas anyway。(隨便你,反正這是我在賭城的最後一日。)」
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對啊,最後一日——正確來說,最後6小時了。
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女人前靠著冰涼的石欄,一手往眼下輕輕拭抹。這個聖誕夜她就要飛回泰國,眼前的百樂宮噴泉是她和他的最後一站了。
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閉口否認,真是不愛了嗎?也許只是藉口,也許只是物極必反。然而無論如何,Titanic已屆尾聲,她只能緩緩起身離開——401Please respect copyright.PENANACkkFiM67zF
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高溫籠罩後背與頸後,瞬間夢迴阿富汗的刺青夜,情感與時光同步倒流。
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「Fuck that army motto……marry me this time,I beg……」(去他的軍紀……今天嫁給我,我求求妳……)
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如同那個在喀布爾機場的黃昏,男人緊緊抱住將要遠去的愛人;惟有當下他肆意落淚,任由最後一枚達姆彈粉碎心臟與未來。Chanel No.5的強風多令人依戀,只可惜……等等?
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他愣神被縛,相擁的胸前竟有一陣熱雨灑落,乃至只能聽見她說的四個字。
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「We ain't members anymore……」(我們不再是軍人了……)
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——如果這次妳能從馬扎里沙里夫回來,我們就退役回賭城,今年聖誕去百樂宮結婚。
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——你說的,我死了都給我辦冥婚哦……
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——那就活下去,為了我。
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百樂宮重新亮起夜燈,將哭泣的雙影攏於大道露台。一如當年在帝國的墓地之巔,落日之後、飛翔之前,真心相擁於晚風中。
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Fin。
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