Midnight - How many times

How many times I stared down the barrel of my gun?

How many times I wanted to leave everything and run?

Run away from this life of mine.

But again I´m too much coward,

to pull the trigger this time.

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How many times, I wished I would disappear?

How many times I wanted to be nowhere near?

Near the things that burn.

Just looking beyond the horizon

Leaving it all far astern.

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How many times I tried to fix what´s wrong?

How many times I´ve listened to sad songs?

Songs that promise happy end

Even though I know it´s not real

What´s broken they can´t mend

Still, they do have some appeal.

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How many times, I still did not learn?

How many times I wished that I´d burn?

Burn along with bridges.

Disappear into ashes and smoke

and be freed from all the worries.

And things on which I choke

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How many times I tried and fucked up?

How many times I told myself to shut up?

Shut up with the bullshit

That it will be better one day

And just push through it

With a fake smile and a strong face

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How many times I stared down the barrel of my gun?

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