午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RcQULsT4O
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhux2cgNxgR
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93WszefsjP
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ84yKdTHsE
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUp8jG4VODt
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchE5N3Vurz
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzksWrtDFp
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iLr39g3GH
為何記住？我解釋不了。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei8c7Eryk8
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlo0azJRAhn
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlBTH9pkre
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWiOZuEmXp
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRkiKqYjU8
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtMFLKdRci
其中一個是他。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqFbIfeovy
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zw4j2iWI0
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFayHXr8Um
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2iIrIDZ97
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGJTXfM59k
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4Pszkrtad
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK5FFfHuOQ
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtyEH9RMah
「你遺下銀包。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jRfP47cSn
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG80oBvTtVa
「謝謝。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQzx1V7AHn
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQBsVY4rGU
「不用客氣……」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiNlURhWPa
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kzObFEoJm
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaQc8UZvul
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF3Axowu85
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZwy0SYNsp
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKCSRFcmUO
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPgCmq4qbM
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6PGRwu0At
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWX57sxw4O
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx7c7mHsXx
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmgnoG2kyC
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x3bagEKbU
「我是文班許家偉。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtffRA9iFtp
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWDqUToRtD
「我是理班李浩榮。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErU4qdBehl
其實我早已知道許家偉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36TG7tUueL
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0TtBRCv9z
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyegGikalH
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6UyjmwvW5
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpp7b1zUgz
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mDKg0aVfP
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjEAc87r8m
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJTjEjwDQs
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvZuLEqLK4
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZALCiCRznO
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ftWNhnJA1
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQs6x7B5b1
不服氣。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwMx3rdjNw
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdcSLUEW8i
繼續觀察他。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSThtGsSJd
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtidnFRrm5
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoDPARVlgH
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WZ3vx3mcA
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs1raM4LRc
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHZaIVHeld
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXmdc9KEGP
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMNfDdP2uE
我急步追趕許家偉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ4MYjnPG6
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexz9RXXCHp
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknRhzT6ukh
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5Sy5uLO28
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxTgVSqASi
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYRW6Vel1Y
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkizIkmilG
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z3XZ0YMuK
「你遺下了銀包。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCV38oofY0
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY68UxN9lpq
「謝謝。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5b7Bms3jj
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxDdC9OPYM
「不用客氣……」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd17xHw2bD
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvS0wVyvuv
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvwVLWpJi8
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigCmhN944k
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yQWdDW9gz
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKutcDYcaxR
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezOQZp0DIy
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzv2CLfLuKE
我望入他雙眼。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUfdyOpXgs
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCojLiBDOGN
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWleL7IXubX
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHeQpHpwUS
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HjXWVtS0f
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pgc5jvf3D
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEBNjZYlSH
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUboi9iQCr
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJH32YFgFV
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWlE3conw6
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zaNgRPk4Q
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkaCfuixQZ
「我是文班許家偉。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmb7zCL028
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o1HaI0c6B
「我是理班李浩榮。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIaYyuSM6t
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3JIQbowIO
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuCN6aM9eH
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsPsn7Xrr8
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxvnbtHhNy
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMv0g4PMRa
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdF0Zly6kd
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9RmEVNLtM
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaaF439NeF
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SGmvwJcIG
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehJwtJPLmk
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRFRCrOQvA
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DVcKnoHaF
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAkPl9h1so
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVKRG01v4R
但我沒有阻止他。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8VL8utFCu
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJt6cD2LsZ
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLiFBshjfI
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGRT1nds86
我慫恿他繼續說下去。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFahtEdv8gO
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1OdoPOQkQ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICHrZjwQ9T
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY2YcVg9RQ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8LDXpEV65
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiJYlbYa3z
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtKHNC3Tid
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczvjnEeoaU
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJUMm2Owo3
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsyfRAzRgA
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ujHQgLTIT
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy55zMfF60
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpuCJBA987
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgkc2p68qT
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3I5v9jOnOc
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi9Nj6Xz8F
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOitXFZtujz
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1hE5HYPHJ
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jqo8nshfa
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNG6m1UZX7k
但我掛念他。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbi1LdLx5d
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUmFAXwidI
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvkkIkikd1
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlo0KhleX1
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa74st3fZ55
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlQAw6qyOR
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPmMw46OYg
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3zcgruYYv
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszYvBTyobv
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII1V3Vr0Ta
不要說。不要聽。不要見。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JLKmKIMsm
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWVKMZhGGz
希望時間會沖淡一切。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqLn4hU7vN
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y2HqNt2wb
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡys9CVIuxwx
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCkRVBB72l
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdllVJ6FGZW
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQYriYJOfb
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAXwkjjH54
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclbI1RGKKI
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTK2GU5BjlF
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡip1YGfrCIZ
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「我也不明白。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRfjDhy6WC
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjvoJMDAqW
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ux2vCTesf
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv7Dnq0qyW
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「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17AKLUi0iH
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndSMjphnAP
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8MLcLVTta
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「你該要對我感到抱歉。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz4v2IXHwJ
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoe6U8svTQ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5o2cCPoIOa
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj7f8kISqP
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfWpjvWA0E
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNUP8cqTvj
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKYsg1OjIS
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7NPdMUDPd
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIl984clTjx
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GodJWyiGy
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGuKRRAfgJ
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaw65tKcGs
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8ZPKAmFxJ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWH1GBlnnG
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pLJHI6PqO
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ15CK4se9t
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為何要走到這一步？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZlurVquJE
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwCZYYzNib
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIFhVejcev
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdThq36RNYM
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTAiUrtu7O
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「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf54RPkyy7o
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITaJHOLPyc
「別倔強。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XNv8Tgij4
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「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArAtbDTigN
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6V2HI1wRbE
「我想你放棄。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQpPys2Pwc
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「原因？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdS0Be7gg1g
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4uOFIqJnu
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「我知道。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhhgXPbkP4
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「何解還要繼續下去？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeHTneouc9
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGgjAF1Rkn
「感情易放難收。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqlbyeWfpb
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCsu7nZXAY
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFhi83OxLr
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1G35YhK3p
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzf20ZXmfF
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmc6OPOx2B
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoZ9BLeYgw
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yrE9ZAHGL
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXGHNyoipM
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6k8rBjVLI
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrim9aOMSM
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDjrLgqPwA
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eqBZkKc8r
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFPwkJPqnz
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzvcuQ1GHM
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s61SK0ukb
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoWg6ua0Kp
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET3qnNUZv8
小醉。半醉。大醉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVRv3LGI1s
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhruUPiFj5C
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4quWDP6SAc
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5bokHRkLO
「直接講我愛他。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTp6WWyZTX
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTRqRpqiZ7
「如果他拒絕？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfpALGTc1j
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SvRIHShfU
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3qH0hepsz
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k2w3zYAwq
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7n9Esf4w7
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs4K8eXWEj
「我當然是高興！」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkeOZRMtJY
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsYAP2lqUA
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP1IXdtAms
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4P3Jh5cH7e
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUCONYlx4J
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LSHYX54P5
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g0QMVbR7I
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEv57Pld6j
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzJSLm0Pog
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRU24LuK6H
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8fT5TGbwq
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLj7MT9vW1l
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgyqvoEgG7
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0r7FAQ4x6k
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG43NxuHV4C
「你仍然單身？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsoYtswYtL
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOCpBMAQ5Z
「是的。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWPyaUFVg8
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「要我當媒嗎？」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaSXdcQtrJ
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「不了。難為情。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X8748CM0I
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaLswtWgFE
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob2kIdlNof
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我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbKK1cJlzZ
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多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcS8NApdrr
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKRWb8tlHm
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHn6RMSiuo
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回家吧。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsDrbqeJA8
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBae6TBBKSr
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspsJJorQs7
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qt9CvLLxa
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlFoUSvVPm
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZU5kJEgdB
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大概是一見鍾情吧。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5pBuWqOeW
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxw8eH3sX5
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWksRdxog6G
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSznSex40bU
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9yXVL9Pc4
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhWCqIQmti
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JHub9yIfN
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErFvaLILGW
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百感交集……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡou2QcvMliw
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zm3ZF1Wii
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ5pTXbJ4y
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyUbTD2AZA
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FE0nEknp4
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xHHvzTHGL
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucDXll5XTh
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eu3ZYAxTU
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv984S8KOuO
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「認得。你是文班的。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD8iarUiu0
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許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pR7qBLCAu
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRJroMbml2
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw61zycpUAZ
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LqIn8YBSm
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四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4k1iRYIsb
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmBtmhCXnh
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpLe0pGAAK
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLCfFAUxPy
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdkfRCtiSG
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGum5iT57i
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcnvWtxwns
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDM8orAaRgl
我哭笑不得。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KVoTHfVsk
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無意跟他繼續對話。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobBXfSQwrU
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBvEuotpse
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9W3OkNfn7
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sOdJ3b6jp
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO5bxmVYXb
然後按「加至主畫面」