午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。99Please respect copyright.PENANA2juMCsuciR
99Please respect copyright.PENANAUE1gvikrHE
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。99Please respect copyright.PENANA3jY3VpbQGo
99Please respect copyright.PENANAjZCPZbVW1y
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。99Please respect copyright.PENANAZDMVonYaXo
99Please respect copyright.PENANAdJNIcAi0uM
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。99Please respect copyright.PENANAvRI1j1gTwB
99Please respect copyright.PENANAgoo0uZ7Mju
為何記住?我解釋不了。99Please respect copyright.PENANAiUVO1vo7Kv
99Please respect copyright.PENANAqXQKvNwvkR
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。99Please respect copyright.PENANA5fxFxIli4n
99Please respect copyright.PENANAE2MmN6qxNz
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。99Please respect copyright.PENANAnfV7mUJqFF
99Please respect copyright.PENANA8AXtizWC65
其中一個是他。99Please respect copyright.PENANAi9c8Akcw9F
99Please respect copyright.PENANAW8RrmQc73a
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。99Please respect copyright.PENANAfyhWmLS31U
99Please respect copyright.PENANAO9QRt3uvMU
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。99Please respect copyright.PENANA86fWbK3V6b
99Please respect copyright.PENANAL3fFUBnaZG
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。99Please respect copyright.PENANAQr48BRiucc
99Please respect copyright.PENANABJPGt8DuxU
「你遺下銀包。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAgQutAfAvfe
99Please respect copyright.PENANAflh9jUmEMb
「謝謝。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAaUNJLkF7lJ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAH70MOKEmUx
「不用客氣……」99Please respect copyright.PENANAw8sJNCot7Z
99Please respect copyright.PENANAiEijPC7AYU
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?99Please respect copyright.PENANAajqq2OgVWi
99Please respect copyright.PENANAWBl48jrUJk
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。99Please respect copyright.PENANAf52VdoyRCl
99Please respect copyright.PENANA8hBGe5Sicj
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。99Please respect copyright.PENANAx5TZYF2uC7
99Please respect copyright.PENANA49SwA1e62B
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。99Please respect copyright.PENANA8HYMNrDIBa
99Please respect copyright.PENANAOOq6uHT6T5
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。99Please respect copyright.PENANAygqtoIvtob
99Please respect copyright.PENANAHyJ6fO67z5
「我是文班許家偉。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAD9ssEHbSeA
99Please respect copyright.PENANA8AbmSCjQEA
「我是理班李浩榮。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAoo3RAFHCHv
其實我早已知道許家偉。99Please respect copyright.PENANA57jKCz7QTD
99Please respect copyright.PENANAXg3pzTbe1O
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。99Please respect copyright.PENANASzvRVThdcL
99Please respect copyright.PENANA9JhvoGsmjd
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。99Please respect copyright.PENANARS3dQreQUa
99Please respect copyright.PENANAzLzazEdfbh
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。99Please respect copyright.PENANAdh0MamsaOb
99Please respect copyright.PENANAVSpOCd8tF4
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?99Please respect copyright.PENANAGYD6FG4QCQ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAtstBOLz2Dm
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。99Please respect copyright.PENANAKkx1XCcNYZ
99Please respect copyright.PENANANZqdsEaBzd
不服氣。99Please respect copyright.PENANA056Qvid5op
99Please respect copyright.PENANAF6CWOSoIg1
繼續觀察他。99Please respect copyright.PENANA47YdAjLAjK
99Please respect copyright.PENANAil7YeiaucG
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。99Please respect copyright.PENANAWnGKwT3SoW
99Please respect copyright.PENANA6zN5O8WrLP
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。99Please respect copyright.PENANADBiqLYm1bo
99Please respect copyright.PENANAMCNHTnVoo9
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。99Please respect copyright.PENANAIP1e9paZbx
99Please respect copyright.PENANAqpYO4hPykj
我急步追趕許家偉。99Please respect copyright.PENANA06TtBjK9vL
99Please respect copyright.PENANAd5iNUHGni9
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。99Please respect copyright.PENANAbyz94S4hTm
99Please respect copyright.PENANAsp8WylQyVU
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。99Please respect copyright.PENANAn3irXv9pvN
99Please respect copyright.PENANArhFHeq9Oz0
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……99Please respect copyright.PENANAGtxBrFGB6i
99Please respect copyright.PENANA0SGD8T8hyZ
「你遺下了銀包。」99Please respect copyright.PENANALDFWxkiihq
99Please respect copyright.PENANAI17lgtBpT2
「謝謝。」99Please respect copyright.PENANArHUlsN4miq
99Please respect copyright.PENANA9GxQbEhfu8
「不用客氣……」99Please respect copyright.PENANAA37pCWYUOF
99Please respect copyright.PENANA5tDV0qolBk
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。99Please respect copyright.PENANAWyFl7GgWiY
99Please respect copyright.PENANArONUGdUNri
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。99Please respect copyright.PENANASlkQxhQl8h
99Please respect copyright.PENANAW0Niq3UoDz
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……99Please respect copyright.PENANArigfWRDVkf
99Please respect copyright.PENANA6hZpa9OYoz
我望入他雙眼。99Please respect copyright.PENANAZeJdJpzSYm
99Please respect copyright.PENANAluk7QhVX2k
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……99Please respect copyright.PENANA850c4lP3fJ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAVfaPPMGX1F
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。99Please respect copyright.PENANAS5owmEUOjD
99Please respect copyright.PENANASoyzFC5kud
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。99Please respect copyright.PENANAl1eUt1CkpH
99Please respect copyright.PENANAdzwxOTBQmQ
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。99Please respect copyright.PENANAybT8p0h8rD
99Please respect copyright.PENANAPlRKmS6wW4
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。99Please respect copyright.PENANAs0gXH48QON
99Please respect copyright.PENANArRDF5PrFr4
「我是文班許家偉。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA3N5SpWUJik
99Please respect copyright.PENANA94obDuFTgC
「我是理班李浩榮。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAvfVNkBLO72
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」99Please respect copyright.PENANABRfMRLMMVE
99Please respect copyright.PENANARq35cwnErc
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。99Please respect copyright.PENANAXYdPbzpuWa
99Please respect copyright.PENANAOwWNG0VFtA
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。99Please respect copyright.PENANATxPWTNAU7I
99Please respect copyright.PENANAoXapWp7kvN
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。99Please respect copyright.PENANAbaVOWAyb6T
99Please respect copyright.PENANApBWa9D7iU2
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。99Please respect copyright.PENANAx1XIt4f2f2
99Please respect copyright.PENANAEedxvTR9RJ
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。99Please respect copyright.PENANAu0kYKWBz0c
99Please respect copyright.PENANASjd2OXiAu5
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。99Please respect copyright.PENANAm1M2AEzFol
99Please respect copyright.PENANA38QnS61ORs
但我沒有阻止他。99Please respect copyright.PENANAWBDe9lxlZr
99Please respect copyright.PENANAXsv39HcTKH
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。99Please respect copyright.PENANARMlvjwjrLC
99Please respect copyright.PENANAytGZwHIJgs
我慫恿他繼續說下去。99Please respect copyright.PENANA8AZEvXhat6
99Please respect copyright.PENANAI25UcnWmOJ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。99Please respect copyright.PENANAZaUBQK4rQD
99Please respect copyright.PENANAoq6bOPss5D
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。99Please respect copyright.PENANA9SM5wjuFpz
99Please respect copyright.PENANAAl89sDMaW1
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAYJNgzufSCj
99Please respect copyright.PENANAxPjXR2cJow
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。99Please respect copyright.PENANAPMyD4xuFXc
99Please respect copyright.PENANAQMs5n2FxV0
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。99Please respect copyright.PENANAuH2JC7PobW
99Please respect copyright.PENANAowXieDUqn7
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。99Please respect copyright.PENANAih3s7aBWdz
99Please respect copyright.PENANAh4UZZyBN74
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。99Please respect copyright.PENANAxebDeMEezr
99Please respect copyright.PENANA0QEBfpa38v
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。99Please respect copyright.PENANAQNsgfd37B5
99Please respect copyright.PENANAB4um0xEJoh
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。99Please respect copyright.PENANAIZi4AwusBS
99Please respect copyright.PENANARuOAkiQHsb
但我掛念他。99Please respect copyright.PENANAwQLml5iyR9
99Please respect copyright.PENANAjYzEx8Qc1K
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。99Please respect copyright.PENANAagTyOtKuJo
99Please respect copyright.PENANA6i20ywGlRd
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。99Please respect copyright.PENANANAdkYEzK6h
99Please respect copyright.PENANAvgSXX5Qrws
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。99Please respect copyright.PENANAfYLDQjcwwy
99Please respect copyright.PENANAGddqcAbQsA
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。99Please respect copyright.PENANAjz4k0wy3X6
99Please respect copyright.PENANAcBF3DAbHoT
不要說。不要聽。不要見。99Please respect copyright.PENANARRpg87S26i
99Please respect copyright.PENANAkp3uZbhycH
希望時間會沖淡一切。99Please respect copyright.PENANAORFC9digOb
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。99Please respect copyright.PENANAxp4y3zTkhj
99Please respect copyright.PENANABuiPqz6frM
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。99Please respect copyright.PENANAgbl8cNr7W8
99Please respect copyright.PENANAZb8F5SUrVX
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA8KlpUQSm17
99Please respect copyright.PENANA4IIgWkpKDt
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。99Please respect copyright.PENANA1xtS5aRYMb
99Please respect copyright.PENANAeRQDOEXftK
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」99Please respect copyright.PENANASLIn6xNMHQ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAHCf9RWerRg
「我也不明白。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAGGUmAwOQpn
99Please respect copyright.PENANAMrZaIKV9p7
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAZjeiYzWctj
99Please respect copyright.PENANA7FuC4XevEF
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAZa0CvKwqZC
99Please respect copyright.PENANAWavIeY6ooe
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA3wbdqBWo16
99Please respect copyright.PENANAYee9KdixAe
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAbnlF6GWHKF
99Please respect copyright.PENANA2JJXjIgKGp
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」99Please respect copyright.PENANArJ5HcJTmaB
99Please respect copyright.PENANAnctKiihYhE
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAIT94eLnWoJ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAmuMBRbIAuz
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。99Please respect copyright.PENANAacCfCVkvF2
99Please respect copyright.PENANANpLBXu6Xpf
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。99Please respect copyright.PENANAOjERG6MYnq
99Please respect copyright.PENANALyeqWv4um3
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?99Please respect copyright.PENANAxfPV9KRpax
99Please respect copyright.PENANAA5GPJW3JP4
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。99Please respect copyright.PENANAztqP31AcQo
99Please respect copyright.PENANAfQY1GZbU2a
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。99Please respect copyright.PENANALPjT89xzAf
99Please respect copyright.PENANAoa6gfwGH0F
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。99Please respect copyright.PENANA9rBb47oex7
99Please respect copyright.PENANARmlS5oyXAg
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?99Please respect copyright.PENANAM5GOe5nYuj
99Please respect copyright.PENANAx337LoOPWJ
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?99Please respect copyright.PENANAEmNwQYP0A4
99Please respect copyright.PENANAXz8gjhJZH6
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。99Please respect copyright.PENANATvLXUWWteL
99Please respect copyright.PENANALKHRXdCsZq
為何要走到這一步?99Please respect copyright.PENANAmbnepQFYv2
99Please respect copyright.PENANAzG6KDHT94g
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。99Please respect copyright.PENANAumwhlLVSJs
99Please respect copyright.PENANAzZqe2Jc0q3
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA1IuQsqKSLW
99Please respect copyright.PENANAGUzepilKnm
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAtxcUObwnRj
99Please respect copyright.PENANAgobaKum3H2
「別倔強。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAp1QO3fgbNL
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「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」99Please respect copyright.PENANA5a5Akj1isz
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「我想你放棄。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA1a3LuReEMh
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「原因?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAtq5GBdze88
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAy25PXHarVK
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「我知道。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAgvrNX2Xh03
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「何解還要繼續下去?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAgq7b8yurbR
99Please respect copyright.PENANAdxqXUsWISp
「感情易放難收。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAnvmzntTHia
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阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。99Please respect copyright.PENANAeuMxQRkgG2
99Please respect copyright.PENANAfNUZbhetjx
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!99Please respect copyright.PENANAHiWsI28FOt
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架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。99Please respect copyright.PENANA0A17ZXAs2g
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阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。99Please respect copyright.PENANAHLJc2IYF2J
99Please respect copyright.PENANA9W4i1PQmTS
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……99Please respect copyright.PENANAXpUQ15OHKS
99Please respect copyright.PENANADexgz4IIo0
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。99Please respect copyright.PENANAOX6bLPHXQT
99Please respect copyright.PENANAbZNdKuYW7g
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAgpjqXumB8G
99Please respect copyright.PENANA8EysnEu7j4
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。99Please respect copyright.PENANA96pdenASOd
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小醉。半醉。大醉。99Please respect copyright.PENANAIqUMOOdSkM
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阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」99Please respect copyright.PENANABvOZ6LCbm4
99Please respect copyright.PENANAGDIN8p0qeO
「直接講我愛他。」99Please respect copyright.PENANASdothZ5So1
99Please respect copyright.PENANAVeQurQ0Mi0
「如果他拒絕?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAfTAl0rm5om
99Please respect copyright.PENANAejlxZGXdvK
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」99Please respect copyright.PENANATwE8xk08uF
99Please respect copyright.PENANAmCGgJLNJFJ
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAptzkAYHI3f
99Please respect copyright.PENANASCUy6WbRbt
「我當然是高興!」99Please respect copyright.PENANAeKyVbwmxjc
99Please respect copyright.PENANAJNvCpZtJqT
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAHEMzHa8baU
99Please respect copyright.PENANAu20iGX2Lq9
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。99Please respect copyright.PENANAlvLaYDf94h
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。99Please respect copyright.PENANA1LMPsoM4hf
99Please respect copyright.PENANA9t3wpxGc2f
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。99Please respect copyright.PENANATKL4FHcwwe
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李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。99Please respect copyright.PENANAoYScBj3tZ6
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「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」99Please respect copyright.PENANA73Rud7puHJ
99Please respect copyright.PENANAZQ2ZxHnCHM
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAAZ795gHTsP
99Please respect copyright.PENANA1YXaRVPcgS
「你仍然單身?」99Please respect copyright.PENANAnQkhfV94kL
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「是的。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAFP9LtkHaLA
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「要我當媒嗎?」99Please respect copyright.PENANADlrDl2uhc0
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「不了。難為情。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8LW1bXVHT
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李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。99Please respect copyright.PENANA8zrvJRzUUU
99Please respect copyright.PENANAcjbryqgR6z
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。99Please respect copyright.PENANAHO2oTEPe6M
99Please respect copyright.PENANALkUnCF0Wq7
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。99Please respect copyright.PENANA8xvs81gTRy
99Please respect copyright.PENANABcjE5LgZUk
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。99Please respect copyright.PENANA4cUPnL4DC4
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回家吧。99Please respect copyright.PENANAHIPQXPwlbu
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。99Please respect copyright.PENANA1xjBQ8xhwk
99Please respect copyright.PENANAdUz1pJOEkP
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。99Please respect copyright.PENANAHqOoLbguRL
99Please respect copyright.PENANAEg8b4nGMLj
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。99Please respect copyright.PENANAnPgpZ4vTU4
99Please respect copyright.PENANAVyXLaQUKcp
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。99Please respect copyright.PENANADn1mhyBvSL
99Please respect copyright.PENANAY1mjKaVg7l
大概是一見鍾情吧。99Please respect copyright.PENANAOUZyU1GwbK
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。99Please respect copyright.PENANAjgL6nKoxSQ
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?99Please respect copyright.PENANAMp62FefebB
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我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。99Please respect copyright.PENANADSilC3Wmui
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我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。99Please respect copyright.PENANAFGYdwOPEx8
99Please respect copyright.PENANAlbbsNL8cOb
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。99Please respect copyright.PENANAzlidhUnSiY
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。99Please respect copyright.PENANAXLQ42pKQWP
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百感交集……99Please respect copyright.PENANAJX9ODGY9Wm
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當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。99Please respect copyright.PENANAN5IVJCDJpz
99Please respect copyright.PENANALSd8y5rRmD
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。99Please respect copyright.PENANALjJDGrrmiV
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……99Please respect copyright.PENANA5xHSrizIrV
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「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAzghJxJuvKe
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「認得。你是文班的。」99Please respect copyright.PENANAg3B9jHD02h
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許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。99Please respect copyright.PENANATbA1uCUBse
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閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。99Please respect copyright.PENANA5DHwmsJpQO
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「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。99Please respect copyright.PENANA43A0H6AHNh
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四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。99Please respect copyright.PENANAiMZZlWsXkU
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阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。99Please respect copyright.PENANA9mthcgy5FV
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「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。99Please respect copyright.PENANA6mwKyK4ulS
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許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?99Please respect copyright.PENANA9Xb86T1sTj
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我哭笑不得。99Please respect copyright.PENANAjaiiCNPtke
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無意跟他繼續對話。99Please respect copyright.PENANAt7NOJhrfjQ
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多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。99Please respect copyright.PENANArxLADOinU1
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抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。99Please respect copyright.PENANAkkwwVKwqN1