午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRpCzxhLY2
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ207w83aKQE
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE5W5W2lc6
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhb5KcaUNw4
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVgXjMNBu9
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuTeYWcvIO
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡid1PYyfqJZ
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy1yEt7APB
為何記住？我解釋不了。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhYFJG3Wjr
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymFoC8OIYW
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs7wCB0myS
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsTJ574gSE
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3vrHbgTKR
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8BQ5O2bo7
其中一個是他。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPYUmVfBZR
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PGhGp0TXO
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc2937ISDa
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSveseIOxqc
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbl7GYXb3Rm
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIpPD9jPYC
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVjMibRbcq
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3BAsnKoTs
「你遺下銀包。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabFotUV7jD
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnARpse4NWB
「謝謝。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUIBP5ZSUT
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j2PZ1yGOb
「不用客氣……」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4K7vIoxxm
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYsFONfxRE
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHj8klIGY0
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4jNqNf5Yl
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uI8IXjajv
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGldOq5jld
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsnZzs2b55
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEVcoQJuTI
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMWLxhrFOa
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapbwcZNx4l
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegKWsJg1zi
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vB5COF9MC
「我是文班許家偉。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHiC4AAvn9
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0yO1zsZ4v
「我是理班李浩榮。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYFBpMWf1F
其實我早已知道許家偉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxWxh8Dw2i
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq8kbYnTgq
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmCzpKWbEy
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCQnEXDoNF
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxYmxxeiAU
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcdAlggDqv
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuORo936CO
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSGNczqMmZ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7qDEqQEB6
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIVHsMNF8n
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRZKf7loRP
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgXixr0Thl
不服氣。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW0g4eYgGs
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTCejSZTcC
繼續觀察他。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrp98FBBHM
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4TYPyL5sB
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XdKrQI4aq
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFNNT1nL8w
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmrdA4NKRn
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcmDnH14Dw
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kwnhkoivr
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9grjyilGV
我急步追趕許家偉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDQovZZRhk
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtBMtPrI9y
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz0SorAqDU
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uh6SmSCHg
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjp6JCCwOH
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmC8JbX3ff
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgODtwXNDQu
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZvi3axQaZ
「你遺下了銀包。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NLlqWBVxk
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA7hVm96gg
「謝謝。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZUpkQJg3G
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpikYQSRyzP
「不用客氣……」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXPWp4lUUk
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kl0yPy2f6
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3867hfi3oE
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNKmbQHZbW
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fAmbW0pSF
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pbIzn3Jlv
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwdxY4pVM0
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvozAYtJs5K
我望入他雙眼。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1abpZGKqr
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL50QvlHhO
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQffJdEVIQG
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1l7cd7bGAa
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbIW85Ujar
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i8jJLuDqW
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8AUxUtEhL
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjsFON8qxu
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzyKNGKpyB
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6A6rvgGm7
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEIQIeMWmv
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPob98VQU8
「我是文班許家偉。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnnU4Rz2et
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8qXL36dfS
「我是理班李浩榮。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSl79IhR7A
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡut49PUthX4
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpa7u0bG00
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOmAjszDqY
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDXkYyxR4T
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNrprn6a9A
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ixPIlgOwB
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpcvrVi1kR
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1y7P1T87yw
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW6TXAwTJk
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAM4PqFf1Q0
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0bt1nlPeU
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUALaVFxInl
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5pjYw9Lmm
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupBIPcnjeW
但我沒有阻止他。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR0RwO7zDU
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdej9MoCZox
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHj1mdV41gX
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5NI8YSK6M
我慫恿他繼續說下去。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJaC8YZYga
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aX9MvbysM
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MGIKJ1h19
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36XiZfhIIe
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sAiMgRo5d
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdN9wNplmO
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXev2TAZDP
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR3y9E8bZf
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DojKMxX0g
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X4weljZjL
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTCxvD8niR
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7lec35amG
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kBUTEzCNF
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E6rh8h9uJ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygt3ARBzht
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVOg0YeLDI
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAFDpnAy6Y
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZIOFixfJA
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfEgrlgdjL
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoN4xr3JsE
但我掛念他。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVT8wFanE7
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2aBkH1Y41
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNd2CmFsuZ
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQmUVA7L35
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYLMng6ENx
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfmTn8tmzP
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubtyTzQQVw
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiLM7ENqj4
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvQVg47939
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOD4ujkugw
不要說。不要聽。不要見。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhJ1IGyT2k
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78sdB46Ivs
希望時間會沖淡一切。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDTdpqyTyk
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEzm9wUL0o
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauiJOD1rkL
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDIDVHZoWI
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIeho5ZD7j
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoLmz9ypGf
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4jRWfBBs8
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwoPpnJhfW
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPxSZigmmI
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTELwefrMvN
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「我也不明白。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaHcL412YC
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl48D4unYFM
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「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bLWAm3LX2
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「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7GAY6DNq2
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNinEDLQjM
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rjpwUpxlJ
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「你該要對我感到抱歉。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIJj6VRTPg
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我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQYN984oIU
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阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RSSyZGL7u
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8Tx09VNrU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yF65MmXcP
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlShDUp0Ndz
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdy4WlXuJ5i
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUfWb02rys
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P86Wdk8vo
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OqwcI0OS1
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便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBSBcnjmUA
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為何要走到這一步？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9zoFkpj8J
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BfqiYIEMS
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsj9ojqGOE
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpDLflqxqp
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn40CrzIZu
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「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1klvMzoNSj
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYys5gMR5f
「別倔強。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh96PSGU9nq
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUNVL9rZQt
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe1c1o3ioM
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdk1eRnkc6
「我想你放棄。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5i3fTuro2
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「原因？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0ZqFk9k7Z
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7DL48bH5E
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「我知道。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRm2WgYDUBV
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「何解還要繼續下去？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGxADKhbcf
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplSwbubgOO
「感情易放難收。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4D4VR1HVr
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCgm3pkBi9
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg8KnLKFR4
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhtTwEBurg
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiHXKbywpG
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架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKmL555MIO
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阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lU5VVUCpa
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我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7AdvgXX7o
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畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGuhI3t3Fm
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DmanwYXuE
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DUryWorjQ
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我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLlXXVlhch
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小醉。半醉。大醉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnsEQ2jj4Y
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阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlU7sbkqhmj
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvbe4V8akM
「直接講我愛他。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy8P5Z18oW
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「如果他拒絕？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyO340w0f6
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「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tN2coYPkY
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「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tyCa2Godt
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「我當然是高興！」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSyksRdyCQ
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「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGzWvPE7jm
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumkc9LEped
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdyxRpiJFW
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56RhClcMgw
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3SFYIVp9F
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfvZqzhQse
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李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6GUw80Pub
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp1Dhm7CKr
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1aVSUpiKS
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP3Oy2WNZ7
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoJU0rz8Vq
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlpR6TX94f
「你仍然單身？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm35qGJH4yn
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「是的。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEhCcmpFPq
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「要我當媒嗎？」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFJfNe96Im
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG1AvEoEuS
「不了。難為情。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E5HF3M146
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李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMg20MYpyG
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我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrL7hDroYl
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多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t2SGfT8ei
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYCRyRB0u1
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4SNpJB7Iy
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回家吧。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRVdjAqMft
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6Mp6IjkVG
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNBXMpiEXG
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKt1eOqbp3K
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZo1YYaLdd
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Fk7cesYfl
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9hr6R6U5X
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大概是一見鍾情吧。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpKhdZZgVO
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLCnoINmBO
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWK9bFAsd6
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i84QdjUJm
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1s963XXyW
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李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAGl6zfz0I
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9XHY3IPR2
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百感交集……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZIGso753c
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當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCSlNJkl63
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0CfCG8VmI
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZQ4WQHpQ8
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG9rtUsiWt
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「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCgBcxiAwg
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「認得。你是文班的。」215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ4vxus4ds
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許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57ORacbGSB
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3ro1XRsEl
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「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2iwpVI2F4
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四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2nCnM7ytL
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阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvkH43APNC
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoohUymD2u
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa8VmtIuk5
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnbRORs3IT
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQzsyG1CXr
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我哭笑不得。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN88vhY3DKU
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無意跟他繼續對話。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbHN9d7EHZ
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrh4IHtvW3
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UEHYOKMxD
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtzDC9gs1U
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22HlTg32HY
然後按「加至主畫面」