午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqzij5Dfp1
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IUkXPbWjh
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJQUsXns83
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMDnbdjjjX
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7PcULOn1i
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkZ4HRNhzp
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNdXD1xBPi
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgP60DWDrs
為何記住？我解釋不了。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9owNWfDQA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrtZLMynEW
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXDXnlr7Xy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM0WlENrVd
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLQ4vSnW93
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIKNV0BMH1
其中一個是他。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2ECqPW2ql
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegTQi4Uu0G
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsjHi17JZV
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtwbDiTJfJ
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkMDsAig3n
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2thNRZa4a
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmvffJVHyh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdfiNcwZ5B
「你遺下銀包。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkJBRVAGG1
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGEcU9Sez8
「謝謝。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgAhMxfaTr
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oJ0QB1HlX
「不用客氣……」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsJCqjaS3I
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDHU5svRZn
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcyst9KrUh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9qcU6PIhH
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfqwNl0Pxq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxOs1W5mnu
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDEfDXP8xR
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyMokf4T6f
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjbIFZC3tG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8v0m0eLK3l
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3n0Euyjmc
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiXrQHgz9e
「我是文班許家偉。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ5SSwwSPt
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ652qNzg7vv
「我是理班李浩榮。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujxTq4rLlp
其實我早已知道許家偉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycURWHFcyG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMES8auusA
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6EjqttHwq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9urMmx7oh
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMriRkjBbba
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0UfYqxIxC
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrmSmziBGy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl6R72R6Sw
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDGyRn7dI6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AsEMW1by9
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmX3L4fVK1
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZMCnaY9xh
不服氣。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCBQ4aJELv
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16JHAW1lW8
繼續觀察他。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH18IhwkvKs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfHTEEZthN
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGCllFqvMH
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPf9QiWPUsr
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjdcYWh6A6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO3aZRDdAc
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77Ra8VB7X8
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFx9W5glIv
我急步追趕許家偉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xEv2gx0bj
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxIrTSfW80
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn89ilv5Z5j
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeqO4kSPCM
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fftxjPf41
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2bZE2lTqH
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdwpRV97J2
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR83QTW7TMZ
「你遺下了銀包。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnbhzVJzFG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxo5B7azTD
「謝謝。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxAw2JuQY1
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaOv1gmlI7
「不用客氣……」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUTrEBcKuQ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXRBL9itPz
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifKn8GqgOr
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9eC9Cck2u
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcdM10ccL1
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhoYfkhmQp
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHz0yvARIv
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL2WUTCvWR
我望入他雙眼。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHuiB76ZUg
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJdhGKXj8g
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKqdbenXcs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWBspIFdey
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWga5hlbYXo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yntub6nIq
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBekUeFprg
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacaIEdvMBm
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4b598qdewN
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQPjXq4n9n
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CD1iexHOE
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjBhTMCdlD
「我是文班許家偉。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvgHmyojHp
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjPhhGmLrH
「我是理班李浩榮。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEzt6UM4Tc
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXmUOqyRev
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhad2gP3O0M
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cbwVBb4Xo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Tz2VwPqTz
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV0YVioLO6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmeGANfzHf
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztIu1J45bZ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL3deXwURv
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsDONcJvtW
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtumhxLGaO
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTvGxNtOVV
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YZCnrfIUV
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eUqfpEzJh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOapMQGpXqX
但我沒有阻止他。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddrlfIKCfH
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJ1CV7Fdre
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWoGTz5KIe
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Oxv6wTcbz
我慫恿他繼續說下去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YkIxAqY91
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8xeQ6MKRW
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9dhrwTEgV
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRTiryMOce
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB14LO801C4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qpMadhTdd
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauQ4WEAas4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5zo5lCd77
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAWUOhMZOb
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVXQu0V0gE
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZSsMeEZ4n
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSEA61GQau
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ8GuMnsly
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VICuToBdq
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aSXsyVJ6R
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXysTwo8udk
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDFEzVw1Qo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOluYggJnb
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqjt7XJ4Bd
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4FGyFzeOF
但我掛念他。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZnRNmH1Ta
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotIgNOVX7o
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAKWxnecOn
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJKwSOHYwc
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsyPECPABF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1F1BzwV0X
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP1HziYGDU
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhb0a55iQX
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVhEX1oRVc
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqLe4JqifG
不要說。不要聽。不要見。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerL4ck6wjB
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkAl0zxTJ9
希望時間會沖淡一切。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDo1ykmVD3
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70WNQ7Z0SN
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg6mzbsr17
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZzx95IA5D
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQUmQZnjv5
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphLLm7sXSB
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHBNEPZVJV
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa4hv3Va5Q
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSozLR8AHzp
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEP7FHiIEi
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V6qESWoUI
「我也不明白。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzPDks6iXx
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXlPClZj5f
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZV3cRWRnv
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVO7NPnJNw
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡon5NbegACs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJVWsx0c62
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXQKIQAoVX
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJl6RWzjnZn
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTWTx5x3Wm
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVQrm46cD0
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDKyyVSquE
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UvnOwh2DM
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaejCB8MpXn
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmikMAIzbui
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uga4qhBXf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HwS1HLpno
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzGwu7rmgb
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOdXEG4ig4
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQXgUxbndM
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzBqAnhOvN
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCXhHBUDfB
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKYw1b0Fzr
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iH1ux3VDG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4K9Ot21ZXR
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIyu1rTeyL
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLeznkPo5M
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHNlbvL7bQ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr3EOPyReZ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvD3TRMumH
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu62vxf3GZ1
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZGf1azXj5
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32WIDjzMEZ
為何要走到這一步？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7U6MVphLD
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdckVo8IIn7
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vQitTBkju
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2enWtRmqU
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFLT6SwspF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxbNUIk5dq
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIukwAW6DL
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3YeGdgdVU
「別倔強。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t6rxChXRe
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg1EiF1tvs
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk798C5ma1c
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUhIowhW7v
「我想你放棄。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqDQ7bMDn3
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoFuhiSLYU
「原因？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeR1hGXBR78
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvId2kxR7YN
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NP5pBrRs2
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1gu9W2xjP
「我知道。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZBiznEuj6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsJ6kDC9Mn
「何解還要繼續下去？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hCwM7p7Ld
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyPEaQYFSf
「感情易放難收。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32YoUFaZ8B
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TYUps0u3V
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdV6BdBP5r
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVd3TF52B7
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddATBdDuEo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsFSr0SNRk
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KORGaKUW4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp52tJuryeG
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvG0fofDTC
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfIoLU5qjB
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrPc97I3I8
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxFPbTmv18
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo3UnBmDMi
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pRvbVVysZ
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIQro1i7uO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sifpiWR9g
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LKfDGaQPd
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNLSbIZXEA
小醉。半醉。大醉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8utbwdr0oA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcrjLC0UcL
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnMs07HpZ6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd4tOkbkfN
「直接講我愛他。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBDf3Q1Lpf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqft1m7C20
「如果他拒絕？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoh9jgHf6wK
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6fvkMynuV
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEglsIpPk6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o003oE9Gn
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUNH8mjg0j
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8TxBCKO3S
「我當然是高興！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrm0ZdVkoq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID7ifTNoFm
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9m2EJDcYD
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwIUjnkCgd
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKRlj4YCmC
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YliDJ3PlI
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnFWL8RLND
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYsocA3wSb
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT6zk3XeUO
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0PMZ4BY8L
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNgRJj3IHW
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhY9LwL5rm
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MXLnBdz7G
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVuvMuMUNP
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NlOFvk5Ub
「你仍然單身？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJjbz3bgNA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtdpCtfxRC
「是的。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdelm28TT7a
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfFvXg09xd
「要我當媒嗎？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzBuKJ8n8S
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0yzG7KjgO
「不了。難為情。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgORaUhRxGz
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKw3kznnJN
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLloeNaCiaK
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq500oV7wh
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQXMzYKhjT
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6R7Wrzrxmz
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyEe0V7Vok
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwnwIuvS1A
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoImS4fxdY
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaxXN4ix6V
回家吧。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3om7GPiGVe
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeubTbtKicu
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxKxtgSEvr
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUU5O4vxhq8
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaV7bag4dOr
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxXuMvjiSc
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm65UGKS7zz
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkas51Na05
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ9du3ZimJ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtANy3E8dWt
大概是一見鍾情吧。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvQ4TTw1zG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0hqs5lz2I
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3Aj3to9F4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JXe4GN2ZB
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKTbaMlLmL
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20Tj45Nl1K
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZaNHOqPO0
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CgVjoZCNS
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT3YuUw0Vc
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiGAZ5zJTI
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKR95Jsxy8O
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JzhXQljI0
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15M1ybbjoO
百感交集……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVqSw7MB15
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4M2BKvpvz
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gXQiivEzJ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE37eeDc9GO
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkHVpOZK9Q
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ777GyYf5Kx
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMIdUpxPVk
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnuoJPhmKS
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutAnA2kYO4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh04byTToXk
「認得。你是文班的。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz60HIyK7dU
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLWuIIgYM1
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1haVm5F4f
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIb0Qbaggr
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJMWo8ToMO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDx3a8zBQpt
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLpRUz2DsO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn24QTDv60a
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBc8jtiFPq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hBO48VIYd
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnCbloNW4i
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8HTjKpgMt
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5GlU9B4IG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7QSXmi0oo
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aR1mIhQqR
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFqh6kQc4V
我哭笑不得。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD4FtF2YHw
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0TNJmWKtV
無意跟他繼續對話。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTPZXiRPPc
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbND40rvPB
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmbA45CTbW
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITBzz69n7Y
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2rltlDR62
and then Add to home screen.