午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQL79xiOnA
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMbq9PDuO6
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBNO0x1jYf
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxutn2UXwxB
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDTo6EYFEs
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPqRnDR0Mn
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5UuKJvntk
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ivvcLb8YU
為何記住？我解釋不了。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9vnwwbyzf
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdg9Rl5y4V
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuL5L3tQ4Hb
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2iulunIFq
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj09GuOoxn1
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoS219sr9mn
其中一個是他。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbUvgyMDko
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJzJs7xtMu
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KojWGTkjT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJGRpnKiIV
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs2tbi3O0k
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2pnoN0gHn
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlWHEIVBXo
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiTCVkYuEz
「你遺下銀包。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BZXjOyhiF
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6f1mH7AhN
「謝謝。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYzPP6Nv0O
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWNldztQxm
「不用客氣……」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ3aQQba6t
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dTxVctREV
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zifLgJxmi
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZn3QQzgYrw
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUThjdqe9xx
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxPl0bMhPP
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAt6oqRgIv
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuydkX034D
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cdepV6Dbc
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKs0023qEL
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpTIHPP4fg
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSqQRIa9D0
「我是文班許家偉。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqywt2Yb5dG
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygGciKuRrQ
「我是理班李浩榮。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJJoiURDte
其實我早已知道許家偉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9Wg48yyL6
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqabKy2Rct
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8DATcWzmy
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHmMX5fGU4
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECBsbadZEG
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAZ1vcWs9s
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYlpBzu5bQ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg6ev3f3xK
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxdWvjIgEN
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduFokYndNn
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3oyNdS7W5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ929w62nYKy
不服氣。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcppZe8AtM
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr76jCxnxxV
繼續觀察他。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9MXP1VkiP
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBJfe2RKXZ
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xiqpPjcz2
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR3kzgPynP
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqv24iCLan
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDakBo4aQgV
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodwYFWi4Yx
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBkxZHpjSQ
我急步追趕許家偉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRE3VlqJYz
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8Hj0ZRMDx
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP30ezP80w
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2QWUiykq0
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz9ux2kaiK
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBwCcNPPYM
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QjovwKpme
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP9ofiyPAz
「你遺下了銀包。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EWcBV1dGt
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL82HUcjvJN
「謝謝。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85vpZ5WUlR
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImwqTKw3Bc
「不用客氣……」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiyEH33TKf
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7qfniCC8f
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5GyrOXKBx
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUqgl00gJV
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFymKSkblfr
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpoi3bT6KD
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD70LuWXtyy
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiJgM24Q7D
我望入他雙眼。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuNyT33YGI
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79jT5zIL4T
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHwPp9h2YC
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj9YwPF2oT
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdkCsPIqL2
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUhSWCTkYl
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbLQTEsYMp
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj9U31z96q
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweaWBbxDNM
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXg0pcTlep
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr3hc5W2p5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ750OUeHV07
「我是文班許家偉。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4HEzm4wcz
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RrR0WrkVY
「我是理班李浩榮。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Vh9mmGf80
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlchVN6MrB
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOcbfiQcyY
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwogtpEEUAR
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkcVOMIOrD
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kJOIY41VT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YssqcP7U6
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdNYdumKYW
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcA0jKNbZ34
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML7Yh5O2Z3
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXRjBbXJa8
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg6Jxl2bRI
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKOfz0Rd7y
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKyas6qws8
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOW77sN8dR
但我沒有阻止他。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnw8BeDiuS
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7gpt9ZFEy
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenpzNQ5ogS
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgUkOXEAwV
我慫恿他繼續說下去。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94lINnZzQu
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N0hJbJ6Wx
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZUrDPjyMk
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNuc6BxUkv
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWpkF6UaE5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR0BWSykJr
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58Wxz1e3dO
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUtAdlNUzw
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVQa8mXlcX
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrB0M9YM5ue
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld75aWlXqx
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2AHJP6JM3
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhReGGpOMjz
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5oKHWP33I
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SV6bkpyW9
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9rRzgtgDe
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXlVVRN0lJ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT79b6eUcPt
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlxVs5a0bs
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9e2zuojuW
但我掛念他。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XmwhtHiHm
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhNAl4MtLE
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAHhW4xNVz
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf4D5WQ9Yq
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC3qcYdJnf
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbqFIGrTJB
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4WDw5OzqT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4hxstWZqx
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpn5VQq4IU
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvQy6p8t6l
不要說。不要聽。不要見。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNc8h7k21R
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FoaPZLAhJ
希望時間會沖淡一切。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYZpGx21M1
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyK4S1cRHYE
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5tfGshgEf
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9IexEpiX5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnUOB0k2cr
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80KhXtmUv4
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6c7q17jn1
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh4CN9CdJ5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktVjRXvVtg
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UHSdLLQnL
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqQgmbKXll
「我也不明白。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhANYg5TxQ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq12FHrytP
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B2tI6cmEr
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSsOZtuthT
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQUcHGsLEF
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8lOVIj09e
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKAv3sygsk
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcl0VJl4xx
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUxXGRsGdT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbTvIFY6Ps
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqtaKYTNLp
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFiUYUZG3C
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmPk66Gdb7
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27k83PofOV
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUejyH0zAjk
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1u1moH4jH
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnftuLjU3PD
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwsT3NXQ9T
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yUdj2SdbN
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iiHGwq5qB
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUWfPzDwIy
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwLHzd1CwL
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6usMmwHCA6
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOe4GkcXeom
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPsfGBRseT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ254Bpf1P
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qXn4uTBKS
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZw6nxL4p4
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHPH70aTp5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IJe1zVQyd
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCW58mQV2b
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpTg7CjWNC
為何要走到這一步？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zlaHOqtLF
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTaX7bNlZy
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnvIBZPTyY
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DauZsEa2Z
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ8nnseLoz
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgu1IREIgU
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynT8Fspy7p
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK1WiJzz6M
「別倔強。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4WFjmAiDC
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu1AQxyp2c
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ahVJi0ha5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxirQv8pJi
「我想你放棄。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtJu81Q8O2
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FmZDVbQz6
「原因？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuA50Po0UMo
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6cUP0ra5y
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnx9VVfCMxb
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUNl0ez71C
「我知道。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6ry3f4awq
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyegj4dD39
「何解還要繼續下去？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU2Cg3RZwr
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNluVR2kAG
「感情易放難收。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiNdwnNcor
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFUR6qYQDw
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYyxdelWzE
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxtKArjpof
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj2KbX132m
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsemZHinAq
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWp9pFrEBJ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1SildwGBi
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3nKWWXGzb
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qm6Imh0Vf
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2bzmOZfqN
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8Ew42iFCy
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszuZqNHqF1
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHjRFbTMbU
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgtqO7Cklc
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIVQESPnxU
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav8joCy9zM
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDtBkClPYI
小醉。半醉。大醉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7J58phSJPE
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKd1cBmkAA
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6NTsfiAIH
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOirP72rKW8
「直接講我愛他。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6Hs1jFdju
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc5p1wNw66
「如果他拒絕？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B2l6DNLdU
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHWdTzOo6r
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaqyop4FSN
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3axdwqMx4
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iPPMfQEg5
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkC090XANe
「我當然是高興！」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn72zf7AbVC
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD21Ol7MjjQ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9LSneY9y8
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SJ0pixvEf
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniMVXu5xRg
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vcb5tMpEh
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4UN91PqcY
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptAnYyZQNQ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv77SbgIv39
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPLQjXcHf6
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GrpNVMKa5
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJhiFX2ia0
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHKB9klExv
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40QGwoVjQj
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGj6U5VJ0v
「你仍然單身？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCDNqD8zmM
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATYBY1en1w
「是的。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8Adlpt6gy
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WJjmHCbHR
「要我當媒嗎？」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CPPDkk0AT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoRsTbDEAB
「不了。難為情。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5VkJuEi11
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N1cMXv7gE
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrbqQZwLkw
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QpsZnyRxK
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ971Dav5fSF
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjPXJ8UTcq
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCioghBXoI
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls9FtAjlYu
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU81CTaGEV
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1lzyw7hnE
回家吧。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXRVos4enJ
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7tXpaNJ66
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dmTmotbA2
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhrQKN2tac
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3j5eXsViu
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PGhSv1hHQ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas1PKZtHqI
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrS9eNraBnX
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hwHQkcrxy
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnlMGw5vYf
大概是一見鍾情吧。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDFMJrXFDt
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtZUcXPda2
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ6yRTF5ln
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrml456vYBq
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIpp0wSYsg
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPCx5rAtt9
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzB4Ku5hEP
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fbRNgpGFX
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTELHX6W2s
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKndVB26i2
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcPpktNOdz
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxEqBIOLrY
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQIxtNmsH6
百感交集……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhecekuN0G
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKLbjjWVcS
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCJ9d1n0L7
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKl2anJL1J
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxBzhuL0SR
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXXHqFLLW8
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE06ijCsdB
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18sqek0xfa
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5BYJIeaWb
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGUCKGTezq
「認得。你是文班的。」410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5F6tuRNQD
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jQCoDJ90r
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjpjMHY4wk
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDga4tnbA5
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNCwaho1j0
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctP5COpmbC
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe6CJifNac
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfUx5B1FRZ
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdzQxN6ct1
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yPpiUvIib
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI2Ooni0II
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQXpTyC9sX
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dHn154qgl
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlELvQcJfJ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8NHkX7E53
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoPnq1aQms
我哭笑不得。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXsoC9ZwMm
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnViIFraoDW
無意跟他繼續對話。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAY3iaSHCPO
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa17dc888rU
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeMn4g1tIT
410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x1ZDJcfYd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。410Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8jczSPbPD
and then Add to home screen.