午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKXjX9VH4j
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS2XsmUO56
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbJPySOH0x
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBak8uXCAtQ
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalMQVkMYyY
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hQgUGoLln
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPFlmOn0kF
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL28cQwRz3q
為何記住？我解釋不了。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K2OO4hAp1
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7pskZh0Zm
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE7EexHnAo
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiueWvjW34E
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzTq2jPrvd
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfcxxJ927d
其中一個是他。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowsbe9E2lC
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfxquUQZWh
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85NuCbaF2C
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhvZ3usLg2
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlr2lX4Hh7
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqKDFpwq0W
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrnhmr7AZR
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7wLKsYLHB
「你遺下銀包。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGJGfPCY85
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4ROlOn6lX
「謝謝。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllL9ce8oQF
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPTvmBeabV
「不用客氣……」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGQuUsQm56
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggI61Wjo6q
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZhn1xfj2i
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMnZf4gaZF
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfBLflPfED
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIa8dPHmbp
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpOlE7gMic
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMINYqPNhcm
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWFQk6N33o
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsNq8XRk3J
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXipQ1deQv
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmANmSE2ZDz
「我是文班許家偉。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhHGheAyyM
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4FjM8ur2E
「我是理班李浩榮。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovWsbcEadO
其實我早已知道許家偉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzMqsBCQqE
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3rf4hj4JO
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEG9V7gjPgB
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtGTnH6K6x
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYAzMivjiQ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZG2HU0Mfx
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13gzKdE51A
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFLGqVfNpR
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nfdlI9rG4
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BHeBOf1ba
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20hvN2jSBD
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6llkvYcyjF
不服氣。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrF1XIeO8g
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4ICUrHPXG
繼續觀察他。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXNQl3mwDw
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbhW5Ahw4O
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pREQVkVCx
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xOzDPRlP6
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOqBhjLyIn
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjySo3Dg594
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruO2PHgFBB
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCtuG6m7Pp
我急步追趕許家偉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBn6oGoqv2
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUM3dYltQxa
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTL2sFEwPz
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSaNEhMrL6
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKgJakJsNz
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtZmv6SxjA
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQlZyiULbf
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuZ577ra27
「你遺下了銀包。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBweg8E6ibb
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRBBoswrgr
「謝謝。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXORvEb6y3
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg03tCRoFJD
「不用客氣……」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqj6mY28iO8
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuh6t11qwHc
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbCeJcyuuv
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw9zXOgGDT
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0DGDkeVYJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrgy9YsraC
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwIMDBsAbJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxw57LBVQk
我望入他雙眼。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3SQC4b6e4
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTdXLmw0n0
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOxtgJZG2V
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IpewrzmLU
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVB8ie6cvg
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7udOTBvmv9
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvU4rBLcg3
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXg9A4EDnQ
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1Sl6aahhi
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmMCNsHmW7
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oXaE1ju62
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4JamOnGKX
「我是文班許家偉。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZSIprDkWl
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtERNvUBSlr
「我是理班李浩榮。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vW8RTI6RD
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh4JLHyGSL
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2tkSWFyzX
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeyMFdp3bu
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C3WGhUHKb
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SCgqTK3vx
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdAS7oju5V
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDE9GlUhMU
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld1xt8nd6R
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEl5Xa2Tri
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiJxgEooY5
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtNlUHAQ27
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSp2rUVlB3
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDOCSJfcgv
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2wXzlEpHi
但我沒有阻止他。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zYi8euZ1m
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaBrlv56jE
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddFQOmSa2v
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2sraEagY1
我慫恿他繼續說下去。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyYU4eqfBG
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0HlgIy7Zj
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKgJsVzjNT
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv8DOTFu4q
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoVENbqUJ8
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoOZYsG5Gt
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKymk2LNC9
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m3Pjqy5SA
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rLJm9TNXx
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2caJWbHrn
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7otVtfPYOJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5FzlvaS4L
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByVG8ZHzfR
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmcNOG5zwL
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKRXcmqM7Z
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWmOynwC6i
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jv5CcrKhz
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOEEZpsiyF
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3WhMUVDZK
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVR2nAxmAw
但我掛念他。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83ECM3Qywk
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eTJLoKA1a
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBOaN8OzNV
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8NEW9rBNZ
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSNlnchFBd
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLnjOTVx6Z
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2HJ7sV4bZ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95vgqljdCJ
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5wBVEAkon
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFSH7JEQp0
不要說。不要聽。不要見。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1daxxCnUhA
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnkyRTGRoB
希望時間會沖淡一切。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKToH2XzHfc
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyRmq6vpVd
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8mOYgIxEd
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRB3VoutN9
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s5XqzsSks
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmotVrWQqx
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NjXmHAxcZ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6yxu1UpJA
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ8jMmO06l
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YADq18c6g
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5qSDTk1Gu
「我也不明白。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2tTmnLBQp
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMMtk34aAC
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx5fmWXUAf
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nDNRTySun
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpRhP7qAQY
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzlf0634fN
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHf6Q7klCY9
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oYMHrCutD
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fbR5jKQoV
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68liTCKSDO
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW5SohIp7g
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08oJodtPji
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxm2paWCf9e
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnJMMmG78v
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0Kgrhk04C
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnMmrhqoPP
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s3O7LGUTh
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc3iPbdrvD
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM3gaojnj9
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu7pDO8gOs
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1PhOLJP72
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOF3w5cCLF
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcFU75PmJW
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9E77BPHwtq
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnryBzVQpOg
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwm3Ls8WFm
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWohQGw1Xl
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wmA9KZ5q5
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54fGKSm6Vk
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnAjnmX8nP
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNceByN40W
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJK737zhfn
為何要走到這一步？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Jwu0vkWqe
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7GYz8CRWL
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL1Ccwv6dy
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxa7UhaDlYj
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3sBo2xEab
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPsx8d3m5y
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEAwx9lfw1
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhnO19Dr0V
「別倔強。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm8itvvfIX
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehDQpIIbQP
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOvdFaR8nG
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQdW091dQo
「我想你放棄。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjO0peYkHJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI5AKmbqut
「原因？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC3Crm4WGJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLK1Mo2sdC
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Zq1585qk
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9udXrYE2Bm
「我知道。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFi98xLPbWy
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4xxgRqXMF
「何解還要繼續下去？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h3JMN3tyO
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MjRGZ9n5n
「感情易放難收。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKMDaV7NwM
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5D7ZP5ApR
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqpf0UnoNp
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCyF22JVBN
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNZ6MMy8z4
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5I9QS5Hzq
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZWq1EFmJV
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Cn0J3G7ve
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlEtXt7UCY
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IFYYbWPY7
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm0lxskiYJ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMVvOJ4llw
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9FcudTugK
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIdkJHrQ7g
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAc3ijN2y1
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxARsVfh1O
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUI22uNi0NE
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg6MaUN5Hw
小醉。半醉。大醉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlEFpDiuk4
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9tg0ooapf
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vpz5RQcvQ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfcyWYxvdO
「直接講我愛他。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSVJbFKqu8
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcquM0DlXwD
「如果他拒絕？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPSOq38r8x
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FjmEiwVWn
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkljJr1cMoI
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwMZtmrCuc
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3ZMInMkRo
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QJxuVyRfP
「我當然是高興！」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4txLT3xNfB
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eizG7qXOQ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrIg7kTQne
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLSEpdV2pO
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNH0iMsMHZO
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgX7dgnIuv8
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7h4aBNkAw
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4OwbfCo2k
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWuYlIwaLr
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGa7RYuoW8
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj1xqBWp1I
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmsahINTzB
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfesxY1pKVl
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSaQ3spazv
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4oF7Qpoof
「你仍然單身？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JbMYlt1Qp
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwejxx75p1
「是的。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodjAsUHgew
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9n6vgalgJ
「要我當媒嗎？」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zIVyUYFaW
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPji1blwkC
「不了。難為情。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC7VRveSnc
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGwH2TllBs
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd1zmmwFdn
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmIC15UZjZ
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCttWQSvh2w
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqNNViTDLX
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEu1dasOYN
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOsHRRh4Ve
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT0fOuFrF3
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggiWYbLW4k
回家吧。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQnkl7uDxD
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mXVebmLWd
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90gKXCiuRf
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yHioBDo0G
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVE0T5ZV6U
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwa90mc6xD
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVqqXBA4Bo
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJeSQtznQd
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCWi4W59wl
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuYIlXQeJr
大概是一見鍾情吧。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBNAoYiNMM
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYdAYSQQB6
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZ7SNj9Qbv
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCq7LQDTP3
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEgGQympeH
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFsby2lbga
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHnJUgS96p
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtQuj3JPDU
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjfneA1KCh
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwKmjptLTr
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsce8BEMNe
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TigAps1xC
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxRn3WoNcN
百感交集……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2EL8PLUoe
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylVEzrRBFP
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jy4ca0GeV
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLK5VVjtD3
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6BOtaWY2f
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1DxQxzPsv
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CPxjFN2l5
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGvB2yX0uX
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J7GORdEis
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpcpf6Mkth
「認得。你是文班的。」246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZgKY2zLzP
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpdWeiWDOG
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnc7TRCzGS
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uCRg2fhlB
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRuTsMtRBp
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSnQSDBIxA
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZlXoCwAYX
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHPijSGBoe
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QYOpiRb5g
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt38jZ7oCD9
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6v9MrmoNp1
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAKGCGQqhl
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm4pRiM8OD
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxMf8T9MEH
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw7VYRuzrB
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOI2zIh3hlt
我哭笑不得。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkqKuFNqjM
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J9SyMq7A2
無意跟他繼續對話。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM2pKfWlCj
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZNsLIKofJ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LdFLadbyQ
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2nZxoewyG
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSntJh8yYRL
然後按「加至主畫面」